Sitting At The Fork

The other night was a major turning point for me. A learning point. Both professionally, and personally.

It's been a very very long time since I'd had any kind of professional pride. Probably because its been a very very long time since I'd held any kind of real job.

So professional confidence is really low, despite that I know I know what I'm talking about. I know I'm not stupid, and I know that I see a lot of things that others do not. I'm confident the same as I always have been. I know what I know is correct, but I completely expect to be told I'm wrong by everyone else. And that usually happens.

So when someone actually agrees with me.. its amazing to me. Sure sure, my friends agree with me most of the time, but they're my friends and they're not even close to being in the same profession. So while I love them, professionally their opinion doesn't rank that high. It's when someone in the field or a close field, says "Hey thats a great idea" or "You're correct." or "You're great." that I nearly fall over with shock. Its a good shock and I like it.

I'm starting to realize what I should be doing vs what I'm actually doing with my life.

I'm also at a turning point with a friend..

We've been friends for a while. Flirting friends. Somewhat crushie friends. You know that blurry point where you're getting to know each other and you're just flirting and friendly.. but you're kinda interested in more.. maybe.. And you're not sure if they are, but they might be. You just don't know for certain.

Then there's an event. Something happens. Something intimate, something personal, that takes things to a new level. You still don't know how to define things, but your feelings have intensified.

You're on peak and you could fall down either side. Friends or More than Friends?

I'm sitting on the peak. Normally I find this tres uncomfortable. Normally I'm pushing for answers. Normally I'm all about defining. But there's nothing normal about this. I'm happily sitting on the peak, not knowing how things are going to turn out.

It's because this person is special and will be equally meaningful to me no matter what side we end up on. Maybe this is how things are supposed to be or maybe I'm just growing up.