How Far I've Come

Well.. I'm back, kinda. I came back and took a day to rest. The nearly 30 hours of driving takes a toll on me and I really needed the rest.




Then I got up the energy today to go do some "work" also known as writing and job searching, only to find that my main computer is dead. I don't think I've lost any majorly important files, as I've always put all my important stuff on external drives (which I should probably backup huh?) but this also means that all my blogging and writing now has to be done on my laptop... which is about as adept at writing as .. well lets just say that it has issues and likes to randomly delete what I've typed in by having "seizures" based in its little "trackpad" and randomly moves my cursor to various parts of what I'm writing making it extremely difficult for me to write anything of substance or carry any train of thought.



I'm more than willing to take donations for this cause.. though just typing that makes me laugh... as I can't imagine getting donations. But alas, its a choice of going into debt to buy a new computer (I'm really needing a job) or go crazy trying to do everything on this pathetic excuse for a psychotic laptop.



Anyway, until I can get a new machine.. blogging may be spotty.. hopefully not.. but we'll see how technology dictates.



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So I went home to visit with family and was supposed to attend this little shindig of all the local HS alumni and whatnot. Not many of my actual class was supposed to be there, but a few of my sister's classmates.



Well.. anyway.. I get home and I see my sisters whom I've not seen in a year and half or so. Whoah dawgies.



I was very taken aback by how old they looked. I'm sure that means that I'm looking older as well, but I couldn't believe how badly they looked. Only one of my sisters actually looked healthier than the last time I'd seen her. Since they're my older sisters.. its a little scary to imagine that I might be there myself in a few years. My only consolation at this point is that I look significantly younger than they do, and that I take care of myself much better than they do.



On a good note.. I did feel entirely MUCH younger, slimmer, and taller.. which was a greatly needed ego-boost. I think my siblings and parents must be shrinking, because I felt like I towered over everyone. My sisters who used to be much closer to my height I swear, are now a good 4-5 inches shorter than me.



On a sad note... My father is showing some early signs of lukemia and may not be around very long. We can only hope at this point that its just signs and not actually developing into lukemia.



Then there was the Shindig. I honestly was dreading going. As it is, I have little in common with my family who still lives up in the area, so finding something in common with people from what seems like a million years ago who still live in that area.. seemed impossible.



It was supposed to be a bbq gathering. I'd been to it years ago, and I knew that I shouldn't show up in fancy clothes. Though I did want to look nice, so I put on a casual dress and flipflops. I asked my sisters if they thought it would be too fancy. They said no.



So I go. I park and start walking up to the building, and see people coming in and out. They're dressed in ratty shorts, old t-shirts, and tennis shoes. I suddenly get self-conscious. I overdressed and I know it.



I walk in. I see my 6th grade teacher, whom I didn't like back then. He sees me but no light of recognition hits his face, which was fine with me as I didn't really want to talk to him.



I scan the rest of the crowd. Everyone has on some kind of ratty t-shirt and jeans. Even the old ladies, who back in my childhood would have at least thrown on their nicest blouse, were decked out in random t-shirts. Half the group had ball caps on. I looked for familiar faces and saw none.



Then I saw them looking at me. I knew the look. I recognized it from my days of living there. It was the "who is the hoity toity woman all dressed up putting on airs".



I turned and walked out in my $10 dress, and flipflops. I highly doubt I ever return to one of those things again. I've just outgrown it, and really have absolutely no desire to return.