Wishfully Wrong

I may have been wrong.

Maybe.

It's really hard to say because I am so very often right (really I'm not full of myself or anything), so this is completely new to me... its really hard to say.


But ..


He thought of me today.

It wasn't one of those "Hey sweety, I was thinking of you" sort of messages. But he saw something that reminded him of a conversation we had, and sent me a link to update me on it. Aka "Saw this, thought you'd find it interesting [link to article about what we'd talked about]"

Guys.. if you really want to win a girl.. and have a relationship.. shit like that will get you everywhere.

Remembering random things that she's said from previous conversations.. for example this particular thing was from a conversation that happened about a week ago... and giving her more information on that topic or asking her input on a link about that subject..


If she likes you at all.. she's going to swoon. It shows that you do listen to her, but not only that.. you listened to the point that when you saw that topic again, you not only had a passing thought of her, but had a strong enough thought of her to go out of your way to tell her about the topic or inform her on something you thought she might care about based on that conversation.




So.. right now I'm swooning a bit. Ok, I'm swooning a lot.


So.. maybe I was wrong.. maybe he does like me?
Or maybe he just really happened across something, and figured as a friend I needed to know?

I'm just going to go with... he likes me. Because a little delusional hopeful thinking never hurt anyone.. right?


Plus.. I rock. How could he not?

Saying Goodbye

Tonight I said "Goodbye" to two friends.  These aren't silly friends, or casual friends.. but good friends. People I trust, which is a rarity for me.  So its hard to see them leave.

Mich is going overseas, and Behn is moving to another state.

If I'm honest, I've wanted to date them both... they're great guys... but it just never seemed to go that way.

Behn will always just be a friend. He's awesome, but he's superficial in what he wants in a woman. I am not within his "hot" range.. and he only likes atheists. But he's a great friend.

I really hadn't seen Behn in a couple months. We (Behn, Mich, Theo and I) used to all get together weekly.. then twice a month.. then once a month.. then... So its been a while.

But talking with him tonight, I remembered why I loved him and I've missed him. We used to sit and talk about dating.. whoahs and yeses.. We'd give each other advice, and listen to each other's crazy stories. I can completely relax with him, a rare thing for me.

He's actually finally in love. It was sweet to see him that way. She wasn't there, but I'm dying to meet her.  However since he's moving, I'm not sure it'll last, but I hope they'll fight for it.  He doesn't fall easy and is extremely picky, so it'll be sad if he truly loses her.

Mich and I have been friends longer though.. actually I've known Mich longer than any of them.  Mich also helped me move last year, and met my parents.. and.. got along with them.  My parents think he walks on water (an amazing feat btw).

I've flirted with Mich in the past, but it never seemed to go anywhere as he had a girlfriend in England for quite a while.. then when they split, he started dating some crazy chick in town for a short-term casual thing - his words since he knew he was leaving. (She looks sane, but trust me she's crazy.)

So we'd only just been friends, and thats all I've ever expected.

After the farewell dinner, Mich and I went to a movie together. It wasn't planned ahead, but he'd mentioned wanting to see the movie and I didn't have other plans and haven't seen a flick in the theater for ages.. so I offered to join him.

We had a little time to kill so we stopped at a bar and got a beer before heading to the Alamo. We chatted and laughed and had a good time.

Then the movie.

The entire movie he kept lightly tapping my knee or grabbing my arm to pull me closer to talk about the movie.  This alone is normal, right?  

But his fingers on my knee were like bolts of electricity.  

He was arguing with me that the movie did not have plot. I said it did and that he should be quiet and just go with the flow of it. He said he needed to do some kind of drugs to understand it.  I understood it fine (but then I've not ever really needed drugs).

But the entire time we argued.. all I wanted to do was kiss him to shut him up.

If we weren't just friends.. and if he wasn't taking off overseas in a few days.. I'd have jumped his bones right there. (I probably just need to get laid.)

Instead, when he tapped my knee, I pretended to be irritated and playfully tapped his knee. When he grabbed my arm, I playfully poked at his hand.

We sat there talking the entire length of the credits; we were the last to leave the theatre.

He walked me to my car.. (He's that kind of gentleman, always) and we hugged goodbye.

It was a long hug. I even relaxed like I was letting go, and he embraced me harder. I hugged him some more.

There seems to be something there.  I don't know what.. but something.

He seemed hesitant to call it a night, but I was freezing so we did.

*sigh* I'm going to miss them both.. dearly.

My Boys: Relating To Men

Moxie In The City has a post today that I feel the need to speak a few words on.

"I am always wary of women who say they don't have a lot of female friends or that they don't "relate well" to other women."

"Maybe their feminine nature or love of getting mani/pedis makes you wonder of there's something wrong with you that you aren't in to those things? I'm not saying there is something wrong with you. I'm suggesting that maybe you're the one with an idea of how a woman "should" be and that that is what's keeping you for effectively connecting with other females."



In many ways, she's right. Women who don't get along well with other females (I'm not talking about frenemies, but actually relating) often have insecurity problems with women.

Talk to any man who doesn't understand women. He's got insecurities with women. Stick him in a group of women talking about hairstyles and nail color, just see what happens.

However, there are plenty of men who do get women.. or at least can relate well to them. Given, most of these men are very effeminate and gay, but still men.

So it goes to reason that women who relate to men better than women, might also be a little masculine.

Which is where Moxie heads next:
"The main challenge you're facing, I think, is that these men you're friends with don't find you particularly feminine."

And she implies that her constant exposure to solely men has caused her to be a little more masculine in her relationship skills.

In many ways she's probably right. In some ways, she's probably not. It has to do partly with how you're wired on the inside, and partly due to external causes.

Sure sure, hanging out with more women would probably help her get a better grasp on makeup, clothes, flirting, and other feminine wiles.

But it may not in reality change anything about this girl. Its possible that the superficial changes might help the girl to be more physically attractive to the opposite sex.. but I'm not seeing in the girl's letter that physical attraction is the problem.

My guess is that she has some mild case of aspergers or ADD which affects women in different ways then men. This "faulty" wiring causes her to find women exhausting, catty, and superfluous. Since men have a simpler social structure, pecking order, and ways of fighting, she finds being social with them much more productive and relaxing.

Since there aren't a whole lot of these kinds of women, most men aren't accustomed to it. Instead like most people, jump to conclusions that she cannot be trusted to be faithful and that she is in fact sleeping with one of these men. Or.. that there is something fundamentally wrong with her.. Which might be true.

I agree though with Moxie that this girl does need to seek out women who share her interests. Having a few girlfriends really does help.. If not just so you can commiserate about how guys suck. :)

In the meantime though, she needs to start differentiating how she reacts and relates to the different men in her life. My guess is that she's treating her dates much like she treats her guy friends. He is not her friend and she doesn't want him to be.. seriously.. she doesn't want him to be the kind of friend like her guy friends. Once he's that kind of friend, sex is off the table. There needs to be a difference between what she shares with him and what she shares with her guy friends.

Actually, all this makes me think of that TV sitcom, My Boys. Now if only I was smoking hot, played poker, and liked sports.

Belittle Me This

I lost a follower today. Not someone who just got bored, but someone I really pissed off.

I'm torn between being relieved about this, and feeling sad for making someone so angry.

I've blogged about this person before in my post, "Communication Frustration". Which he was fully educated that we weren't getting along, and that I didn't see us ever getting along.

Instead of keeping things distant and backing off, he'd go away for a few days then come back to say hi.. testing the waters. I'd be nice and reply, but not ask him anything. Nice but aloof. I just kept getting that "this is going to blow up in my face" vibe from him.

What happened today was just a matter of time. KA-BLOOEY!

Its been going on for weeks. He's been messaging me asking how I am, telling me to have a good day, etc. Wanting to chat with me, and telling me how much he really enjoys chatting with me.. (My chats with him were nothing more than banal, so I could honestly not figure out how in the hell he could enjoy them, but ces la vie) I've been nice in my replies.

He really is a sweet guy. He's just sweet in a way that makes me want to kick him in the balls. Seriously, I'd like to... which doesn't usually make for a good friendship.

There are some "buttons" I have that he pushes. He's attempting to be sweet and caring, but instead comes off to me as a condescending emotionally manipulative ass. Maybe I'm too sensitive, but as a matter of trying to make us communicate better with each other, I no holds bared told him whenever he hit a button so he'd know not to do it again. I might be a big bitch.

This particular blow up started from yesterday when I was on Twitter sounding off about getting kicked out of a tall people singles group because I'm too short.

I was angry. I was pissed. I was sounding off.

He writes: "I know you're not really pissed off!"

Dear Men, if ever a woman says she's pissed. Talks pissed. Shows she's even remotely angry... DO NOT tell her how she feels. Actually, never ever tell a woman how she feels.. she's likely to castrate you before your next breath. Serious.

I replied telling him exactly that just nicer. "Don't tell an angry woman how she feels!"

He then proceeds to tell me that height isn't really an issue. Rather than telling him what a fucktard I think he is for belittling my dating criteria and belittling my feelings on the subject, I merely reply that for me height is definitely an issue.

So today, he's messages me a sweet good morning message. He really is sweet, if it wasn't for his bad habit of condescending and belittling which I think is more bad form than reality, but its hard to say.

His message this morning: "Wanted to say good morning before you did! I hope you have a better day today! Enjoy hearing from you! Smile for me today, please! Lol :-)"

I was all more than ok, until I was commanded to smile FOR HIM today. What am I a child? Do I owe him a smile? Should I just fake a smile because he told me to?

Now don't get me wrong, I sometimes find a good "commandment" sexy. Like when you know I'm dead assed tired but I'm not in bed, and you say "Ok, get off the computer, Go To Bed. Thats an order."... can be kinda sexy. But you also have to have earned that right. You can't just be some stranger seeing me up late and telling me to go to bed, cuz my foot will find your ass.

So I reply: "Thanks. Good Morning. Btw I don't smile for anyone. I smile when I feel like it."

Him "Ummm ok gee just thought it would make you smile! Sorry geez!" (ok I kinda feel a little bad, like I'm beating a child.)

Me "I know you mean well. I'm just trying to teach you how not to push my buttons."

Him "No offense, but it seems no matter what I say it pushes your buttons! Your right I mean nothing by it! Geez I'm sorry now I'm afraid to talk to u." (this is probably a good fear for him. but still funny)

Me "Lol I'm just being honest."

Him "Thats great but I think you take people to literale! Your the first persons that's ever had a problem with me! WOW Thanks"

Me "Really the first person ever?" (totally do not believe that I'm the only woman who hasn't wanted to shove her boot up his ass.)

Him "Yep! I'm pretty easy going and not hard to talk to at all a very good guy! But seems to you NOPE not so! I'm sorry I will just say hi and not care"

Me "K. Are these people you're referring to online?" (people read differently offline, so maybe its just a media issue.)

Him "I'm talking in person online etc! Pretty much you read into everything I say!" (its online, thats how its done.)

Me "Naw I don't read into. I just have a very low tolerance for some things."

Him "Well no offense, but maybe thats your problem! I don't criticize or judge people I take them for who they are annoying or not! I'm not like that towards people."

(he unfollows me here so I can't reply in DM.. I'm also feeling a little judged here btw.)

Me "So I shouldn't tell you when you've hit a button, you'd rather me just smile and nod?"

Him "Never said that just seems anything I say pushes your buttons" (yes you annoy the shit out of me, finally you catch on.)

Me "You do have that skill. But you've known that from the start"

Him "Nope not really! Think you have way to higher standards of people! You judge to much" (again with the me judgy? now you're making me really not like you)

Me "umm or maybe you have bad habits of condescending behavior" (yes that was an intentional jab back. Bastard called me judgy)

Him "none whatsoever that's you! Have a nice day! Please stop following me! Your nit a nice person after all."

Now I'm not a nice person (seriously who thought I was?), but he went off on Twitter via his Posterous:
"Ya know I don't understand why people judge one another! I'm not perfect nor am I god! So why do some people think they are more superior than others?"

I don't know.. but kinda feels like the pot & kettle here.

So.. to sum up... Today I am a mega-judgmental bitch who thinks she's SOOO superior.

The Upside... I now no longer have to deal with him. I just don't like having people that angry with me. *sigh* I'll get over it.

Communication Frustration

Ok. I tried to keep this guy off of here mostly because he reads this and I didn't want the fallout, but I cannot hold back from comment.

In general, I'm pretty good at sniffing out the "crazy" online. So when my spidey senses start tingling, I often listen. I was trying to give this guy the benefit of the doubt, but sheesh... honey.. learn how to talk online.

1. It's online. ONLINE. We're not in-person, so you have to relax and give it time to interpret.

2. It's online. ONLINE. So if someone doesn't respond right away, maybe.. just maybe they're doing something important (sleeping, working, bathroom, washing their hair) that takes their time away from answering you. Or maybe they have a life.

3. It's online. ONLINE. So if someone says something slightly offensive, try to give them the benefit of the doubt. or at the very least re-read it.

4. Online or Offline.. being spontaneously defensive over little crap is not NOT NOT attractive.

5. You mentioned you're into "NO DRAMA". This for me is a huge red flag generally meaning that you're all the drama yourself, or that you enable drama. Either way, just being around you is DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA. (as if 1-4 weren't enough to prove this to me)

6. Talking to you makes me want to drink.. heavily.

The Conversation:

Mixer: Thanks for following! How are you? [I started following him because I found out he was single.]

Me: doing good.. and yourself? [yeah I'm that eloquent baby]

Mixer: Doing fine, thank you for asking! How was your day?

Me: days been good. actually got some stuff done. Hurray! And yourself?

Mixer: Got some things done! Going to get some other stuff done! Sorry to hear about mr.text! It's what you wrote, his loss [we're talking about Drew here]

Me: thanks. its ok. he was too young for me anyway [too young, too hesitant, too I don't care anymore]

Mixer: Well glad your ok with it! I'm glad we are talking! What do you like to do for fun [this question is a necessary evil, but the way my mind works its impossible to answer. Seriously, I'll either end up giving you a 200 page report or a one word answer "umm"]
Mixer: Well I hope your smiling and your having a fantastic day, hope to chat more [8 minute delay and he's heading out. Ok we'll talk later.]

Me: Fun.. lots of things. Mostly the company thats makes or breaks it. Hope you're having a great day as well [so I try to reply to both txt's at the same time for when he gets back.]

Mixer: I totally agree with you! I'm glad I messaged you, looking forward to getting to know you [Dude.. you're way excited. Besides you already exit strategied, I figured you were leaving.]

Me: Thanks you too [I have no idea what else to say as I'm starting to get my spidey sense tingling that he's desperate.]

(Conversation ends til morning)

Mixer: Good morning! Hope you have a wonderful day!
Mixer: -invite to some cheezy game - [really? wow.. he's really dating stupid]
Mixer: Hope I didn't say anything wrong! Like to chat with you!

(all this was before I'd even gotten to my computer that day. In his defense I got to my computer at 2pm, but sheesh.. come on. we've only had one chat and he's already panicking?)

Me: You worry too much. Relax. Just let things happen if they're going to

Mixer: Ok no problem! Sorry how's your day going?

Me: going good. So how long have you been single?

Mixer: I am glad things are going good, i have been single for awhile. I don't settle for just a good time or someone for the moment. I would like to be with someone who likes me for me not for what i do, as a dj, and i love music. Not into games or drama [wow excellent dodge of the question.]
Mixer: How long have you been single?

Me: about a year. I'm only asking because you seem out of your element. Maybe its just twitter. [online is not everyone's forte]
Me: Well I can honestly say I won't be after you because of what you do. I like good music, but I'm not an addict. [I live in Austin. You are required by law to like music if you live here]

Mixer: An addict! I'm not a club Dj I do weddings and Xmas parties etc! So your gonna judge me just by that [whoa dawgies. wtf?]

Me: Are you joking or you defensive?

Mixer: Ummm neither, just seems like you say your not interested cause of what i do. So isnt that judgemental? i am a great smart sweet kind guy [lets also put passionate, emotionally volatile, and sensitive]

Me: Where did I say I wasn't interested? sheesh dude, chillax. [If I have to tell you to relax more than once in a day about two different things, we've got problems]

Mixer: Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry I mis-read what u wrote! I'm truly sorry and I apologize! I'm chilled sorry [should I repeat chillax to him again?]
Mixer: I'm sorry maybe your getting the wrong impression of me and yes Twitter doesn't help lol I'd like to talk and get to know you

Me: Reading is a big challenge. :P [me being funny while annoyed to all hell]

Mixer: No I know how to read sorry just multi-tasking and I miss read it I apologize

So where do I go from here? Seriously. I do I lie and say its ok.. or be honest and tell him he's too freaking high-strung for me?

I need some xanax.

Are You Interested?

It's come to my attention that I may have to stop being quite so laid back about dating if I want things to work out. Now after every date, I think I'm going to ask them...

"So, Are you interested?"

I've been chatting with this guy whom I could not figure out. We'd met through "Sugardaddy.com" even though I'm not into what most men there are seeking. Which we discussed in detail our first conversation a couple weeks ago. He said that he wanted to find a relationship as well, with kids and marriage and the whole shebang. It was a good conversation.

Then the next few nights after that first conversation, he'd say "Hi" or send me a "lick" on the website and then get busy with a "phone call" or something and not come back. He'd ask how my day was, I'd ask how his was. We'd both answer and the conversation would die.

I assumed he wasn't interested. I vowed to myself after my ex (who took the backseat in the entire relationship) that I wasn't going to be in another relationship where the guy wasn't head over heels. So if I read him as not interested, I move on... quickly.

So come this past monday, he began re-asking me questions that we'd already discussed our first conversation. I blew my top. It'd barely been a couple weeks and he already forgot what we'd agreed to? Red alarm bells went off in my head. He can't be that into you if he's already forgetting the entire premise of the relationship.

I can't remember now what I'd said, but he knew I was pissed. But I do remember telling him that he didn't seem very interested.

To which, he blew his top. He thought I wasn't interested, but he'd been messaging me every time he saw me online.

*sigh* Communication Fail.

So we're to go out on Sunday.

Then last night, I get a message from Mr Hottub (also known as Mr One-Arm Hug). If you remember way back about the guy I posted about who I swore was not interested, but wanted our second date to be in a hot tub.

Mr H. "Haven't talked to you in awhile. So I'm not meeting too many people on this site. What was the name of that other site you were telling me about? I forgot:)"

I was shocked. He remembered our conversation enough to look me up a month later to ask me about a dating site? But doesn't remember me enough to actually contact me to set up that hot tub date? (which I never heard from him on it) I don't know why this week that I've suddenly grown balls and am telling people off.. but I am.

ME "Seriously? Is this how you're telling me you're not interested?"

Mr. H "what do you mean - I thought you were cute but not interested in me.

You told me about this other site - just wondering what it was. :)"

ME "uh... you ended our "date" with a one arm hug, and the next date you wanted to get together in a hot tub (which doesn't say interested says "you're good for sex"). Then you disappear. So I assume you're really not interested.

As for other sites, they're all lame."

I figured at this point there wasn't much he could come back with. I was all "Take that you ass."

Mr. H "If I wanted sex I would go out and look for a one night stand. But I'm not like that. I thought a hot tub sounded fun! Sorry to piss ya off :("

Damn... he has a point. Maybe he really is just dating etiquette stupid.

ME "ok. hot tubs might be fun, but not so early. I kinda liked you, but figured you weren't interested.. so was a little hurt that you asked for a dating site from me.

You were probably referring to "plentyoffish.com" but its really lame. Either that or Match.com"

Mr. H "if you say it sucks I won't bother. Maybe we could get together sometime next week. Going to Houston this weekend."

ME "Sure.. gimme a jingle or drop me a note when you get back. Have fun in Houston."

Mr. H "what number can I reach you at? I lost it :("

At this point, I'm pretty sure I was right that he's not interested. But I've gone this far, might as well see what comes to play next week.

ME: "Lost it? This is not boding well for you. :) (my phone number)"

So now I'm wondering a bit how many dates I've screwed up because I was too aloof or distant. How many of the men that I liked actually thought I was the uninterested party?

I hate self-doubt. So maybe from now on I'm just going to ask point blank, "Are you freaking interested or not?"

Online Intuition: Don't Ignore It

In some ways Online Dating has a leg up on meeting someone organically, and most of that has to do with reading someone's profile and the brief (sometimes not so brief) communication that happens prior to meeting them offline. You get to know their interests, politics, and an idea of the kind of relationship they're wanting. You also get a taste of how they communicate and what verbiage they're prone to using. Do they speak in sports metaphors or continuously quote movies?

Once you've been around online communication long enough though you start to also pick up on other things such as tone, and subtle hints at their true personality. This online intuition should not be ignored, but added into everything else you know about them to make a better educated decision on compatibility (and sometimes safety).

Last week I was messaged by a guy. He seemed nice according to his profile. He was working a not so great job, but he had one and in today's world just having one is a huge thing. He didn't seem afraid of work, and from what I could tell his only downfall was his love of cats (he has one). (My view on cats I'll have to put in a different post, but for now lets leave it at that I'm allergic).

Then I noticed his emails. The first one was mild, but the next couple messages he sent had a massive undertone of anger. None of it aimed at me, but at the city, the country, the world. He was angry with OkStupid, and the dates he'd found through there. He even admitted that he'd had 3 first dates and no second dates. He was uber-honest in his emails and that plus he sounded pleasant on the phone is what made me ignore the intuition.

Our first date went well and I got a small taste of how vast his anger was and its direction as he lectured me about some conspiracy theory he had about politics and banks being in control. He listed instances and facts to back it up, most of which I'd not heard of nor did I care to hear it then. With a few of his views, I'd written him off as not being something long term, but I thought I'd give him a chance at something short-term and fun.

We left the restaurant after going "dutch" on the meal. I figured since I wasn't that into him and he had a shitty job; I might take pity on his budget. And he followed me to a nearby dive bar for a beer and more talk.

It was his saving grace that we didn't talk much at the bar. Instead he complimented by looks, and stared into my eyes. Yes my eyes, not my breasts, not some other chick's chest.. but my eyes.

Next thing I know, I want to kiss him. The bar closes. We go outside and kiss. He kissed like a man in love. It wasn't just passionate 'get-your-clothes-off' kissing, but a seduction rare on first dates. I saw us lasting years, having kids, picket fences, kids, and sitting around in our old age. I scolded myself for such thoughts remembering well the anger speech from earlier, but I couldn't help thinking them when he kissed me.

Nearly 3 hours later we go home. It was a fantastic make out session that I've not had since.. well probably my early college years. We were making quite the scene in the parking lot. I assured him that we weren't having sex, so once our lips got too chapped to continue we went home to our own beds with the promise of seeing each other the next night.

I was somewhat excited to see him again. I debated in my head the whole chemistry vs angry man thing. It's hard to find good mutual chemistry, but I really cannot be around that much negativity either. So I decided that when we met again we'd talk more.

I should have just not talked to him. I would barely get two words in before he'd interrupt me. (I'm told by my east coast friend that does it too that its an east coast thing) So I just listened to him with little commentary. He went on and on for an hour complaining about everything. People mostly. Lack on intelligence. How he's open-minded and no one else is. He talked about abortion and how you should be able to get one at any grocery store, quick in and out. He then talked about me.

He asked about my timeline and how long I'd been married and when it'd ended. Then went on to say that I was still on the rebound (to which my head said: Maybe I am if I'm still sitting here with you). His 2 yr relationship just ended 7 months ago, but he's obviously over that despite his mentioning her and what she did to him 3 times within 24 hours. He then said he was afraid that I was like her. She'd been raped and still had issues with it. He was actually upset with her for not getting over it.

So I interrupted him and told him that .. well yeah.. I had some sexual issues. I was orally raped when I was 18 or was it 19? No matter.. and that I had issues with giving a blow job. He looked at me like "how could you not have gotten over that?" and said "Well I'm sorry that happened to you, but thats going to be a big problem" then continued on about how much he loves them and how its all just part of foreplay. Then he saw my face "That you don't even think its a big part just shows me that this is going to be a problem."

I shut down after that. It was all I could do not to cry. He didn't ask or even want to know how much I'd healed or why I hadn't. Took me several years to be alone with a guy with our clothes off. For many years it just never came up or if it did I'd say I didn't want to and the guy would just go with it. It wasn't really until I was 26 and met a guy that I really wanted to marry that I trusted a guy enough to try. He knew about my past and I cautioned him against touching me while I did it. He forgot and touched my head caressing my hair. Next thing I knew I was crying and curled up in a ball. I couldn't stop even though I saw on my boyfriend's face just how much my reaction was hurting him and how sorry he was. It was a long distance relationship so I never got to try again with him as things ended for other reasons.

After him, the guys I dated could have cared less about a blow job. Sure if I'd have wanted to, they might have let me, but if they didn't care and preferred actual sex who was I to complain? I'd rather just have sex anyway. My ex-husband actually hated blow jobs. He'd had some traumatic thing happen with a blow job once. I think teeth was the issue. But he'd never wanted me to do it, and the one time I suggested trying he actually shriveled up and said no.

Since then I've not been with anyone I trusted enough to try, and I really don't see Mr. Negative as earning my trust any day soon. He's already set it out as something I'll have to do to keep him. I really don't need that pressure, thanks.

We parted about an hour after this incident. I have no idea what was said. We hugged goodbye, and he held on for a long time. I don't know why. Maybe he knew he'd hurt me and was trying to apologize?

The funny part looking back. He's a huge proponent of abortion (says its saved him from child support and rug rats), despite the fact that he was a baby adoption. Is he subconsciously trying to commit suicide?

He still emails me. Asking how I am and telling me about his day. I reply courteously but without encouragement. I'll be screening my dates much better from now on.

Communication: An Essential for Online Dating

On Friday night, about 3 am, I received a message on Facebook from a man not of my acquaintance, which in itself is not completely unusual. I am rather attractive, and I have a quite common "look" that I'm often mistaken for someone else, but thats another story for another time. I also, a long long time ago, joined an application on Facebook (FB) for dating called "Are You Interested?" and have occasionally received friend requests or messages from men finding me through that application. So the mere contact of a strange man was not foreign to me.

What was strange to me was his method of approach. He merely said in his FB email..

"are you there?"

Rather ominous from a strange man. I clicked his profile, and found nothing of any interest except that his network was Ontario, Canada which I live no where near. I jogged my brain to figure out who this was. Surely with such a brief question, I must know him from somewhere, so I replied.

"maybe? who are you?"

He then replied with a much larger email.

"Hi Beautiful,

Let me start with I'm so happy and glad to hear back from you, and I should also thank you for taking your convenience time to write me, it's really a pleasure for that.

I am Divorced and a father of 1 boy he is 14years old. Her mum died when she was 3yrs old. I Have been dealing with the loneliness while taking good care of my son all together, though it has not been easy for me to take 3 scheduled steps at a time, but I really have to. it's my own duty, and I should also count my son as my #1 priority in life. I hope you know what kids means to parents.can we chat on yahoo messenger id?(his yahoo id),i will be waiting for reply."

Whoa dawgies. Ok, let me read this again. Sentence 1, he has a boy. Sentence 2, her mum? Wtf? What 3 steps? What in the hell is he talking about?

In an attempt to clarify, I wrote back.

"ok.. umm.. you didn't really say who you were. Or maybe I should ask, why you're msging me? or how you found me?

You also seem a little confused on the sex of your own child."

He replied,

"I was looking for a woman to spend the rest of my life with,and when i saw you i decided to mail you and the sex of my child is boy.."

Well why in the hell didn't you just say so in the first place!! Sheesh. Still no clarification of how he found me, but I decided to let it go.

"ah.. ok.. I assume then you found me though "Are you interested?"

So you're divorced? How long divorced? And what did you mean by 3 scheduled steps?"

I wanted to see just how fresh his divorce was, and hoping that I could get some relatively straight answers from him.

He replied, "i lost my wife 10yrs ago and i need some else now because of my boy,i will appreciate if we can work thing out."

Boggle. Either the man has horrid luck by getting a divorce from his wife and the mother of his child dying at the same time.. or its one person and he got a divorce and then she died.. or she died, and he recently got a divorce from someone else which he's not mentioning. Or maybe in Whackoville, Ontario, Canada, widower and divorcee are the same thing?

He still hadn't answered what in the hell the 3 steps were, but it didn't really matter. "i need someone now because of my boy" was entirely enough to stop all contact. I'm not sure what his boy has to do with him needing to find a wife now, and I'm not sure I want to know. I assume he wanted a "mother" for his child, or a live-in nanny he could screw.

I want a man who wants me for me, for him.