Wishfully Wrong

I may have been wrong.

Maybe.

It's really hard to say because I am so very often right (really I'm not full of myself or anything), so this is completely new to me... its really hard to say.


But ..


He thought of me today.

It wasn't one of those "Hey sweety, I was thinking of you" sort of messages. But he saw something that reminded him of a conversation we had, and sent me a link to update me on it. Aka "Saw this, thought you'd find it interesting [link to article about what we'd talked about]"

Guys.. if you really want to win a girl.. and have a relationship.. shit like that will get you everywhere.

Remembering random things that she's said from previous conversations.. for example this particular thing was from a conversation that happened about a week ago... and giving her more information on that topic or asking her input on a link about that subject..


If she likes you at all.. she's going to swoon. It shows that you do listen to her, but not only that.. you listened to the point that when you saw that topic again, you not only had a passing thought of her, but had a strong enough thought of her to go out of your way to tell her about the topic or inform her on something you thought she might care about based on that conversation.




So.. right now I'm swooning a bit. Ok, I'm swooning a lot.


So.. maybe I was wrong.. maybe he does like me?
Or maybe he just really happened across something, and figured as a friend I needed to know?

I'm just going to go with... he likes me. Because a little delusional hopeful thinking never hurt anyone.. right?


Plus.. I rock. How could he not?

My Silly Little Girl Love

I'm in love. Swooning Love. I've been here for a while.




It's not real love. Ok, it might be a start at real love.. you know.. "The first time I saw him, I knew...." blah blah blah.. But basically this is mostly of my own imagination.



To be honest, the first time I saw him reading me.. I swooned. I mean really.. what is a guy like that doing reading a girl like me?



But its not all romantic dreamy.. He has his flaws. Flaws that only make him more human and lovable. His flaws are like scar wounds. Things that show where he's been and how he's pulled through. Things that show he knows that balance between work and play, reponsibility and irresponsibility, love and.. war.



There is nothing I've learned of him so far that hasn't endeared me to him.



I mostly admire him from afar. I read him. I've looked at his pictures. I've heard his voice.



I see his IP showing that he's read me, and I smile. It brightens my day. He comments on something I posted, and my heart does a little flitter.



But when I think about possibly meeting him.. and all the things that a real relationship entails, I start to panic at all the things that threaten to shatter this happy silly girl love.



He's a dream of a reality that I'm not ready to experience. So I've not pushed things or tried to make things more than the ethereal dream they are right now. I'm not ready for this dream to end, or for reality to come crashing in.

Its my silly little girl fantasy. My hope in a box.

For now its enough, this little love from afar, flirting play we're in. Maybe someday, I'll be brave enough for more.

Swooning Chickens

I'm seriously swooning. So much that I'm a little scared by it.

I've been in awe of this guy for a while. I had a little bit of a crush I guess, though I'd never really thought of him as a viable candidate.

Then I read something he wrote. Something so raw and passionate.. so light yet dark.. that I realized he speaks my language.

I am scared.

We talked for a bit. The more we talked, the more scared I got. I like him.

I have lots of irons in the fire. Don't get me wrong. I still have little fires going for several men.. several relatively safe men. Good men. Men that I can see myself being happy with, having fun with.. having a life with..

But this one.. this fire is dangerous. I've seen it before. I've been here before. This is the kind of fire that consumes all of you. All of you.

This fire has burned me bad every time I've succumbed to it. It's so drawing that I don't usually have a choice but to submit to it. To surrender.

The loveliest of times.. the strongest of passions.. the completest of loves.. Followed by the the most devastating of hurts.

Everything in me wants to run to him, and run away from him at the very same time. He reminds me of my greatest loves.

It's that that scares me the most. (or maybe that the white coats are coming for me?)


***********

On a happy side note, his work (and I suppose himself as well if I'm really going to give credit where its due) is also inspiring me to write and create... and dream.. like I've not been able to in a long time. I suppose every scary thing has its silver lining.

Just knowing that a man like that exists.. well.. its enough for me.. for now. (you can also read this as me being too chicken to actively pursue things. bauk, bauck begauk)