Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Bad Kissing On A Bad Date

I really really want to like Mr. A.

He's sweet, considerate (for the most part), intelligent, educated, relatively good looking. He makes decent money, and drives a BMW convertible. He's fun, social, and talkative. He has no problems displaying affection and seems more than willing to work on compromises so we're both happy. We have good conversations, and get along well.

But I am just NOT attracted to him. He's about 2-3 inches shorter than me for starters, which I really don't find attractive in any man, and though he kisses fine with his lips, his tongue is un-animated and slimy.. like a dead fish. I really wanted to like him, but when I had to push him off me to stop the kissing so I didn't throw up.. I knew it wasn't going to work.

Sadly, even with all that.. I might have tried harder to like him if it wasn't for the nagging thoughts of "we're too different" in my head.

He's Indian. Like really Indian. Not Americanized Indian, but still thinks home is India, Indian. He's vegetarian (I have to eat meat for protein - allergy to all beans, soy, peanuts, and most other nuts and several veggies). And ... the clincher.. He doesn't drink, at all.

*sigh* I do hope that he finds a nice girl who appreciates him.. but that nice girl is not me. Really Not Me.


I initially wrote that on Saturday night. In my desire to post my events in chronological order, I waited until today to post it. As I was re-reading it for posting, I realized I wasn't telling everything and giving him a little too much credit.

From last Monday when we met until Wednesday when he asked me out, he had been a perfect gentleman. He was considerate and kind. Even Wednesday when we were planning the date, he wanted to do dinner and a movie and told me I could pick the movie.

Now if you bring up going to the movies to me, there is only one theatre chain that I will want to go to in Austin. It is generally child-free by its own rules, and they don't charge you $600 for a soda. When you walk in you're not accosted by the smell of popcorn laden with chemical butter sauce, instead you see a fully stocked bar and waitstaff. You can go directly to your seat, and the waitstaff will bring you anything you want from the menu. Yes, you can drink beer and watch a movie and have someone else bring you more beer! The place is called Alamo Drafthouse.

So I asked him if he'd ever been to one, and he said no. All the more reason to go! Since we could easily do both dinner and the movie at the Alamo, I suggested the idea. He didn't seem keen on it, but I insisted that he needed to go. (Seriously if you don't like the Alamo, we're not going to get along.)

So I'm given the task of picking a movie. I totally get swamped with my own crap on Thursday and forget. So Friday I txt him with movie options. He txts back that those options aren't any good, even though one of those was a movie we'd discussed seeing on Wednesday night. He said he'd call me Saturday and we'd figure it out.

He called Saturday and fumbled around telling me that our date initially set at 6pm was being pushed til 9pm. Why? He didn't offer the info, so I asked. His friend was moving and he'd offered the help. So instead of courteously asking me if it was ok, he just told me we'd be meeting at 9pm with only 3 hours warning.

When the movie didn't start til 10:30, he said we could hang at my place.

Now in case you've never dated a fresh off the boat Indian guy, let me tell you a few things that I've learned over the years. Most of this I learned in college by hanging out with the international students. My college had an overwhelmingly large population of Indian students.. fresh.. I mean fresh of the boat.

Rule #1 If a guy and a girl are alone in a secluded place (bedroom, home, corner, bathroom, etc) the guy may interpret it as a "GO" for sex despite what the woman says. Or despite what the guy promised prior to entering such a situation.

Rule #2 Women do not get into such situations unless they want sex.

So when Mr "Indian" A said we'll hang at your place, my mind immediately jumped to.. He wants to have sex.

Since I barely know Mr. A, and I'm not all that into him physically... it was a hell no on being alone in my apt.

So then he suggested his apt. I told him that I'd find something for us to do.

When he came to pick me up (he insisted), I told him to take us to Main Event. He'd never been there, so I told him we'd go check it out so he'd know what it was.

We get inside, order a drink, and just about to play pool when he suddenly remembers he lost his visa card. He insists/begs that we go see if the ATM ate it. So I down my beer in record time, and we leave.

Of course the card is not at the ATM. He then says he wants to go check his apt to make sure he didn't leave it there. I am visibly reluctant, but we go anyway.

So we go to his apt. I'm apprehensive and the only furniture is his bed, so I stand. I do not want any further mixture of signals. He looks around the apt for his card and calls some number asking for a new card.

Then he turns to me, and thanks me for being nice about this and apologizes for messing up the evening. We hug. Then he kisses me. We kiss a little, then I push him off me before he can get "serious". He tries to keep the kissing going.

"We should get going" I say matter of factly and start toward the front door. He moves quickly to get between me and the door. I open the door, and he starts to push it closed.

As with most women, I have an ability to look so angry that I can scare nearly anyone that comes across me. Generally this look is in such opposition to my normal countenance that when I do pull it out it is immensely shocking and extremely fear inducing. (Seriously, I have never been in a real physical fight. People see this look and back the hell off.)

Fueled by a touch of fear and a lot of rage, I gave Mr A this look, and said.

"If you don't want me to get angry. We should go."

He took one look at my face and said, "Wow you really are getting angry. Why?"

I could not answer him then. I cannot form words when I'm truly angry. So I shrugged off the question, and walked outside. He hurriedly followed me.

We drove to the movie talking about nonsense, with me giving him directions... which it turns out he didn't need. I think his "new boy in town" act is just that.

We sit down, and in a few minutes he asks me again.

"Why did you get so angry back there?"

So I answered, "Well I don't know you that well, I was uncomfortable being at your apt alone with you, and when I tried to leave you blocked the door to trap me there."

I saw through his eyes that a little light went off in his head. He understood and apologized.

The movie was good. But he didn't like the food. On our way home, he asked if I'd come back to his place and help him with finding new iPhone apps. He'd mentioned this a couple times already during the week, so I figured oh what the hell. Plus then I'd see if he'd learned anything from our earlier confrontation.

Initially, despite his invitation for me to sit on the bed which I refused, we began talking about iPhone apps. After a few minutes, I realized he didn't care about apps much. Then he wanted to play a two player iPhone game. I don't have hardly any two player games on my iPhone because I don't know anyone with a iPhone that is ever with me and wanting to play a silly game. We usually have better things to do. But I find a game of Dominoes on my phone, which allows two players so I teach him how to play. We play a couple games, but he gets bored and tries to kiss me again.

This time his tongue gets more involved (see previous story) and I do my best to not kiss him. Which obviously he's not picking up on because he gets up and turns off the lights. I get up and tell him to take me home. He argues a little but since I stand my ground he takes me home.


I barely get home and I get an email from Mr Christian. We chat through email for a few minutes. Then he disappears again.



  1. OMG! Seriously, Mr. India is waaaaay creepy! I think you gave him entirely too much credit before you edited your post. But I tell you, some men will push things as far as they can before you have to literally push them off you. Those men are disgusting.

    However, a theatre that serves beer? Nice!

  2. Some men just don't pick up on social cues very well. I think I could spend 24/7 with Mr A and still he wouldn't be any better at picking up social cues. He might be less of an ass when I got done, but he still wouldn't have a clue. (these kinds of people scare me)