Weight Wait!

For women there is no bigger issue out there.. nothing quite so sensitive.. nothing... well.. quite so able to get our hackles up or make us smile than our weight.

Just try it.. For those of you brave enough.. Try telling a woman.. any woman.. that she looks like she put on weight. There is no good way to phrase it. You mention this, and if you survive the incident, trust me you'll be on her "shit list" for the rest of the day.. if not the rest of your life.  

The only exception to this might be a woman who is actually pregnant.. but even then.. your chances of a pleasant outcome are miniscule at best.

However, if you really want to make a woman's day.. Tell her she looks a little thinner (genuinely, if the last time you saw her was a size 2 and now she's a size 20, telling her she's thinner might get you a beat down) will always bring a spring to her step.

Men aren't immune to this either.. but for them its usually less severe and does depend on what you say. You tell a man he's fat, it'll hurt. You make it sound like he's bulked up.. its a whole different story. You tell a man he's thinner, its a 50-50 shot as some men are trying to bulk up and will get pissed, others might actually be trying to lose weight and be happy. You tell a man he's looking like he's been working out (even if he never does), or that you like his muscles.. you're golden.

But I digress..

Yesterday I joined @SingleTiffany in a poll based on weight.  Most men got it close to right.. aka avoided the topic completely because they knew when they were "outmatched" by the question... a few men got it right.. and some men got it really wrong.

Its been my experience that men do not understand scales and women.  They understand thin and fat. They understand big and small. They grasp well the concepts of what is attractive to them and what is not.

They do not understand the visual reprensentation of 120 pounds vs 160 pounds unless its of the same quantifiable thing... such as 120 pounds of apples vs 160 pounds of apples.  However, a 120 pound woman can look roughly the same proportions as a 160 pound woman.. or not.  You put two 160 pound women side by side.. one might have a pot belly and the other might be toned and bikini perfect.

If it wasn't well publicized no man would know Marilyn Monroe was a size 16 vs whatever popular size 2 model pinup we have today.  Let alone their actual weights.

Sure sure if you line up girls next to each other, a guy is going to be able to tell you which girl is bigger. Their eyes do work after all.  But unless their a professional scale judge, they're not going to be able to tell you their weight.

This doesn't mean that guys don't have ideas about scale weights. They do.  Some guys insist that a girl must weight under 150lbs, but often they don't understand what that weight means.  I know this because I've dated them. The men who believe in random numbers.

In my beginning years of college is when I ran into most of these Random Weight Number dudes, and since have found all men to fall prey to this in varying degrees.

At the time, I was a very fit, muscular, flat stomached, ample breasted girl. 5'7 and 180 lbs.  In person, I had to peel the men off me.. almost literally. I was stalked. I was clung to.. 

It was insane. 

Yet, when these guys asked my weight, I would tell them.. well after the appropriate "No no.. a girl never says her weight".. and they'd all suddenly look at me different after my confession and back away. Most never really talked to me again as if I'd lied to them the entire time of our "courtship" so to speak.

I nearly got arrested once as well due to my weight.  Because I'm semi-vain, I never put my real weight on my drivers license. Instead I always subtracted about 20 lbs, as thats what most people guessed that I weighted.

I had gained a few pounds during college, so when I renewed my drivers license I put an increased yet false weight on it.  But closer to my actual weight than I usually did before.. 190.

Then I lost a little weight and was actually at or something close to 190.

I was driving through a badly marked school zone going way too fast, like anyone does who doesn't know its a school zone.  Red lights flash, and I get pulled over.

He of course asks for my DL and insurance, and I present it. He then looks at my DL then at me... back at the DL.. then back at me.

"Miss... is this you?" Acting like he's about to make me step out of the car. Hand on gun.

"Yes.." I say looking alarmed and puzzled. 

"It could be you.. maybe.. but.. have you lost weight?" His hand is still on his gun, and he's still examining my DL.

"Yeah a little." 

"You mean a lot." His tone was anything but friendly.

"Wha... Why? Is there a problem?"

He then makes me verify for him everything on my DL. He examines my insurance card to make sure the address matches my DL.

"You need to go get a new DL. I'm writing you a warning. Get it changed. There is no way you're 190 pounds."

He then proceeds to give me a lecture on how important DL descriptions are to prove identity.  Which honestly made me laugh because he wanted me to lie on my DL that I was significantly thinner than I am.

As such, I'm never telling anyone I'm sexually interested in my actual weight. Ever Again.

I did tell my ex my weight once.. (we'd bought a new scale and were trying it out) He pretended to be unaffected, but managed to ask me for several months.. if I really needed that slice of pizza or shouldn't we just skip that cake.. and started talking about "wouldn't it be fun to go to the gym".

Never again.

Insecurities and White Coats

First, I'd like to thank everyone for their helpful advice about Mac and for not outright calling me psychotic. :)

I'm not going to write off Mac yet, but I'm still leery.

Partly I'm leery because my alarm bells are going off, which I'm not usually that far off the mark... Ignoring alarm bells is what got me into the marriage from hell, so I'm cautious.

As I got to thinking about it yesterday, after viewing things from other's perspectives and going back and reading our text history... My alarm bells were set off by two things.

1. His leaving in the middle of conversations and not bothering to text me back a response in any kind of timely fashion. (Change in pattern)

2. We had been playing a subtle cat/mouse game where anytime the conversation got near anything obviously sexual, one of us would steer the conversation away from it. Usually him. It had made me feel safe, and that he wanted to get to know me. Then last week he changed that game by conversing obviously sexual every time we talked. (Change in pattern)

I was told that I'm "over-thinking and overreacting" and I may be. I probably am.

I want to trust Mac. I do. I should just relax and enjoy  the ride, but I'm terrified I'm going to get obliterated.

Partly, I'm insecure because I really like him which ups the stakes.

Partly, I'm insecure because I have no idea wtf he's doing with me. My own insecurities.

On a scale of hotness, Mac is about 8-9.  If he was a little taller (he's maybe 5'10 optimistically) he'd be a 10. He's physically fit, muscular without being body builder yucky, smart, driven, well-traveled, funny, and communicative for a man. He honestly could have any woman he wanted... or at least most women.

I on the other hand, am an acquired taste. Back in my "youth", I used to be able to get guys to approach me from across the bar.. any guy I wanted. I was also quite a bit skinnier then.  For someone my size, I'm smoking hot.  But thats for someone my size, and with my clothes on.  Clothes off.. is a whole different story.

My friends say I'm too harsh on myself and that I'm gorgeous. They're my friends they're supposed to say that. But if anyone knew my actual weight, they'd suddenly "understand".  I look about 50-75 pounds less than I actually weigh.

I think I'm honest about my "hotness" level.. and would place myself on the hotness scale as about a 6.  For some with skinny-girl-fetish, I'd be a 3-4. For people with a fat-girl-fetish, I'd be about a 8-9.

I just don't see Mac as having a fat girl fetish.  So I don't understand what in the world he's doing with me.

This reminds me a lot of an ex-boyfriend. One of those that "got away" per se. His name was Charlie. (seriously thats his real name - If you know Charlie, please let me know where he is, I'd love to see him again)

Charlie was drop dead gorgeous. He was constantly hit on by every hot girl in town, and could get laid anywhere anytime by almost any girl.  Suave, charming, sexy... He actually bared a resemblance to the "Marlboro Man" with his chiseled features, dark hair, and heart-stopping blue eyes.

And he wanted me.

Back then, I was much "lighter" and pretty sexy, even though he was obviously way hotter than me. (Seriously, the girls were like "Wtf is he doing with her?")  He and I got along famously personality wise and just being around Charlie was enough to make me smile.

It was actually during my "Waiting til Marriage" virginity phase, so he wasn't with me to get laid... though we spent most nights together. He actually promised me that he'd never try to have sex with me. He was dead serious and kept his word. (He actually said that when I did have sex I would want it all the time.. he wasn't far off.) I felt truly safe with him.

He was a functional alcoholic, though I didn't know it until we'd been together for two months. He'd said something along the lines of being accused of always drinking.

I replied with, "What? I've never seen you drunk."

He replied "Honey, you've never seen me sober"

To be honest, while I knew alcoholism is bad, I didn't care. I loved him, and would have stood by him through anything.

A month or so later he took a job out of state and we broke up. Sadly, one of my best and most healthy relationships ever was with an alcoholic. He always made me feel beautiful and safe and wanted.

While we were together, he gave me one of his jackets. It smelled like him and so I never washed it for years until the smell of him finally left it. I still have it.

I never did understand why Charlie was with me, and if things work out with Mac, I'm fairly sure I'll never understand why he's with me either.

But I suppose I should just chill and let the ride take me.. Wherever it leads.