Sail Away With Me... Not

So I went and hung out with some friends last weekend. They were all gathering at a place I think of as my "Cheers", despite that I don't make it down there every day and don't know most of the staff. I just feel homey when I'm there.

The Gingerman

I honestly really needed a "Gingerman" trip anyway. It'd been a while since I'd been there, and the need for beer was strong. If the Gingerman was closer to me, I might actually have a chance of becoming that alcoholic that I keep trying and failing to be. Though I even doubt that one as I've a fridge with cold beer and several bottles of hard liquor that I'm always forgetting to drink. I even have my favorite vodka (Armadale) sitting right beside my computer, and like eating.. I forget to drink it. 

It's actually pretty amazing that I remember to post blog posts or even manage to get through writing a blog post. Yes, my attention span is that f'd up. Ooooo pretty...

Oh yes.. back to the Gingerman..

I arrive. Late. As usual. But not so late to miss the entire party, just enough that I'm a drink or two behind everyone else. A true alcoholic would have arrived early to drink more.. damn it.. 

Anyway, my friends see me and act like I'm some sort of mirage. Have I mentioned that I've not seen most of them in months? It takes them a minute but.. 

I got flack.

"Where have you been? Don't tell me you have friends other than us!" Don lectured me jokingly as he came over to give me a big hug.

He was then followed by a couple girls that I pretend to be friends with, but in reality barely know. They're great girls and a lot of fun .. at least while at the bar.. but I just don't see us clicking without a beer in hand and mutual male friends to distract us. Let alone a girls-night. Call me paranoid, but I honestly think if we went to a bar just us girls to hang out.. I'd have blade marks all over my back.

But I made nice, and acted all happy to see them. It was good to see familiar faces and have people that were interested in me.. so it wasn't an entire act I guess. They wanted to catch up on everything I've been doing lately... which honestly is nothing of any interest anyone. 

Would you like to know about my experiment with maple syrup vs brown sugar syrup on pancakes?  Or maybe all the interesting job offers I'm getting for things that either will put me in jail or make me homicidal so I end up in jail?

So I answered their questions to the best of ability, and they drifted off to other people.  

Don however stuck around. He wanted more details and wasn't going to give up until I told him everything.  So I did. About me being sick and not wanting to socialize, about the job hunt which is going miserably, and about anything else that came to mind.

Then I saw Karl. Karl is an older gentleman. He's normally quiet, polite, somewhat shy, a little aloof but social, and always in the best manners (reserved).  So what happened made my head spin a little.

I see Karl talking to a very hot man whom I've never seen before. I catch Karl out of the corner of my eye pointing in my direction and commenting to the guy next to him.

"I saw that!" I exclaim to Karl pretending to be offended/suspicious, then turn to his friend. "What is he selling you on now? Don't trust a word of it!" I say as I smile widely.

Karl completely denies pointing as a child does who got caught eating chocolate and denies it with chocolate all over his face.

I then start to walk away to say hi to a few other people, when Karl grabs my arm.

"You can't leave."

"Whaa?"

"You can't leave. You have to stay here."

This is unlike Karl. Most times Karl just lets me flitter wherever I want. Never has he ever tried to entangle me in a conversation.

So I figured he had something to say to me. 

Nope. He just wanted me to stand there next to him as he talked with the hot guy.

I of course had other plans. The guy was hot and all, but a little shorter than I like, and I'm not really that into dating right now.  So I wanted to say hi to my friends before they left.

I started to leave again..

And again Karl stopped me. It was then I realized that Karl was drunk. I'd never seen Karl drunk.. but he was.  And it was funny.

He was joking with me.. in annoying ways.. that make me laugh. His antics were also making the hot guy laugh.. though he was in fairness laughing at me and my inability to get away politely.

Finally Karl let me escape, and I went to say Hi to more of my friends.  I also learned that I do not post on Facebook very much, and that people would have been concerned that I'd died had I completely stopped posting on Facebook. Evidently, my weekly posts on Facebook have saved me from being the subject of a 911 call.

Obviously, I need to go out more often.

So I go get more beer and flirt with Mr Hot Bartender (seriously wanna try that on for size).

It was hot outside, cool inside, and everyone was standing in the middle between the outside and inside which was part hot, and part lukewarm. I'd already said my hellos, and tired of being hot, I sat myself and my cold beer down on a couch nearby where there was no one sitting.

Ah.. peace, quiet, cool drink and air conditioning...

Then the hot guy came to sit across from me to talk.

It was idle chitchat to start. How long have I know these friends.. how often do we all hang out.. etc and so on.

Then he started to tell me about himself.  About his condo downtown, and his other house in Boston.

Is it just me, or? ... when a guy says that he has two residences and claims to be single... does anyone else just tune out?

It seems to be a theme with me lately. Meeting men who obviously want me to think or know they have money.  

For me, all I need to know is that you're financially stable. If you're trying to tell me you've make $300k a year, you've obviously misjudged my priorities.  However if you've got big bucks, and I know it without you telling me, you're generous without flaunting it.. I might start stalking you. Its all about the character baby.

He was a nice guy, and despite his double houses .. I might have given him a chance.. but he also really really likes boating and sailing.

Me + Water (with fish in it) is a non-starter. Not going to happen. Unless your boat is the size of a small island, don't be trying to picture us "sailing away" any day soon.

Then people saw us sitting down and talking. Don, in his own flirting enthusiastic way, plopped down next to me in a way that can only be described accurately as an ex-boyfriend move.. and the hot guy's eyes reacted as if "Oh you have a boyfriend"... which made me laugh. Had I not already ruled Hot guy out as a potential date, I might have been a little upset with Don.  As it was I joked around with Don, and introduced him to the hot guy.  Then one by one everyone joined the couches and conversations.

Hot guy stayed and talked with everyone for awhile. Don then ran off to another side of the bar.  Then Hot guy saw Don flirting outrageously with one of our mutual friends, and he commented.  I replied thats just Don he's kinda the group flirt or party person.  His eyes then changed in understanding again, realizing that Don and I weren't dating. (Silly men)

Hot guy shortly after got up for another beer. Never to be seen again.

Oh well.

Gimme A Naked Man

So I went out last night. It was a friend's birthday party, Crissy, and so it was an obligation as well as I needed to get out.

I'd love to pretend for you all that I've not written because I've been extremely busy dating and going out and meeting people, but that would be lies.  Instead, I've been battling some very painful sickness, which at one point had me seriously considering suicide. I know, scared the hell out of me too.  So I've not really been out much at all, and have been hermitting to a point of extremely scary. When you're sick, you just don't feel social unless you're one of those girls that likes people to feel sorry for her and bring her soup and fluff her pillows. I'm much too independant for that. My arm could be cut off and I'd still want to do the tournequet myself. You actually know I'm desperately ill (aka get worried) when I actually request help or let you do things for me.

So I've not been social lately, partly because I didn't want to, and partly because I didn't want people to see me like that. Yes, I have my vanity. So I haven't had much to write about or much want to write really.

But I've been feeling a little better, and for the last few days, had an extreme need to go out and be social... if nothing else have a drink.

So I went to Chrissy's birthday bash. I get there just in time to see Chrissy in a conga line with several others. Yeah, it was gunna be a good night baby!

There were about 20-30 people there as part of Chrissy's group and I met maybe 10 of them. A few of the girls I knew from before and were ok, but a couple of the new girls.. well.. lets say wow. (yes, thats not a good wow)

So the "cool" people were all hanging out and catching up on each others lives. Whats new.. whats old.. and Ooo did you hear.. While listening to music, doing a jig, and drinking.

We then moved the party over to the karaoke room. A few of us gathering at tables to watch the show. We're joking and laughing and parts of the party were staying for a few then leaving then coming and leaving..

Then this attractive man shows up. Sees me. Smiles, and comes over jokes with me and sits down next to me.

He's dressed well, showing he has some taste other than tshirts and jeans, but not dressed well enough to set off my douchebag sensors.

For Chrissy's birthday, someone had given her a small leather flogger. Getty was holding it and playing with it next to me and Wade (the attractive man next to me). 

Seriously, introduce a flogger to a group of drunk people and you'll never look at any of them the same way again. I promise.

I teased Getty about her being a masochist since she kept hitting herself with it (not hard, just tapping it against her side), and she informed me that she had one at home. Boggle. Though I really should not be surprised, I was.

I do not have a flogger yet, but I assure you I will soon. 

So Wade jumps in the conversation, half teasing Getty, but full on flirting with me. After my month or more of hermitville, I was surprised and flattered, and more than willing to flirt back. 

This broke out my evil side. Most people don't realize (at least right away) that I am truely evil. Sure sure, I may sound and look a little too reserved or be a little too goody goody.. but I am all about encouraging others to do things they shouldn't.

Wade watched in amusement as I prodded Getty into using the flogger more seriously, and on other people. Random men walking by.. "Oh he looks like he's been a very bad boy.. Getty, you know he needs a little spanking.."

The evil glimmer in my eye was sparkling brightly and Wade was eating it up. Then I turned Getty on him. Telling him that he looked like he needed a little something, that he wanted to be spanked. I even teased that I could do it properly. 

He squirmed in his chair and discouraged Getty and pleaded with me to stop encouraging her. I just grinned evilly, and winked at him.

"I'm sorry, I'm evil. I can't help it. And you do look like you're in need of it."

He flashed me a smile, and a look that said "If only I could put you over my knee."

Then Mr. DrunkenPants happened, and Getty went to help him. He was supposedly part of our group. He was about 30? and so drunk that he was nauseated. 

This interupted our sexy banter, but also left Wade and I alone to talk. The song turned country, and I mentioned to Wade that I found it strange how much of the karaoke picks were country music. (Most Austin karaoke seems to be rock btw) He responded that he liked country music and asked what I liked. I flirtingly responded that I liked a bit of everything.

I told him that I grew up on country music (I did) and had a bit of nostalgic love for it. He wanted to know what kind. The old twang or the new more rock-like country. I said both, and told him about my college years going to country bars to dance two-step.

He heard two-step, and insisted that I go dance with him. There was no saying no (Seriously sexy),  despite my pleading that I did not have dancing shoes on. I had on purpose worn flipflops that would make dancing difficult so I wouldn't be tempted to go club dance with Chrissy and injure my knees. I didn't expect anyone showing up to like to country dance.  Next time I'll know better.

So he whisks me off to the dance floor. I'm stepping on toes and having trouble following. 

1. because I'm rusty with my two-step.

2. the song was two-step in double time (like two-step on fast forward)

3. I'm concentrating on not losing my shoes.

But I managed to pull it off, and we had a great dance.

As we walked off the dance floor, he held my hand, moving his fingers to interlace with mine. I did not want to return to our group. I was all "take me home now buddy". (yeah its been a while since I've had sex, stop judging me) :)

As we get a few feet off the dance floor, we both seem to realize that we've just met and realize we're holding hands, fingers interlaced, and we stop holding hands. It was one of those moments.. like being drunk in a dark bar and kissing someone, and then when they turn the lights on to go home, you realize just how much you're in public.

We walked back to the group together. Talking and flirting. When we'd returned, Getty shot me a look like "you go girl"... then drunk girl happened.

This girl who honestly looked trashy, was drunk and Getty had witnessed her doing a full on makeout session in the other room with some guy, returned to our group and latched herself onto Wade pushing me away. Wade looked at me pleadingly to help him.

I tried, but she would not be swayed. She was quite intent on owning Wade, and he was nicely trying to extract her. The more I tried, the more closely she clung. Wade all the while appologizing to me, and complaining about her.

It was then that I was informed that our group was being kicked out because Mr. DrunkenPants had puked on the floor. (Seriously, it was like college deja vu)

We were all meeting at another place. A strip joint. 

I'd been warned about this prior to going to the party that the night would end at a local strip joint. Since I'd never been to one before, I decided it might be a good time to go check it out. 

Wade was being responsible and trying to arrange rides for those who were too drunk to drive. Since I was stone cold sober, I offered my services. Mostly I offered them because I didn't want drunkgirl trying to go with him in his car, and partly because I was hoping that he'd take up the offer himself. He unfortunately was completely sober too, but he did jump on my offer to take drunkgirl. He was very consistent in his not wanting to be with her.

So after what seemed like hours of trying to manipulate drunk people.. drunkgirl got in my car (put there by Wade himself) and Getty drove the Mr Drunkenpants car to his place about a mile away and I was to pick her up there.

As I take off, Drunkgirl starts telling me about Wade, revealing to me that she and Wade are good friends. She and Mr DrunkenPants are also good friends. It was myself and Getty that were the new people to the group. 

At this news, I was no longer very happy with Wade. If she was really his friend, it was his responsiblity to take her drunk ass home.. not mine. The more she talked, the more I realized. I am quite certain that Wade and her are FWB friends, and his displeasure stemmed less from revulsion of her and more of being pissed that she'd f'd things up for him with anyone else. 

I really try not to judge people, but I fail all the time. After seeing this girl, I'm not sure I want any penis that's been near her to be anywhere near me. I'm quite sure Wade has no idea what hill he'll have to climb to get back on my good side. He may even need a full delousing as well as a note from his doctor.

Drunkgirl also entertains me with stories about how she's not that drunk, despite claiming that she doesn't know where she lives, and that she walks like the world is tilting from side to side. She was dressed in clothes that were obviously too small for her that made me wonder what industrial strength thread was holding up the seams. She tells me got divorced 3 yrs ago as proof that this is just a one time thing, an emotional release. I refrain from telling her that my ex left me a litttle over a year ago, and I just signed papers letting him sell the house so him and his girlfriend can go buy a new lovenest closer to the city.

She repeats that she's not that drunk. At least 20 times on the way to pick up Getty.

At Mr DrunkenPant's place, Getty is still trying to pry him out of his car. She's being too damn nice, I think, but thats Getty.  So I get out and tell Drunkgirl to get out and help her friend into his house. She doesn't move.

I am by this point lividly pissed at the entire situation.

Mr. DrunkenPant's is complaining about me that he doesn't know me or Getty. (Dear Mr. DrunkenPants, When getting drunk, make sure you have at least one friend who'll drive you home. And don't complain about the niceness of strangers. Thanks)  So I go get Drunkgirl and tell her that her friend is complaining that he doesn't know us and I point blank tell her to get her ass out of my car and help him.

She does. Finally.

She leads Mr. DrunkenPants to his bathroom, and I try to snag Getty to get her to leave with me so we can ditch both of them there. Getty insists she needs to obey Mr DrunkenPant's wishes and calls the place where his daughter is staying asking them to keep her overnight. (Its midnight, I think they've already figured that out. But she calls anyway.)

So as soon she can, Drunkengirl runs back out to my car and plants herself in it. No choice but to take her with us.

We finally take off to go to the Cabaret, and half the ride there Drunkgirl is telling us she's not that drunk, and that she's a responsible person. I stop myself from telling her she's overselling it.  She then gets out her phone and calls Wade. (Yes they are good friends. Asshole.) She then proceeds to bitch out Wade for putting her in a car with strangers. 

I correct her "No no.. we're strange bitches."

She tells him, and continues on her rant calling us strangers and how dare he...

I correct her again.. "No no.. we are psychotic crazy women"

She tells him that exactly. (Hey I have to get some fun out of this)

We arrive at the Cabaret and she's still on the phone with him. She doesn't exit the car. 

"Please get out of my car so I can lock it."

She grumbles and gets out. I lock the car and run off toward the entrance with Getty. Drunkengirl follows, but never actually enters the establishment.

We presume she doesn't have the $10 cover.

Due to all the shenanigans, Getty and I are late and we've lost half the party. Wade is no where to be seen, so I can't even bitch at him myself.

So Getty and I find our own corner and sit down. I watch the show trying to simmer down and have fun. This is my first time at a strip club, so I wanted to relax and watch and see what all the commotion is about.

What I'm seeing is a combination of gymnastics, high heels, and no clothes.. plus a few moves you can see on any club dance floor anywhere.  A couple girls were talented and impressive, but most were merely flexible girls showing their goods. B O R I N G.

Now I might be more entertained had there been a couple nearly naked men doing it, but if I want to see tities shake I can do that in my mirror at home. Thats at least more fun because I can challenge myself to get them to shake in different ways or do different things.. But there was no challenge and no fun to be had.

It didn't help any that I was tired I'm sure.

Getty however was all into it. I really think she's gay (for more reasons than just this btw), but she has to realize that herself. She was oohing and ahhing over the girls.. or at least some girls.. and even got a lap dance. Even though the lap dance was happening right next to me, I got distracted by the lights or something, because I only saw a bit of it and then when I looked back the girl was putting her clothes back on. It has become glaringly obvious to me that women are not my thing. 

Despite my family's confusion once in thinking that I and my best friend were lesbian lovers, and despite that sometimes men piss me off to the point of wanting to give up on men completely... I just have never had a thing for women. My friends and I have never had girly snuggling sessions. I've never kissed a girl nor have I been tempted to. The closest to gay I've gotten was when I was 8 or 10 or something and a girlfriend came over for a sleepover. She convinced me to play a doctor type thing, where we sucked on each others nipples. It seemed weird at the time and meant absolutely nothing. It felt like the equivalent of being licked in the face by my dog. A little bit of Eww.

I've never really understood some girls' draw to each other for physical affection, kissing, teasing, playing, or sex. I'm just not wired that way.

Now.. give me a naked man.. Thats a whole different story.

The Almost Perfect Guy

Last night I went out to a singles event. It was supposed to be a bunch of singles from my general vicinity and the tall-people singles, so I figured there would be some chance of a tall single man.

I get there and I cannot find the group. I walk around feeling like a complete moron because I cannot even find my friend that is supposed to meet me there. I am freaking out.

But I find them, and its all girls. Ok, I lie. Its all girls and 3 guys. None of the 3 guys are guys that I find attractive. One of them is really cute, but he's so short that my breasts are at his eye level. If we dated, I'd either have to really get used to him talking to my boobs, or help shell out money for his chiropractic sessions. The next guy is really not my type, and even though I'm sitting two feet from him he makes absolutely no attempt to even notice I'm there. And then there's the obviously foreign guy. He's looks really middle eastern, and is extremely socially awkward. I'd met him vaguely once before and he's really from a different country.

So I sit back with Chrissy and she starts asking me if I find anyone attractive. Chrissy has a bald black man fetish, so she's already scanned the room and seeing none is now more interested in being my wingwoman.

She's still trying to figure out my type. I don't really have "one" as far as physical. Sure sure there's looks that will make my head spin, my tongue hang out, and I might have to resist the urge to lock them up in my basement... but when it comes to a real "dating relationship" I'm more about what's inside. (well within a few physical limits anyway)

So she points out this guy across the room in an argyle sweater. He's cute, but not my thing. His friend though is a very sexy bald guy. Some guys can pull it off.. some can't. He can. Chrissy sees him and is interested. She then finds out by accident that the girl next to her is their co-worker.

So as the guys finish playing their billiards across the room, they make their way over to their co-worker.. and ta-da.. to us!

They're both imports from South Africa. I am SOOOO not interested, but I make small talk and have fun. Giam (the bald guy) is hilarious and fun, his friend Jack is an ass. So we all (there's like 5 of us girls) circle around Giam.

I keep trying to pull Chrissy and Giam together with conversation. You know keep him talking to her. He keeps talking to me, then goes over and talks a while with another girl next to me.

By this time I've already gotten loosened up with two vodkas, and my conversation with @MasterDater earlier in the day about small penises comes back into my head.. and..

I say a joke about the conversation to Chrissy loud enough that the girl next to me overhears.. and.. every man within three feet turns to join our conversation. Giam is all back talking to me. Literally everyone stopped all their other conversations and came running. I however laughed my ass off. (Do not mention penis out loud in a group of singles)

So we spent the next 10 minutes or so talking about penises and if you should talk about your penis. (It was a resounding NO, Never talk about your penis. Which I'm one of the advocates for silence in this case as well).

The rest of the night was basically the same conversation theme. One conversation about penis during the day set my mind into guttermode and at every innocent opportunity to turn the conversation to sex... I managed to do it. (Not in the "I need laid so I'm talking about sex" but more of a funny yet matter of fact kind of way.. It just steered there of its own accord where 3 minutes later someone would ask "How in the world did we get started talking about sex?" and it would be traced back to some comment that I made. I should not talk sexual stuff before going out.

Anyway, Giam went off to play some more pool, and was chatting with Chrissy. Chrissy and I were about to leave to go to the part of the bar where the lamest band alive was playing because Chrissy wanted to dance, then Giam and Chrissy start talking religion.

Chrissy is very alternative faith. Very into meditation, new age, law of attraction.

Giam states that he's Christian and going to seminary school soon, and truly believes that no one has a right to push their religion on anyone else. *drool* To Chrissy, he might as well have said he was an axe-murderer, however my ears perk up and suddenly Giam looks 30 times hotter. We talk a bit about it, and then Chrissy & I head to a different room for the band.

Chrissy wants to dance, so I appease her and stay with the band even though my every thought by now is about Giam. I'm completely preoccupied. Giam does not look like a seminary guy. He doesn't act like he's uber-religious. He honestly looks like a cleaned up biker dude. So my head is trying to wrap my mind around a good looking rebel-looking guy at a bar, with fantastic social skills, drinking, having fun, playing pool.. going to seminary.

Chrissy makes a bathroom trip while I hold down the fort (aka coats and drinks, and open dance floor) and comes back.

"You remember Jack? He's gaming all over these girls in the other room."

She's laughing and I'm laughing. It took a "Hi" from Jack and thats all I needed to know that he's a douchebag/prick. I'm sure he's a nice guy as a friend, but hell would freeze over before I attempted to date him. Plus he was kind of a jerk to us earlier.. so..

"He is? OMG lets go ruin his game. Come on.. it'll be fun."

Chrissy is all for it. I'm partly going to ruin Jack's game, but mostly because I'm hoping that Giam will be around and I want to get away from the band.

We barely get over to Jack's area, and Giam is there. He sees us and looks happy. He completely stops talking to whomever he's talking to, and comes over to us.

"Hey, I thought you guys left."

We explained that we'd been to see the band, and that they blow big monkey chunks. (I may have added the monkey chunks. If you still like 80's hair bands, not remixes or redos of it, but the real stuff and you like to go see 80's hair band cover bands.. Please do not let me know or invite me. Thanks.)

We sat down at a nearby table, and I started asking Giam about seminary. Chrissy asked as well.

If there ever were perfect answers to "Why seminary" and "What do you believe" and "Ethics"... Giam said them.

Chrissy was not interested at all, but I've got a huge crush. HUGE crush.

I'm relatively sure seminary will beat the rationality and reason and compassion out of him.. but from what Giam said last night about his religious beliefs.. He could not have echoed my own any more perfectly. This is extremely ... extremely rare.

He's smart. He's currently working in software development.. A Geek. *drool* Ethics and beliefs are perfectly fitting with mine (from what I could tell so far, we didn't discuss everything), and he has a rocking body. I got tipsy enough that I was .. well a little more handsy than usual.

By the end of the night, if Giam had asked me to run away and marry him.. I would have said yes. I would have also been a little inebriated. Had we been in Vegas, I probably would have asked him... well maybe after a few more vodkas.

He left with his friends though. I'd given him my number earlier in the evening, and we'll see if he calls. I very much doubt he does, but I wish he would.

Though waking up this morning.. I'm pretty embarrassed. The guy is going to seminary.. and relatively soon after meeting him, I introduced a conversation about penises.. which honestly turned into a conversation about car/penis compensation.. which I then joking accused him of having a sports car (which he took in great stride btw, but still). Then after another drink, I walked by him and demonstrated on him for Chrissy the "walk by - feel up" that I do on occasion without his consent or knowledge that I was demonstrating it. Aka.. I just walked by and felt up a dude going to seminary.

Pretty sure he's not going to be calling.

On the other hand, after he left .. Mr Short from the group and Mr Middle Eastern came up like gang busters talking to us. Both of them at one point pulling me aside to talk one on one. Both asking for my number.

Exactly. The guys that I am NOT interested in.. all want me. Mr Middle Eastern has already attempted to add me on Facebook. *click* Ignore.

Keep 'em Coming And Make 'em Strong

Saturday night I went out with Getty, my dog-sitting friend who saved me lots of money sitting my dog while I went to Cali this last summer, and who hooked me up with the best sex night I've had this year.

I hadn't seen or talked to her in weeks, and wondered if I'd pissed her off, but alas no. She's just been antisocial and in a negative mood she said. So..

1. Yay there still a possibility she might dog-sit in the future someday.
2. Damn that means I still have to deal with her if I want her to sit for my dog again.

Honestly, there are times hanging with her isn't a bad thing. And there are times when hanging with her is excruciating torture. Unfortunately, this was pretty close to torture, and definitely excruciating.

I initially wanted to go see a movie, but she didn't want to see "Men Who Stare At Goats". She wanted to see some horror flick. I can't recall the title, but

ME + HORROR = A. Nightmares for a week. B. Freaking out everywhere I go when something happens or resembles something that happened in said-movie C. Screaming like a little girl with my eyes covered and my fingers in my ears the entire movie. D. Walking out of the movie after slugging the person who talked me into watching the movie in the arm. E. Several of the Above. F. All of the Above

So I just refuse to watch anything horror. Trust me. Its safer for you and me.

Anyway, we couldn't agree on a movie which wasn't a problem. No biggie. So we decided to go out to eat, and she talked me into going to Cool River. So I got all gussied up and met her there.

Now on the phone prior to going to eat, she'd talked non-stop and barely let me get any kind of word in unless it was discussing where to go and then she'd only let me get the name of the place in before she'd start in again. Annoying but I figured she'd calm down in person.

She did not.

Instead, she was all about telling me every thought that came into her head and every little judgement of whatever inane thing that came across her mind. If I disagreed with her, and attempted to express my opinion I would barely get one or two words out and she'd continue talking. She did not listen nor did she give me any feedback language indicating that she even understood my actual point (really how could she when I didn't even finish one sentence?). She did however notice that I was getting frustrated and politely said,

"I know you're point, but ... " and continued on without me.

To which I swear my head spinned and flames shot out of my eyes. In my head, I was thinking "OMG how the fucking hell could you possibly know my point when you don't even listen to a freaking word I'm saying? Really?"

She switched subjects often as one subject reminded her of another subject.

So I tried to give up talking to her and just sat there eating my food. She did not stop talking even then. She did not really pause. She just kept going like she was loaded with Duracell and covered in faux-bunny-fur.

"I just don't understand how people feel its their responsibility to shove their food tastes on you! I don't like fish, damn it. Tell me, how in the hell does it affect their lives if I don't taste their freaking fish dish?"

Now you might think that this would require a response. I know I thought so too. And it actually did. She paused and waited until I attempted one. If I waited too long to respond, she'd repeat the whole rant and end with the question. So I tried to reply:

"Well some people..."

She started up again, and went further on her rant. So when the same question came around again, I decided to answer it differently.

"It shouldn't really..."

And I was cut off again. It went like this from subject to subject to subject. Her expressing her opinions like verbal vomit, and myself pretending to be totally unaffected by it. (I did once actually raise my voice to her and tell her to shut up and listen to me, I'm not normally that rude but she wasn't giving me a choice, to which she turned all pouty, silent, and sullenly angry. The kind of listening that a 5 yr old does when they don't get their way... aka not at all.)

She did go on a rant about some guy who walked away from her saying "You're way negative. I just cannot be around such negativity." And she went on and on about 10 minutes on how he must have something wrong with him. It was all I could do not to laugh as she had been proving his point over and over all night.

By the end of the night, I had a massive headache. I put in my time, and I'm not really sure having a dog-sitter-friend is worth all of this.

I do know that it will be a long time until I subject myself to a one-on-one with her again. There is not enough alcohol in the world.