Don't Have The Time

Yesterday was interesting.

First of all, I "won" this trip (hotel stay) to Hawaii a month or so ago, and I had to list someone as going with me. Now preferably, I wanted to go with someone I'd be able to enjoy myself with and could afford such a trip. That alone narrowed it down greatly. I could have invited a girlfriend or ... Well I decided to invite Luke.

I figured a week in Hawaii. 24/7 together. Should be enough time for both of us to work through whatever was still between us. Most likely we'll either spend the entire trip having sex, or attempting not to kill each other. This will be the most time that we've ever spent together, alone or not. Sink or swim. (I'm very much expecting us to sink)

I told him about it after the fact, and to say he was overjoyed would be putting it mildly. He's a little too excited for comfort.

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Then there was the friend-request from my ex-bf's (almost fiance, now one of my best friends) little brother. The kid was still in HS when I dated his older brother. He's a nice guy I suppose, but he has a long history of addiction. Drugs, Booze, and smokes like a chimney. He's not good looking at all, though that may be partly due to the addiction and lifestyle he leads.

I've never liked Jord, and him and the rest of his family is why I forced his brother to do several things... like get the fucking hell away from them and visit only on holidays. (It was one of the best things his brother ever did btw. He now has a successful career, a happy marriage, and a kid.) Sure sure I was nice to Jord when I saw him, because for a while he was my little brother too. I actually added him on FB because of that sentiment. Harmless but troubled little bro.

So I asked him how things were going? (I'd not talked to him in years)

To which he replied:

"hey im doin ok i got 4 DUIs now i just got outa jail in aug. thats what i get for bein a bad boy but anyways u r lookin really really good damn u look like u lost weight cuz u take a real good picture and of course u have always been pretty but how are u i seee u still live in austin the place where i was born so are u involved got a man dating married kids whats up whats the scoop sorry i dont use periods or commas its too much of a hassle but anyways chat back if u wanna"

Sadly, unlike most messages like this, my headache was not due to the lack of punctuation or bad spelling. I already knew he was relatively unschooled. My issue was my schock in the amount of balls he had to actually hit on me, not to mention the skin-crawling. My guess is that he's still on something. I honestly don't even know how to reply. I feel like forwarding it to his brother and have him smack some sense into him.

I'm actually a legend in his family, which is one of the reasons my ex's wife hates me. His mom loves me like a daughter, and treats me like a goddess. She, I, and my ex all know full well that had I not stepped in and forced my ways onto my ex that he'd have been dragged down by the family as well.

Wow that last paragraph sounded so full of myself didn't it? Its not really.. ok kinda.. I am proud of how my ex turned his life around. But also, he and his mother credit me with it as well. His mother actually asked me to give the "best-man" speech at his wedding.

I used to be really big into "Fix-er-upper" relationships, and I was amazing at it. Moms and friends loved me. But often when the fixes were done, I'd get bored. Because the primary draw for me was to fix them. Once fixed, I actually had to think.. "Do I want to be with this person?" the answer was usually a resounding no.

Which is why I don't want anyone I feel like I need to fix. If I find myself thinking, "Oh, he'd be better if" or "I can train him to" or anything even remotely like that.. I either dump him (depending on how bad it is) or take a step back and think.. Can I deal with him like he is right now for the rest of my life? If I can't, I move on.

I want someone who is my equal, not a child, not a dress-up doll, not someone who needs fixing. Actually, after my ex-spouse, it might be me that needs the fixing... and I think I'm going to be too busy working on me.