A Little Slutty

In light of DateDaily's article about the guy who broke up with his girlfriend solely because she had too many partners...

I thought I'd do a confessional to scare off any and all would-be suitors. 

I just want you all to know... all you guys out there.. I've been with 40 men myself (around there anyway).

*pausing for you all to start the name calling and get it over with*

My marriage did not end because I couldn't keep it in pants. I can. I went a whole 5 solid years of marriage abstinent out of respect for the marriage... and trust me.. I like sex. 

Yet, people are still assuming stupid things based on a number.

I have never had an STD, VD, whatever. I've never gotten crabs either. I've checked.  I do have Herpes simplex 1? The cold sore one. I got it from my mother at birth. Though I've never in my life had a cold sore. I'm always extra-safe as I do not and never have used birth control pills. (I know *gasp*, but funny how you mention you're not on the pill how much more willingly guys don a condom)

Just so you all know.. Most of that 40 have been one night stands, whether I liked it or not. Some of those one night stands were first date sex where I really just went with the moment and he never called again.  Some were guys that I wanted to bed, but a relationship would have been out of the question. Some were just moments of drunken insanity.. like the time I slept with the lead singer of a band traveling through town. (He was hot, shut up.)

Since my ex left over a year ago, I've had 5 partners. Six if you count the guy who couldn't get it up. Four of those within the first 6 months after. (yes, I like to get right back up on the horse)

Am I completely done with one night stands? Have I moved past that period in my life?  

For the most part, yes.  But that doesn't mean that one of these times I might get carried away with some guy and just do what feels right in the moment.

I'm no longer the naive girl I once was, sleeping with men to win their love or to keep a relationship. 

I've grown up. I've learned. I know what I need. I know (for the most part) what I want.

And every notch in that bedpost has lead me to where I am now. Each notch is special.

So throw your stones if you will. It doesn't matter to me.

I am who I am. Thats not going to change because you think I should be someone else.

How Open Are You?

I was talking to my fellow blogging friend, Jack, this morning and we got onto a conversation about dating and dating bloggers. About how often, dating bloggers have a really hard time dating, as their dates may be a little off-put by being a potential subject for an article.

None of the men I've dated know about this site. Ok, one ex-FB does. He's since disappeared, but I'm not sure one had anything to do with the other.

Jack however is about as open book as you can possibly be.

Jack asked, "How do you tell them?"

To be perfectly honest, I don't think I will. I might. Maybe. If I think its getting serious and omitting it starts to feel a lot like lying. (I have a huge conscience.)  

But for the most part, I'm not going to tell. This blog, while very public, is a safe private place for me. Where I can say what I feel with very little censorship to spare anyone's feelings. It is a combination of self-help, advice, opinion, and personal diary. Not to mention that this blog could very well be used as a "How-to" manual  or cheat-sheet for dating me, as most girl's diaries are.

Just as I would never turn to my boyfriend and say "Here's my dairy. Oh and here's the key. If you ever feel like reading."  I'm also not about to tell them about this site. I am not that kind of crazy and them knowing would really make me anxious.

I've experienced tastes of that anxiety already as a few men have contacted me through this site.. thus already knowing about this blog.. and have been mentioned on the blog. Writing honestly about my feelings, perceptions, and impressions about people while knowing they have access to it.. is extremely anxiety-laden and I found myself not saying things like I would have normally nor being as honest about my feelings.

Could you honestly imagine Mac's face if he'd seen half my posts about him? The guy would have been running for the hills from the psycho-stalker chick who was just a little too much into him.

For the most part, so far, what I've written about people who can read this.. has gone over well.  I actually have a couple friends who, once they saw they were "finally" mentioned, reacted as if they'd finally gotten their name in the newspaper.  My past experiences have not been so lucky (though not as good of friends) as people often get upset because they weren't mentioned enough, mentioned too much, or they feel I was just downright cruel in my portrayal of them. 

Any kind of personal blogging is laden with potholes and backfires.. I just prefer to keep that exposure to a minimum.

What do you think? How open about your dating blog are you?