Discovering Landmines

Its been a *headdesk* day for me, or better yet a "Foot-in-Mouth" day.. maybe even a talking out of my ass day. It all started with this tweet.

"Wonder if there's a greeting card for this holiday? RT @avflox: Guess what, you guys! It's International Quickie Day! http://bit.ly/1hBfON " - by Harry Lang

I attempted to be funny in my own warped way of being:

"Oh no! Its the male Valentines day! RT @harrylang RT @avflox: It's International Quickie Day! http://bit.ly/1hBfON " - By Maruska

Which .. well then prompted this:

"International Quickie Day is "male Valentine's Day"? @maruskamorena does quickies a gross disservice. What do you think?" - by Av Flox

Which prompted this post. If you're a long time reader, you know I have a few sexual hang-ups. Most everyone does by this age anyway.

What I didn't expect was just how bitter I found myself to be. I don't know if I've been repressing it or if its just something about today. (The ex somehow made it into my thoughts this morning.) But as soon as I saw the tweet from Av Flox, I knew I needed to do some soul searching.

Why would I think that "quickies" were merely male desired? I, myself, am not that closed minded am I?

So I began to think about my past, which is really not a good thing to do sometimes, and I realized that based on my past history.. Quickies have never ever been a good thing.

Don't get me wrong. I love sex. I enjoy casual sex and commitment sex. I like good sex and great sex.. and sometimes even bad sex is better than no sex.. sometimes anyway.

But I've never had a good quickie. Oh sure the quickie itself was fine. It was what happened after it that wasn't.

There were the "I'd like some quick sex, but I'm going to break up with you right after." or the "I can't wait til after the party, I have to have you now.. followed by a night of completely ignoring me in public" or many variations of that. Quickies in my past have all been "Lets get this over so I can ignore you." or "I've already got the sex today so I don't need to even try anymore."

As I'm typing this, I realize just how completely sad that is. How wrong it is, and how much crap I put up with without a single complaint.

I really really hate finding those emotional landmines in me. I hate that they're there. But in discovering them, I am now aware of them and can heal them. In time anyway.

In Time.