Opposite Sex Friendships

Dear R. Don Steele,

You are an ignorant ass. Sure sure, the affection mentioned in the letter between the girlfriend and her guy friend is a big red flag.

But to say point blank that guys and girls cannot be friends... Whoa Dawgies!

Please come out of the dark ages and join the rest of us in civilization.

To say that guys and girls cannot be friends.. is pretty much to also say that a gay guy and a straight man cannot be friends, a lesbian and a straight girl cannot be friends... actually you might as well as say lesbians cannot be friends, nor can homosexuals be friends with each other.

Its possible that you're too locked into your penis that you honestly believe that everyone else has such a huge urge to copulate that they'll jump anyone suitable for the task.

Or maybe its perhaps you find nothing valid in the opposite sex worth being friends with them. Are you secretly a misogynist?

Hope you have a good knuckle-dragging life,

Maruska

******

My response to that lovely letter would be...

Dear Richard,

You need to talk to her. Calmly. She's with you. She's chosen you. So if she's doing something questionable, you need to set the pattern now in your relationship that you two talk. Communication is key to any relationship.

She needs to know that his physical attention to her makes you uncomfortable, and makes you wonder about her fidelity. You want to trust her, but you're not used to this kind of friendship.

If she does not stop allowing this guy to cuddle with her in public, then you have your answer. If she's really with you, she'll work this out with you so you're both happy.

Do not however make her choose between a "long time friend" and you. He could be a FWB or just a good friend.. if you throw this card for jealousy reasons, she'll toss you to the curb no questions asked. As the saying goes, "Bros before Hoes", he's her bro, you're the ho.

If you want to make this relationship last, you are going to have to stick in there. Show her that you trust her and you're there for the long haul, but that she's yours and you want the world to have no questions about that.

Talk to her.

-Maruska

Date or Sex Buddy Audition?

Ok.. I knew there was something I was forgetting yesterday when I was posting updates..

Do you remember Mr One-Arm Hug date that I went on last week? The one I was waiting on an email and was certain it was pretty much a failure?

He emailed me on Friday. He stated that he had a good time and

"Maybe we could get together again sometime."

Which I took as, the equivalent of letting me down easy. And being in a bitchy mood about his two-day wait to email me, I decided to wait to email him back. I finally emailed him last night (nearly a 3-day wait).

He happened to be online when I emailed him, and he emailed me back straight away asking if I had a hot tub at my place, and that he'd really like to get together again, grab a drink and soak with me.

Alarm bells are going off in my head. Am I just a pessimist? Maybe I am, but I'm getting the impression that he just wants sex. Maybe I'm wrong. I suppose I should take it as a good sign that he at least wants to see me in less clothes and a more intimate setting.

I'm heading to California to visit some friends for a week, so I wrote him back saying that no I don't have a hot tub and that I'm going to be out of town for a while and maybe we can get together once I get back.

He switched to IM. He really wants to get together soon, and asked the date of my return. Once I told him, he wanted to get together as soon as I got back. Which I'd take as a very damn good sign, if I could get the thoughts of "all he wants is sex" out of my head.

He was very excited about the possibility of a hot tub, and said, "If I find a hot tub, will you soak with me?"

I thought about it. Thought some more. Then figured.. oh what the hell.. if all he wants is sex its better to find it out now. So I agreed.

He's currently on a mission to find one. (I'm seriously hoping that he fails. Anyone else think that he just wants sex?).

-- On a separate note, my workaholic sex-buddy contacted me and wants to get together. We may or may not get together tonight (depends on his work). Some days I really love being single.