Friday Anxiety

I am really starting to hate Fridays. I know.. TGIF right?

No no.. not anymore.

See.. there's this thing called #FF or #FollowFriday or #SpecialFollowFriday on Twitter. Every Friday. Rain or Shine.

Now this should be a lovely thing. Getting to tell people who is awesome on Twitter and having people tell you who is awesome on Twitter.

Unfortunately, it causes me a lot of anxiety. While I absolutely LOVE it when people list me as someone to follow. (Yes yes I am awesome! I'm so glad you agree.) I am riddled with anxiety every time Friday comes around.

You see.. Follow Friday.. to me is a lot like Valentines Day when you're a kid and you have that box in class where people can put valentines in your box saying how they like you... How can you not give a valentine to everyone?

Or like birthday parties when you're 5. You really only want to invite those few friends you do like, but they want to bring those friends that you don't really care about.. or you invite everyone you think.. but you forget someone... and it all blows up in your face because someone feels slighted?

I suppose this reveals one of my bigger life long flaws in that I always am looking out for the eggshells and trying my best not to walk on them, but inevitably end up there anyway.

I really should not care and this shouldn't be this big of a deal. I've just been there myself. I know how it feels.

And while I do try my best to give heartfelt #FF's... please know that if I left you out.. Its not because I don't like you (unless of course I've told you I don't like you or have otherwise made it clear). I'm just inept and unintentionally insensitive.

Forgive Me, I share by body with a bitch. I do what I can. :)

Shock & Awe

Well.. this has been quite the week for me. First, swooning so hard that I'm nearly bent over backward.. emotionally a hyperactive drive of gooeyness.

Then yesterday morning out of nowhere, The Date Daily features me giving me some huge kudos, which had me shocked and staggering in disbelief.

Had I read my horoscope, I might have been prepared...

"Like it or not, you'll take center stage this day -- even though all you'll really want to do is hibernate. Make a deal with yourself: During daylight hours, you'll give your fans their due, take care of business and carry on business as usual in the real world. Once night falls, however, you can retreat into the safety and privacy of your nest."

Unfortunately, I don't put a whole lot of stock into horror-scopes so I read them at the end of the day (once in a while) just to see how accurate or farfetched it is. Sometimes its good for a laugh. I may have to pay them a little more heed.

I've been getting compliments lately.. several.. by writers that I admire. Which was always followed by a "headspin/whiplash" response on my part.

I've never been good with compliments. I'm getting better at it.

If you tell me you like my dress, my necklace, whatever, I can come back with a good response and take it in stride. See.. Improvement!

You tell me that I'm a remarkable person or that I'm a great writer.. my initial response is a look of shock not unlike watching you grow a second head before my very eyes. Sometimes, I actually am looking to make sure you aren't growing one.

I get the compliment and first assess agenda. What in the world could they possibly get out of buttering me up? Once I assess that they truly believe the compliment they paid me, thats when I look for the second head.

Now I know the experts will say I react this way because I don't believe in myself. They are wrong.

I think I'm fantastic. Truly. I'm awesome and nearly the best thing since sliced bread.

I just also assume that everyone else thinks that very same thing about themselves. We're all unique, you know?

But the experts are also right... I don't believe in myself through the eyes of others. I fully expect to go unheard, unread, and unnoticed.

So it comes as a huge shock (a wondrous one, a happy one) to find that I am being read.. and enjoyed. It warms my heart in ways I rarely feel.

Someday, maybe, I'll learn to believe in myself the way that you all do. Until then, bear with me, and accept my sincerest,

Thank You.