The Dreams That Disappoint

The Setup.. It's our first date, some months in the future after we've managed to run into each other several times at several different events, he finally asks me out. We decide to play some mini-golf.

It's around the second to last hole, that conversation becomes strained. Neither of us is talking which is highly unusual.


I am stressing myself out about it. I actually like that I feel relaxed enough around Pierce that I can be quiet, but I'm afraid he'll see me as boring or worse that I'm bored with him. Finally he speaks.


"You're being awfully quiet." He jokes with a big smile on his face.

Its impossible not to catch his smile, and so I grin back at him.

"I'm sorry, I'm a bit preoccupied." I try to hide the slight embarassed blush that I know is creeping along my face.

"Mini-golf isn't that challenging, so what's got your tongue? Is it work?" He's genuinely concerned and wanting to help with whatever is the problem, but also seeing the blush, he's curious.


"No no... work is fine." I say as I hold my putter judging just where to stand and how hard to hit the ball. "I'm just preoccupied with this problem I'm trying to figure out how to solve."

"Oh? Maybe I can help."


I laugh, "I'm sure you can" and shoot him a look with a clear glint in my eye and mischevous smile.

"Well, tell me then." He's now much less concerned, and much much more curious.

"Well, see my mind is completely preoccupied with wanting to kiss you. And not quite sure how to solve it."


He snickers slightly, "Hmm that is a problem. But I am quite sure it is solveable. Though I don't really see much problem in it."


"Well, see for starters, its quite impossible to do with you being over there." I say as I adjust my stance again, pretending to be concentrating on my shot.. but if I'd have been pretending to read a book, the book would have been upside down for all the true attention I was paying to what I was doing.

Pierce then walks over to me, and stands very close in front of me. His left leg on the right side of my putter, his right leg on the left side of my putter, and my hands just barely a half inch away from his crotch as I held my putter.

I looked up at him and met his gaze. Having him so close made my pulse go all haywire. I was excited, scared, and wanting to run.. but immobile.

"There. Does that solve the problem for you then?" He said with a sly grin teasing me as his face was now just inches from mine.

"Well yes that does make it much much more possible. But I didn't really tell you the real problem."

"Oh?" He raised one eyebrow in curiousity.

I look into his eyes to deliver my confession, "See, what I really want is for you to kiss me.." which I barely get out before his hand moves up and lightly brushes my cheek on its way to the back of my neck. His fingers planted themselves at the back of my neck gently pulling me forward, while his thumb pressed just lightly under my jawbone to direct my face up leaving my lips easily accessible.


Then his lips possessed mine in a light caress that deepened to restrained desire.

The kiss stopped as abruptly as it began, and it affected us both equally. There was a brief moment of mutual silence as we regained our proverbial footing.

"So, did that solve the problem?" He teased playfully as he removed his hand from my neck.


"No.. not really" I replied as I let go of my putter and wrapped my arms around his neck pulling him in for another kiss. He wrapped his arms around me, and we kissed the kind of kiss that parents shield their kids from viewing. The kind of kiss that if it was feasible would allow clothes to fly off with a single thought.
This time it was I who ended the kiss abruptly. Moved my hands back to my putter, and said...

"Ok, I'm good now... Hmm you're in a compromising position, you might want to move before I putt"

I pretended to be all about golf, and giggled when he grumbled slightly as he realized our makeout session was over.


But as our eyes met after my shot, one look confirmed.. the only thing between us and being naked.. was golf.


We quickly finished the last hole, and went to his place. We drive separately, and he's waiting outside for me when I drive up. We embrace, kiss, and don't really stop until we're finally inside.

Things start to get fuzzy around this part.. but I remember running my hands down his chest and then sliding his shirt up over his head.. (and there.. hot and bothered.. it ends).

Where Did I Put My Time Machine?

I really don't think I fit in. I must have been born at the wrong time, or have some kind of brain tumor.

All the girls that I meet that are my age. Scare the crap out of me.

If I go about 5 yrs older, I seem to fare better.. but going about 7 yrs younger is about right.. or the closest I've seen.

The girls I meet that are my age are often married and pretty cool. Though their tastes in music, activities, and what they find attractive in men is often completely different from me.

The single gals my age that I'm meeting though.. are complete nightmares. Ok, one or two exceptions, but most of them scare the crap out of me.

I obviously missed the sex-attraction of the Bon Jovi and Guns-n-Roses craze. Tall skinny assed white boys with long scraggly hair is so much the opposite of anything I find attractive, yet most of the girls I'm meeting my age still find this look hot. (To me, Bon Jovi didn't get hot until he cut his hair.. and then I reacted with "OMG he really is a man.")

I suppose I should be happy that their tastes lie outside of my interest range, but it makes it hard to find things in common. As I've mentioned previously, I can't do hair band music on a regular basis, nor can I do long periods of "classic 70's rock"... both after a while (much shorter time span on the 70's rock btw) make me wish I was on something to endure it. And since I don't do drugs.. its not that fun.

But I keep trying. I keep thinking that there has to be at least one other woman my age who likes the stuff I like and isn't way damn crazy.

This really shouldn't be a shock to me. Since I grew up in a small town with anti-social parents, and went to a church regularly which no one in town went to... I was pretty isolated. Other than the close neighbors (one boy my age), every kid I knew or hung out with outside of school was about 4 years older than me or 4 years younger than me (my church had no one within 4 years of my age either direction). I never really did connect much with the kids in my class.

So maybe its just habit of always being thrown in with an older crowd or a much younger crowd? Maybe its just been too many years of being independent and doing my own thing?

I suppose while others were watching men grow their hair out and jamming to their hair band music.. I was watching Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers black and whites on PBS. Or specials with Sammy Davis Jr, Sinatra, and their like.

You put a well groomed, clean shaven, smart short cut haired man into a suit or tux, and you've caught my eye. If he can also dance like Astaire or Gene Kelly, I'm swooning. If he can also croon a good tune, I'm completely smitten and will stalk him for the rest of his life.

Which is probably why I have a pretty good crush on Matthew Morrison (Glee). (He's probably gay though.. if he's not, there's probably a line acround the corner of women trying to catch him and I'm a little too lazy for that. I'll see if I can't find someone like him who is "undiscovered' instead.)

Speaking of "Undiscovered".. one of my favorite albums.. Undiscovered by James Morrison. Luv luv luv. (see... no ADD here at all!)




But back to the point.. Finding women my age who like this kind of music.. is hard. Sadly its just as difficult to find men my age that have similar tastes.. Or maybe its just my luck I'm not finding them?

Or I might just be a transplant from another era... lost in this time..