I keep hearing this "horror" stories about girls who date guys for year and years and years, and complain that the guy doesn't marry them.
If you are one of these girls... SHUT UP and be happy or GET OUT.
Those are your choices.
If a guy wants to marry you, he will. Unless he's majorly stupid, he'll know relatively soon.
There's some really great advice on this over at LuvemorLeavem.
Personally, unless the guy has said he never ever wants to marry again. In which case, I know going in that marriage is not on the table. I won't date anyone more than 2 yrs, and after the first year I'm evaluating whether or not I want to stay as I'm already feeling like he's not going to propose (aka not that into me).
Yes, I know... you think I'm crazy and that I should give men more time.
In my family, there is little divorce. Partly because its just not done, and partly because we don't do wishy washy. You either want to, or you don't.
Most marriages in my family.. on both sides of my family.. the engagement happened around the 6 month mark, and were married by a year or so into the relationship. So from starting dating to married was roughly a years time. (Some were less than a years time btw)
This is my background or my examples of long-term marriage.
I've also seen long-term dating work out well, but those couples are also on the same page. They don't expect marriage or want marriage and are perfectly happy with things as they are. They work out things together, rather than one of them whining behind the other's back about their legal status.
So to these girls sitting through years of dating..
Are you ok with being committed to someone verbally or do you need a legal document? Are you ok with simply being happy together or do you want the big party?
Figure out what you want.. What you need to be happy, and stick to it.
The right guy for you will want to give you what you need to happy, and maybe more.
Stop playing victim. Make a choice. Make a decision. He'll respect you more for it. And if he's not willing to give it to you, you can stop wasting your time on him.
Harsh but truth. No way around it. Either the guy doesn't want to get married or doesn't want to get married to "YOU," so to speak. If a gal can live with either of these scenarios then more power to her. IF not and she continues in that relationship than STFU, very simple. I get tired of it such things coming up. The gal I'm seeing has a best friend in this very situation and she complains about it... It's enough to bicycle kick a woman in her labe' I tell ya.
ReplyDeleteAgree 100%. Only I would even go so far as to suggest removing the "shut up and be happy" option (in most cases). I was recently in a very long term relationship, and I was happy enough with how things were and didn't feel the need for the legal documents. Only to be shocked when, after 6 years together, the Ex finally got the courage to tell me that he had never really been into me, I was just "convenient". Sigh. I've learned my lesson. No more wasting time - guys need to either give up the goods (get married) or get out. Of course, there are always some exceptions to this...
ReplyDeletePersonally, I think a man who is really thinking about it will get it done within 9 months to a year.
ReplyDeletePeople will always defend a man who waits a long time to get married, excuses abound, but most married men became that way within 1 to 2 years of meeting their wife. When they know, they know, and they jump on it.
amen girl....
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