Monday, May 17, 2010

Breach Of Trust

Breach of TrustAfter the debacle on Friday, I strongly considered closing shop.

As it turns out there are 30+ bloggers in category Blogger B vs Blogger A.  Of those 30+ bloggers, I found out two of them were people I considered to be good friends.

So that I'd not received an invite or heads up or even consulted at all.. Hurt a lot. 

Not to mention the numbers of other bloggers in their group.. which I didn't know who was or wasn't in the group.. and found myself wondering.. Who do I trust now?

I received several DM's through Twitter of people showing me their support and agreeing with my post on Friday. I wondered if these people DM'd me out of fear that showing public support would adversely affect them. I know I wasn't the only one hurt, distrustful, and a little scared.

I wondered throughout the weekend about "what if I say something negative about someone? will I be next?"  Because lord knows I cannot keep my mouth shut if I think someone's talking a bunch of BS.

Then I found out that some private information that I'd given to people because I trusted them.. had been told to people I didn't authorize..

The smoke coming out of my ears nearly set off the smoke alarm.

The amount of betrayal and whispering behind closed doors that I felt was going on.. I'd not experienced since High School, and is not something I ever want to experience again.

So I spent most of this weekend out.  If I was home, I'd think about my computer.. and this.. and I'd get upset. Being home was stifling.

I hung out with friends I've not seen in months. I drank vodka. I drank beer, and I even tried to kill myself off by eating fries that I was pretty sure I was allergic to.. They were damn good though.. until I got sick.

It honestly wasn't until Sunday night.. after a very fun afternoon of beer drinking.. that I started to relax and put things into perspective.

As much as I'd love to be able to.. I can not control what other people do or say. I have to accept them for their choices, and move on to what is going to make me happy and what I can live with.

I can only be me.

So I'm back. A little worse for wear.. a little less trusting (I know, who'd have thought that possible?).. and with a little bit bigger middle finger.

I've got some juicy stories that I've yet to write up..  So don't worry.. fun fun will be had here again...

1 comment:

  1. Hi Maruska,

    This is unfortunate. I am also surprised people were not made aware of the impending storm before it hit. I thought more people were in the loop.

    I will say that you've got a solid perspective on the issue, even may be emotionally difficult for you, like many of us, to express. It is difficult to communicate respectfully but still discuss our feelings when something like this hits, and you've done a fair job of it, as have other bloggers I am in contact with.

    I hadn't heard of or read your blog before yesterday, Maruska, but I'm impressed so far with what I read. Good luck to you and to this blog. Whatever you do, don't close shop. :)

    Zoë Blue