The Lure Of Good Music

The other night I decided it would be a good night to go out and Getty had a band that she wanted to go see.

She told me the band was a blues band and that they were good. I like the blues. I like jazz. I like some big band, some country, some rock, some hip hop, some of just about everything. I'm kinda picky in what I like, but I'm not a genre-snob per se.. I just like specific things within those genres.

So when she said blues... I scanned my brain of all the varieties of blues it could be. Knowing her, I knew it wouldn't be country blues. She's a rock girl. But I thought it might be some kind of really good blues music. Getty talks often about how she knows music.

So we go. She comes to pick me up so we can carpool. On the drive down there, she's bitching about this that and the other thing. Mentally, I'm hoping like hell the band is worth it.

The band is downtown. It's 9pm. There isn't even a small hope of finding free parking at that time of night.. yet Getty goes on a tirade about what a rip-off these paid parking lot things are. I don't even waste my time trying to explain it to her, as I know her and anything I say will only prolong the tirade.

We drive around for what seems like ages since she wants to find a free parking space. (Financially there's no reason for this btw, and we waste half the price of parking in gas)

I finally start to lose my temper. She's never seen me lose my temper. Most people haven't. So I start raising my voice telling her to just park already.

"Ok fine, where do you want me to park?" She's huffy and frustrated.. still venting about the scam that paid parking is.

"I already told you. The small lot across the street."

My words might have been mild.. but when I get pissed.. I talk slow. I enunciate. I clip my words. That I was at the breaking point.. was made quite clear.

We finally park, and she gives the guy a hard time.. basically telling him that he has an easy job and is robbing people blind... without actually saying that.

I want to crawl into a hole. Then she has no cash to pay the guy. So I pull out some cash and pay the guy.

We get to the bar, and there's a cover. Something she failed to mention.. and I failed to ask her about ahead of time. Its just $5, so not a big loss even if the band sucks. But again, she has no cash, so I give the guy the rest of mine and pay for us both.

She agrees to buy me liquor to pay me back. Which she does.. Thank God.

I would not have made it the rest of the night without some kind of alcohol.

The band gets up to play. Two bald guys and a guy who is making up for them by having hair reminiscent of the Hair Band days. (I really dislike long hair on most men in case anyone wants to know.)

Then they start playing. Its not bad music. I'm not wanting to put in ear plugs or anything, but its not blues.

I tell Getty..

"This is not blues."

"Well thats what the guy brands himself as.. It has its roots in blues."

"It might have roots in blues.. hell everything has roots in blues.. but this is not the blues."

She is unphased and turns back to the band. She believes they are awesome. I am bored out of my mind.

Its this kind of band that I avoid. Their music was.. can you guess?.. a blend of Hair Band sound.. with 70's rock.

Lots of guitar.. lots of guitar solos that lasted way too long unless you were on something.. lots of just boring. While I get that people like to show how talented they are at an instrument, if you're not doing it for a reason other than that.. ie evoke some kind of emotion.. its all just boring show. If you are trying to evoke some emotion.. and fail.. its also equally boring.

The lyrics weren't even blues. The songs were happy happy songs. There was no pining for a lost love or even mourning a dead loved one... it was all just happy songs.. with no Heartbreak Hotel.

I couldn't have been more bored and decieved had she told me we were going to see a great new band.. and taken me to LC Rocks (a cover band for old Hair Band tunes, complete with outfits and the hair).



This is one of the reasons that I avoid any one (potential male dates) who says they are a huge music buff or really love music. The chances of us liking the same music is close to ZERO, and if they're really a music addict.. we're going to fight about them playing their horrid choice in music all the time.

In HS, I liked some of the popular music of the day... I kinda had to in order to be even remotely social with people my age.. But left to my own devices, instead of Hair Bands.. I was swooning over Harry Connick Jr. I studied Bette Midler (I was a singer back then, and worked to mimic her voice).

Even now, I find myself more drawn tword music with great singers, great lyrics, and things that are fun to sing to..

I grew up with music. From the time I could speak, I was singing on stage (in church) with my sisters. When the quartet broke up, I sang solos. We all learned the piano, plus one other instrument of our choice(ish). My father would play the accordion at home sometimes and we'd all sing along. For holidays, or sometimes at my father's request, one of my sisters would play the piano while we sang along. (While I learned instruments, I really can't play any very well.)

So in many ways, music is important to me. But most likely... not the music that others like... Let alone a musician who thinks he's great... only to find out that to my ears its like cats fighting. I'm honest if I think you suck (I do not hide it well), and many "artists" can't deal with that... nor should they really.

It honestly has been rare for me to find a guy who likes the music I do.. let alone plays an instrument in that kind of music. It has happened.. very rare.. and it was very sad to loose that compatibility when we broke up.

I'm sure to some.. my choice in music is horrific as well. I just inevitably keep meeting people who have never managed to get over and move on from the music they heard in HS... once in a while that nostalgia is fun.. but its 2010 now.. surely there is something someone has managed to do better or at the very least just as good.

I like to grow, learn, and widen my horizons... for me that also includes my tastes in music... well to a point anyway. :)



(for more on my tastes in music.. though not all inclusive.. but stuff that gets stuck in my head.. follow me on Blip.fm)

Not Your BootyCall

Sometimes I can't tell if I'm a mental case, saying I want one thing and in reality wanting something else... or if the standards I have for what I want are just wrong or unreasonable. Or?

Hock texted me at 3am.  I knew he'd been out all night drinking and having fun because we follow each other on Twitter and thus I see his Foursquare posts. That he was out all night, I didn't care really and it mattered not. It was merely just twitterfeed.

But am I out of my mind to be "offended" or otherwise upset for him texting me at 3am wondering what I'm doing so he can ask me to get together to screw around?

I am highly sensitive to feeling like someone's last choice or "well if there's nothing else, she'll do".. and I do not bear it well. Which is exactly how I perceive a 3 am bootycall text.

At first, I thought he was drunk and was merely going to tell him to go get some sleep. If he was drunk, I could forgive it or at least give him some leeway. But he assured me he was sober and driving home past my place.

Trying to get a booty call from me at 3am.. Never going to happen.

I told him I wasn't the "booty call kind of girl". 

He apologized. We texted a bit more, but now I'm even more not sure if I should go to that party he invited me to..

Do I go and make nice and be "friends" and forgive him?  Or do I stay home, and let things fade completely?

I was up most of the night (insomnia not related to this) and pondered this because well it really upset me. I really didn't expect him to think that that kind of behavior was acceptable. The more I thought about it the more upset and pissed off I got.

No one calls or texts someone they barely know at 3 am for any reason other than a major emergency and they can't get a hold of anyone else. 

Had we had a long history of bootycall behavior in which him calling me last minute for sex was known to be ok, I could have bore it better. But we don't. We actually never discussed bootycalls at all, and were only together once. Not wanting a serious relationship does not indicate that courtesy and respect goes out the window, or at least it shouldn't.

Had he called me or texted me earlier in the evening and set up a "sex date", I'd have been more willing to say yes or at least considered it without being this offended/upset. But, no no, he texts me as he's driving home at 3 am hoping that I'm awake and horny. 

Right or wrong, his actions indicate to me that he doesn't really respect me as a person and I feel cheap.

As angry at him that I am, I'm equally angry with myself..  justly or unjustly I blame myself.

It's little events like this that make me never want to open my legs again.

Wasting My Time

I'm aggravated in a way that only silly people, usually women, can aggravate me. Looking back at things, I realize that the crux of the problem is simply that I thought we were better girlfriends than we were.

We'd spent hours chatting online. Commiserating. Talking, and occasionally joking around with the same people. We'd responded to each other on a relatively regular basis and told each other "secrets" in DM. One such conversation was actually a "no-compete" conversation where she asked me not to flirt with certain gentlemen, and I in return told her someone I wanted to be "hands off".

In most girlfriend circles, online or off.. that means a real friendship. Or at least it should.

It all started with me retweeting a philosophy which I've pretty much always embraced.

"if you don't *want* to be with me? fuck off and don't waste my time. really."

Now when I retweeted this, the person I retweeted thought that ME retweeting it was hysterically funny. (insert headspin here)

So I asked her why it was funny, because my initial response to that was to kick her ass for insinuating with her laughter that I like to chase after men who don't want me. I stifled it to wait for her reply.

While her answer, relieved the aforementioned insinuation/asskicking, it instead started up a whole new ball of wax.

She said that one of my "Followers" was "mind-fucking" with her, and she blocked him. By my retweeting it, he then could see what she'd said about him.. getting back at him.

Now as a good online girlfriend, she should tell me who this person is so I can avoid the same pitfalls.. Right?

She would not. She giggled around it. Told me that this person was someone I liked, thus would not tell me.

Now if this person is such a menace, my liking him would be all the more reason to share his identity.

Still she would not tell me, WTF?

So I've been wracking my brain trying to figure out who this person is. There is only one man on twitter that I've ever mentioned to her that I really liked. I'm relatively sure its not him, and if it is, then her misreading his intentions might be more her fault than his.

Now there are plenty of men on Twitter that I like, and probably more that people would assume that I like. Some I'd love to date if we were local, but we're not. They and I flirt now and then, but we're just friends. We might think about more if we were closer, maybe. So.. umm..

I have no idea who she means. But what gets me more than anything is her refusal to share. It just not good online girlfriend etiquette.

So she then tells me not to worry that he's just a "crush" she has. Someone who flirts but isn't interested in her.

So now I'm kinda pissed that she's blown this up to be such a big fucking deal when it's not.

So being the good girlfriend, I try to bond with her by asking who this crush is.. I mean maybe since I know him I can give her tips on how to catch his interest or commiserate with her in his superficial flirting habits.

She replies, "Ha I'm not tellin ;)"

Oh dear lord, had she been in physical proximity I'd have slapped that damn smile off her face. Of course if she'd have been in physical proximity she'd have seen on my face that taunting me with this crap was NOT going to make me friendly.

So I reply, "Whatever. I'm done"

She catches my drift. "Don't be mad. It doesn't matter who I have a crush on. Never going anywhere."

If its truly never going anywhere, there is absolutely no harm in sharing. Just dramatics and fucking with people.

Moral of the Story: Don't fuck with me. One of the absolutely worst things you can do to me is convince me you know something I don't, about someone I might care about.. then not tell me who or what it is.. then treat me like a child or that I'm not safe to tell.

A. If you really feel that way, and aren't going to share.. Don't fucking imply that you will, or bring it up. Its teasing, childish, and rude.

B. If you do, you're liable to find yourself in hot water with me.

Eventually I'm sure I'll get over this and be friendly with her again.. I just won't trust her or anything she says. I won't ever imagine that we're friends again. She's in the frienemy box and it's not easy to get out of it.


(See also Moxie In The City's commentary to this post: How Well Do You Choose Your Girlfriends?)