The Real Non-Date Date Kinda

So last night I got to hang out with Pierce. It wasn't a date or a planned event. I didn't message him "see you tonight" even though I knew he was planning on going... I am part stalker btw... because we weren't going together or even going to meet each other. We just both happened to be going to the same place.



Now I hoped that last night would pan out so that Pierce and I could get some one on one time, but my expectations were not high.


I get there and its wall to wall people. I see one person that I "know" and he sort of knows me. Matt knows who I am by my face. I doubt he knows my name, and while this guy is salesman nice (to everyone) he more often than not tries to get away from me asap. Its like I've got cooties.


So I say "Hi" to Matt, he says "Hi" in return. There's an awkward moment, and Matt flees.

I go to the bar, grab a drink, a stiff drink, and look around for other people I might know or want to get to know. The group of people is ecclectic at best. There's locals dressed "as you are", business types dressed accordingly with fancy suits and well coiffed hair (obviously gay or completely new to town), and a mix of ordinary well adjusted people who dressed normal for being where we were and outside in the heat.

I'm busy watching the show when Pierce walks in. He sees me, gives me a hug, and stays to chat a bit. Mostly just talking about who is here and who we know. I mention that I only know Matt and point out where he is. Shortly thereafter, Pierce excuses himself and says something about going to say Hi to Matt. To be honest, I wasn't listening. I was trying to watch the show and heard that he was going, and tuned out.


About 20 minutes later, when the show was over, Pierce returns to me and we talk. We talk about his work and my potential work, and this thing and that thing... and politics and BP.. He may or may not have made joking references to being too busy in college trying to get laid, and I may or may not have described my bed to him with a little too much detail (hey it fit in with the conversation I swear)... and.. then Pierce excuses himself to go to the bathroom saying quite clearly that he'll be right back.


This time.. unlike the last time we'd hung out... It wasn't said awkwardly or like he felt I needed some kind of pathetic reassurance in order to extracate himself... this time he said it solidly as a promise of "We're not done here." There was no question about it.


But I also didn't want to just sit there twiddling my thumbs waiting for him to return. I wanted to talk to a few of the performers, and took that chance to do so.. while keeping an eye on the spot where I was, watching for his return.


I barely got a few words in with a couple performers before I saw him return looking for me. (insert big grin and an inner happy dance) So I tried to catch his eye to show him where I was. He saw me talking to the performers and came and sat down a few feet away from my new position and waited. (insert swoon)


He didn't seem irritated. He just sat and waited. Patiently. Until I finished doing what I was doing. He didn't come over and try to horn in on the conversation or try to pull me away. He just waited. He didn't seem impatient or signal me to hurry up. He just waited his turn, patiently.


I seriously wanted to take him home and fuck him something rotten for that. After years of my ex being grumpy and impatient and belittling whatever it was I wanted to do... and being upset with me if I didn't do what he wanted to do and just socially been a complete pain in my ass... This was a breath of fresh air, and had we been in a relationship, Pierce would have gotten some mad crazy girl sex. Just sayin.


Left to my own devices, I probably would have prolonged my interaction with the performers quite a bit longer.. but seeing Pierce look so deliciously patient and waiting for me.. I cut out of the conversation before I would have otherwise.


Sexy intelligent man vs really cool important people who won't remember your name tomorrow? Uh sexy man please!


So I sat down next to Pierce, and we talked some more. And talked. And talked. Though it didn't seem like time was really passing, other than that crazy ache to kiss him and the visual of the sun setting, I'm not sure time really passed at all while we talked.


And he was sweet. Seriously sweet. At one point the sun was in my face when I would turn to talk to him, he, of his own accord, moved his head between mine and the sun blocking it completely from hitting my face. He did this without calling attention to what he was doing. He didn't even say "is that better" like he was expecting a thank you or calling attention to his chivalry. He just did it, and seemed pleased enough that in doing so the conversation continued to flow. He held that position, moving slightly in response to any change in my position, until the sun itself had moved to a less problematic spot. (How can I not swoon?)


We got up to refresh our drinks, and he stayed with me... not like a leech, he wasn't glued to my side.. but near me. We continue talking once we've gotten new drinks, and as we're finishing our drinks, Pierce mentions that he needs to go. I agree that its probably time to go, though in all honesty I wasn't ready to part. I had no idea what time it was, but I was pretty sure by the fact that we were the last people there that it was in fact time to go home.


"You want to walk out together?" Pierce asks.


I barely catch it and I think that's what he said.

"Yeah, that'd be great." I reply.

We coordinate our exit, and walk out together. As we approach every juncture where we could have parted ways, he says "I need to go (insert direction).." with a silent hestitation implying "which direction are you?" while almost guiding me seamlessly along as we walked together.


We went part of the way to our cars together, alas there was a fork in the road where we parted ways. We hugged quickly. Said we'd had a good time.

"Until next time" he said... or maybe it was "I'll see you around, at the next thing" ? I don't recall.

All I know is that there is something there. It might be as simple as friendship, or it might be something more. We'll see.

My Love-Hate Affair With Twitter And Facebook

I'm supposed to be getting married today.

Ok.. so thats a joke.. or at least I hope to hell it is. If he's actually waiting for me in Vegas right now.. I'm SO SO sorry.. but I'm not showing up.

It was a long twitter flirting session with a nice guy, a longtime Twitter friend. It started as jokingly planning to be parents together, which gave me some ideas of maybe why I scare off people that are already parents.

I threatened to make the kids run to school while I whipped them from behind (in my sports car) to hurry up. (It was to help them get better soccer/running skills, what?)

I refused to get a minivan, and instead opted to throw the kids in the "back" of a Miata. (In all those kidnapping movies, no one ever dies in the trunk.)

While completely insane jokes.. I'm pretty sure only the parents with a good sense humor (or extremely horrid parenting skills) would stick around.

On another note... I am a scared chicken. Maybe a groundhog? Or whatever else that runs and hides in its hole at the slightest signal of fear?

That would be me and social networking (& dating actually) right now.

Last week, I decided to be a little crazy and just added anyone on my Facebook suggestions who had more than 3 friends in common with me.

Funny enough, they all added me back. Sight Unseen. Never talked. No comment, no email. Just "added" and went on with their day. Totally normal Facebook.  

I assume that they, like myself, assumed they'd get to know me over time by seeing my feed which would give us something to talk about.

Then there was one.  Who added me. Then found me on Twitter and added me. And then sent me this via Twitter:

"Where have you been all my life?"

Which I hoped like hell was a joke, and replied to it as a serious question.. (my way of joking back)

"Probably in the bathroom or in bed. It seems statistically thats where most people spend the most time in their lifetime."

Ok, so it wasn't a funny response, but it was a response.

Then he publicly asked me to clarify some personal information.  Well if any of you remember the whole debacle from a week ago.. You know that my online trust is at an all time ZERO.  This person is also a dating blogger, meaning that my trust is even lower than zero as I just don't know him and don't know who his friends are, alliances, or motives. To say that I crawled in my "safety hole" would be an understatement.

So I DM him. "Why" (aka why do you want to know)

He replies with a compliment, and again asking for clarification on the personal information.

I reply only to the compliment, with a "Thank you."

He then asks me where I live, which is not a secret.. everyone by now knows I live in Austin.

"Very cool. I love it down there. Stayed at a great hotel whose name I forgot.."

To be honest, I had no idea how to reply to this. Its Austin. Hotels are pretty much hotels. There's only one hotel here that isn't your normal run of the mill hotel (sure there are fancy hotels and sleezy hotels, but they're normal for fancy or sleezy). 

M - "well theres lots of hotels here, but only one awesome one.. the Driskill"

Dude - "I don't think that was it. I would def fit into austin."

(ugh, by this time, I'm just tired of talking. I'm also still in my protective hole, so I'm not investing a lot in my responses. I just don't trust this guy ... yet. I guess.. and am not seeing the point.. so I get flippant.)

M - "then you should move here."

Dude - "can I come visit first?"

(My head is seriously trying to spin off my neck at this point. A. He already claimed to have visited once. B. He doesn't need my permission. C. Oh god back off... I should have just told him that I wasn't in the mood to talk right now.. but no.. I do my normal.. lets burn this to the ground.)

M - "I dunno... did you get exiled and told not to return? if not, then I'm sure Austin would be fine with it."

Dude - "Do you go and see music all the time and stuff??"

(a music buff.. great.. please keep proving to me this conversation is useless.. please please.)

M - "not really. not all the time. sometimes."

Dude - "sorry my questions are kind of lame ahahah imagine what a date with me would be like!!"

(Finally dude is picking up on signals that I don't want to talk to him. Maybe the 20 questions will end. Please please... Maybe we can actually have a conversation someday without it feeling like an inquisition?)

M - "you're kinda scary :)"

Dude - ":-/"

M - "its ok. I'm just extremely skittish and kinda a bitch"

Dude - "awesome. you belong in nyc"

M - "lol.. i'm not that much of a bitch.. Chicago is more my style."

He didn't reply again. Can't say that I blame him much.

Sadly, had I given into my inner-panic-voice I'd have just Twitter-blocked him from the moment he asked me about my personal information, and this conversation wouldn't have happened.

Or I could have just outright told him that I don't discuss my personal information, though that would have looked like a denial and made him ask more personal information..

Or I could have just been a bigger bitch sooner.

He's probably a nice guy, and just wanted to get to know me better. *sigh* who knows.

I just know that my trust in meeting new people through Twitter (and Facebook actually) is severely damaged.

I used to just be a happy go-lucky girl on those. It's really going to take me a long time to get back there.

5 Manly-Man Things I Love

I really liked @singlegirlie's post about "5 Un-Manly Things I Love In A Man"  despite that I don't share most of those myself. So I thought, "Hey, I should do a post like that with ones that I like!"

Then I thought about it, and I honestly can't think of any girlie things that I like in a man. Well except the whole body builder look thing that she explains on her blog.  Fit - good, Athletic - good, Overweight - good, Skinny - good... but the body builder (unhuman) kind of built look, hell no... though I will choose body builder over the extremely obese guys.

I like some metro sexual stuff, but I wouldn't really call most of it un-manly. I just like 'em to look nice.

So I decided to list the 5 manly man things that I LOVE in a man, not necessarily in any particular order...

1. Steak: He not only knows how to order a good steak, but knows how to eat one. (He shouldn't hate vegetables though, just know his meat.)

2. Hair: He can grow it. Facial, chest.. There is absolutely no mistaking him for anything but a man. (Not really into thick carpet looks though, but a good amount of hair is definitely sexy.)

3. Chivalry: He offers to carry things for me whether I need him to or not. He opens doors for me. He walks me to my car and/or to my door to make sure I'm safe.

4. Tool Belt: He can fix things. Leaky sinks, changing the oil on my car, or even just fixing the bug in my computer.. He knows how to use his hands...

5. Cajones - I hope thats how it's spelled.. but that manly man attitude. He can be calm and zen and peaceloving (no one wants an angry ass) but I really love a guy who when push comes to shove.. can firmly hold his ground.. all the more attractive if he's peaceful and fun loving 99% of the time.. unless you cross him. Whiny men who are too emotional kinda make my skin crawl.

A Good Sport

So the other night, I'm out at a hockey game. My first ever hockey game either on TV or live.

If you've been a long time reader, you've been privy to my hatred of nearly all sports. A deep seated hatred based in lots of years of being tortured with it, and being second choice to it.  (Dear men, if your partner is second choice to any sporting event.. except maybe the final game like the SuperBowl.. Please go seek help right now.)

So when Hock invited me to go (as a friend thing), I really wanted to say no. I feared the worst. I feared being ignored and bored and lost. I feared I wouldn't cheer at the right spots or worse cheer for the opposing team accidentally. I feared that it would be torture.

But I wanted to see Hock (to see if.. well to really know for certain if that booty-text was his real feelings on the subject).  I'd never seen a hockey game, so it was at least something new to try.

So I went. I'm glad I did. (despite it encouraging yesterdays post)

I'll admit at first I wasn't that into it. I sat there and tried to get my bearings. I'd played some floor hockey in gym in high school, so I knew the basics. But grasping what actually was happening on the floor, and who did what.. and where the hell did that puck go (Half the time even the refs didn't know where it went either. That I found immensely funny, btw.) was a bit overwhelming.

There were points where I thought I should cheer, but no one else was, so I didn't. There were points where everyone was cheering and I was still trying to figure out why.

But Hock was great to watch it with.  He was patient and nice and not condescending. He explained some finer points of the game and explained some players relationships/personalities which made the game much more interesting and intriguing.

I have to also admit that there's something sexy about a man cheering his team with a positive attitude and not getting all sore (man-pouting) because things aren't going exactly the way he wanted.  Seriously at one point I nearly cowgirl'd Hock in his seat, fortunately I have self-restraint. Though that could just be a Hock thing, as most of the time when he was talking I just wanted to go over and kiss the crap out of him. (yes I know.. I already said I had a problem yesterday)

It is going to take me years I think to fully appreciate hockey as a sport, but I had a great time much to my own surprise.

So maybe all sports aren't dead to me. Oh, and games are much much better with lots of company and booze. Especially if that company is sexy.

Why Can't He Be A Loser?

^&^(*^&(*^&(*^*(^(&%&^%^$%$%^&*())(*&)&%&^&$$# (insane unrecognizable cussing streak)

Well damn it. (insert more cussing in some language unknown to man) I've a problem. A big problem.

I really thought seeing Hock again would bring out some flaw I missed. That his rude booty-text would have tainted my view of him enough that I would find him repulsive or at the very least unattractive. Or hope of hopes that last time I was wearing some huge beer goggles and would finally see him in a different - less attractive - light.

nope. 

I got to see him in his element, with his people, and learned more about him.

I f'n really like the bastard. Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhit.

It didn't help that seeing him jogged my memory of how well he kissed. He's got some great lips. Remembering how they felt on mine. How his hands felt..  (pardon me while I do a little daydream here.. )

Or that he was nice and polite.. and unreadable. (I could not read at freaking thing from him. Nadda. Much like the last time I saw him where I couldn't tell if he was or was not interested. I hate it and secretly love it. I'm a bit of a masochist obviously.)

I wanted to get a moment where we could just talk a little, but that moment never happened.

At the end of the evening, he gave me a one-armed hug just like he did everyone else, and bid me a safe drive home. (so very un-climatic) 

I would of course try to have a tryst with someone who despite his booty-text faux-pas fits the criteria of someone I'd actually date. 

Next time, I'm going to make sure I can't stand the guy, or at the very least am embarrassed to be with him in public.

SXSW: The Non-Date Date

The second day of SXSWi was interesting and exhausting. There were several dating bloggers in town for SXSWi, and I was hoping to meet them. Some were people that I didn't know well, and others were people that I'd talked to relatively often. I also love meeting people from online and seeing what they're really like in person.  You know to see if my idea of who they are matches who they really are.

I'm not usually very far off, but sometimes I'm surprised.

So I tried to get the ball rolling on meeting, and got one of them to bite, and waited for them to tell me what party they were going to, so I could meet them there.

In the meantime, I went to various parties. Most were boring. Since I found most people at SXSWi intimidating, I'm wasn't really that outgoing. I wasn't quite the wallflower either, but interupting cliques to introduce myself.. not really my style, especially since I could not think of an interesting thing to say. 

So I ended up waiting in line at this party that was about over. One of the things I was disappointed about at SXSWi is that most of the parties, whether you RSVP'd ahead of time, whether or not you had a badge, you still had to wait in freaking line for at minimum 20 minutes to enter, sometimes you'd wait an hour.

I don't do waiting in line. Yes, I know that makes me sound "priveledged" or "snooty", but since standing in line generally leaves my feet in horrid pain... I'd rather just walk to someplace relaxed that doesn't require people to queue up. I'd rather be "unpopular" and happily sipping a beer, than be "seen" at the popular spot with sore feet and pressing my way through the crowd to fight for the bartenders attention so I can get a beer.

So, anyway, I'm waiting in this line which was about 5 people. I figured it wouldn't be too long of a wait. The guy in front of me was kinda cute, and I was thinking of something to say to him when he got out of line and started to leave.

So I jumped on it and asked him where he was headed. He told me about this party.  He said it wasn't far away that it was going to be huge. Rather than stand there alone, I invited myself to go with him. I believe I worded it as asking him if I could tag along, but I really wasn't giving him much choice in the matter. He seemed more than happy to have the company.

We talked on the walk there. The walk, by the way, seemed to get longer and longer until I finally got it pulled up on my phone map and saw just how far we were going. Around the corner, it was not! We were close enough to it by the time I pulled up the map that I just went anyway, but had I known how far it was from the start, I'd have chickened out. Bauk Bawk Begauk

Josh was new to town. A programmer. He had a sweet masculine voice, a great laugh, and that jewish-meditereanean look I really like. Dark hair, light eyes, and man hair. We talked. We laughed. And even though I was whiny, he took it in stride and didn't ditch me despite his many chances.

We waited in line for about a half hour and he got me to talk about my project, and he gave me some really good tips on how to get started on it. We also exchanged contact info so I could contact him if I ever got funding enough to hire him.

After getting in, he waited in line for drinks with me, and kept me company as I searched for the water. We essentially had a little "date" out of it. A non-date date I suppose the term is. 

At one point, I attempted to mingle. I saw a lost soul standing nearby and said hi. I introduced the guy to Josh and we all talked together. 

Unfortunately this lost soul was lost for a reason. He was a moron with money. He was a venture capitalist who.. well.. doesn't know his ass from his asset. About 1/3 way through the conversation, I stopped talking as I realized that this guy just liked to hear himself talk. A blow hard. He would argue his point no matter how wrong he was. Josh however kept talking to him, so I smiled and noded and waited. 

Finally I interupted to tell Josh that I was going to get a new drink. Josh said he'd come with me, and we said goodbye to the lost ass.  As we were walking away, Josh said called the guy a moron. 

"Oh phew! For a minute there I thought you were talking to him because you thought he offered some kind of merit. I was worried about you."

He laughed, "No, I was just fucking around with him. For shits and giggles."

We both laughed, then sought some more free drinks. 

We stayed a while longer but never talked to anyone else. (I mean who can blame me? I had an attractive intelligent man to talk to, and if the other people there were anything like the lost ass it wasn't worth the risk.)

Despite us talking about online dating (he asked what I blogged about, so I said online dating) he never mentioned that he wasn't single and I'm still not used to actively looking for rings. I guess I've not been single long enough? But towards the end of the night, I noticed a shiny ring on his finger and I wondered.

We were having a great time, so it mattered not. When I was ready to call it a night, he left with me and walked me back to my parking garage. 

How sad it is that my best date in a long while was with a married guy? 

The Last Stand

It's my personal thing that everything always happens on the same day. I can go weeks without anything eventful, but it always seems that once one thing happens.. other things just chime right in.

Yesterday, I decided to text Mac back. I'd left him "hanging" and because I figured it couldn't hurt... and that I'd follow the advice of my male friends (all of them are seriously his advocates) and give him a chance.

I'm almost 100% sure that Mac isn't into me for dating.  I may be a sex buddy option, or someone he's got as a backup plan... but I'm pretty certain that he's not into actually dating me.

Me: "Hope you're having a good week. :)"

Him: "Fanks. I am. Getting ready for a mardi gras party. Tried to rent a zoot suit but didn't work out."

Him: "How's your week?"

Me: "No zoot suit? Darn I'd have had to come by & take pics of that."

Me: "My week is going. Possibly getting sick, but hoping its just allergies. Cross your fingers."

Him: "I'm going to wear a black suit, suspenders, black shirt, tie, and phantom mask."

Me: "Now that sounds hot."

Him: "If only a hot guy was in that outfit, it would be."  (Seriously begging for compliments? I decide to give him one.)

Me: "Oh? Who's wearing it? I swear you said you were."

Him: "Exactly"

Me: "Then a hot guy is wearing it. Do you need glasses?" (Just so everyone is clear, this was my gauntlet and its been thrown. Your move buddy)

(The above went on without any interuption or pausing... then there's a 20 minute lull. I don't know if he was stumped by the "hot" reference or he went to the toilet.. )

Him: "Naw that would make me dorkier."

Me: "You're a dork? Hmm totally missed that somewhere. Are you sure?" (Seriously? still begging for compliments? I'm wanting to just walk away at this point. I don't.)

Him: "Yep. A computer nerd too."

Me: "Then where are your glasses and pocket protectors?"

Him: "New age nerd."  (I'm not sure what New Age has to do with nerds, but ok)

Me: "I may need new glasses as well. I can't believe I was under the impression that you were hot."

Him: "Lenscrafters have an office near you?"

Me: "Yep. Thats where I got my last pair. Total nerd glasses. Black frames n all."

Him: "LOL"

Anyway, ball is solidly in his court. Any naysayers that thought "Are you sure he knows you like him?" should be fully satisfied now.  I'm just not waiting around on him. Relatively sure I'll not hear from him unless he wants a booty call or his ego fluffed. Not into either option.

*****

Then I head to Austin's Social Media Club event.  I'd RSVP'd weeks ago and it was a little late to back out.. plus I really should get out and network.. So I went.

I get there.. make my name tag.. and my phone rings.

Its Mich. My friend that kinda gave me signals that it may or may not be just friends? He invites me to attend a dinner party his friend is hosting.

Now Mich has invited me to many things before, even when he was dating someone else. So this is NOT a sign that he wants to be more than friends.. or not clearly one anyway.  It could be excruciatingly boring or a fantastic evening.  I told him I'd go, so we'll see how things unfold.  He's leaving in a week and will be gone for year, so I'm not putting any hope in the long term. 

Then the meeting starts. Btw, the Austin Social Media club is full of hot men. Of course, half or more of them are married, but eye candy baby!

It was a great time really, and I'm going to try to pull myself off the couch more often to attend these functions.  Maybe one of these days, I'll meet a tech-savvy sexy single man at one.

Combating The Friend Zone

I was talking to a twitter friend last night about the Friend Zone and how to combat it.

Every girl has different friend zones for guys.  Some friends are "gay friends" meaning they're good friends but they might as well be gay for all the interest she has in them.  Some friends are "hopeful friends" meaning friends that she'd consider dating if the time and circumstances were right (these friends she probably met either while she was dating someone else, or while they were dating someone else.)  There's different variations of these groupings and of course some girls have more groups, but basically it boils down to.. male friends that she'll never sleep with, and male friends that she might.

If you are in the "gay friends" category, you have absolutely no hope. Seriously. Don't try.  Guys in this category usually (unless they really are gay) don't get touched, and often are asked advice on things the girl would never ask anyone she wanted to sleep with. These guys get treated almost exactly like her girl-friends.

If you're in the "hopeful friends" category, you've got a chance. It might be a small chance, but a chance. If you're wanting to move things out of the Friend Zone.. please read the following warning.

WARNING: Moving Out Of The Friend Zone May Be Hazardous To Your Health (or at least the health of your relationship)

1. Moving out of the Friend Zone in most cases will end the friendship. Period. This is a chance you're going to have to take if you really want to date her.

2. You do not get to be pouty, annoyed, or hurt if she rejects you. You were her friend and she trusted you to be her friend and obey the friend rules.  She gets to be pissed and feel betrayed if you try to change the rules, you do not.  She has done nothing wrong, you have. Understand this before you make any kind of move.

3. Decide before you move on her if you want to save the relationship in the event she rejects your overtures of romance. If you want to save it, you must take her rejection like a man. Don't argue with her. Don't plead. Don't beg. Merely just say, Ok. Take a couple days of "space" to regroup then resume friendship as normal (no touching, no overtures of anything that isn't 100% platonic). You'll have to win back your trusted role of friend.

Now.. onto the juicy..

How to move out of the Friend Zone:

1. Before you even get started, you must make sure that she's available. Hitting on her while she's with someone, is just douchy. Exceptions to this would be if she's suddenly gotten engaged or is talking about moving in with him, where you feel like its your last chance to come clean. (In this latter instance, you'll not be able to save the friendship and you'll need to make a ballsy in her face "speech" about how you feel. This most times does not work, but I understand sometimes you just have to try.)

2. Take things slow. Small hints that you're more than friends.. such as small touches that aren't platonic in nature but not overtly sexual. Extended hugs. Talks with lots of eye contact, gazing into her eyes. Simple flirting. If she pulls away, bad sign (probably best if you just accept the friendship). If she doesn't, good sign. If she reciprocates, you're good.

3. Even if she reciprocates, moving from Friendship into Relationship is bumpy. Yes I said relationship. There is no casual sex here, you don't get to date around. The 99% of the time the choices will be.. Fuck-Buddy or exclusive Boyfriend. You've gotten to know her well already, she's gotten to know you. You've been in her inner circle. She trusts you. 

Now Fuck buddy might be confusing, because I said no casual sex.. but let me explain.. you might be her friend because she doesn't find you datable.  In which case, she may take you on as a sexual partner. You will still be required to be a friend, but she'll see other people. This usually ends the friendship quickly and there is usually no coming back from this. The sex is not casual because you're emotionally connected/invested.  If you go along with this option, especially if you wanted to date her, she'll lose all respect for you. Whipped.

Exclusive Boyfriend. You've been around. You're connected to her. You've learned a lot about her. If you do not want to become her exclusive boyfriend, just suck it up and be just friends with her. Trust me, if she wants to date you.. she'll expect you to be exclusive rather quickly. You've been given privilege to be her friend her confidant. She won't be giving that up just for a casual affair. You should know whether you want her or not, and she'll expect you to show it.


4. So you're still convinced you want to attempt date this girl?  Awesome! She's a lucky gal! If she's been giving you good signs, increase the frequency and intensity of your flirtation gradually until you're certain that she feels the same about you.  At this point, you have to do two things..

Kiss her. This is probably the best way to get your point across. Do not surprise her with this, but wait until it seems right.

Tell her how you feel, and what you want.. (aka to date her).

These two things do not have to be done in any order, but both are needed. If she rejects you on either one, please note "warning #2" and behave accordingly. Do not attempt both if she rejects you on one of them.  If she rejects the kiss, you may appologize and explain yourself but do not try to change her mind.

Awesome Times Awesome Squared

My night last night.. 

I was running late to a birthday party that I didn't want to go to. I just wanted a nice quiet night at home, but its an obligation that I'd never live down if I didn't at least show.

I was trying to finish up some tasks when my friend Jack surprised me with his hidden talents at song writing... so I went to take a listen, hit play.

*ring* *ring* My phone is having one of those rare seizures indicative of someone trying to reach me by voice. A very rare thing.

I see the caller ID, smile, and panic.  I really didn't remember giving this guy my number though I've had his through my own "stalking" efforts; its a happy surprise.

I answer quickly trying to make sure I answer before it goes to voicemail, while trying to turn off the blasting music from the computer. Trying to do too many things at once and being late.. and the surprise of the phone call.. I was a bundle of nerves.

I think I said "Hi". I honestly can't recall. Then he asks me for clarification on something private (something very few people here know.. a safety precaution) that I really really don't recall telling him.  Not that I minded that he knew, but my mind instantly flew to... "OMG who else knows?" and "Shit, I thought I was more careful". Some serious panic.

He assures me that I told him, and as I calm down I realize that I must have when I gave him my number. I vaguely.. with his memory jogging.. remember texting him from my phone on NYE. He never replied. (He claims a real phone call despite weeks later should make up for it.)  As I calm down, I start laughing. Seriously, I'm laughing hysterically.. 

He asks: "What's so funny?"

Me: "To explain that would take more words than I have. I'm not laughing at you, but ... at this.. situation"

He says: "Ah.. laughing with me.."

Sure sure.. lets just say I was laughing with you.  But since I was actually laughing at myself and my own hysterical insanity... well.. I'm thinking we were both laughing at me. Which is fine.. I was totally being laugh worthy.

I then blather on about why I have this deep seated loathing for football, which he listens to and somehow isn't offended.

We talk, and I attempt to sound coherent. I think I succeeded. Though I got off the phone feeling like a blathering idiot, a happy blathering idiot but a blathering idiot nonetheless.

I finish up my work, and head to the shower to get ready. My phone dings. Ooo a text message.

It's Mac.

YAY!!! 

Though he tells me he's sick and miserable (poor guy), and in need of a nursemaid.

Normally, the me before I got married, would have immediately suggested that I come over to nurse him. I'd have ran to him and given up all other plans for the day in order to make him well. 

I instead skirted the issue politely and flirtatiously, though later when I found out just how sick he was and that he was continuing to work as well.. I told him that someone needed to tie him to the bed and force feed him soup.

He of course was up for the "tying to the bed" part. Obviously not that sick. :)

We chatted a little more, before I told him I had to go shower and get ready.

I get ready.. slowly. I mean this night has gone so well so far.. it can't possibly improve. It can only get worse. Right? 

Plus its still cold in Austin. Its warm in my apt. You do the math.

But I drag myself out of the apt, and downtown.

A mutual friend of ours has arranged a fantastic "happy hour" special for us at a local bar/restaurant with a band to boot. No cover, and pretty much $1 drinks of whatever you want. My vodka was $2. Normally its $6 anywhere I go. YEAH!!

So I hang out and chat. Say hi to the Birthday girl and boy.. and do my rounds. I see Don's there, but last time I saw him he had a girlfriend and was kinda a dud. I really didn't feel like talking to him, and he was hanging with some cute girls I didn't know.. so I just walked the other direction.

Don however ran over to say Hi to me. Put his arm around me and asked how I'd been.  We chatted for a while.. catching up on our lives.. the ex-gf was not mentioned.. but as chatty and friendly as he was.. it was obvious he was single again.

He soon flitted off again mingling he said. He spent most of the rest of the night with thinner hotter girls. Whatever Don. I'm no one's backup plan.

The party however is outside without heaters of any kind. Seriously? What crack was the owner of that bar on?

So I called it a night after warming up inside and meeting a "native Austinite". The guy was completely humorless and looked at me like I was uncouth and rude no matter what I said.  He however was slurring like a lush. In his defense, I should mention that I was totally making fun of his alcohol tongue. Come on.. it was funny. An obviously slurring 35+ yr. old well-dressed man trying to pick up a couple chicks.

Anyway, so I call it a night and decide to give in to my insane craving for Katz French Dip sandwich. Seriously they're orgasmic.  

I almost get the few blocks down the road to Katz, and my best friend calls to chat. We chat a bit and then I go eat with promises to call her back when I'm done.

No one to go with me, I enter on my own, sit alone at a table, and drool til my sandwich comes and then devour it. I thought it funny that none of that felt weird to me. It was my first time eating out.. eating out.. alone.

While I'm eating, Fred starts to text me. Fred has a habit of texting me when he's drunk or been drinking. Usually the messages are funny in a "I want you" kind of way. He lives about 3 hours away, and has never came to Austin while I've been here. So I find it a little hard sometimes to take him seriously, but the messages are flattering.. and if he was closer he might make a good sex buddy. (He severely doesn't want kids, so anything more than that is out of the question)

So.. flattered (he always says how sexy I am).. and laughing my ass off (he always says how sexy I am).. I call my best friend back and talk on my way home, and a good 2 hours after I get home.  We like to chat, and we crack each other up. The last hour of it was pretty much just solid laughter.  

The last key phrase for a laughter track from us: "I don't really judge, but man that shit is fucked up!" (yeah most people don't get our humor either, its ok.)

It honestly was a fan-freaking-tastic evening. I couldn't have planned it better. Awesome times Awesome squared.

Men Are Confusing

I've been in a funk. I really don't want to go anywhere or do anything. I have reasons for this, which I won't bore you with those details. Suffice it to say merely, that I've come to enjoy the simplicity of staying home by myself.

But a friend of mine was having a birthday party, and as much as I wanted to cancel, Alex (of Urbandater) scared me into going. Mostly I knew I should go anyway.

I get there an it's as I've feared. All girls. Ok there's J the host, and some guy across the room who seemed fun but totally not interested. He was way occupied by size 2 hotties and seemed completely satisfied with that. Can't really blame him.

Cassie's friends are a variety of girls. Usually on the side of girly girls. Fabulous women, but not usually my kind of company. I can be fabulous, but I can't pull it off 24/7 without a lobotomy or other major brain transformation. The draw to just sit down and chug a beer while wearing a T-shirt and jeans.. is just too powerful.

I'm a mix of girly and tomboy.

So for the first 20 minutes or so, I was bored but trying to make the best of it by talking to some random girl who was the least fabulous one. She still had fantastic heels on, but jeans, T-shirt, and cardigan. She'd just gotten off work she said. She seemed ok and possibly fun, but we were interrupted.

In came the rest of the party, a group of 3 men and one girl. The men were above average looks and trendy. One caught my eye.

His name was sexy... for safety sake lets call him Mr. Dirt. I've always liked his name. Its short with no need for a nickname. So when he looked at me and introduced himself, I was interested.

It also helped that he has that real look. He's not glamorous handsome. He's not some kind of model. He doesn't look like he works out 24/7. But his face is handsome and he's got great hair (the kind you want to run your hands through and wonder what it might look like in the morning). He's got just a little "extra" but otherwise he looks fit and healthy. He has that "I use my brain" look that I absolutely love.

We talked briefly before he turned his back to me to talk to another girl. It confused me because he seemed interested at first, and I was certain I'd not said anything off-putting. *shrug*

So I mingle. He mingles. But its a small apartment so we often end up next to each other. Each time, he seems to pull away or move away from me.

Ok, Ok... I fucking get it already. You're not interested. Point Taken.

Its getting late and I'm getting bored as all hell. So I decide to leave. I grab my jacket and purse, and say my goodbyes.

Then Mr Dirt notices. He looks up shocked from his conversation with Hottie #4 or so, and makes eye contact. His conversation is stopped and all his concentration is on me.

He says to me.. mouths really.. "Oh you're leaving?" in a way that makes me think he's kicking himself for not getting my number.

I'm nod yes as I'm saying goodbye to some friends near him.

He moves to say Goodbye to me, and awkwardly approaches me as if he can't decide to initiate a hug or handshake.

We shake hands. I leave puzzled.

Dumbass Men.

Cassie's having another party tomorrow night. I don't know if Mr Dirt will be there or not. I wasn't planning to go, but I may. *shrugs* I've not much else to do, so we'll see how I feel tomorrow.

Swooning Chickens

I'm seriously swooning. So much that I'm a little scared by it.

I've been in awe of this guy for a while. I had a little bit of a crush I guess, though I'd never really thought of him as a viable candidate.

Then I read something he wrote. Something so raw and passionate.. so light yet dark.. that I realized he speaks my language.

I am scared.

We talked for a bit. The more we talked, the more scared I got. I like him.

I have lots of irons in the fire. Don't get me wrong. I still have little fires going for several men.. several relatively safe men. Good men. Men that I can see myself being happy with, having fun with.. having a life with..

But this one.. this fire is dangerous. I've seen it before. I've been here before. This is the kind of fire that consumes all of you. All of you.

This fire has burned me bad every time I've succumbed to it. It's so drawing that I don't usually have a choice but to submit to it. To surrender.

The loveliest of times.. the strongest of passions.. the completest of loves.. Followed by the the most devastating of hurts.

Everything in me wants to run to him, and run away from him at the very same time. He reminds me of my greatest loves.

It's that that scares me the most. (or maybe that the white coats are coming for me?)


***********

On a happy side note, his work (and I suppose himself as well if I'm really going to give credit where its due) is also inspiring me to write and create... and dream.. like I've not been able to in a long time. I suppose every scary thing has its silver lining.

Just knowing that a man like that exists.. well.. its enough for me.. for now. (you can also read this as me being too chicken to actively pursue things. bauk, bauck begauk)

Defining Different

There's been a theme lately. I'm not sure how to process it, and I'm not sure how to write about it without some kind of backlash. But I'm going to try.

(sitting here thinking about how to start)
(20 minutes pass)
(still thinking)

I'm going to start at the beginning.. because its a very good place to start (channeling Sound Of Music).

When I was 18, I had my first almost-real boyfriend. He was gorgeous. Seriously gorgeous. We'd been going out in "secret" for about a month. Meeting in secret. Dating in secret.

Let me define secret. I hadn't left for college yet, so I was still under the rules of my parents at home. Which meant, no dating anyone they'd not met and approved of, no socializing in ways they did approve of.. aka I really wasn't allowed to go much of anywhere.

My friends however all knew about him. Come on, he was drop dead gorgeous and he passed them over for me.. In my town, I was considered fat and ugly. In other towns, I was gorgeous. So to land a gorgeous guy while out with my friends where the stories of my fabulousness were bound to make it back to my hometown.. Yeah, awesome!

My boyfriend lived in the next town "city" and was older... college age.. I think he was 22? I don't recall exactly. All I knew was that he was HOT. He was sweet. He treated me well. And he made me feel like I was the most beautiful woman in the world. Not girl. Woman.

I finally talked him into going to my church with me to meet my parents. I didn't want to subject him to actually meet "meeting" my parents with a dinner, but to meet them in passing. If you ask my friends who have met my mother during my HS and College years, they will agree.. meeting my mother in passing was the only way to do things.

He came. I could have flown around the room. I was so happy. It was the first time ever that any boy I liked met my parents. I was nervous, but I was certain they would love him.

He was perfect. Despite being physically hot, he was smart, attentive, respectful. He was in the army and getting out soon. He had a plan for his life of what he wanted to do, and he was driven. He wasn't that spiritual, but enough that I was head over heels. I could not find any flaw in him that my parents would not have liked.

Normally if my parents saw me with some boy/girl/whomever that they didn't know, they'd have come over right away to find out who it was and assess if that person was worthy of being around me. When they saw me with JC, they didn't.

After church was over, JC wanted to flee. I begged him to stay. My parents wouldn't come over, and he didn't want to come over to them, but for me he agreed. My parents put on smiles and said a brief hello, then turned to others to talk.

I didn't understand it. JC went home, and I rode back to my town with my parents. In Silence. You could have cut the air with a knife. I could not have been more puzzled.

So I asked my parents, "What did you think of JC?"

Silence. They didn't even look at each other. Just Silence.

"I know you can hear me. What's wrong? What did you think of JC?"

They looked at each other. Then stared ahead at the road. Silence.

"You might as well just tell me. What did you think of JC?"

My mother looked at my father, "Well... He's black." with a tone that ends all conversation.

*insert headspin here*

I didn't even know that JC was black. Not that it probably would have mattered much. JC was light skinned and looked lightly tanned. I'd never seen him with more than his shirt off, so I had no way of knowing if it was just a tan or not.

My exposures to African-Americans, or blacks.. was pretty much limited to TV and the one black girl that used to live in town. She was dark black and sweet. Everyone loved her. Even my mother seemed to..

My parents never seemed to have problems associating with people of all kinds. All cultures, colors, whatever. They didn't socialize much, but growing up I never saw them talk differently to anyone. Sure sure they had ignorant biases against people they didn't know.. but nothing like the treatment they had of JC.

It was that night I learned. "All people are equal, unless they're going to be my son-in-law." I kept seeing him anyway until I left for college. Had he given me a choice, I'd still be with him.

Over the years, their biases and ignorance has played small parts in my life. Small parts because I realize them for what they are, and know that is not the kind of person who I want to be. (My best friend who is part Native American was told to her face that she was "One of THOSE people" by my mother. Which is why very few people ever meet my family.)

But dating outside of my race.. has been a theme lately. I expected it to be akin with dating someone from a different cultural background. Forgetting all that I learned with JC, and letting my parent's biases cloud my head.

Slowly, I'm realizing that people of differences can have a whole lot more in common than people of similarities. Its all in how you define different.

The last few crushes I've had lately.. have all been people of difference. To others they may look different.. but to me.. like JC, they simply just look perfect and I'm swooning.

Don't Have The Time

Yesterday was interesting.

First of all, I "won" this trip (hotel stay) to Hawaii a month or so ago, and I had to list someone as going with me. Now preferably, I wanted to go with someone I'd be able to enjoy myself with and could afford such a trip. That alone narrowed it down greatly. I could have invited a girlfriend or ... Well I decided to invite Luke.

I figured a week in Hawaii. 24/7 together. Should be enough time for both of us to work through whatever was still between us. Most likely we'll either spend the entire trip having sex, or attempting not to kill each other. This will be the most time that we've ever spent together, alone or not. Sink or swim. (I'm very much expecting us to sink)

I told him about it after the fact, and to say he was overjoyed would be putting it mildly. He's a little too excited for comfort.

****

Then there was the friend-request from my ex-bf's (almost fiance, now one of my best friends) little brother. The kid was still in HS when I dated his older brother. He's a nice guy I suppose, but he has a long history of addiction. Drugs, Booze, and smokes like a chimney. He's not good looking at all, though that may be partly due to the addiction and lifestyle he leads.

I've never liked Jord, and him and the rest of his family is why I forced his brother to do several things... like get the fucking hell away from them and visit only on holidays. (It was one of the best things his brother ever did btw. He now has a successful career, a happy marriage, and a kid.) Sure sure I was nice to Jord when I saw him, because for a while he was my little brother too. I actually added him on FB because of that sentiment. Harmless but troubled little bro.

So I asked him how things were going? (I'd not talked to him in years)

To which he replied:

"hey im doin ok i got 4 DUIs now i just got outa jail in aug. thats what i get for bein a bad boy but anyways u r lookin really really good damn u look like u lost weight cuz u take a real good picture and of course u have always been pretty but how are u i seee u still live in austin the place where i was born so are u involved got a man dating married kids whats up whats the scoop sorry i dont use periods or commas its too much of a hassle but anyways chat back if u wanna"

Sadly, unlike most messages like this, my headache was not due to the lack of punctuation or bad spelling. I already knew he was relatively unschooled. My issue was my schock in the amount of balls he had to actually hit on me, not to mention the skin-crawling. My guess is that he's still on something. I honestly don't even know how to reply. I feel like forwarding it to his brother and have him smack some sense into him.

I'm actually a legend in his family, which is one of the reasons my ex's wife hates me. His mom loves me like a daughter, and treats me like a goddess. She, I, and my ex all know full well that had I not stepped in and forced my ways onto my ex that he'd have been dragged down by the family as well.

Wow that last paragraph sounded so full of myself didn't it? Its not really.. ok kinda.. I am proud of how my ex turned his life around. But also, he and his mother credit me with it as well. His mother actually asked me to give the "best-man" speech at his wedding.

I used to be really big into "Fix-er-upper" relationships, and I was amazing at it. Moms and friends loved me. But often when the fixes were done, I'd get bored. Because the primary draw for me was to fix them. Once fixed, I actually had to think.. "Do I want to be with this person?" the answer was usually a resounding no.

Which is why I don't want anyone I feel like I need to fix. If I find myself thinking, "Oh, he'd be better if" or "I can train him to" or anything even remotely like that.. I either dump him (depending on how bad it is) or take a step back and think.. Can I deal with him like he is right now for the rest of my life? If I can't, I move on.

I want someone who is my equal, not a child, not a dress-up doll, not someone who needs fixing. Actually, after my ex-spouse, it might be me that needs the fixing... and I think I'm going to be too busy working on me.

Social Circles, Gossip, & Vanity

So last night I go to this social thing I've committed myself to going. Third night of social outing in a row, and I'm wanting to shoot myself so I can get out of going.

So I drag myself. I'm late because I put up so much resistance that I completely lost track of time.

I'm supposed to be there at 6:30.. the party went until 8pm. I show up at 8:15. I know I'm bad.

The party is still going, but I see absolutely no one I know. Then I see Mr Smoking Hottie. He's married, but he's great eye candy.

He introduces me to his friend, Ms Hottottie. She's awesome and we hit it off. Next I'm meeting another woman Ms Short&Sassy... and we're all having a good time.

Then I get the gossip. I would never in a million years deduced what was actually going on under the scenes.

Turns out.. Mr Sexy TechGuru isn't happy in his marriage. I'd picked up hints that this was the case, but nothing out of the ordinary "My wife is irritating me today".

New friend, Ms Short&Sassy is totally all about him and wanting to show him some happy. (seriously)

My other new friend, Ms. Hottottie was talking all night about this married guy that she is craving. She told me all about him and his wife. No one has ever met his wife. His life, kids etc. Supposedly he toggles between married and separated? Maybe an open relationship? He kissed her at the party... well in private anyway.

I assumed this was someone outside the circle or someone I didn't know. Oh no.. this is a guy I know. A guy that I thought was just friendly.. now maybe not so much friends? All I know is that he's hot enough to make me consider otherwise.

So.. anyway thats not all.

This engaged couple.. are all about to break up. Another couple are about to start dating... it went on and on.

Now I'm not sure what I've walked into. I am totally going to have to hang with Ms. Hottottie more often though. She's a ton of fun. I may need to get some dating tips from her.

So after this party, I'm a little wired and I'd promised to go to a charity function. It was free and just a couple blocks away. I knew from the few of my friends that were going.. the people there would be rich and/or hot.

I was not prepared for it.

It was wall to wall smoking hot people. Hot men. Hot women. Those that weren't hot were dressed in head to toe MOH-NEY. I felt like I'd stepped into a whole different universe, and while I was dressed appropriately... I felt like I should instead be in a revealing cocktail dress, decked out in diamonds and fur, and several sizes smaller.

I attempted to schmooze. A couple people were nice and social and not annoying, but most were completely brainless and completely superficial. I said Hi to the few friends who showed up, and then when I could no longer stand the vapidness and boredom I left.

Had I gone on a night when I was feeling more social I'm sure things would have turned out better, but as it was.. I was OMG GET ME OUT OF HERE.. and checked myself for hives as I ran out the door.

I will not be going to one of those again without a huge party of girlfriends or a millionaire on my arm.

Just Friends Confusion

I've been keeping something from you, and I should tell you so the rest of this post makes sense.

About a week ago, I went to Wurstfest. It was my last real social engagement and an extreme social engagement. I went to Wurstfest with a group I co-organize, and most everyone who said they'd be there.. weren't. It actually started out as me plus two guys from the Tues. night of "Where Does The Time Go?", my co-organizer and Mr. NoShower. It ended with adding another girl, who was fun, cute, and well.. awesome.

Mr. NoShower actually showed up with a very nice new haircut, and he looked like he might have showered. He actually looked quite handsome... unless you looked too close to see his shirt was obviously picked up off the floor and his jeans were out of the dirty clothes hamper - the bottoms of the jeans were caked with dried mud and it had been a little dry out recently. Totally a nice guy and could be fucking hot as hell.. if only he'd invest more into hygiene. I actually rode with him in his car to Wurstfest.. it was cleaned out somewhat, but covered in dog hair and smelled like rotten milk. I was a little scared to touch anything as I could see drool stains or spilled something everywhere. I imagine his apartment is roughly the same cleanliness.

But I digress.. So the four of us ran around Wurstfest together, and I imagine that we looked like we were on a double date. I actually didn't think about how it looked because I hadn't yet seen anyone I knew. Then I ran into Don.

I ran into Don.. and Stephie. Don and a very good looking blonde chick totally unlike his other ex that I knew. They were chummy, and she was nice and secure meeting me. Aka I wasn't a threat. So I assumed they were on a date, and I was extremely gracious back pretending that I wasn't upset by it at all. (I really have no reason to be as I have no idea what Don and I are.. or aren't.) I was hurt. Hurt all of my own making, and took it as a sign that Don and I were friends. Thats it.. just friends, and I prepared myself to be ok with it.

Don saw the group that I was with, and I swore that I'd told him before that I was going that day with my group, so while he saw who I was with, it didn't dawn on me that he'd think I was on a date. I didn't even bother introducing him to anyone. I actually just wanted to get away from him and his Stephie.

(Btw the two guys I was with, started out the day with telling me "Btw, if anyone asks you're our sister. ok sis?".. and periodically I was called "Hey sis" throughout the day as joke and was expected to answer.. my answer usually involved my middle finger and a very porno-slut sounding call of "Hey bro". I am a very good wingman there is no need to lie, asshole. :) )

******

Ok, so now we get to Saturday nights party at the Partymeister's home. It was Tequila night. You could either bring Tequila (uh me + tequila = bad bad bad in a bad way) or food. I don't get much chance to cook for people anymore, so I thought.. food!!

Friday night I picked up some stuff to make food.. and tried to think of something I could make, that would be presentable. With my food allergies, I knew I'd only be able to eat what I'd made/brought at the party.. so more reasons to bring food.

I spent Saturday morning debating between making a beef pot pie or chili, and since I didn't want to run to the store for more potatoes, I settled on chili. I also have a Thanksgiving potluck coming up, so I decided to try my hand at something to take to it. Apple Pie, which I have never attempted to make. So in my inexperience, I ended up with way too much stuff for one pie, and ended up making two. One pie, I might could get down eventually. Two, never.

So I went to the party with two pies, chili and some vodka for me.

Don was there. He also had made chili. He made spicy chili and honestly it looked good. I took notes on how to improve my chili for next time. I had too much tomato, and not enough spice. He however had beans in his, and thats a no-go for me.

Anyway, I fixed my drink and went out to the patio where everyone was seated. I ended up sitting next to Don, which previously I would have plotted to sit next to him, but this time it was the only seat and I reluctantly sat.

He then turned to me and asked about Wurstfest. Did I have a good time? Yes.

We talked a bit about the Wurstfest food, and then I asked if he'd had a good time with... I pretended to forget her name. He said he had and quickly added that she was his friend that he'd mentioned the last time we'd talked. His ex that was an old childhood friend and a friend of the family. They had a lot of history together, and just could not make a relationship work, but they were too close not to try to be friends. I could not help it but I'm pretty sure my face lighted up like a Christmas tree. So much for being subtle. lol

He then asked about the people I was with if I'd had fun with them. His question was very much a polite question of "who were they", without directly asking it. I told him we'd had fun, but since we all didn't know each other very well, it was much less fun than it could be. It was then his face showed the light bulb, and realized it was a group thing.. not a date thing.

Don did his talking to everyone and mingling thing.. I did mine. Often we found ourselves talking to the same people at the same time. Only a few times, did we end up talking one on one, and those times were short and interrupted by one or more of our friends.

It was getting late, and I was getting tired. Don had just hit on a girl that ... well she's smart, witty.. more fun than me (I promise, I know her) and pretty in that real beauty way.. not in that supermodel way. I overheard him say that he would call her tomorrow so she'd have his number. (She hadn't brought her phone with her, I knew because I'd gotten her number earlier because we've plans to go out dancing some night soon.) The party was winding down, and everyone else I found interesting had left. And watching Don flirt with someone that I honestly would set him up with as a wingman... yeah it was time to go home.

So I began to pack up my things. Don saw and came over.

"Are you leaving?"

"Yeah, I'm getting tired and I have to drive home."

"You want help carrying this out to your car?"

This stumped me. I did not need help carrying it out to my car. It was a safe neighborhood. I didn't need an escort. I also am not the kind of girl that usually plays "weak" or asks for help ever. This is something that my ex-therapist, and ex-bf's always thought I needed to work on. I do need to work on it. Accepting help of any kind is extremely hard for me.

I thought about it quickly as well.. Is he asking to walk me to my car for another reason? Is he just being nice? I figured I wouldn't know the answer if didn't say yes.

"I'm sure I could handle it, but if you'd like to carry it, that would be nice."

There.. he has an out if he wants one, but he didn't take it. He said he'd carry it out. He even asked if I wanted to take a moment to say bye to everyone. Nice, considerate, helpful.. and I'm not supposed to swoon?

I said my goodbyes, and we started to head out. Then one of the drunk girls grabbed Don's arm and told him he couldn't leave. She was all sorts of grabby drunk. I don't know if Don was enjoying it or not, but oh hell no he wasn't going to get to ditch me for some drunk chick. He could come back to the party and do that where I won't have to see it.

He tried to extract himself from her, but she wasn't having it. I grabbed his other arm and pulled him from her.

"He's just helping me to my car. You can have him back after that, I promise."

I really just wanted her to let him go. She eventually did, making him promise to come back. I wasn't sure if I should cheer him on (yay free sex for you tonight) or feel sorry for him having to deal with a drunken octopus.

He walked me out to my car. Placed the box in my trunk. Hugged me goodnight.. a one and a half armed hug. Then walked away.

He didn't linger close to me. He didn't make it a more involved hug. He didn't even attempt to kiss me or.. anything really.

So until I hear otherwise, I'm guessing we're "Just Friends" and going to stay that way.