Where Did I Put My Time Machine?

I really don't think I fit in. I must have been born at the wrong time, or have some kind of brain tumor.

All the girls that I meet that are my age. Scare the crap out of me.

If I go about 5 yrs older, I seem to fare better.. but going about 7 yrs younger is about right.. or the closest I've seen.

The girls I meet that are my age are often married and pretty cool. Though their tastes in music, activities, and what they find attractive in men is often completely different from me.

The single gals my age that I'm meeting though.. are complete nightmares. Ok, one or two exceptions, but most of them scare the crap out of me.

I obviously missed the sex-attraction of the Bon Jovi and Guns-n-Roses craze. Tall skinny assed white boys with long scraggly hair is so much the opposite of anything I find attractive, yet most of the girls I'm meeting my age still find this look hot. (To me, Bon Jovi didn't get hot until he cut his hair.. and then I reacted with "OMG he really is a man.")

I suppose I should be happy that their tastes lie outside of my interest range, but it makes it hard to find things in common. As I've mentioned previously, I can't do hair band music on a regular basis, nor can I do long periods of "classic 70's rock"... both after a while (much shorter time span on the 70's rock btw) make me wish I was on something to endure it. And since I don't do drugs.. its not that fun.

But I keep trying. I keep thinking that there has to be at least one other woman my age who likes the stuff I like and isn't way damn crazy.

This really shouldn't be a shock to me. Since I grew up in a small town with anti-social parents, and went to a church regularly which no one in town went to... I was pretty isolated. Other than the close neighbors (one boy my age), every kid I knew or hung out with outside of school was about 4 years older than me or 4 years younger than me (my church had no one within 4 years of my age either direction). I never really did connect much with the kids in my class.

So maybe its just habit of always being thrown in with an older crowd or a much younger crowd? Maybe its just been too many years of being independent and doing my own thing?

I suppose while others were watching men grow their hair out and jamming to their hair band music.. I was watching Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers black and whites on PBS. Or specials with Sammy Davis Jr, Sinatra, and their like.

You put a well groomed, clean shaven, smart short cut haired man into a suit or tux, and you've caught my eye. If he can also dance like Astaire or Gene Kelly, I'm swooning. If he can also croon a good tune, I'm completely smitten and will stalk him for the rest of his life.

Which is probably why I have a pretty good crush on Matthew Morrison (Glee). (He's probably gay though.. if he's not, there's probably a line acround the corner of women trying to catch him and I'm a little too lazy for that. I'll see if I can't find someone like him who is "undiscovered' instead.)

Speaking of "Undiscovered".. one of my favorite albums.. Undiscovered by James Morrison. Luv luv luv. (see... no ADD here at all!)




But back to the point.. Finding women my age who like this kind of music.. is hard. Sadly its just as difficult to find men my age that have similar tastes.. Or maybe its just my luck I'm not finding them?

Or I might just be a transplant from another era... lost in this time..

My Meeting With The Playas

The other night I went out with Evie and a friend of hers. In all honesty, I went for the possibility of meeting someone, yet with the full expectation of being completely bored out of my mind. A group of 3 girls almost always leaves one as the third wheel, and since Evie's friend and her were childhood friends, I fully expected to be the third wheel.




But I needed to go out, and nothing else that night sounded even remotely entertaining.



We went to a play and then the after-party. It was a small production with a small audience. It was ok. Some of the actors, you could tell were naturally talented and the rest were really trying to be. It was at least entertaining.



Then about 20 minutes from the end, I see Evie's ex? I guess thats who he is. I can't remember if they'd had sex or exactly what... But I do know that she's at least seen his penis, and helped him get off. They're "friends" now, but with Evie that could be FwB or just platonic friends. Its really hard to say.



Evie can't go a night without a guy. During the show, she'd texted him to meet her there. So when I saw him come in.. I knew what had happened and I rolled my eyes.



It doesn't help that I just cannot stand the guy. I avoid him like he's got cooties. He comes off as needy and desperate. And I've got the feeling that any woman will do for him as long as she's mildly attractive (not hideous), and not illegal. (I guess I should be thankful he has some standards huh?)



Plus.. from Evie, I know WAY more that I ever wanted to about his sexual interests and erm.. proclivities. If I wasn't interested by the fact that he looks like a doofus, or by the fact that he acts like he's only out for getting laid and desperately at that, then his sexual preferences alone would have sealed the deal for me that I wasn't going to touch him with a 10 foot pole.



After the show was over, and while we waited for the after-party to start, I found out that Trey had brought two friends with him.



Techincally he brought one friend, who brought his friend.. but thats just me nitpicking.



So we're standing around, and these two guys join our group. I of course wonder who they are, and Evie introduces them.



I honestly don't remember their names. So I'm gunna make up some names.



The first one was chatty, but from the moment he opened his mouth, my lady parts shuddered and recoiled. Jessie's voice was a little .. umm.. too high and he talked with just a slight lisp. Had he not talked about screwing women, I would have sworn he was gay. He was around my height, but with delicate bone structure. His wrists were even dainty. The thought of him having sex with a woman quite frankly made me giggle... a lot.



He talked as if he was Mr. MacDaddy which wasn't helping the situation any. Maybe he does get all the girls. Who knows.. I just find it immensely unbelievable. To be honest, I found the idea of him and Trey being secret lovers much much more believable.



The third guy, Bill, was shy and completely did not fit with the other two. He was new to town, so I excused his judgement in friends. He had long hair and was Native American. He actually was kind of sweet, but way too young. That didn't keep him from attempting to hit on me though. So cute, in an adorable little boy way (I know.. just the way guys hope to be seen right?), but about an hour or so later he admitted his age and he was barely legal. WAY too young for me, and thus I was right in thinking of him as a little boy.



So none of them were at all.. in any way.. potential interests of mine. This actually made the night more fun, because they ALL thought that I'd be happy to have them.



Dear Men... I am not that desperate.. and will never be that desperate.. Sorry.



So the party got started, and people started going back inside. It was hot inside. Like sauna hot. I went in to be social for a bit, but found my way outside rather quickly. The last thing I needed was to be miserable on top of this potential boredom.



A few minutes later, one guy after the other came outside as well. Soon it was myself and the three guys.



We began to talk. Jessie kept giving the youngin' Bill some MacDaddy advice, which I would then critique and tell him how to do it better. Then Jessie saw that as a sign to out do himself. It became this challenge to show me how much of a MacDaddy he was. I couldn't have secretly laughed at him more. At one point he said:



"I shouldn't tell you because you'll hate me."



To which I replied, "If I don't hate you by now, I'm pretty sure there's nothing you can come up with."



He stammered and still pretended to be all gentlemanly in refusing to divulge his scoundrel secrets in my presence.



"Ok.. by hate you.. what did you mean by that?"



Jessie turned red, and so I continued...



"If you mean by hate you, that I would no longer want to have sex with you.. let me put your mind at ease.. that ship sailed within the first minutes of meeting you. So just say what you were going to say."



He looked at me agast, and then did his best to recover. He tried to ask what it was that turned me off, but I simply brushed him off with a "Eh, you're not my type." (Rather than telling him that he reminded me of some gay friends from college.) He retorted with a "Oh well at least we're on the same page." which made me laugh.

Yes yes... I can be a bitch, but I honestly cared not at all what this guy or his friends thought of me.

So he continues about his rules for "dating" which were quite frankly steps to have a one night stand. He did pretty much every cliche' without actually mentioning roofies, though he did mention that getting a girl completely plowed so she'd not remember how to get back to his place later. I know.. a charmer. I of course added rules for him, and instead told him that he should just go to her place. No one can say I'm not helpful. :)



If I'm not interested in dating you, and I'm pretty sure you're harmless (or at least that even the smallest woman could kick your ass), I'm more than willing to share my knowledge to help you get laid.. by someone else. :) Its just how I roll.

Bill however was really enjoying the conversation and cursing that he had no way to take notes. The poor guy. In reality all Bill would have to do to get laid is to hang out with these two morons he was with, then go appologize to the girls later and state that he was new to town. He was sweet, honest, and not bad looking.. and following the wake of the other two guys, he'd look like the catch of the day.
Trey however was not liking the conversation. He instead was trying desperately to convince me that his playboy past was over (like I really believed he had a playboy past), and he was now looking for a real relationship. He was not grasping the idea that I could have cared less about what he was looking for.. I was not interested.. yet he continually tried to impress me with his "seeking a relationship" self.



When we began to discuss ages.. Trey started it by saying he was 40 (he looks maybe 34) and how 30 was the new 20 for him. The others also stated their ages, and then came my turn, which I declined. They were 19, 31, and 40.. and I just let them believe whatever age they thought I was. Generally I'm assumed to be in my late 20's or early 30's, so I figure they thought I was.



Then Trey began commenting on the music that was wafting outside from the party.



"I used to skate to this back in '78"



Which we all would tease him about making himself sound ancient. Heck I'm not much younger than him, and even I thought he sounded old the things he was saying.



It was one "I'm old" statement after anouther which kept me entertained by teasing him about how old he was making himself sound and "Thats the way to win the Ladies, man." sarcasm. I honestly don't think he understood just exactly how off-putting his "remember when" was, or would be to younger women.. when their parents would be the ones saying those "remember whens".



We were outside talking for a couple hours before the other two girls came out, and we all parted ways.



All in all it was a good night.. Lots of fun (for me anyway.)

Better Off In Bed

I am.. Right Now.. on my way to eating an entire Amy's Organic Vegan Chocolate Cake.

I totally deserve it.

You can argue that with me all you want.. But first, let me tell you about my day.

A week ago, I decided to plan a happy hour event for tonight. I figured it'd be a good time to do something outgoing and fun.

I called around and set up the best deal at a great place with great food at great prices.  I was excited. There wasn't a whole lot of people RSVP'd to come but enough of the people I cared about that the low numbers didn't bother me in the least.

I had a laundry list of things that needed done today. Bills paid, checks cashed, groceries, errands to run.  Plus shower and look hot for tonight.

I woke up today at 1pm (3 hours later than I'd planned). Dead tired. Feeling like I was ran over by a truck. 

I check the RSVP's for the happy hour and check my email .. from bed. Then I head to the bathroom to shower and get ready and sure enough I get my period.

The first days of my period are cramps, cramps and OMG kill me now cramps.

Unfortunately it was way too late to cancel.  If I took pain meds, then I couldn't drink. A non-drinking host at a happy hour.. yeah thats a good one!  (fortunately for me my cramps weren't too bad today.. thank God)

So I'm feeling bloated like cow, and putting on my sexiest comfy dress, and head out the door just in time to make the happy hour.  I have to leave for it extra early because its raining in Austin which makes everyone drive like a grandma. (Aka I get nothing done all day) I get drenched on my way to my car.

I get to the establishment and they don't have the tables reserved like they said they would, so I make them quickly throw a few empty tables together. 

Happy Hour goes well. I'm hanging with friends, chatting, and having fun.  The only spoiler there... I'd talked to Theo (see Women Who Hate Women post) earlier that day and asked him to come so we could catch up.  Unfortunately when he came, there wasn't a seat near me but shortly the girl next to me left allowing him to scoot one chair over and sit next to me. However, his gf (same girl as in the earlier post) insisted that she take the seat next to me. Theo and I never got to say more than Hi. Bitch.

Other than that everything went splendid. I really had a great time.

Then I come home. I walk in the door and smell something foul.  Really foul. Like rotten food or rancid cabbage.

I go to let the dog out of her kennel to find that she's had a major accident in it.  Luckily she's not covered in it, but she stinks. The kennel stinks. The bed she had in it stinks (the cover of it is now in the wash on sanitize cycle). She tried to get out and wore off the fur on the top of her nose, a nice baby pink spot of hairless on her nose.

So I had to clean that up, and the poor poop-stank dog wants hugs and snuggles and forgiven.. but she stinks, and I'm not entirely sure I've got the energy to bathe her.

This is not my day. I'm eating cake and going to bed.

I Am Not PC, I Like Mac

Yesterday, I woke up in a relatively good mood. Motivated. I even applied for a job, which of course was more annoying than the job itself.

**rant** Why in the hell does every damn employer have their own website "quiz" you have to answer to apply? Why even have a resume? You end up having to type in every freaking thang from your resume into that quiz anyway. Including supervisors names and numbers.. Which I honestly couldn't tell you for most of my past jobs because the companies have either gone under or the damn supervisor got laid off too. I'm pretty sure I'm not going to get hired by filling out "Random Idiot" as my supervisors name. **/rant**

After taking a nearly an hour to apply for this job, I felt like I'd climbed a mountain.

I rewarded myself by making myself a great lunch and watching some TV.. which turned out to be "Grumpy Old Men".

Love that movie.

By the time the movie was over, I was super chipper and starting to feel like my old self again.  I got ready to run a few errands that I'd been putting off the last couple days, and as I was getting dressed I wondered what was going on that night.

I checked my calendar and sure enough my favorite group (Beer Enthusiasts) had a meeting that night.

Saturday night at my friend's birthday party, I ran into a couple people from my social circles here in Austin. They both scolded me for not being more social, and asked where in the world I've been hiding.  Neither of these two are people I ran into often, but more like people that I saw maybe once every 2 months, so for them to notice I'm missing is a pretty big deal. I hadn't realized just how anti-social I'd gotten.

So when I saw that I could make the Beer meeting, I jumped at it. I figured it was probably time to come out of hiding, and since I was in a decent mood.. all the more reason.

I arrive. I run into Evie and her man outside smoking. I say Hi then run inside to see who all else is in attendance. I see a bunch of people I don't know, and a few that I do.

Then suddenly from across the group seated at the table furthest from where I was, I see a good-looking man exclaim "Hi".  I waved "Hello" back since there weren't any seats near him, and started for the nearest available seat, when I noticed next to him was Getty who then shouted and waved.

Rather than shout over everyone, (and because the guy was hot) I made my way over to that side of the table to say hello and catch up.

I knew that I'd seen the good-looking man before, but couldn't place him right away. Once I got closer though I realized that it was Mac (previously mentioned in "Just Some Time For Fun" and "Where Does The Time Go?"). It really had been a long time no see.

So when I got over to them, I positioned myself between the two of them and asked Getty how she'd been. I was dying to talk to Mac, but I knew I had to put in some time with Getty. Getty was on a non-stop roll of chatter, and kept trying to get me to pull up a chair to sit between them.

I really did not want to spend the entire night stuck next to Getty. She likes to monopolize conversation. I'd never get to chat with anyone else if I stayed here. At one point though, she said she was insisting I sit there because Mac was hot and she wanted to give me a better chance at him.  So why did she monopolize my conversation for the first 30 minutes? Dunno.

Mac however heard us talking about chairs and that I was going to go sit across the way where there were available chairs. I was arguing with Getty saying that I could just go sit over there. No biggie. Getty however kept asking everyone around if we could snag their chairs, to which they said no. Getty would not let it go.

So Mac got up, walked across the room, picked up one of the free chairs from the other side of the way, and carried it back over for me to sit on.  I of course told him it was completely unnecessary, but thanked him profusely for doing it. (It was totally sweet and hot.)

I'm not entirely sure he did it for me to sit next to him, as much as he may have done it so that I'd be a buffer between him and Getty. Either way, I got to sit next to him.

Luckily for me, there was a girl on the other side of Getty for her to talk to.. which gave me a second of break from Getty.. allowing me to turn away from her and talk to Mac.

Mac and I talked most of the night. Catching up on what we'd been doing since we'd last met. Bitching about the bowling group that we'd met at, and anything else that came across our minds.

I'd actually forgotten how easy it was to be around him. The time passed easily with very few lulls, and relaxed. Conversation just flowed, and we laughed and talked like we'd been friends for quite a while. I was so relaxed that I just let honesty flow from my mouth not caring about his view, and he seemed the same with me.

At one point, Getty caught both of our attention by saying that she'd heard a very cute joke that day.. she insisted that we'd love it.  So she started this joke about a dwarf which was off-color and inappropriate. Neither Mac nor I laughed.

I simply told Getty when she was asking, "Do you get it?" type looks and questions..

"It was pretty offensive. Sorry." (Marc nodded his agreement out of site of Getty)

Getty tried to explain why she thought it was funny and how she'd not picked up on its offensiveness, though she supposed it would be offensive to actual people of dwarfism. I'm not sure exactly how the conversation went, but somehow this comment from me made sense..

"I don't really know any real life dwarves. W's the closest I've ever met, but I still found it offensive."  (W is not a dwarf, she's just freaking short. like 4'10? she might even be shorter than that.)

Getty gasped and said I was insulting W.

"I'm not insulting her. She's the shortest person I know. She's fully aware that she's short. Its not news." (The girl is the shortest person in our circle. Obviously shortest.)

Mac then pointed out a rather attractive blonde girl about 5 ft away at the end of the table.

"Doesn't she look like Katherine Heigel?"

"Umm sure, maybe if you add 50 lbs to Katherine Heigel."  Like I said I was relaxed around him. As the words came out of my mouth, I realized how catty it sounded. But there was no taking them back. I didn't really mean them catty, but honestly this girl looked exactly like Katherine Heigel after eating an entire Thanksgiving dinner by herself.

A few minutes later after a pause in the conversation, Mac turned to me.

"You're puzzling."

"Uh.. what?" (me confused)

"A few minutes ago, you're deeply offended at a joke about dwarves. But when I point out the blonde, you comment about her weight."

"I know, but I was just being honest. She's a beautiful girl. But in comparison to Katherine Heigel.. it was an honest comment. I didn't mean it catty."

Really, there wasn't any defense of myself that I could do without backpedalling into spineless.  I said what I said. I meant it.

He smiled. "I know. You said it very matter of fact. Not catty at all. Still funny."

"I just speak truth. Deal with it.  Btw, did you notice that her teeth, mouth, and motions are like Heigel's too? It's weird."

We actually pondered taking pictures of the girl and selling them to tabloids as "Katherine Heigel gets fat" pictures. She looked that close.

He kept getting text messages the entire night. One after another after another. I honestly was wondering if he had some jealous girlfriend.  After about the 4th txt, my flirtatiously curious looks started to take on a little less flirt and a little more curious, he told me who was texting.  Supposedly he has a couple friends who are going through a marital rough patch, and they both keep texting him for advice/perspective. It was a very ornate story he told which no one in the world would make up because it was so boring and who cares, but it was sweet him being there for them and not taking sides.

As the evening was drawing to a close, he started to show me apps on his iPhone. I have one too, so we were comparing cool things.  A few that he had were really cool, and so I had to download them.

We were then interrupted by some chick. I don't know who she was. She did not introduce herself to me, and instead only talked to Mac. They did not seem to know each other. She seemed to just be wanting to meet the "Hot Guy".  Slightly jealous from my seat on the other side of him, I calmed when I noticed they did not know each other and Mac was not acting happy about the interruption. He was nice, friendly, but the conversation was short and then he was back talking to me.

Shortly after that, everyone had left, save a few of us. Mac, some guy, and myself. The guy was standing by himself looking a little uncomfortable, and so I called him over to us.  As much as I like Mac, I hate to ignore people and make them feel like an outsider.  The guy came over. His name was Mike and thats all I found out before Mac drew me back into finishing our conversation.

Mac and Mike's tabs came through first. My tab came through as they were signing theirs, so they both took off.

Mac never asked for my number. I assume we're just friends. Its just nice for the ego though to have the hottest dude in the group commandeer you for conversation.

My Boys: Relating To Men

Moxie In The City has a post today that I feel the need to speak a few words on.

"I am always wary of women who say they don't have a lot of female friends or that they don't "relate well" to other women."

"Maybe their feminine nature or love of getting mani/pedis makes you wonder of there's something wrong with you that you aren't in to those things? I'm not saying there is something wrong with you. I'm suggesting that maybe you're the one with an idea of how a woman "should" be and that that is what's keeping you for effectively connecting with other females."



In many ways, she's right. Women who don't get along well with other females (I'm not talking about frenemies, but actually relating) often have insecurity problems with women.

Talk to any man who doesn't understand women. He's got insecurities with women. Stick him in a group of women talking about hairstyles and nail color, just see what happens.

However, there are plenty of men who do get women.. or at least can relate well to them. Given, most of these men are very effeminate and gay, but still men.

So it goes to reason that women who relate to men better than women, might also be a little masculine.

Which is where Moxie heads next:
"The main challenge you're facing, I think, is that these men you're friends with don't find you particularly feminine."

And she implies that her constant exposure to solely men has caused her to be a little more masculine in her relationship skills.

In many ways she's probably right. In some ways, she's probably not. It has to do partly with how you're wired on the inside, and partly due to external causes.

Sure sure, hanging out with more women would probably help her get a better grasp on makeup, clothes, flirting, and other feminine wiles.

But it may not in reality change anything about this girl. Its possible that the superficial changes might help the girl to be more physically attractive to the opposite sex.. but I'm not seeing in the girl's letter that physical attraction is the problem.

My guess is that she has some mild case of aspergers or ADD which affects women in different ways then men. This "faulty" wiring causes her to find women exhausting, catty, and superfluous. Since men have a simpler social structure, pecking order, and ways of fighting, she finds being social with them much more productive and relaxing.

Since there aren't a whole lot of these kinds of women, most men aren't accustomed to it. Instead like most people, jump to conclusions that she cannot be trusted to be faithful and that she is in fact sleeping with one of these men. Or.. that there is something fundamentally wrong with her.. Which might be true.

I agree though with Moxie that this girl does need to seek out women who share her interests. Having a few girlfriends really does help.. If not just so you can commiserate about how guys suck. :)

In the meantime though, she needs to start differentiating how she reacts and relates to the different men in her life. My guess is that she's treating her dates much like she treats her guy friends. He is not her friend and she doesn't want him to be.. seriously.. she doesn't want him to be the kind of friend like her guy friends. Once he's that kind of friend, sex is off the table. There needs to be a difference between what she shares with him and what she shares with her guy friends.

Actually, all this makes me think of that TV sitcom, My Boys. Now if only I was smoking hot, played poker, and liked sports.

Opposite Sex Friendships

Dear R. Don Steele,

You are an ignorant ass. Sure sure, the affection mentioned in the letter between the girlfriend and her guy friend is a big red flag.

But to say point blank that guys and girls cannot be friends... Whoa Dawgies!

Please come out of the dark ages and join the rest of us in civilization.

To say that guys and girls cannot be friends.. is pretty much to also say that a gay guy and a straight man cannot be friends, a lesbian and a straight girl cannot be friends... actually you might as well as say lesbians cannot be friends, nor can homosexuals be friends with each other.

Its possible that you're too locked into your penis that you honestly believe that everyone else has such a huge urge to copulate that they'll jump anyone suitable for the task.

Or maybe its perhaps you find nothing valid in the opposite sex worth being friends with them. Are you secretly a misogynist?

Hope you have a good knuckle-dragging life,

Maruska

******

My response to that lovely letter would be...

Dear Richard,

You need to talk to her. Calmly. She's with you. She's chosen you. So if she's doing something questionable, you need to set the pattern now in your relationship that you two talk. Communication is key to any relationship.

She needs to know that his physical attention to her makes you uncomfortable, and makes you wonder about her fidelity. You want to trust her, but you're not used to this kind of friendship.

If she does not stop allowing this guy to cuddle with her in public, then you have your answer. If she's really with you, she'll work this out with you so you're both happy.

Do not however make her choose between a "long time friend" and you. He could be a FWB or just a good friend.. if you throw this card for jealousy reasons, she'll toss you to the curb no questions asked. As the saying goes, "Bros before Hoes", he's her bro, you're the ho.

If you want to make this relationship last, you are going to have to stick in there. Show her that you trust her and you're there for the long haul, but that she's yours and you want the world to have no questions about that.

Talk to her.

-Maruska

June Cleaver Gone Wild

Last night I went out. This in itself was an amazing feat. Its still Arctic tundra cold here (ok I exaggerate, it just feels that way for Austin, TX) which makes me want to do nothing and go nowhere.

But I had two parties in the same place which I'd promised both of them that I'd be there. So I had to go.

Both were costume parties. One was 80's and one was MadMen. I have a bunch of old MadMen clothes and jewelry saved from my grandmother's closets. So thats what I went with.

I dolled up in an old style dress, 5 strand pearl & glass necklace circa grandma, pearl stud earrings, and white gloves and purse also from grandma. I couldn't have looked more prim and proper had my own mother dressed me (ok except for pantyhose, which I refuse to wear).

I don my fanciest coat which is somewhat warm. My Arctic tundra coats all make me look like a bag-lady cuz they're a good 10 yrs old. No one normally needs that kind of coat in Austin. Seriously, what is up with all this cold? Forget global warming, this is the ice age.

I head out the door and freeze. I attempt to run to my car. But I don't have running shoes on, and I'm in a dress that's not really allowing for a good sprint.

I get to my car, put the heat on high, and start to get warm about half way there. By the time I arrive in the parking lot, I'm finally warm.

Then I get a text from the girl doing the 80's party. Chrissy's standing outside in the longest line ever to get into any kind of club in Austin (outside of SXSW parties) in the cold. I look for parking, but she texts me again that the line isn't moving and would I be interested in going somewhere else.

I fucking look like June Cleaver. And I know where she's going to want to go.. a hiphop club. Great!

So I debated. Stand in freezing line, or go home.. or... She calls "You want to go to the Gingerman?"

I've got to give the girl credit. She knows my buttons. I'd go to the Gingerman dressed in my house cleaning clothes and ponytail on the top of my head.

So we go to the Gingerman. It's her and I, and her new best friend Nie, and two guys both friend's of Nie. One I'd met before and while he's a sweet guy he's also a good 4 inches shorter than me, and a doormat. The other.. was not normally my type, and I thought he was "with" Nie so I wasn't giving him much time of day when he introduced himself.

We all sat down and had a beer, and then Greg (Nie's friend) and I made eye contact. *zap* WTF?

Nie and Greg had both mentioned that they were simply friends and used to be roomates. They acted like brother and sister. He'd just recently broke up with some girl as well. (Single baby yeah!)

We were all talking, but whenever Greg said something it was like he was talking only to me, and that we were having our own private conversation. No one else indicated that this was actually happening, so I'm pretty sure it was just my own mental problem.

Nie and Chrissy decide to go dancing at a club nearby. I'm trying to get everyone to stay at the Gingerman even though I know I'm going to lose. Nie and Chrissy are dancing fools. The only way I'll win is if the guys don't want to go dancing. Jay? Jeffery? whatever his name.. pretends to debate but everyone knows he wants to go dancing. Greg however shows the most reluctance and shoots me a look like "You know you've lost, please join us".

So I do. And we all dance. I pretend not to. I'm trying to spare my knees, but judging from today, I didn't totally succeed.

I'm also sticking out like a sore thumb. I'm in a club club. I'm in my best impression of June Cleaver and I'm in a club where women's dresses start just covering their tits end just barely covering their ass. All I needed was some kind of ruler to smack people and tell them to be "proper girls". I instead did my best impression of "June Cleaver Gone Wild", stripping my gloves off with my teeth and shaking my booty.

Throughout the evening, Greg and I make eye contact. We share private jokes, and more than once he leans in to say something to me with his arm around me holding me close. We are the two "not dancing" of those "dancing". We bonded.

But towards the end of the night, he and Nie disappear. He disappears first. Then she disappears about 5 minutes later. I want to know whats going on, so I head to the bathroom as an excuse to spy on them.

I find Nie waiting outside the men's room. I knew she was waiting for him. I don't know why and I didn't ask.

I walked by her to the lady's room and freshened up.

After that, Greg stuck next to Nie. He still flirted with me a little, and held me as he whispered things into my ear, but something was different.

As we all walked back to our cars, Chrissy hugged me goodnight, and I turned to say goodnight to everyone else.. but Greg had disappeared. Nie was now riding home with him and not Jeff (whatever his name is) who she came with.

It was still a good night. I had fun. I got to experience a nice man's arms around me, and smile and flirt and laugh.

New Years Eve 2009

I'm a little late with posting. I know you all were sitting on pins and needles waiting to hear about my Fabulous New Years Eve!

I put on my sexy purple dress and black strappy heel/sandals. The Swarovski crystal necklace I made for my wedding but never wore, and sterling & crystal chandelier earrings. (see pics)

If I do say so myself, I looked fabulous!

My first party to go to, I ended up getting there late (if you're noticing a trend, don't worry I'll add it to my new years resolutions) and wouldn't be able to spend much time. But I brought them a bottle of champagne, and said hi. They were having a lazy but really cool NYE party, mostly just girls, watching old cheesy girly movies (Josie & the Pussycats), eating some good food and drinking. Later they were going to break out some board games and cards. They were all comfy in pj's and snuggies. This is what I'll be doing next year I think.


My second party was swanky in a condo downtown which is why I dressed as I did. While he adheres to Austin's dress code (anything goes) for his parties, everyone is usually dressed up. Dressy suits are not uncommon and cocktail dresses are the generally accepted norm.

My nemesis was there btw. I've decided to just start calling her that. I honestly couldn't care less about Meg anymore, it just irks me that she doesn't even acknowledge me in public. She won't even say "excuse me" to me if she bumps into me or ask to pass by. If I'm talking to someone she wants to talk to, she will wait until I leave or come up and talk to them as if I'm not even there. Its hilarious. (She's mentioned a couple times in my blog - OMG Like Seriously? HS Still Happens, Women Who Hate Women )

The catty girl in me took great pride in the fact that she showed up in a worn out cardigan over some boring shirt with worn jeans. I didn't even bother looking at her shoes.

While I finally spotted a mutual friend of ours not being monopolized by her (a guy she considers hers, and probably the reason she no longer speaks to me, I'm just guessing here) I went over to say Hi. Sadly I found out that he is also among the fold of the unemployed. We had a great chat. I was surprised that Meg let us chat until I saw that Meg took that opportunity to mingle with my friends at the party.

I thought it hilarious. My friends only knew her by "That ex-friend-bitch" and not her name. So as soon as I'd finished talking to our friend, I went over to socialize with my friends despite her being there. She saw me arrive at the group and left without a word. My friends looked a little taken aback by her sudden leaving, but shrugged it off.

It was then that I mentioned, "Just so you know, since you probably won't ever see her again, remember that girl I told you about who was a close friend then suddenly put the hate-on for me and I don't know why? yeah thats her."

Cassie said, "Really? Wow."

We then discussed why Meg may have a hate-on for me. I mentioned that I thought it was because of the guy, that she'd misconstrued me talking to him or something. Cassie saw the guy which I'd pointed out.

"Him? Really? I didn't know she had crush on him. Wonder if that's why she dislikes me too."

I didn't want to tell Cassie this, but Meg would dislike Cassie for several reasons. Cassie is thin and hot and single (she used to be a pageant queen). Cassie dated J (the host, a guy Meg also seems to have "dibs" on but will never get). Cassie is nice to everyone. And lastly Meg would not like her, because Cassie is friends with me.

While this was the smallest snippet of the night, it was the most entertaining. J had set up a music video montage that gave me a whole new perspective of him. J is usually very reserved unless drunk then he gets annoying, but never is crass or even remotely ungentlemanly. So the video montage was quite the conversation. While we all know J has a sexual side, most of us have never ever seen it or even hints at it. The entire montage was video of semi-naked to naked women. Some were music videos, some was video of some 1960's experiment or some revealing sexual education video. All the shots were tasteful like soft porn or classier versions of soft porn, but still rather pornographic. It was no wonder people warned me on my arrival that something was wrong with J.

J himself seemed fine just a little down. Its not an easy time to be single, so hopefully its just that.

The rest of the evening was flattering with various compliments from various people. An old "friend" who has always wanted to be more, but leans a little too much to the kooky-crasy side for my comfort, spent most of the evening complimenting me and telling me how much I'm missed. He's sweet. I so wish I could like him back like that. It's still flattering though.

And while, I had to keep hands off, when I first arrived to the party I met Cassie and her friends. Cassie, Mel and Mel's date. Mel's date was obviously a boob man, and when I arrived and actually most of the rest of the night, made priority to talk to me whenever I was near him and Mel. Unfortunately for Mel, she's flat chested so I don't see them lasting very long. It's usually a very bad sign for a flat chested girl if their man's eyes light up like a Christmas tree when someone with boobs enters.

Most of the evening though, I spent talking to this girl I used to dislike. She's gorgeous, sweet, nice, and exotic. She's Indian and like a size 2 naturally. She comes off as very aloof and prissy if you don't know her and a bit of a bitch. She's not. She's just shy and only feel comfortable talking to people she knows. So it just appears that she doesn't like you because she's not talking to you, but she's all sorts of friendly and social with everyone else.

A few months ago, on some kind of star-crossed fluke, she became comfortable with me. I have no idea what happened or when, but suddenly she started talking to me and being friendly. She's not the ulterior motives kind of girl, so I was a little taken back until I realized she's just really shy.

We had a great time talking and laughing. We might become good girlfriends yet.

When the clock struck midnight, I was sitting next to her and her boyfriend and watched them kiss. For once, I wasn't looking around "OMG someone kiss me". I was happy and content to just enjoy being there with friends. Had someone kissed me, it probably would have ruined the purity of moment.

It was a new year. This one of freedom, love of myself, confidence, and self-security. While tomorrow I'll post a whole list of improvements, for now though I'm ok with just being me.

Wasting My Time

I'm aggravated in a way that only silly people, usually women, can aggravate me. Looking back at things, I realize that the crux of the problem is simply that I thought we were better girlfriends than we were.

We'd spent hours chatting online. Commiserating. Talking, and occasionally joking around with the same people. We'd responded to each other on a relatively regular basis and told each other "secrets" in DM. One such conversation was actually a "no-compete" conversation where she asked me not to flirt with certain gentlemen, and I in return told her someone I wanted to be "hands off".

In most girlfriend circles, online or off.. that means a real friendship. Or at least it should.

It all started with me retweeting a philosophy which I've pretty much always embraced.

"if you don't *want* to be with me? fuck off and don't waste my time. really."

Now when I retweeted this, the person I retweeted thought that ME retweeting it was hysterically funny. (insert headspin here)

So I asked her why it was funny, because my initial response to that was to kick her ass for insinuating with her laughter that I like to chase after men who don't want me. I stifled it to wait for her reply.

While her answer, relieved the aforementioned insinuation/asskicking, it instead started up a whole new ball of wax.

She said that one of my "Followers" was "mind-fucking" with her, and she blocked him. By my retweeting it, he then could see what she'd said about him.. getting back at him.

Now as a good online girlfriend, she should tell me who this person is so I can avoid the same pitfalls.. Right?

She would not. She giggled around it. Told me that this person was someone I liked, thus would not tell me.

Now if this person is such a menace, my liking him would be all the more reason to share his identity.

Still she would not tell me, WTF?

So I've been wracking my brain trying to figure out who this person is. There is only one man on twitter that I've ever mentioned to her that I really liked. I'm relatively sure its not him, and if it is, then her misreading his intentions might be more her fault than his.

Now there are plenty of men on Twitter that I like, and probably more that people would assume that I like. Some I'd love to date if we were local, but we're not. They and I flirt now and then, but we're just friends. We might think about more if we were closer, maybe. So.. umm..

I have no idea who she means. But what gets me more than anything is her refusal to share. It just not good online girlfriend etiquette.

So she then tells me not to worry that he's just a "crush" she has. Someone who flirts but isn't interested in her.

So now I'm kinda pissed that she's blown this up to be such a big fucking deal when it's not.

So being the good girlfriend, I try to bond with her by asking who this crush is.. I mean maybe since I know him I can give her tips on how to catch his interest or commiserate with her in his superficial flirting habits.

She replies, "Ha I'm not tellin ;)"

Oh dear lord, had she been in physical proximity I'd have slapped that damn smile off her face. Of course if she'd have been in physical proximity she'd have seen on my face that taunting me with this crap was NOT going to make me friendly.

So I reply, "Whatever. I'm done"

She catches my drift. "Don't be mad. It doesn't matter who I have a crush on. Never going anywhere."

If its truly never going anywhere, there is absolutely no harm in sharing. Just dramatics and fucking with people.

Moral of the Story: Don't fuck with me. One of the absolutely worst things you can do to me is convince me you know something I don't, about someone I might care about.. then not tell me who or what it is.. then treat me like a child or that I'm not safe to tell.

A. If you really feel that way, and aren't going to share.. Don't fucking imply that you will, or bring it up. Its teasing, childish, and rude.

B. If you do, you're liable to find yourself in hot water with me.

Eventually I'm sure I'll get over this and be friendly with her again.. I just won't trust her or anything she says. I won't ever imagine that we're friends again. She's in the frienemy box and it's not easy to get out of it.


(See also Moxie In The City's commentary to this post: How Well Do You Choose Your Girlfriends?)

Me No Dance... Good!

Saturday night, (if you're keeping track, this is the 5th night in a row I've been out. My apartment is completely trashed. My dog hates me. I'm a little bit on the edge of complete apathy about everything.) I went out dancing.

Way back on Wednesday, Chrissy promised to set something fun up for Saturday and back on Wednesday it sounded like a good idea to promise her that I'd go. Unless I'm seriously on my death bed, if I've promised you I'll attend something.. I'll show up. Especially if its a very small group of attendees were I will definitely be missed.

So I make my way down to the club for club dancing. Chrissy thinks I'm the most awesome dancer ever. I think she's crazy. My dancing consists of mimicking other people and making fun of lame dance moves. I can't actually do anything "cool" on the dance floor. Trust me.

So I get to the club and Chrissy's bragging me up to the other girls about how fun I am on the dance floor. *sigh*

Anyway, I grab a drink and go sit with them. They got an awesome seat by the DJ overlooking the dance floor. We're basically on "stage", so I tell Chrissy and Nie to stand up and dance. They're complaining that no one else is dancing...

"Girls.. the whole point of this was for you to dance. There's music. There's floor."

I talked them into it. (Now that is one of my skills, and often how my evilness comes out. I can talk people into doing things.)

So they go dance, and then the table next to us gets consumed by a wedding party. They're everywhere, and they're eyeing our table hoping we move. We don't.

Next thing I know the staff is coming up to us telling us that the table next to us will buy us two rounds of drinks if we give them our table, and they'll set us up at another table elsewhere.

Free drinks? Sure! (besides Chrissy and Nie were wanting to leave anyway, I wanted to stay as I wasn't familiar with the place they wanted to go other than it sounded horrid)

So we stayed. We drank. I started getting tipsy and bored. Which is a dangerous combination for me.

Since we were in a rather secluded area of the bar, I didn't really have anyone to pester and it would have been rude for me to get on my phone and drunk text random people that might still be awake. (oh and if you want me to drunk txt you, gimme your number I'll make sure I do next time I'm out.. cuz I'm all nice like that.)

So bored, tipsy, and not wanting to be rude.. I start dancing with Chrissy and Nie. I'm taking it easy at first, but the alcohol and boredom get to me and I just stop having a care. I know I look retarded dancing because the guy nearby us was actually looking at me, laughing, then texting is buddy across the room. But at this point I don't care.

There's one thing about me that I don't think I've shared here. I have a birth defect in my feet which requires me to always wear some kind of arch support, and severely limits the amount of activities I can do on my feet in a day. Disobedience to the "rules" of my feet gives me shin splints, throbbing pain, excruciating pain if I move wrong, knee pain, and back pain. And for the most part, I've learned how to manage it that most people don't notice and will never know.

Unfortunately, my being out 5 nights in a row and then getting tipsy and club dancing (which I don't really pick up my feet but shuffle and slide - I tried to pick up my feet to do "steps" and ended up stepping on someone's foot pretty hard.) started to catch up with me.

After about an hour of dancing, my feet started to ache. Then about a half hour later I noticed that my knees really hurt when I was doing a few of the moves. My knees had hurt like that a couple weeks ago, but since I hadn't noticed it on the dance floor I didn't realize it was the club dancing I did back then that had caused it.

I ended up calling it a night a little early and walked back to my car. By the time I got home my legs were throbbing. My feet were throbbing. I sat down and did not want to get back up.

This morning I woke to every muscle in my feet and legs being stiff and sore. So much so that I did everything I could to stay in bed as long as humanly possible, while stretching my muscles occasionally. I'm familiar with this pain. It's going to take me all week to heal.

I'm still trying to learn moderation. *sigh* But thats ok.. I need to get in gear and get ready for the holiday this weekend anyway.

Holiday Parties

Friday night, Ms Hottottie had invited me over to her place for a Christmas party. Since I'd just met her the day before, and I spent most of Friday holding my head thinking "OMG make the pain stop".. I didn't have much time to prepare any real Christmas goodies.

So I loaded up a couple bottles of wine, a bag of chips, and went.

It was a small party of mostly couples, but they were fun and interesting people so I didn't mind. Plus it was kind of nice to just chill.

I met the absolute coolest couple EVER!

They've been married for 5 yrs, no kids, and act like they're newlyweds. Ok well adjusted newlyweds, not the PDA newlyweds.

She's a housewife like I used to be, and we bonded over that. Its not an easy thing to do, especially in today's society. And while you may take pride in it, and love it, and you and your spouse may exstatic about it.. Other people aren't (reactions range from envious "oh so you eat bonbons all day" to judging "But you should still work."), and its an extremely lonely job. Especially if you don't know any other housewives.

She's at least fortunate that her husband is a social guy (my ex was not) so they go out relatively often for her to meet other people. He's in computer something, and very much a geek. He and I spent a good portion of the evening talking. I have food allergies and he has diabetes. We both have restricted diets which were handed to us by doctors with little to no instruction. Sink or swim. So we spent a good portion commiserating about learning to swim and the pitfalls of it.

It was easy conversation. We all laughed and joked around and had fun.

So much fun, that after two bottles of wine (I drank at least one entirely by myself) and much good conversation.. it was suddenly 4am.

Btw I really want to find a boyfriend, just to double date with these two. Yeah they're that awesome.

Social Circles, Gossip, & Vanity

So last night I go to this social thing I've committed myself to going. Third night of social outing in a row, and I'm wanting to shoot myself so I can get out of going.

So I drag myself. I'm late because I put up so much resistance that I completely lost track of time.

I'm supposed to be there at 6:30.. the party went until 8pm. I show up at 8:15. I know I'm bad.

The party is still going, but I see absolutely no one I know. Then I see Mr Smoking Hottie. He's married, but he's great eye candy.

He introduces me to his friend, Ms Hottottie. She's awesome and we hit it off. Next I'm meeting another woman Ms Short&Sassy... and we're all having a good time.

Then I get the gossip. I would never in a million years deduced what was actually going on under the scenes.

Turns out.. Mr Sexy TechGuru isn't happy in his marriage. I'd picked up hints that this was the case, but nothing out of the ordinary "My wife is irritating me today".

New friend, Ms Short&Sassy is totally all about him and wanting to show him some happy. (seriously)

My other new friend, Ms. Hottottie was talking all night about this married guy that she is craving. She told me all about him and his wife. No one has ever met his wife. His life, kids etc. Supposedly he toggles between married and separated? Maybe an open relationship? He kissed her at the party... well in private anyway.

I assumed this was someone outside the circle or someone I didn't know. Oh no.. this is a guy I know. A guy that I thought was just friendly.. now maybe not so much friends? All I know is that he's hot enough to make me consider otherwise.

So.. anyway thats not all.

This engaged couple.. are all about to break up. Another couple are about to start dating... it went on and on.

Now I'm not sure what I've walked into. I am totally going to have to hang with Ms. Hottottie more often though. She's a ton of fun. I may need to get some dating tips from her.

So after this party, I'm a little wired and I'd promised to go to a charity function. It was free and just a couple blocks away. I knew from the few of my friends that were going.. the people there would be rich and/or hot.

I was not prepared for it.

It was wall to wall smoking hot people. Hot men. Hot women. Those that weren't hot were dressed in head to toe MOH-NEY. I felt like I'd stepped into a whole different universe, and while I was dressed appropriately... I felt like I should instead be in a revealing cocktail dress, decked out in diamonds and fur, and several sizes smaller.

I attempted to schmooze. A couple people were nice and social and not annoying, but most were completely brainless and completely superficial. I said Hi to the few friends who showed up, and then when I could no longer stand the vapidness and boredom I left.

Had I gone on a night when I was feeling more social I'm sure things would have turned out better, but as it was.. I was OMG GET ME OUT OF HERE.. and checked myself for hives as I ran out the door.

I will not be going to one of those again without a huge party of girlfriends or a millionaire on my arm.

The Almost Perfect Guy

Last night I went out to a singles event. It was supposed to be a bunch of singles from my general vicinity and the tall-people singles, so I figured there would be some chance of a tall single man.

I get there and I cannot find the group. I walk around feeling like a complete moron because I cannot even find my friend that is supposed to meet me there. I am freaking out.

But I find them, and its all girls. Ok, I lie. Its all girls and 3 guys. None of the 3 guys are guys that I find attractive. One of them is really cute, but he's so short that my breasts are at his eye level. If we dated, I'd either have to really get used to him talking to my boobs, or help shell out money for his chiropractic sessions. The next guy is really not my type, and even though I'm sitting two feet from him he makes absolutely no attempt to even notice I'm there. And then there's the obviously foreign guy. He's looks really middle eastern, and is extremely socially awkward. I'd met him vaguely once before and he's really from a different country.

So I sit back with Chrissy and she starts asking me if I find anyone attractive. Chrissy has a bald black man fetish, so she's already scanned the room and seeing none is now more interested in being my wingwoman.

She's still trying to figure out my type. I don't really have "one" as far as physical. Sure sure there's looks that will make my head spin, my tongue hang out, and I might have to resist the urge to lock them up in my basement... but when it comes to a real "dating relationship" I'm more about what's inside. (well within a few physical limits anyway)

So she points out this guy across the room in an argyle sweater. He's cute, but not my thing. His friend though is a very sexy bald guy. Some guys can pull it off.. some can't. He can. Chrissy sees him and is interested. She then finds out by accident that the girl next to her is their co-worker.

So as the guys finish playing their billiards across the room, they make their way over to their co-worker.. and ta-da.. to us!

They're both imports from South Africa. I am SOOOO not interested, but I make small talk and have fun. Giam (the bald guy) is hilarious and fun, his friend Jack is an ass. So we all (there's like 5 of us girls) circle around Giam.

I keep trying to pull Chrissy and Giam together with conversation. You know keep him talking to her. He keeps talking to me, then goes over and talks a while with another girl next to me.

By this time I've already gotten loosened up with two vodkas, and my conversation with @MasterDater earlier in the day about small penises comes back into my head.. and..

I say a joke about the conversation to Chrissy loud enough that the girl next to me overhears.. and.. every man within three feet turns to join our conversation. Giam is all back talking to me. Literally everyone stopped all their other conversations and came running. I however laughed my ass off. (Do not mention penis out loud in a group of singles)

So we spent the next 10 minutes or so talking about penises and if you should talk about your penis. (It was a resounding NO, Never talk about your penis. Which I'm one of the advocates for silence in this case as well).

The rest of the night was basically the same conversation theme. One conversation about penis during the day set my mind into guttermode and at every innocent opportunity to turn the conversation to sex... I managed to do it. (Not in the "I need laid so I'm talking about sex" but more of a funny yet matter of fact kind of way.. It just steered there of its own accord where 3 minutes later someone would ask "How in the world did we get started talking about sex?" and it would be traced back to some comment that I made. I should not talk sexual stuff before going out.

Anyway, Giam went off to play some more pool, and was chatting with Chrissy. Chrissy and I were about to leave to go to the part of the bar where the lamest band alive was playing because Chrissy wanted to dance, then Giam and Chrissy start talking religion.

Chrissy is very alternative faith. Very into meditation, new age, law of attraction.

Giam states that he's Christian and going to seminary school soon, and truly believes that no one has a right to push their religion on anyone else. *drool* To Chrissy, he might as well have said he was an axe-murderer, however my ears perk up and suddenly Giam looks 30 times hotter. We talk a bit about it, and then Chrissy & I head to a different room for the band.

Chrissy wants to dance, so I appease her and stay with the band even though my every thought by now is about Giam. I'm completely preoccupied. Giam does not look like a seminary guy. He doesn't act like he's uber-religious. He honestly looks like a cleaned up biker dude. So my head is trying to wrap my mind around a good looking rebel-looking guy at a bar, with fantastic social skills, drinking, having fun, playing pool.. going to seminary.

Chrissy makes a bathroom trip while I hold down the fort (aka coats and drinks, and open dance floor) and comes back.

"You remember Jack? He's gaming all over these girls in the other room."

She's laughing and I'm laughing. It took a "Hi" from Jack and thats all I needed to know that he's a douchebag/prick. I'm sure he's a nice guy as a friend, but hell would freeze over before I attempted to date him. Plus he was kind of a jerk to us earlier.. so..

"He is? OMG lets go ruin his game. Come on.. it'll be fun."

Chrissy is all for it. I'm partly going to ruin Jack's game, but mostly because I'm hoping that Giam will be around and I want to get away from the band.

We barely get over to Jack's area, and Giam is there. He sees us and looks happy. He completely stops talking to whomever he's talking to, and comes over to us.

"Hey, I thought you guys left."

We explained that we'd been to see the band, and that they blow big monkey chunks. (I may have added the monkey chunks. If you still like 80's hair bands, not remixes or redos of it, but the real stuff and you like to go see 80's hair band cover bands.. Please do not let me know or invite me. Thanks.)

We sat down at a nearby table, and I started asking Giam about seminary. Chrissy asked as well.

If there ever were perfect answers to "Why seminary" and "What do you believe" and "Ethics"... Giam said them.

Chrissy was not interested at all, but I've got a huge crush. HUGE crush.

I'm relatively sure seminary will beat the rationality and reason and compassion out of him.. but from what Giam said last night about his religious beliefs.. He could not have echoed my own any more perfectly. This is extremely ... extremely rare.

He's smart. He's currently working in software development.. A Geek. *drool* Ethics and beliefs are perfectly fitting with mine (from what I could tell so far, we didn't discuss everything), and he has a rocking body. I got tipsy enough that I was .. well a little more handsy than usual.

By the end of the night, if Giam had asked me to run away and marry him.. I would have said yes. I would have also been a little inebriated. Had we been in Vegas, I probably would have asked him... well maybe after a few more vodkas.

He left with his friends though. I'd given him my number earlier in the evening, and we'll see if he calls. I very much doubt he does, but I wish he would.

Though waking up this morning.. I'm pretty embarrassed. The guy is going to seminary.. and relatively soon after meeting him, I introduced a conversation about penises.. which honestly turned into a conversation about car/penis compensation.. which I then joking accused him of having a sports car (which he took in great stride btw, but still). Then after another drink, I walked by him and demonstrated on him for Chrissy the "walk by - feel up" that I do on occasion without his consent or knowledge that I was demonstrating it. Aka.. I just walked by and felt up a dude going to seminary.

Pretty sure he's not going to be calling.

On the other hand, after he left .. Mr Short from the group and Mr Middle Eastern came up like gang busters talking to us. Both of them at one point pulling me aside to talk one on one. Both asking for my number.

Exactly. The guys that I am NOT interested in.. all want me. Mr Middle Eastern has already attempted to add me on Facebook. *click* Ignore.

The Surprise Outing

Last week, I was supposed to go out wednesday, but when a friend begged me to go to Speeddating on Thursday, I decided to just go out on Thursday instead. Then Thursday fell through, so when Friday came around I was looking for something to do.

Evie called and wanted a ride to a birthday party. This girl's birthday party was a "surprise" affair as she'd just posted its occurrence that day on FB on her status. Didn't email anyone, didn't actually send out invites, but just posted it on her FB (this evidently is how social things are "done" among this particular section of my circle). Most people missed the status invite, and instead found out about it because one of their mutual friends called them to see if they were going. This is how I learned about it.

I wasn't even actually a FB friend of this girl. I've mentioned her before as someone I wasn't sure I even liked. I'm still not sure I do. Sure sure she's nice enough and friendly enough, but she gives me this sense that she's not so easy to get along with once you know her. Actually, mega-bitch is how I see her under her mask of uber-friendly party girl. She's friends with most everyone I know, so I went to her birthday party. I also added her on FB later. Superficially she's great company, but I have absolutely no real desire to get any closer to her.

Anyway, so Evie and I go. We see all our friends. Say Hi.

Don was there. He's got a new girlfriend. They're all happy and chummy. She seemed nice enough and she's pretty. I did my best impression of "I'm just a friend, I totally never had any kind of crush on your boyfriend." I either performed my part really well, or I can be insulted. She reacted to me like I wasn't even any kind of competition.

After dinner, the party moved next door to a bar where most of us girl's got our flirt on with Hottie McSteamy (not my invention) the bartender whose real name is Steve. We instead would yell "Hottie" when we needed him and if another bartender came over to serve us, we'd insist on them going to get "Hottie". Because yes, the we girls were in an obnoxious mood. Someone had to be the laughing stock of the bar, it might as well be us. :)

The girls I was with (I barely know) Melanie and Jasmine? were totally feeding off each other. Next thing I knew they'd dragged some Irish bloke over and made him talk to them. He then dragged his friend, Mr. Perv-Irish-Douchebag over to us. EWW.

There really weren't many good looking guys in our section of the bar, but we made do with those around us. I kept connecting eyes with this really hot guy who kept walking by. (we were stationed by the bathroom, so maybe he had reason) But nothing ever became of it.

Then Mr. Sexy-Geek walked in with a bunch of friends. I have this thing for a certain kind of look. I never ever manage to date anyone with this look, but I find it really hot. Let me post some celebrity's with this type of look.

David Krumholtz
Nicolas Wright (his pics from Accidentally on Purpose)
Zachary Levi (actually if you look at Levi's main photo.. omg melt)
Joshua Gomez

Ok.. so I was from afar drooling over this guy who looked like a combo between Zachary Levi and David Krumholtz. I didn't approach the guy because he was with a mixed group of girls and guys, and I'm not really an approacher anyway. I can be, but I usually just don't.

Then this other girl from our group came up and started complaining that there weren't any good looking men around. I told her there were a few, and pointed out that I thought this guy was hot. Of course with the caveat that I happen to like geeky looking guys. She sees him and her eyes pop. She agrees that he's hot, and then drags me over there by my arm and whispers something in his ear. I have NO idea what she said.

She then hands his hand to me, and I shake his hand yelling my name into his year as he yells his into mine. We chit chat for a little bit. Basically he's works in computer software (duh) and is from Brazil. He does not look latino, but hey sure ok. He has a very heavy accent which was hard to understand.

After my ex, I am no longer interested in dating anyone from a foreign country. If all their family is here, maybe, but there's going to be some major cultural differences which I am not ready to sign up for again.. any day soon.

So other than taking him home that night and banging him silly, I wasn't interested and I could see he wasn't either. But the girl that dragged me over there, insisted I stay despite that she was hitting on a married man. Yes he even said he was married and his wife was somewhere in the bar. This girl was never going to be high on my list of people to hang out with again.

So I went over to Evie and talked to her and her boyfriend. Jasmine mentioned that they were sickeningly cute, and they were. I told them they were making me sick (in a joking manner mind you), and her boyfriend said he had a friend to fix me up with, and promised to fix Jasmine up with someone as well. Ok, you couples.. Thats exactly how you treat your single friends when they're ready to puke from your cuteness. You appease them with possible sex with someone potentially fantastic, even if it never comes to pass.

Anyway, he left for a few minutes and Evie started talking to Jasmine about how she had this ex that Jasmine just had to meet. He was into (list of kinks here) and would be....

I interrupted her right there. "Oh my god, Evie you've been holding out on me?"

Evie turned completely white. She didn't realize I was overhearing it all for one, and secondly by her reaction she obviously did not think I was into anything like that at all. She even flat out said to my face that I wasn't into it.

I laughed my ass off. Evidently I've perfected the prudish look to the general public. Yeah baby.

She went on to defend herself by saying that this guy was way into it, and liked to do all this, and that, and whatnot. I of course am asking detailed questions that only those into those things know the answers to. Evie is back-peddling so hard that I'm surprised she didn't have a panic attack. I honestly don't know if she was panicked that her boyfriend would find out about this ex (we were sworn to never tell him about that conversation), or if she was shocked that I was kinky at all, or if I'd called her bluff and there really was no ex into that stuff.

Jasmine of course was all about being my best friend after that. Dirty minds think alike of course. (I of course had to tell this story to my friends who know that side of me, and they laughed heartily. They all know full well how dirty my mind works.)

All in all it was a good night. No new guys, but I got several girls numbers which is extremely odd to me.

Gotta Go Out to Get Out

Earlier this week, I plotted out my social calendar. Which group events to go to, and which ones to miss. I had decided that Thursday night I'd to go to a singles event at a bar I'd never heard of but according to maps was close by.

I rarely go to singles events but earlier this week decided it'd be a good idea, so I had it on my mental calendar. I also had promised a new girlfriend that I'd go to a matinee of "New Moon" with her today, so my calendar was a little "full" for a weekday.

It's still bitter cold outside, and while not raining today, still miserable. So after the movie today, I was freezing and decided to just go home and find the space heater, a blanket, and some hot cocoa.

I completely had forgotten that I'd let it slip to Gety that I had planned to attend this singles event. So as I'm walking in my apartment, she texts me.

"Are you coming tonight?"

I replied that I was thinking of canceling and asked if there was much of a crowd. She said there wasn't but it was still early (6pm). I debated with myself whether or not to go, while I did my hair and makeup.

Then Gety texts: "Besides I owe you a beer. Oh and they put out free food. Get over here!"

So I change out of my comfy shoes and into my "heels". Dressing this week has been challenging. Monday night I fell down and scraped up my knee pretty good. It actually didn't completely stop bleeding til Tuesday night. Raw, and sore, the scrape made wearing pants an impossibility unless I wanted to reopen the wound and be in pain with every step as the material moved over it. So during what is probably the coldest week Austin has seen this year, I was sentenced to wearing skirts.

This summer I actually stocked up on lots of summer dresses, but my winter wear is usually black pants or jeans. So I haven't had a whole lot of options this week. So today I decide to get inventive. I wanted comfort, style, and warmth, with comfort and warmth being the two highest priorities when I got dressed for the movie. I couldn't find a skirt that matched the comfy sexy sweater I wanted to wear, so I did some digging and found a dress that I hadn't worn. I actually forgot I had it. I bought it because it made my boobs look fan-freaking-tastic, and never wore it because it clung a little too tightly around the waist. The dress matched the sweater, so I threw on the dress with the sweater overtop. It looked like a skirt & sweater combo, and figured what the hell. Accessorized it with some of my best jewelry, and went out.

I got nothing but compliments on it. Terms like "Hot" "Smoking" and "Girl you look GOOD." were used. (Maybe I need to be a little more desperate for outfits more often)

Anyway, I get there and Gety is all sorts of apologizing for skipping out on my Freedom Party and buys my drinks all night. So I think I'll forgive her.

After saying my hellos to Gety, I go to the entrance table and pay the "party fee" of $3 and get a name tag. The woman behind the table is telling me all about a singles group she organizes. It's for singles 40-60 years old, and she's telling me all about how I'd be a perfect fit. Then she sees my facial expression and says "Oh I'm sorry is that not the age range you're looking in?" I could have slapped her, as her tone was as if I should be because I'm that old. I told her I might go as high as 46, but older than that is starting to get into Daddy-issues that I don't have. She looked at me like she didn't believe me. (Actually my problem is less actual age and more along the lines of "If you look like your my dad's age, then no")

Normally I get mistaken for 25-30, so her telling me I was well over 40... my self-perception took a big hit. So I head back to the table where Gety was talking to some girls and I sound off. Gety laughs. The other girls very nicely said "You don't look a day over 30." Phew. It's less concerning looking my age, but to go from passing for 30 to being accused of being over 40 in the span of a week.. can really make a girl wonder about her beauty regimen.

We meander around on my insistence. Gety would be more than happy to sit in the corner at a table talking to a group of girls. She's not really dated much in a decade of her own choice, and finally admitted that she was thinking it was about time to start again. Go Gety Go.

So we go mingle. I'm walking through the crowd. Most of them are way too old for me, so I continue walking. I'm about to the other side of the crowd when this handsome man is suddenly in my way. While facing me, he moves to let me pass if I want, but as our eyes meet he says..

"Hi...." He actually said much more than Hi. I believe there was a question with it, but I was so shocked by the "Hi" that I honestly can't recall what he said. I know I said something back to him, and we both moved out of the pathway to talk to each other.

Drew then asked me my age. I looked at him like he'd just grown three heads. (Seriously? Never ask a woman her age unless you're thinking she's under 18.) But as I thought about the age range of men I just passed through, I stifled a giggle. He might have been a little justified in asking, as he looked maybe 30.. maybe.

I asked him his age. He said he couldn't tell me. I figured fair play, ok. I didn't really care that much anyway. I could tell enough from looking at him that he was at least in my age range. He did say that whatever age I thought he was to add 10 yrs. I told him that usually people thought of me as younger as well. He guaranteed me that he was older, which I highly doubt.

He'd ask me a question. I'd answer, and return it with a similar answer. He'd dodge the question. When I complained that he was being unfair, he said he was just joking around but still didn't answer the question. I ignored it thinking maybe if I stuck it out a little things might improve.

The singles group had us all playing this game, which I was somehow included in but never told the rules. All I knew was that people had a celebrity name on their back. Next I learned that we were to ask people questions about our celebrity in order to guess it. Yay, stupid games! It actually was kind of fun, but irritating.

Drew and I began quizzing each other and trying to guess our celebrities and really began to flirt. That's when Gety came over. I seriously wanted to kill her. We were having a great flirt on, and then she interrupted and didn't leave. I tried to ask Drew a question about my celebrity, and she'd interrupt and not answer it. She did finally leave, but only after she'd opened Drew and I up to having to talk to a bunch of other people as well. By the time she left, Drew had been pulled off to his other side talking to two other women about their celebrities. He stayed talking to them for a while, and so I moved on. If he really wanted to talk to me he'd talk to me.

I talked to a few other guys. None of which seemed that into me. They weren't all that either, so I flirted, smiled, and moved on. Bored and tired, I decided to go home. I was saying my goodbyes to Gety, when I noticed Drew on the other side of the bar. I remembered his games of not answering my questions, so I figured I'd go over and ruin whatever flirt he had going on with whatever girl he was talking to.

He was friend talking to this girl that Gety had introduced me to earlier in the evening, which I didn't notice they were "friend" talking until I'd already gotten up there to interrupt them.

"Hey, I'm taking off.. was great to meet you."

She insisted that I join her at her next spot. I thought she meant somewhere other than what she actually said. So I tossed the idea around for a moment, until I realized that she meant the biggest douchebag bar in town. I told as politely as I could that I wouldn't be caught dead there, and out of the corner of my eye I saw Drew's face perk up.

She turned to him and invited him as well. I actually think she was trying to talk him into it before I got over to them as well. He looked at me and also said he had a meeting in the morning and wouldn't be joining her. She left to go convince Gety to join her.

That left Drew and me alone. I was about to walk out as I'd planned, and he began asking me questions. We talked a little bit, and then sheepishly he admitted so softly that I barely caught it.

"The way you look tonight is very hot."

I of course told him that he was very handsome himself. (He is handsome) He then said that he'd like to hang out with me some more that night and get to know me better in that very same soft barely there voice.

I told him that I was really did need to get home, but that I'd love to get together another time.

"Then its ok if I give you my card."
"Sure."

I look at the card as if I'm studying it to deem whether or not he's worthy enough.

"My cell isn't on there though."

I act like his business card is a piece of trash, and reply with a smile; "Then what in the world is this good for?"

"Well I suppose if you wanted to email me or something.."

He pauses. I look at him with a look that says "If you want to blow me off, you really didn't need to put in this much effort."

"I suppose I could get your number?" and he reaches in his pocket for his phone.

He types in my name and my number. He doesn't call me to check it, so I don't have his cell number.

He insists that we'll have to get together soon. I agree, and say good night. I see Gety on the way out and say Good night and thanks for the drinks. Then I leave.

I honestly can't find his card now by the way. So we'll see if he calls.