Where Did I Put My Time Machine?

I really don't think I fit in. I must have been born at the wrong time, or have some kind of brain tumor.

All the girls that I meet that are my age. Scare the crap out of me.

If I go about 5 yrs older, I seem to fare better.. but going about 7 yrs younger is about right.. or the closest I've seen.

The girls I meet that are my age are often married and pretty cool. Though their tastes in music, activities, and what they find attractive in men is often completely different from me.

The single gals my age that I'm meeting though.. are complete nightmares. Ok, one or two exceptions, but most of them scare the crap out of me.

I obviously missed the sex-attraction of the Bon Jovi and Guns-n-Roses craze. Tall skinny assed white boys with long scraggly hair is so much the opposite of anything I find attractive, yet most of the girls I'm meeting my age still find this look hot. (To me, Bon Jovi didn't get hot until he cut his hair.. and then I reacted with "OMG he really is a man.")

I suppose I should be happy that their tastes lie outside of my interest range, but it makes it hard to find things in common. As I've mentioned previously, I can't do hair band music on a regular basis, nor can I do long periods of "classic 70's rock"... both after a while (much shorter time span on the 70's rock btw) make me wish I was on something to endure it. And since I don't do drugs.. its not that fun.

But I keep trying. I keep thinking that there has to be at least one other woman my age who likes the stuff I like and isn't way damn crazy.

This really shouldn't be a shock to me. Since I grew up in a small town with anti-social parents, and went to a church regularly which no one in town went to... I was pretty isolated. Other than the close neighbors (one boy my age), every kid I knew or hung out with outside of school was about 4 years older than me or 4 years younger than me (my church had no one within 4 years of my age either direction). I never really did connect much with the kids in my class.

So maybe its just habit of always being thrown in with an older crowd or a much younger crowd? Maybe its just been too many years of being independent and doing my own thing?

I suppose while others were watching men grow their hair out and jamming to their hair band music.. I was watching Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers black and whites on PBS. Or specials with Sammy Davis Jr, Sinatra, and their like.

You put a well groomed, clean shaven, smart short cut haired man into a suit or tux, and you've caught my eye. If he can also dance like Astaire or Gene Kelly, I'm swooning. If he can also croon a good tune, I'm completely smitten and will stalk him for the rest of his life.

Which is probably why I have a pretty good crush on Matthew Morrison (Glee). (He's probably gay though.. if he's not, there's probably a line acround the corner of women trying to catch him and I'm a little too lazy for that. I'll see if I can't find someone like him who is "undiscovered' instead.)

Speaking of "Undiscovered".. one of my favorite albums.. Undiscovered by James Morrison. Luv luv luv. (see... no ADD here at all!)




But back to the point.. Finding women my age who like this kind of music.. is hard. Sadly its just as difficult to find men my age that have similar tastes.. Or maybe its just my luck I'm not finding them?

Or I might just be a transplant from another era... lost in this time..

The Lure Of Good Music

The other night I decided it would be a good night to go out and Getty had a band that she wanted to go see.

She told me the band was a blues band and that they were good. I like the blues. I like jazz. I like some big band, some country, some rock, some hip hop, some of just about everything. I'm kinda picky in what I like, but I'm not a genre-snob per se.. I just like specific things within those genres.

So when she said blues... I scanned my brain of all the varieties of blues it could be. Knowing her, I knew it wouldn't be country blues. She's a rock girl. But I thought it might be some kind of really good blues music. Getty talks often about how she knows music.

So we go. She comes to pick me up so we can carpool. On the drive down there, she's bitching about this that and the other thing. Mentally, I'm hoping like hell the band is worth it.

The band is downtown. It's 9pm. There isn't even a small hope of finding free parking at that time of night.. yet Getty goes on a tirade about what a rip-off these paid parking lot things are. I don't even waste my time trying to explain it to her, as I know her and anything I say will only prolong the tirade.

We drive around for what seems like ages since she wants to find a free parking space. (Financially there's no reason for this btw, and we waste half the price of parking in gas)

I finally start to lose my temper. She's never seen me lose my temper. Most people haven't. So I start raising my voice telling her to just park already.

"Ok fine, where do you want me to park?" She's huffy and frustrated.. still venting about the scam that paid parking is.

"I already told you. The small lot across the street."

My words might have been mild.. but when I get pissed.. I talk slow. I enunciate. I clip my words. That I was at the breaking point.. was made quite clear.

We finally park, and she gives the guy a hard time.. basically telling him that he has an easy job and is robbing people blind... without actually saying that.

I want to crawl into a hole. Then she has no cash to pay the guy. So I pull out some cash and pay the guy.

We get to the bar, and there's a cover. Something she failed to mention.. and I failed to ask her about ahead of time. Its just $5, so not a big loss even if the band sucks. But again, she has no cash, so I give the guy the rest of mine and pay for us both.

She agrees to buy me liquor to pay me back. Which she does.. Thank God.

I would not have made it the rest of the night without some kind of alcohol.

The band gets up to play. Two bald guys and a guy who is making up for them by having hair reminiscent of the Hair Band days. (I really dislike long hair on most men in case anyone wants to know.)

Then they start playing. Its not bad music. I'm not wanting to put in ear plugs or anything, but its not blues.

I tell Getty..

"This is not blues."

"Well thats what the guy brands himself as.. It has its roots in blues."

"It might have roots in blues.. hell everything has roots in blues.. but this is not the blues."

She is unphased and turns back to the band. She believes they are awesome. I am bored out of my mind.

Its this kind of band that I avoid. Their music was.. can you guess?.. a blend of Hair Band sound.. with 70's rock.

Lots of guitar.. lots of guitar solos that lasted way too long unless you were on something.. lots of just boring. While I get that people like to show how talented they are at an instrument, if you're not doing it for a reason other than that.. ie evoke some kind of emotion.. its all just boring show. If you are trying to evoke some emotion.. and fail.. its also equally boring.

The lyrics weren't even blues. The songs were happy happy songs. There was no pining for a lost love or even mourning a dead loved one... it was all just happy songs.. with no Heartbreak Hotel.

I couldn't have been more bored and decieved had she told me we were going to see a great new band.. and taken me to LC Rocks (a cover band for old Hair Band tunes, complete with outfits and the hair).



This is one of the reasons that I avoid any one (potential male dates) who says they are a huge music buff or really love music. The chances of us liking the same music is close to ZERO, and if they're really a music addict.. we're going to fight about them playing their horrid choice in music all the time.

In HS, I liked some of the popular music of the day... I kinda had to in order to be even remotely social with people my age.. But left to my own devices, instead of Hair Bands.. I was swooning over Harry Connick Jr. I studied Bette Midler (I was a singer back then, and worked to mimic her voice).

Even now, I find myself more drawn tword music with great singers, great lyrics, and things that are fun to sing to..

I grew up with music. From the time I could speak, I was singing on stage (in church) with my sisters. When the quartet broke up, I sang solos. We all learned the piano, plus one other instrument of our choice(ish). My father would play the accordion at home sometimes and we'd all sing along. For holidays, or sometimes at my father's request, one of my sisters would play the piano while we sang along. (While I learned instruments, I really can't play any very well.)

So in many ways, music is important to me. But most likely... not the music that others like... Let alone a musician who thinks he's great... only to find out that to my ears its like cats fighting. I'm honest if I think you suck (I do not hide it well), and many "artists" can't deal with that... nor should they really.

It honestly has been rare for me to find a guy who likes the music I do.. let alone plays an instrument in that kind of music. It has happened.. very rare.. and it was very sad to loose that compatibility when we broke up.

I'm sure to some.. my choice in music is horrific as well. I just inevitably keep meeting people who have never managed to get over and move on from the music they heard in HS... once in a while that nostalgia is fun.. but its 2010 now.. surely there is something someone has managed to do better or at the very least just as good.

I like to grow, learn, and widen my horizons... for me that also includes my tastes in music... well to a point anyway. :)



(for more on my tastes in music.. though not all inclusive.. but stuff that gets stuck in my head.. follow me on Blip.fm)

Sail Away With Me... Not

So I went and hung out with some friends last weekend. They were all gathering at a place I think of as my "Cheers", despite that I don't make it down there every day and don't know most of the staff. I just feel homey when I'm there.

The Gingerman

I honestly really needed a "Gingerman" trip anyway. It'd been a while since I'd been there, and the need for beer was strong. If the Gingerman was closer to me, I might actually have a chance of becoming that alcoholic that I keep trying and failing to be. Though I even doubt that one as I've a fridge with cold beer and several bottles of hard liquor that I'm always forgetting to drink. I even have my favorite vodka (Armadale) sitting right beside my computer, and like eating.. I forget to drink it. 

It's actually pretty amazing that I remember to post blog posts or even manage to get through writing a blog post. Yes, my attention span is that f'd up. Ooooo pretty...

Oh yes.. back to the Gingerman..

I arrive. Late. As usual. But not so late to miss the entire party, just enough that I'm a drink or two behind everyone else. A true alcoholic would have arrived early to drink more.. damn it.. 

Anyway, my friends see me and act like I'm some sort of mirage. Have I mentioned that I've not seen most of them in months? It takes them a minute but.. 

I got flack.

"Where have you been? Don't tell me you have friends other than us!" Don lectured me jokingly as he came over to give me a big hug.

He was then followed by a couple girls that I pretend to be friends with, but in reality barely know. They're great girls and a lot of fun .. at least while at the bar.. but I just don't see us clicking without a beer in hand and mutual male friends to distract us. Let alone a girls-night. Call me paranoid, but I honestly think if we went to a bar just us girls to hang out.. I'd have blade marks all over my back.

But I made nice, and acted all happy to see them. It was good to see familiar faces and have people that were interested in me.. so it wasn't an entire act I guess. They wanted to catch up on everything I've been doing lately... which honestly is nothing of any interest anyone. 

Would you like to know about my experiment with maple syrup vs brown sugar syrup on pancakes?  Or maybe all the interesting job offers I'm getting for things that either will put me in jail or make me homicidal so I end up in jail?

So I answered their questions to the best of ability, and they drifted off to other people.  

Don however stuck around. He wanted more details and wasn't going to give up until I told him everything.  So I did. About me being sick and not wanting to socialize, about the job hunt which is going miserably, and about anything else that came to mind.

Then I saw Karl. Karl is an older gentleman. He's normally quiet, polite, somewhat shy, a little aloof but social, and always in the best manners (reserved).  So what happened made my head spin a little.

I see Karl talking to a very hot man whom I've never seen before. I catch Karl out of the corner of my eye pointing in my direction and commenting to the guy next to him.

"I saw that!" I exclaim to Karl pretending to be offended/suspicious, then turn to his friend. "What is he selling you on now? Don't trust a word of it!" I say as I smile widely.

Karl completely denies pointing as a child does who got caught eating chocolate and denies it with chocolate all over his face.

I then start to walk away to say hi to a few other people, when Karl grabs my arm.

"You can't leave."

"Whaa?"

"You can't leave. You have to stay here."

This is unlike Karl. Most times Karl just lets me flitter wherever I want. Never has he ever tried to entangle me in a conversation.

So I figured he had something to say to me. 

Nope. He just wanted me to stand there next to him as he talked with the hot guy.

I of course had other plans. The guy was hot and all, but a little shorter than I like, and I'm not really that into dating right now.  So I wanted to say hi to my friends before they left.

I started to leave again..

And again Karl stopped me. It was then I realized that Karl was drunk. I'd never seen Karl drunk.. but he was.  And it was funny.

He was joking with me.. in annoying ways.. that make me laugh. His antics were also making the hot guy laugh.. though he was in fairness laughing at me and my inability to get away politely.

Finally Karl let me escape, and I went to say Hi to more of my friends.  I also learned that I do not post on Facebook very much, and that people would have been concerned that I'd died had I completely stopped posting on Facebook. Evidently, my weekly posts on Facebook have saved me from being the subject of a 911 call.

Obviously, I need to go out more often.

So I go get more beer and flirt with Mr Hot Bartender (seriously wanna try that on for size).

It was hot outside, cool inside, and everyone was standing in the middle between the outside and inside which was part hot, and part lukewarm. I'd already said my hellos, and tired of being hot, I sat myself and my cold beer down on a couch nearby where there was no one sitting.

Ah.. peace, quiet, cool drink and air conditioning...

Then the hot guy came to sit across from me to talk.

It was idle chitchat to start. How long have I know these friends.. how often do we all hang out.. etc and so on.

Then he started to tell me about himself.  About his condo downtown, and his other house in Boston.

Is it just me, or? ... when a guy says that he has two residences and claims to be single... does anyone else just tune out?

It seems to be a theme with me lately. Meeting men who obviously want me to think or know they have money.  

For me, all I need to know is that you're financially stable. If you're trying to tell me you've make $300k a year, you've obviously misjudged my priorities.  However if you've got big bucks, and I know it without you telling me, you're generous without flaunting it.. I might start stalking you. Its all about the character baby.

He was a nice guy, and despite his double houses .. I might have given him a chance.. but he also really really likes boating and sailing.

Me + Water (with fish in it) is a non-starter. Not going to happen. Unless your boat is the size of a small island, don't be trying to picture us "sailing away" any day soon.

Then people saw us sitting down and talking. Don, in his own flirting enthusiastic way, plopped down next to me in a way that can only be described accurately as an ex-boyfriend move.. and the hot guy's eyes reacted as if "Oh you have a boyfriend"... which made me laugh. Had I not already ruled Hot guy out as a potential date, I might have been a little upset with Don.  As it was I joked around with Don, and introduced him to the hot guy.  Then one by one everyone joined the couches and conversations.

Hot guy stayed and talked with everyone for awhile. Don then ran off to another side of the bar.  Then Hot guy saw Don flirting outrageously with one of our mutual friends, and he commented.  I replied thats just Don he's kinda the group flirt or party person.  His eyes then changed in understanding again, realizing that Don and I weren't dating. (Silly men)

Hot guy shortly after got up for another beer. Never to be seen again.

Oh well.

Breach Of Trust

After the debacle on Friday, I strongly considered closing shop.

As it turns out there are 30+ bloggers in category Blogger B vs Blogger A.  Of those 30+ bloggers, I found out two of them were people I considered to be good friends.

So that I'd not received an invite or heads up or even consulted at all.. Hurt a lot. 

Not to mention the numbers of other bloggers in their group.. which I didn't know who was or wasn't in the group.. and found myself wondering.. Who do I trust now?

I received several DM's through Twitter of people showing me their support and agreeing with my post on Friday. I wondered if these people DM'd me out of fear that showing public support would adversely affect them. I know I wasn't the only one hurt, distrustful, and a little scared.

I wondered throughout the weekend about "what if I say something negative about someone? will I be next?"  Because lord knows I cannot keep my mouth shut if I think someone's talking a bunch of BS.

Then I found out that some private information that I'd given to people because I trusted them.. had been told to people I didn't authorize..

The smoke coming out of my ears nearly set off the smoke alarm.

The amount of betrayal and whispering behind closed doors that I felt was going on.. I'd not experienced since High School, and is not something I ever want to experience again.

So I spent most of this weekend out.  If I was home, I'd think about my computer.. and this.. and I'd get upset. Being home was stifling.

I hung out with friends I've not seen in months. I drank vodka. I drank beer, and I even tried to kill myself off by eating fries that I was pretty sure I was allergic to.. They were damn good though.. until I got sick.

It honestly wasn't until Sunday night.. after a very fun afternoon of beer drinking.. that I started to relax and put things into perspective.

As much as I'd love to be able to.. I can not control what other people do or say. I have to accept them for their choices, and move on to what is going to make me happy and what I can live with.

I can only be me.

So I'm back. A little worse for wear.. a little less trusting (I know, who'd have thought that possible?).. and with a little bit bigger middle finger.

I've got some juicy stories that I've yet to write up..  So don't worry.. fun fun will be had here again...

Better Off In Bed

I am.. Right Now.. on my way to eating an entire Amy's Organic Vegan Chocolate Cake.

I totally deserve it.

You can argue that with me all you want.. But first, let me tell you about my day.

A week ago, I decided to plan a happy hour event for tonight. I figured it'd be a good time to do something outgoing and fun.

I called around and set up the best deal at a great place with great food at great prices.  I was excited. There wasn't a whole lot of people RSVP'd to come but enough of the people I cared about that the low numbers didn't bother me in the least.

I had a laundry list of things that needed done today. Bills paid, checks cashed, groceries, errands to run.  Plus shower and look hot for tonight.

I woke up today at 1pm (3 hours later than I'd planned). Dead tired. Feeling like I was ran over by a truck. 

I check the RSVP's for the happy hour and check my email .. from bed. Then I head to the bathroom to shower and get ready and sure enough I get my period.

The first days of my period are cramps, cramps and OMG kill me now cramps.

Unfortunately it was way too late to cancel.  If I took pain meds, then I couldn't drink. A non-drinking host at a happy hour.. yeah thats a good one!  (fortunately for me my cramps weren't too bad today.. thank God)

So I'm feeling bloated like cow, and putting on my sexiest comfy dress, and head out the door just in time to make the happy hour.  I have to leave for it extra early because its raining in Austin which makes everyone drive like a grandma. (Aka I get nothing done all day) I get drenched on my way to my car.

I get to the establishment and they don't have the tables reserved like they said they would, so I make them quickly throw a few empty tables together. 

Happy Hour goes well. I'm hanging with friends, chatting, and having fun.  The only spoiler there... I'd talked to Theo (see Women Who Hate Women post) earlier that day and asked him to come so we could catch up.  Unfortunately when he came, there wasn't a seat near me but shortly the girl next to me left allowing him to scoot one chair over and sit next to me. However, his gf (same girl as in the earlier post) insisted that she take the seat next to me. Theo and I never got to say more than Hi. Bitch.

Other than that everything went splendid. I really had a great time.

Then I come home. I walk in the door and smell something foul.  Really foul. Like rotten food or rancid cabbage.

I go to let the dog out of her kennel to find that she's had a major accident in it.  Luckily she's not covered in it, but she stinks. The kennel stinks. The bed she had in it stinks (the cover of it is now in the wash on sanitize cycle). She tried to get out and wore off the fur on the top of her nose, a nice baby pink spot of hairless on her nose.

So I had to clean that up, and the poor poop-stank dog wants hugs and snuggles and forgiven.. but she stinks, and I'm not entirely sure I've got the energy to bathe her.

This is not my day. I'm eating cake and going to bed.

Shock & Awe

Well.. this has been quite the week for me. First, swooning so hard that I'm nearly bent over backward.. emotionally a hyperactive drive of gooeyness.

Then yesterday morning out of nowhere, The Date Daily features me giving me some huge kudos, which had me shocked and staggering in disbelief.

Had I read my horoscope, I might have been prepared...

"Like it or not, you'll take center stage this day -- even though all you'll really want to do is hibernate. Make a deal with yourself: During daylight hours, you'll give your fans their due, take care of business and carry on business as usual in the real world. Once night falls, however, you can retreat into the safety and privacy of your nest."

Unfortunately, I don't put a whole lot of stock into horror-scopes so I read them at the end of the day (once in a while) just to see how accurate or farfetched it is. Sometimes its good for a laugh. I may have to pay them a little more heed.

I've been getting compliments lately.. several.. by writers that I admire. Which was always followed by a "headspin/whiplash" response on my part.

I've never been good with compliments. I'm getting better at it.

If you tell me you like my dress, my necklace, whatever, I can come back with a good response and take it in stride. See.. Improvement!

You tell me that I'm a remarkable person or that I'm a great writer.. my initial response is a look of shock not unlike watching you grow a second head before my very eyes. Sometimes, I actually am looking to make sure you aren't growing one.

I get the compliment and first assess agenda. What in the world could they possibly get out of buttering me up? Once I assess that they truly believe the compliment they paid me, thats when I look for the second head.

Now I know the experts will say I react this way because I don't believe in myself. They are wrong.

I think I'm fantastic. Truly. I'm awesome and nearly the best thing since sliced bread.

I just also assume that everyone else thinks that very same thing about themselves. We're all unique, you know?

But the experts are also right... I don't believe in myself through the eyes of others. I fully expect to go unheard, unread, and unnoticed.

So it comes as a huge shock (a wondrous one, a happy one) to find that I am being read.. and enjoyed. It warms my heart in ways I rarely feel.

Someday, maybe, I'll learn to believe in myself the way that you all do. Until then, bear with me, and accept my sincerest,

Thank You.

New Years Eve 2009

I'm a little late with posting. I know you all were sitting on pins and needles waiting to hear about my Fabulous New Years Eve!

I put on my sexy purple dress and black strappy heel/sandals. The Swarovski crystal necklace I made for my wedding but never wore, and sterling & crystal chandelier earrings. (see pics)

If I do say so myself, I looked fabulous!

My first party to go to, I ended up getting there late (if you're noticing a trend, don't worry I'll add it to my new years resolutions) and wouldn't be able to spend much time. But I brought them a bottle of champagne, and said hi. They were having a lazy but really cool NYE party, mostly just girls, watching old cheesy girly movies (Josie & the Pussycats), eating some good food and drinking. Later they were going to break out some board games and cards. They were all comfy in pj's and snuggies. This is what I'll be doing next year I think.


My second party was swanky in a condo downtown which is why I dressed as I did. While he adheres to Austin's dress code (anything goes) for his parties, everyone is usually dressed up. Dressy suits are not uncommon and cocktail dresses are the generally accepted norm.

My nemesis was there btw. I've decided to just start calling her that. I honestly couldn't care less about Meg anymore, it just irks me that she doesn't even acknowledge me in public. She won't even say "excuse me" to me if she bumps into me or ask to pass by. If I'm talking to someone she wants to talk to, she will wait until I leave or come up and talk to them as if I'm not even there. Its hilarious. (She's mentioned a couple times in my blog - OMG Like Seriously? HS Still Happens, Women Who Hate Women )

The catty girl in me took great pride in the fact that she showed up in a worn out cardigan over some boring shirt with worn jeans. I didn't even bother looking at her shoes.

While I finally spotted a mutual friend of ours not being monopolized by her (a guy she considers hers, and probably the reason she no longer speaks to me, I'm just guessing here) I went over to say Hi. Sadly I found out that he is also among the fold of the unemployed. We had a great chat. I was surprised that Meg let us chat until I saw that Meg took that opportunity to mingle with my friends at the party.

I thought it hilarious. My friends only knew her by "That ex-friend-bitch" and not her name. So as soon as I'd finished talking to our friend, I went over to socialize with my friends despite her being there. She saw me arrive at the group and left without a word. My friends looked a little taken aback by her sudden leaving, but shrugged it off.

It was then that I mentioned, "Just so you know, since you probably won't ever see her again, remember that girl I told you about who was a close friend then suddenly put the hate-on for me and I don't know why? yeah thats her."

Cassie said, "Really? Wow."

We then discussed why Meg may have a hate-on for me. I mentioned that I thought it was because of the guy, that she'd misconstrued me talking to him or something. Cassie saw the guy which I'd pointed out.

"Him? Really? I didn't know she had crush on him. Wonder if that's why she dislikes me too."

I didn't want to tell Cassie this, but Meg would dislike Cassie for several reasons. Cassie is thin and hot and single (she used to be a pageant queen). Cassie dated J (the host, a guy Meg also seems to have "dibs" on but will never get). Cassie is nice to everyone. And lastly Meg would not like her, because Cassie is friends with me.

While this was the smallest snippet of the night, it was the most entertaining. J had set up a music video montage that gave me a whole new perspective of him. J is usually very reserved unless drunk then he gets annoying, but never is crass or even remotely ungentlemanly. So the video montage was quite the conversation. While we all know J has a sexual side, most of us have never ever seen it or even hints at it. The entire montage was video of semi-naked to naked women. Some were music videos, some was video of some 1960's experiment or some revealing sexual education video. All the shots were tasteful like soft porn or classier versions of soft porn, but still rather pornographic. It was no wonder people warned me on my arrival that something was wrong with J.

J himself seemed fine just a little down. Its not an easy time to be single, so hopefully its just that.

The rest of the evening was flattering with various compliments from various people. An old "friend" who has always wanted to be more, but leans a little too much to the kooky-crasy side for my comfort, spent most of the evening complimenting me and telling me how much I'm missed. He's sweet. I so wish I could like him back like that. It's still flattering though.

And while, I had to keep hands off, when I first arrived to the party I met Cassie and her friends. Cassie, Mel and Mel's date. Mel's date was obviously a boob man, and when I arrived and actually most of the rest of the night, made priority to talk to me whenever I was near him and Mel. Unfortunately for Mel, she's flat chested so I don't see them lasting very long. It's usually a very bad sign for a flat chested girl if their man's eyes light up like a Christmas tree when someone with boobs enters.

Most of the evening though, I spent talking to this girl I used to dislike. She's gorgeous, sweet, nice, and exotic. She's Indian and like a size 2 naturally. She comes off as very aloof and prissy if you don't know her and a bit of a bitch. She's not. She's just shy and only feel comfortable talking to people she knows. So it just appears that she doesn't like you because she's not talking to you, but she's all sorts of friendly and social with everyone else.

A few months ago, on some kind of star-crossed fluke, she became comfortable with me. I have no idea what happened or when, but suddenly she started talking to me and being friendly. She's not the ulterior motives kind of girl, so I was a little taken back until I realized she's just really shy.

We had a great time talking and laughing. We might become good girlfriends yet.

When the clock struck midnight, I was sitting next to her and her boyfriend and watched them kiss. For once, I wasn't looking around "OMG someone kiss me". I was happy and content to just enjoy being there with friends. Had someone kissed me, it probably would have ruined the purity of moment.

It was a new year. This one of freedom, love of myself, confidence, and self-security. While tomorrow I'll post a whole list of improvements, for now though I'm ok with just being me.

Holiday Parties

Friday night, Ms Hottottie had invited me over to her place for a Christmas party. Since I'd just met her the day before, and I spent most of Friday holding my head thinking "OMG make the pain stop".. I didn't have much time to prepare any real Christmas goodies.

So I loaded up a couple bottles of wine, a bag of chips, and went.

It was a small party of mostly couples, but they were fun and interesting people so I didn't mind. Plus it was kind of nice to just chill.

I met the absolute coolest couple EVER!

They've been married for 5 yrs, no kids, and act like they're newlyweds. Ok well adjusted newlyweds, not the PDA newlyweds.

She's a housewife like I used to be, and we bonded over that. Its not an easy thing to do, especially in today's society. And while you may take pride in it, and love it, and you and your spouse may exstatic about it.. Other people aren't (reactions range from envious "oh so you eat bonbons all day" to judging "But you should still work."), and its an extremely lonely job. Especially if you don't know any other housewives.

She's at least fortunate that her husband is a social guy (my ex was not) so they go out relatively often for her to meet other people. He's in computer something, and very much a geek. He and I spent a good portion of the evening talking. I have food allergies and he has diabetes. We both have restricted diets which were handed to us by doctors with little to no instruction. Sink or swim. So we spent a good portion commiserating about learning to swim and the pitfalls of it.

It was easy conversation. We all laughed and joked around and had fun.

So much fun, that after two bottles of wine (I drank at least one entirely by myself) and much good conversation.. it was suddenly 4am.

Btw I really want to find a boyfriend, just to double date with these two. Yeah they're that awesome.

The Surprise Outing

Last week, I was supposed to go out wednesday, but when a friend begged me to go to Speeddating on Thursday, I decided to just go out on Thursday instead. Then Thursday fell through, so when Friday came around I was looking for something to do.

Evie called and wanted a ride to a birthday party. This girl's birthday party was a "surprise" affair as she'd just posted its occurrence that day on FB on her status. Didn't email anyone, didn't actually send out invites, but just posted it on her FB (this evidently is how social things are "done" among this particular section of my circle). Most people missed the status invite, and instead found out about it because one of their mutual friends called them to see if they were going. This is how I learned about it.

I wasn't even actually a FB friend of this girl. I've mentioned her before as someone I wasn't sure I even liked. I'm still not sure I do. Sure sure she's nice enough and friendly enough, but she gives me this sense that she's not so easy to get along with once you know her. Actually, mega-bitch is how I see her under her mask of uber-friendly party girl. She's friends with most everyone I know, so I went to her birthday party. I also added her on FB later. Superficially she's great company, but I have absolutely no real desire to get any closer to her.

Anyway, so Evie and I go. We see all our friends. Say Hi.

Don was there. He's got a new girlfriend. They're all happy and chummy. She seemed nice enough and she's pretty. I did my best impression of "I'm just a friend, I totally never had any kind of crush on your boyfriend." I either performed my part really well, or I can be insulted. She reacted to me like I wasn't even any kind of competition.

After dinner, the party moved next door to a bar where most of us girl's got our flirt on with Hottie McSteamy (not my invention) the bartender whose real name is Steve. We instead would yell "Hottie" when we needed him and if another bartender came over to serve us, we'd insist on them going to get "Hottie". Because yes, the we girls were in an obnoxious mood. Someone had to be the laughing stock of the bar, it might as well be us. :)

The girls I was with (I barely know) Melanie and Jasmine? were totally feeding off each other. Next thing I knew they'd dragged some Irish bloke over and made him talk to them. He then dragged his friend, Mr. Perv-Irish-Douchebag over to us. EWW.

There really weren't many good looking guys in our section of the bar, but we made do with those around us. I kept connecting eyes with this really hot guy who kept walking by. (we were stationed by the bathroom, so maybe he had reason) But nothing ever became of it.

Then Mr. Sexy-Geek walked in with a bunch of friends. I have this thing for a certain kind of look. I never ever manage to date anyone with this look, but I find it really hot. Let me post some celebrity's with this type of look.

David Krumholtz
Nicolas Wright (his pics from Accidentally on Purpose)
Zachary Levi (actually if you look at Levi's main photo.. omg melt)
Joshua Gomez

Ok.. so I was from afar drooling over this guy who looked like a combo between Zachary Levi and David Krumholtz. I didn't approach the guy because he was with a mixed group of girls and guys, and I'm not really an approacher anyway. I can be, but I usually just don't.

Then this other girl from our group came up and started complaining that there weren't any good looking men around. I told her there were a few, and pointed out that I thought this guy was hot. Of course with the caveat that I happen to like geeky looking guys. She sees him and her eyes pop. She agrees that he's hot, and then drags me over there by my arm and whispers something in his ear. I have NO idea what she said.

She then hands his hand to me, and I shake his hand yelling my name into his year as he yells his into mine. We chit chat for a little bit. Basically he's works in computer software (duh) and is from Brazil. He does not look latino, but hey sure ok. He has a very heavy accent which was hard to understand.

After my ex, I am no longer interested in dating anyone from a foreign country. If all their family is here, maybe, but there's going to be some major cultural differences which I am not ready to sign up for again.. any day soon.

So other than taking him home that night and banging him silly, I wasn't interested and I could see he wasn't either. But the girl that dragged me over there, insisted I stay despite that she was hitting on a married man. Yes he even said he was married and his wife was somewhere in the bar. This girl was never going to be high on my list of people to hang out with again.

So I went over to Evie and talked to her and her boyfriend. Jasmine mentioned that they were sickeningly cute, and they were. I told them they were making me sick (in a joking manner mind you), and her boyfriend said he had a friend to fix me up with, and promised to fix Jasmine up with someone as well. Ok, you couples.. Thats exactly how you treat your single friends when they're ready to puke from your cuteness. You appease them with possible sex with someone potentially fantastic, even if it never comes to pass.

Anyway, he left for a few minutes and Evie started talking to Jasmine about how she had this ex that Jasmine just had to meet. He was into (list of kinks here) and would be....

I interrupted her right there. "Oh my god, Evie you've been holding out on me?"

Evie turned completely white. She didn't realize I was overhearing it all for one, and secondly by her reaction she obviously did not think I was into anything like that at all. She even flat out said to my face that I wasn't into it.

I laughed my ass off. Evidently I've perfected the prudish look to the general public. Yeah baby.

She went on to defend herself by saying that this guy was way into it, and liked to do all this, and that, and whatnot. I of course am asking detailed questions that only those into those things know the answers to. Evie is back-peddling so hard that I'm surprised she didn't have a panic attack. I honestly don't know if she was panicked that her boyfriend would find out about this ex (we were sworn to never tell him about that conversation), or if she was shocked that I was kinky at all, or if I'd called her bluff and there really was no ex into that stuff.

Jasmine of course was all about being my best friend after that. Dirty minds think alike of course. (I of course had to tell this story to my friends who know that side of me, and they laughed heartily. They all know full well how dirty my mind works.)

All in all it was a good night. No new guys, but I got several girls numbers which is extremely odd to me.

Freedom Party 2009

Last night started out depressing. Sure sure I set it up last minute because I'd just remembered the day before what day yesterday was. Next year, I'll plan better.

The whole "party" idea started the day before last as I admitted to Evie on the phone that December 1st was the one year anniversary of my "singleness". She said that we needed to celebrate. Needed... HAD to celebrate. She insisted. I was perfectly fine just being happy I was single, but she insisted that we mark the occasion.

So all monday night I thought about what I wanted to do, asked around about who had the best happy hours, and planned on calling places yesterday morning to find out the exact happy hour things and reserve tables etc.

I woke up yesterday morning, freezing. I was cold and did not.. NOT want to get out of bed. I did get out of bed only to find that it was 45 degrees and raining. I did not feel like going anywhere, or drinking, or barhopping. But I'd promised Evie I would do something.

So I instead planned a calm evening. 6:30pm Dinner at Panera (where they have hot tea, and hot soups) and maybe a few card games or board games. Something chilling with friends. Easy. Warm. No Stress.

I post it for everyone to see, especially for my friends. I invite a group I organize, as well as anywhere else that comes to mind where Austinites might find it. I have no problems meeting strangers. I give out my phone# and email, so people can contact me to let me know to expect them or not.

Evie says she's coming, because she promised. So when I didn't hear from anyone all day except a few "I already have plans" or "I can't make it", I figured we'd just have a calm girl's night.

About 5:30pm I get a text from a girl that I wasn't sure I liked. We'd met before but she always seemed a little "too nice" to me which makes me uncomfortable. She was coming. Well at least there'd be Evie to buffer, so ok we might still have fun.

At 5:45pm, Gety calls. She goes through this entire monologue about getting off at 5pm and not wanting to go home because if she goes home she'll just stay there, so she got groceries. She picks up refrigerated stuff, so she has to go home anyway. (Even though I tell her its cold enough to just let it sit in her car) She probably won't make it because once she's home she probably won't go back out. Uh huh, ok. I'm still a little skittish on her anyway from our last outing so I'm not that upset.

While I'm talking to Gety, Evie txts me to ask if I'd forgive her if she bailed. She got her period and has cramps.. blah blah blah. I told her I of course would forgive her... in a way that also said "I'm pissed at you".

"Well you all can come over here."

Honey if you're well enough to host, you're well enough to come to f'n Panera. I told her I'd pick her up, trying to be nice and not wanting to spend the night alone with Overly-friendly girl. She asked how long I'd stay, and whatnot. She then said she just couldn't make it. She was already in her PJ's, but again pleaded that we all "just come over to her place." It was all I could do not to say "F U" and so I just didn't respond. My mother's "say something nice or say nothing at all" kicked in.

So I headed to Panera with a deck of cards, and a growing sense of defeat. I was still pumped that it was "Freedom Day", don't get me wrong, but I was less than impressed with my friends.

I get there, order, and pick out a good spot and wait for Overly-Friendly Girl. Shortly she arrives. Breezes in actually, and she smiles an infectiously happy smile. She doesn't even seem disappointed that its just the two of us, and I realize that I'm the one with the problem.

I realize that I should be happy that I'm not alone. I've got Freedom to celebrate, and someone came who actually was happy to see me. That rocks! Her happy spirit picked up mine, and we had a great chat.

We'd just finished eating and a gentleman came over.

"Are you Maruska?"

I looked at him stunned. I'd checked my phone just before Overly-Friendly Girl arrived. No emails or txts that anyone else was coming. I didn't recognize this guy from anywhere, so I was pretty sure it wasn't some kind of "fan" who just happened to run into me.

"yes...umm?" I replied hesitantly.

He quickly said he'd come to join us, and apologized for being late. Though OFG and I were having a great conversation, I thought it was great someone else had come. I just wished he'd have given me a little heads up.

He turned out to be a great addition. We talked about lots of things, even African politics. OFG is an import from South Africa. I actually learned more about African politics and economics than I've ever known. It was a good time.

After he finished eating, I broke out the cards. Funny enough neither of them had ever heard of or played "Go Fish", so we played a game of that. Then we moved on to Rummy. We were having a blast when I got a text message from Chrissy.

"I just got off work. Are you still at Panera?"

Chrissy had to work late and so had previously cancelled, but had really wanted to come. I told her we were there playing some cards. She said she'd be right there.

She arrives and hands me a coupon. Funny enough she just took a job working at my favorite clothing store for some extra cash, and as a benefit of her job got coupons to hand out to her friends for a 40% discount (her employee discount) on anything in the store. Totally loving her! Happy Freedom Day to me!

The four of us spent the remainder of the night talking about dating. Do's, Don'ts, and Run like the Wind. I felt a little sorry for Al (the one guy), but I think he came away with a much better understanding of women, and we got him to voice his male opinion on a couple topics as well.

OFG (she's actually really cool, so I should give her a real name someday like Lynette), Chrissy, and I are all single and all relatively newly single. We'll probably be spending a whole lot more time together.

So maybe I should be glad everyone else bailed. :)


PS.. Chrissy and I talked a bit after everyone left. I was asking her to go to the art museum with me on Friday and asked her to not invite Jessie. She said that wouldn't be a problem. Evidently on Saturday night (Suburban Clubbing), Jessie had flirted with, hotmama-danced with, and in all other ways attempted to steal Chrissy's new boyfriend. Both the boyfriend and Jessie are knee-deep in hot water. Go Chrissy Go!

My Night of Speed Dating

I was pulling into the parking lot and I got a text from my friend (the one who invited me - aka dragged me into this) who was already at the place. She said that 20 women and 25 men had RSVP'd for the event. She was freaking out.

She has no reason to be freaking out. None. The girl is smart, fun, and gorgeous. No no.. I'm not just saying that. She actually had pageant awards that say that too. Her one big flaw, maybe more than one, is that she looks her age (my age) and is eating-disorder skinny (no boobs). But so far in my time of knowing her, none of the guys have cared.

So that she was freaking out at all, I found hilarious. I talked her down and arrived at the place shortly. Got myself all signed up, and went to find her.

There wasn't many people there yet, and the organizer said while it "started at 8" they wouldn't really start the speeddating until 9 or so. Maybe 10 people in the entire bar, and only 3 of those were there for the Speeddating. Candra, myself, and some guy named Ted. So we talked to Ted, and joked that by the time we actually started that we'd already have had all the dating done.

Ted is totally my type physically. So when Candra introduced me, and I said "Hi" to him.. I really wanted to say "Hi! My name's Maruska. Wanna get out of here?"

Ted was 6' or maybe 6'1 or 6'2. Tall Texan, broad shouldered, dark hair, and had hands that ... well.. lets just say I couldn't stop wondering what they'd feel like all over me. He was also a bit on the older side for me, but handsome enough for me to overlook it. He was fun and chatty, and I decided right then that I wanted to see more of him.

Then another guy came in and joined our group. Funny enough his name was also Ted. He was also older, but damn hot. Red head, but hot despite that. His english accent did not hurt things either. He seemed into Candra, but was nice enough to me that its hard to be sure.

We all chatted for a while and had drink while we waited for it to start. We waited. Talked. Waited some more. Our backs were to the rest of the bar so we didn't get to see other people filing in. If I do this again, I will be watching the doors next time.

Finally we started.

The Teds were our first dates. My first date was with Texan Ted. He claimed to be an import from somewhere else (PA?) but after talking to him he was full Texan. While he was still hot do-able, he was no longer a viable long term interest. We scrounged for anything of a common interest other than beer. Since he might be good for sex, I marked him a yes.

Second date was with British Ted. While he wasn't exactly what I am looking for, he is hot enough, smart enough, and fun enough to give him a try. He owns a bar, and travels. I've completely forgotten what it is that he does on his business travels or even why he's in Austin. But we laughed and had a good time. So I marked him a yes.

Third date was with Frank. Frank was fun, and a computer geek. So we chatted easily and had fun. But he's also about 4 inches shorter than me (maybe more), and looked about 16 yrs old. I initially marked him a maybe thinking that maybe if I thought on it.. that he'd grow on me. I had to decide by the end of the night if he was a yes or no.

Fourth date was with Blane. I know.. gay sounding name, but he's not. He works doing creative drawings for games, sooo cool of a job. He's freakishly hot. Not in that typical model kind of way but in that slightly geeky well-kept metrosexual but manly kind of way. We had a great conversation, and I was swooning or was that drooling? Totally marked him as a YES.

Fifth date things started to go downhill... FAST.

Fifth date was with Ray. Ray is a doctor. Yes a physician! (I know sounds great, but seriously there's a reason he's single) Who practices outside of Austin in some podunk town I've never heard of and will probably never go to. If living in podunkville wasn't enough, his tech-education included turning a computer on and vaguely knowing how to email (He just learned this year! Yay Ray!). His social skills are relatively non-existant, and then there's his looks. He was bug-eyed, like he had hyperthyroidism, bug-eyed, and a very dorky face, dorky coordination, and really looked like a "special" kid all grown up. I felt bad for him, but not enough to mark him as a yes.. I marked him "NO" as there wasn't a "Hell No" slot.

Sixth date was with Saruanatan or something. He was Indian. Real India Indian. Nice guy. But Indian and way too short. He seriously could have said anything to me, but since my experiences earlier this year with India Indians.. I'm not dating any of them for a long time. I marked him "no".

Seventh date... OMG stop the dates.. I've had enough. I'm full up on social.. really stop the dates!

Seventh date was with ... another Indian. This one wouldn't have mattered what cultural background he was. He looked like he was strung out on something or had Parkinson's or something. I marked him "no"

Eight date was with Topher. He seemed nice enough. Decent looking and we had a relatively painless conversation. I got the impression though that he was only looking for sex. Not that he'd ever mentioned it, but just got that impression. I figured I'd give him a chance to prove me wrong. I marked him "yes"

Nineth date was with Rick. Nice guy. Works for the government doing something with jails. I could see him possibly fitting with my personality long term, but I didn't really feel much chemistry. So we'd either hit it off on the next "date" or we'd be best buds. I marked him "yes".

I looked over my list, and agreed with all my votes and then looked at Frank again. I marked him "no" and felt a little guilty about it at first.

Then out of nowhere this guy plops down in the seat across from me. I was out of patience. 9 dates and I was done. No more new people.

The guy thought he'd be funny.

"Hi, My name is Tristan. Wow me!"

As if I even had the patience to deal with some drunk bloke from England, let alone any WOW left in me.

I glared at him. He was damn cute, tipsy, and having fun. At any other time, you'd have had to peel me off him, but this night I was ready to string him up by his balls just for fun.

"Isn't that how this works? You sell me on you? Pitch yourself to me"

"I don't sell myself, asshole."

"Well I just wanted to know more about this speed dating thing, and now I'm an asshole?"

He stopped trying to be the cocky ass that he approached me with, and turned on his real personality. The real him is fucking hot.

"Well, what we do is just have a simple conversation. CONVERSATION."

"Ok, then lets talk. start over. Hi, I'm Tristan from London."

"Hi, I'm Maruska. So what are you doing in Austin? What brought you here?"

I could see in his eyes that he really wanted to reply "a plane" but refrained. He really is that kind of smartass.

He instead talked about visiting some friends. We talked a good while about his travels and my travels (or my lack of travels in comparison to his travel-junkie ways). We actually had a really nice chat, but he kept telling me he was breaking the rules. He was out on a boys night and no girls allowed. He did introduce me to all his buddies though, and I have a little crush on him. Guys with charm and balls.. what girl doesn't swoon?

He and his friends soon left the bar in search of another, and I waited for my friend to finish her scoring. We're supposed to get the results sometime this weekend.

After the dating was over, a bunch of us minus a few (Topher and the girl next to me ran out together. From the little I talked to her, they were going for sex) went to the bar next door for a drink.

Candra had to go to the bathroom so I waited for her. While waiting, I ran into Gail and some guy I'd never met. Initially I assumed she was on a date, but after saying our hello's they both asked me about the speed dating. Turns out they both came to see what it was like before trying it themselves. So he's single?

I initially wasn't sure what to make of him. He seemed nice and polite, but he was a red head. Not really my thing, but he was also quite handsome. I'm not sure on his age, but I do know he's older than me. I know little to nothing about him other than that, despite our talking. How we managed to talk about nothing for hours, I have no idea but we did.

Candra came out and we all went to the bar next door. On our way there we found stragglers from the group looking lost, so we invited them too. By the time we actually made it next door, our little group was 8 people. In order to join the other group, we all had to move to a bigger area. Yeah baby, I bring the crowds! (actually I'm pretty sure the last 4 guys in our group were following Candra).

Blane and Candra sat alone and talked most of the night. Blane was too far away from me when we'd all sat down that I did not even get to interrupt. :( But it was good for Candra to meet someone, unfortunately I found out later that she won't give him the time of day because he's 25. He's a sweet, wonderful, educated guy with talent and a good job... hell he'd be really good for a short term thing for her. She has a habit of only dating the biggest assholes alive.

I spent the night talking to Gail's friend Boggs, Gail, British Ted, and Frank. Initially on sitting down next to Frank, we talked for a bit and I started to wonder if I should have picked "yes" on him. Then about 30 minutes later he began talking ignorant like only the really young and stupid can do.. arguing the English language history with British Ted.. that I was extremely thankful for clicking "no" on him. I have a very low low tolerance for stupid.

Since I had to get up early the next day to prep for Thanksgiving dinner. I was preparing pie and potatoes for the potluck at Gail's house. (It was funny running into her the night before.) So I ran out early around midnight.

British Ted gave me a hug goodnight, and I waved bye to Gail and Boggs as I'd see them the next day.

I'm not sure if I'll do speed dating again, but I might. In a way it fed my Diva-ness. "Oh times up, nice to meet you.... NEXT!" But answering the same questions over and over soon becomes a torture. Hard decision. We'll see what the results bring.

Going Out With Friends

Friday night, I really didn't want to go anywhere. This has been quite a recurring theme lately, which sometimes I endulge and sometimes I force myself to go out. So when Evie called and asked if I was going to Partyman's Happy Hour, I was less than movitated.

However this was Partyman's happy hour. I've mentioned Partyman in the past about how he always has the best looking men there and throws the best parties. This is a dating connection I don't want to lose, not to mention that Partyman is one of Don's friends and Don would probably be attending.

So I raised myself from my dead apathetic woe-is-me stay-at-home dulldrum and got myself pretty. This was also the day before Halloween so many places in town were having Pre-Halloween parties, so Evie and I decided to dress up. We weren't sure that the protocol was on the Partyman's happy hour but we decided to err on the side of festive.

My costume was a last minute creation and very basic. I dressed in all black, and had a red cape. I put on extra makeup with lots of black eyeliner, and extra pale foundation. I could have been a lot of different things.

Evie said we needed to stop by Goodwill to get some finishing touches. I wanted to get some vampire teeth (come on, talking all vampy and biting peoples necks? Yeah baby!) but they didn't have any. They did however have a very evil trident/devil's pitchfork. So I went as a she-devil, in a costume that was extremely easy to "ditch" should I want to look normal, or as normal as all black can be.

I really wanted to pull of "sexy", but I just wasn't feeling it and everything sexy I had seemed to make me look 600 lbs. So I went with semi-sexy but comfortable. I figure if you're going to look like crap, at least you should be comfy, right? Evie however had on a modern version of a 1950's dress with some awesome looking 5-inch heels. She looked hot in what she called her 1950's corporate wife outfit. She could have called it whatever, most men would not have cared.

I won't go into all the crap that went down in actually getting to the happy hour. But it ends with Evie talking me into waiting around for her boyfriend and taking the bus downtown. I'd not taken public transportation in Austin, so it was really outside my comfort zone, but she assured me it would be ok and that her boyfriend would be able to give me directions to get back to my car (parked at his place).

So finally we get to the happy hour. We are the only people dressed up for Halloween. Evie's outfit can pass for just being dressed up for going out. Mine however was obvious "Halloween". So being that I was already stressed out from pushing myself to go out, the crap that kept me from getting to the happy hour earlier than this, and the bus ride... I removed my cape and sat down my trident the minute we got to the bar. I did not have the energy to "sell" the costume but just wanted a drink.

There were quite the mix of Partyman's regulars, and of course Don. Don said hi to me and asked how I was. I of course lied and said I was good in the happiest tone which wasn't too hard to pull off since I was happy to see him.

I mingled and drank, and had fun. The more I drink the more friendly and daring I get. I tend to forget some of my social anxiety and relax. So I chilled with some friends.

At my table there was Evie and her man, a woman that I want to hate but can't, a woman that I'd met once and while I like her she's a little too energetic for me, and Don. Don spent most of evening sitting next to me, but talking to Ms Can't-hate-her and Ms Energy. As usual, he gave me just enough attention to be polite and make me feel comfortable. At one point though, he turned his chair to face Ms Energy so they could more....

**** Ok I have to stop telling this tale, take a break, and come back to it. This actually is a good story and not just some humdrum sad tale of woe. So let me try this again. ****

Ok.. I arrived, dropped my cape and trident, got a tea with vodka squeeze of lemon, and returned to the table. Don and I talked a little bit.. mostly the small talk "What's New?" stuff. Don socially is a little bit like me. Doesn't usually stay talking to the same people all night and instead talks to everyone in the room. So its hard to say who he likes and who he doesn't, unless he just doesn't talk to you at all. We both spent the night talking to pretty much everyone.

My costume though did get its uses. Since my costume was very versatile and easy to remove (and not on me), it became the "toy" of the evening. When I purchased the trident, I imagined it being a very good (or bad) thing for me when I'm drunk. A good flirting thing "Be careful or I'll strike you with my trident" or "I love my trident.. I like long hard poky things". "Oh did I poke you? I swear you were begging for it."

Since I wasn't using my costume, Ms Energy took it up.. I actually offered the cape to her since it was chilly and she was cold. She was hilarious. She was also way buzzing. I actually was being quite a "devil" despite the fact that she had the costume on, and the few that observed my machinations... once they were told it was really my costume.. agreed that I was the true devil not in need of a costume.

I encouraged her to take the trident. She was reluctant at first, then embraced it with such aplomb that I could not help but give into my evil streak. It actually brought out quite the evil streak in Don as well, who was sitting in between us. He quite flirtily mentioned that the trident end would be painful, but the staff end of it was quite doable, and he'd think people would prefer to be poked with that side instead. It did not help that the staff end was in fact pointed at the end and "ribbed for her pleasure". There actually were quite a series of bad sexual innuendos about the trident, making it the best conversation piece of the night. Best $6 I've ever spent.

I went to get refill of my drink, and Ms Energy decided to join me. I decided that if she was wearing my costume that she needed to be evil and that I would encourage her. On the way to the bar, she poked and prodded every cute man on the way. There was one really good looking man by the bar, and I devil-in-her-ear encouraged her to go poke him.

"See him... He is in definite need of a good poking! Go.. he must be poked!"

She laughed and resisted. She was sober enough to realize that he was really cute and not worth making him mad. Tsk tsk.. these sober people. She eventually did poke him.. or she tried to.. but he saw her coming and deftly moved out her way. Which we all chided him in not liking a good poke. He came back with something witty, but I've forgotten.

I was devil-in-her-ear the entire night, and had a blast. At one point though, yes Don did move his chair to speak closer and more one on one with her, and I tried not to be jealous. A few minutes after moving his chair towards her, he moved it back and his leg then rested against mine.. it was spontaneous and unintentional, as he made a noise like I'd purposely put my leg to contact his (much like the noise of scoffing at someone being jealous who has no right to be).. and I had I just hoped that he wouldn't notice. He didn't move his leg from mine though.

Towards the end of my night, Don and I got to talking about his personality profile and mine. He had his saved on his phone and began to show me. He didn't hand me the phone, instead held it close to him between us.. At one point we were nearly cheek to cheek watching his phone. I could smell his scent... not cologne, not aftershave, but his scent.. My heart began to flutter, and I wanted closer. We finished messing with his phone rather suddenly after that. I awkwardly said I need to go get another drink. He mentioned that he didn't need another drink, but he'd come...

I thought he was coming to the bar with me. So as we both stood up, I turned my back to him and walked to the bar. When I looked around again, he was no where to be seen. Confused, I got my drink and went back to the table. He wasn't there either. Maybe he went to the restroom. I waited and chatted with the table.

Time passed. More time passed. I asked the table if they knew where he went, trying not to sound like a naggy GF. No one knew.

"I last saw him with P, but I have no idea."

So I waited. It'd been a half hour. If he'd left without saying anything, I was going to... Oh hell, I was starting to get pissed as it was. I was pretty sure that we were starting to be friends if nothing else, and leaving without saying "bye" is just rude.

So.. I txt'd him. "Did you leave?"

He didnt' reply. So when Evie and her man decided to leave.. I figured why not. Since I didn't know how to really get back to my car without them (or without spending a crapload on a taxi or begging someone I don't know that well for a ride), I decided to call it a night. So we walked to the bus stop.

Just as the bus pulls up, I get a txt from Don.

"I gave P a ride home."

I had no idea if that meant he was coming back to the party or not, and for the transportation reasons I txt'd back.

"Oh. Well I'm on my way home now."

And it ended like that. I went home.