Wasting My Time

I'm aggravated in a way that only silly people, usually women, can aggravate me. Looking back at things, I realize that the crux of the problem is simply that I thought we were better girlfriends than we were.

We'd spent hours chatting online. Commiserating. Talking, and occasionally joking around with the same people. We'd responded to each other on a relatively regular basis and told each other "secrets" in DM. One such conversation was actually a "no-compete" conversation where she asked me not to flirt with certain gentlemen, and I in return told her someone I wanted to be "hands off".

In most girlfriend circles, online or off.. that means a real friendship. Or at least it should.

It all started with me retweeting a philosophy which I've pretty much always embraced.

"if you don't *want* to be with me? fuck off and don't waste my time. really."

Now when I retweeted this, the person I retweeted thought that ME retweeting it was hysterically funny. (insert headspin here)

So I asked her why it was funny, because my initial response to that was to kick her ass for insinuating with her laughter that I like to chase after men who don't want me. I stifled it to wait for her reply.

While her answer, relieved the aforementioned insinuation/asskicking, it instead started up a whole new ball of wax.

She said that one of my "Followers" was "mind-fucking" with her, and she blocked him. By my retweeting it, he then could see what she'd said about him.. getting back at him.

Now as a good online girlfriend, she should tell me who this person is so I can avoid the same pitfalls.. Right?

She would not. She giggled around it. Told me that this person was someone I liked, thus would not tell me.

Now if this person is such a menace, my liking him would be all the more reason to share his identity.

Still she would not tell me, WTF?

So I've been wracking my brain trying to figure out who this person is. There is only one man on twitter that I've ever mentioned to her that I really liked. I'm relatively sure its not him, and if it is, then her misreading his intentions might be more her fault than his.

Now there are plenty of men on Twitter that I like, and probably more that people would assume that I like. Some I'd love to date if we were local, but we're not. They and I flirt now and then, but we're just friends. We might think about more if we were closer, maybe. So.. umm..

I have no idea who she means. But what gets me more than anything is her refusal to share. It just not good online girlfriend etiquette.

So she then tells me not to worry that he's just a "crush" she has. Someone who flirts but isn't interested in her.

So now I'm kinda pissed that she's blown this up to be such a big fucking deal when it's not.

So being the good girlfriend, I try to bond with her by asking who this crush is.. I mean maybe since I know him I can give her tips on how to catch his interest or commiserate with her in his superficial flirting habits.

She replies, "Ha I'm not tellin ;)"

Oh dear lord, had she been in physical proximity I'd have slapped that damn smile off her face. Of course if she'd have been in physical proximity she'd have seen on my face that taunting me with this crap was NOT going to make me friendly.

So I reply, "Whatever. I'm done"

She catches my drift. "Don't be mad. It doesn't matter who I have a crush on. Never going anywhere."

If its truly never going anywhere, there is absolutely no harm in sharing. Just dramatics and fucking with people.

Moral of the Story: Don't fuck with me. One of the absolutely worst things you can do to me is convince me you know something I don't, about someone I might care about.. then not tell me who or what it is.. then treat me like a child or that I'm not safe to tell.

A. If you really feel that way, and aren't going to share.. Don't fucking imply that you will, or bring it up. Its teasing, childish, and rude.

B. If you do, you're liable to find yourself in hot water with me.

Eventually I'm sure I'll get over this and be friendly with her again.. I just won't trust her or anything she says. I won't ever imagine that we're friends again. She's in the frienemy box and it's not easy to get out of it.


(See also Moxie In The City's commentary to this post: How Well Do You Choose Your Girlfriends?)

Sexual Healing

"If you don't know the things you're dealing

I can tell you, darling, that it's Sexual Healing" - Marvin Gaye

Saturday Night

After Friday night's fiasco, I really wasn't sure being social was a good idea. So when Getty called (she's the one that sat my dog) and wanted to do dinner, I hesitated. Then I thought about it, food is good and Getty can't possibly be as bad as Jessie. Plus keeping a dog-sitting friend happy is always a bonus. She hinted that after dinner we should hit a bar or two. A drink.. yes I needed a drink.

I really didn't have high expectations for the evening as Getty tends to get paranoid tirades, and doesn't really socialize at bars. So basically it'd be just her and I tossing back a few beers talking to each other. I figured worst case I'd have to listen to her rant while I drank a beer. I can do that.

So we both got gussied up, went for a steak dinner, and went to a bar. She drove so I figured I could drink more than I normally would. Yeah! But I stayed sober mostly. I'm not easy to get drunk nor is it usually cheap. The bar we started at was pretty dead except for a few genetic wonders obviously needing to be bred out of the gene pool. So after a couple beers, we left in search of something else. We don't live in bar central (downtown) so selection was slim. We decided to check out a karaoke bar.

On our way to the bar, she got on her phone and called a friend of hers. Who? I didn't know at the time. And invited said person to join us. After she hung up, she told me who it was. Some young guy she knew who hooked her up with pot.

Now my stance on drugs is pretty rigid. I don't like them, don't want to be around them, and don't want to be around people when they've done them. Getty and I have talked about this before, and she knows this about me. I know about her use of it, and supposedly she only smokes a little at night to get to sleep. What you do in your own house is your business.

So I was a little apprehensive about this meeting at the bar. Then she told me all about this guy. She met him when he was 19 and a huge druggie. They'd had a small fling thing. (she's about 50, he's 19. interesting, but I also read off-limits). He'd cleaned up his act and now only did pot (and I found out later smokes cigs as well). He was 21 now, got a job and has been responsible. He was tall, dark hair, blue eyes, and gorgeous .. she said.

In my head I was bitching at her. Sure sure.. You're going to introduce me to a male version of crack, and I can't even play with him? Bitch. I'm a huge sucker for tall dark haired men with blue eyes. It's not easy to find tall in Austin.

So we get to the karaoke bar, and its horrid. Some group of girls is murdering a song and a cat at the same time. We leave and go next door to the pool hall which has a small bar. She calls him and says to meet us there.

We sit down for a drink, but before we can order.

"Denny's HERE!"

I turn around to see some grizzly looking man enter and Getty hug him. He was totally not what I'd been picturing which was a good thing since he was off limits. He was tall I'll give her that, but gorgeous he was not. He was the right build that I like. Big enough without being too bulky. But he had a full - I do mean full - beard, and looked like he'd just gotten finished with a 6 month camping trip in the woods where there was no razors. His dark hair was hidden slightly under a cap, and had Getty not introduced us, I would have avoided him in any way possible.

We said "Hi" to each other, and sat at the bar. Getty on one side of me, and Denny on the other, with Getty and Denny conversing over top of me. It was strange, but at this point after last night, and the lack of eye candy, I just relaxed and said "Screw it". Gimme the liquor.

The bartender didn't have the liquor I wanted so I debated. He recommended something called "Firefly" sweet tea vodka. I thought yuck, but Denny and the bartender assured me that it was excellent and went down like lightly sweetened tea. (I hate sweet tea really) It also was supposed to be a "stool tipper" and would get me drunk fast. I wasn't driving so what the hell.

I drank one. It tasted somewhat sweet, kinda like tea, but pretty good. I felt nothing. I argued with the bartender that there wasn't any alcohol in it. He assured me it was a full shot of alcohol mentioning what "proof" it was as it that should convince me. All I knew was that I wasn't drunk like promised.

So I drank another. And another. And another. Still not getting anywhere. Getty, Denny, and the bartender looked at me like I was lying.

"Am I slurring?" I got up and walked, "Am I walking funny? Do I in any way resemble buzzing?"

They agreed I wasn't drunk and showed no signs. (When I tell you I can hold my alcohol, trust me.) However, Denny was looking cuter. Part of that I suppose was the alcohol, but part of it was that he was just really nice. Considerate. Sweet. Gentle. He didn't come off as threatening in any way. He even seemed to be flirting with me, which I wasn't entirely sure if he was just being friendly or ?

So with Getty's encouragement and reminding me that I wasn't driving home, I decided to see if I could get plastered. I switched to Tito's on the rocks and drank two like they were water. Finally a buzz!! But it was just a little buzz, but a buzz nonetheless.

The bar was closing, and Denny living nearby invited us over offering us beer. We decided to go. I figured I'd drink and get a buzz while she and Denny did whatever. She'd been hanging on him most of the evening, so I assumed she was wanting something other than a pot refill.

We get to his place look around. Its pretty clean for a bachelor pad. I was told later that it was his roommate's fault. So we take a seat on the couch. Getty on one arm, and me on the other. Denny grabs us a couple beers and sits in the middle.

At this point, Denny is not really being subtle with his flirting. He's definitely flirting with me, and I'm drunk enough that despite my best efforts I was flirting back. He was still Getty's ex, so I was freaking out majorly and about to ask Getty to drive me home.

Denny got up to get more beer. I was getting really drunk by this time. A cocktail at dinner, 2 beers, 4 Fireflys, 4 Tito's, and a beer. Evidently beer is my kryptonite. So I lean over to Getty and say:

"He's really hitting on me big time. I'm sorry. Are you ok with that?"

Getty laughed, "Yeah, thats Denny. He's a good guy. You should go for it."

"Naw you sure? I mean he's your ex.. I don't wanna step on toes. I'm not like that."

She laughed some more. "Him and I just barely had more than a one night stand. You're not stepping on anything. Seriously."

I still looked at her like she was from Mars. From Jessie the other night, to Getty tonight.. I was pretty sure I must be doing crack.

Denny returned shortly, tripped and spilled almost his entire beer all over me. When I gasped and bitched about being covered in beer, he apologized and said he'd clean me up.. and began to lick it off. IN FRONT OF GETTY.

Getty got up off the couch and moved to a nearby chair. I thought I was majorly in for it. I had tried to tell Denny to stop, but well it was a lot like telling a very cute cuddly dog to stop licking you. It wasn't really going to happen, and he meant no harm.

Denny then got up to use the restroom. Getty turned to me.

"Go ahead if you two want to have sex, no biggie. I'm fully entertained with the tv. Feel free to go back in his room."

Seriously looked at her like she'd grown 3 heads. WTF? I'd pretty much at this point decided that I was going to sleep with Denny. (I should probably mention that when I get drunk I also get friendly, horny as hell.) But as much as Getty was being all nice and encouraging, I just could not be so rude as to ditch her to go have sex with her friend. Principles baby.

"I'm sorry, but I just can't. Not while you're here. It wouldn't be right."

Denny came back and we snuggled a bit on the couch. His roommate came home then, and Getty and him began flirting. His roommate was much more type except for physically, he was clean cut, well dressed, metrosexual. I told Getty that, she told him. And we all flirted and joked around.

When the tv show was over, Getty got up and said she was leaving. Being thoroughly drunk it took me a bit to get off the couch. I got my purse, and went to follow her, but by the time I got across the room she'd already made Denny promise to drive me home. She asked me if I was ok with that, and of course I was.

I still was feeling a bit guilty about Getty, but I figured that could wait til morning. Denny then went into his bedroom and called for me to join him. His roomate was sitting on couch looking all adorable and abandoned.

"I'm sorry. If it was up to me, you could join in. But I gotta go." I cooed as I walked into Denny's bedroom. His roommate looked at me like he wanted to kill Denny and have me to himself. Its surprising how brazen I can get when drunk, and I honestly don't know what I'd have done if his roommate had joined in.

For having just met both of them, I really felt comfortable and safe. Partly I think because I know Getty and I know they know Getty. If they did hurt me, she'd be out for blood. She's an ex-biker chick. She's tough.

Denny was waiting for me. Impatiently patient in a sweet way like a puppy waiting to go for a walk. He was adorable, sweet, and yet had a backbone. One of those sweet teddybear kinda guys that you know will bend over backward to make you happy, but won't let you walk all over them. Trust me, he bent over backward.

It was a night of wild abandon which can only be adequately described as wild monkey sex. Since my divorce, I've been looking for a night like this. With 5 yrs of celibacy, I felt unsure, hesitant, unskilled, and just like a clown in the bedroom. I just wanted a night of anything goes to get back in the groove of it. Maybe learn a few new things.

I'm not sure I learned anything new, other than I still got it and that there are still a few men who know how to have sex, and at least one man that can go more than once in a night. I also learned that there is at least one man who is kind and gentle and polite during sex. If I said no to something, it was no. He didn't get huffy or discouraged, just tried to find a common ground for mutual pleasure. He asked before doing things, and asked if I liked certain things.

By a few hours into it, I was so relaxed with him that when he asked if I sucked cock, I didn't immediately brace up, but simply answered "no". He took it as if he'd asked if I wanted coke or diet pepsi, and I'd said coke. He didn't seem to care and moved onto something else. It was this that gave me confidence to try. I didn't try long, as I didn't want to risk me having an episode.. but I tried long enough to know that it wasn't horrid and that with the right person I might be able to do it. It was healing.

Actually the entire night was healing. He did nothing but make me feel wanted, and sexy, and like a queen. We entered his room at 3am, and finally forced ourselves to stop so he could get some sleep at 7am. We slept for a few hours, then he drove me home on his way to work.

I collapsed into my own bed. When I woke, I could barely move. Every muscle hurt, even muscles I didn't even remember using. Somehow I'd also managed to bruise my finger tips. I still don't know how I did that.

Getty called then and wanted to meet for a late lunch. After 'ditching' her the night before I couldn't very well say no.. so I went. I also wanted to make sure things were ok with her.

We met at Panera and had a good lunch. She smiled and asked about how things went, and said she felt a little guilty about last night. I was puzzled.

"I feel like I kinda pimped you out."

I laughed my ass off. If that's what pimping me out gets me, honey sign me up. I assured her it was fine. I just didn't tell her HOW fine it was, or that I felt like I owed her big for that setup. But what she doesn't know won't kill her. Besides if she feels a little guilty, she might be more willing to sit my dog again.. no?

Denny & I never exchanged numbers, and I doubt I'll ever see him again, but there's a place in my heart where he'll always be. Thanks Denny for everything.

Relearning My Lesson

I've been horrid about not updating you all. Bad Maruska, Bad! So I'll try to take the next couple days and fill you in on my wild weekend.

I'll start with Friday night. After such a wonderful night Thursday, I was starting to get the social bug again, yet I was feeling lazy and just wanting to be comfy. So curling up on the couch at home and watching Netflix sounded great, but so did going out.

My options for going out (if I want a chance at flirting with anyone) are very narrow. I either have to go by myself, or go with one of my various social group events.

Since I wasn't really feeling social enough to go out by myself. My only other options were to call one of the boy-crazy girls I know to go out with me, or to attend an event at a club downtown with a group that is either fun or extremely mindblowly boring and you never know til you get there which one it was going to be.

Decisions. Decisions.

I decided to just go to Whole Foods and pick up a few things then back home to my couch. In the off chance that I might run into someone cute, I put on my sexy jeans (also amazingly comfy), a thin tank top, and a new cardigan that was stylish yet super comfy. No earrings, but my hair and makeup were already done while I'd debated on whether or not to go to the club.

So off to Whole Foods I go (its about a 1.5 mile drive), and half way there I decide instead to just go to Terra Burger (closer) and grab a bite. Now fully decided to binge on organic burger, organic fries, and cane sugar soda, I wait in line for 20 minutes in drive-thru, get angry, get more hungry, then down the burger and fries as soon as I get them instead of savoring them while watching Netflix. Oops. Ruined that.

So on my way home, ok about a block from Terra Burger is the entrance to the freeway to take me downtown and I just get on it. Screw it, I'm remotely dressed somewhat attractively and if men don't like it they can go screw themselves.

So I get to the club, run into some old friends, hang out for a bit. They had to work on Saturday so they left, and I got bored. It was then that my ex-friend (the girl from the 4th lesson on my Women Who Hate Women post) Jessie showed up. While I hadn't forgotten completely what an insane bitch she is, I did wonder if I'd made more of it than there was. Plus I was bored, didn't feel like going home, didn't feel like staying there, and didn't want to go somewhere else by myself. I'd paid $10 for parking; I might as well get my money's worth. No?

So I told people I was leaving. Jessie overheard and asked where I was going (one of her favorite clubs thats at least not 100% meat market, so tolerable for me) and asked if she could join me. I said sure.

While going there, we ran into an acquaintance of mine out with a friend of hers. Chrissy is a great girl. She's fun and outgoing, but not fake. I think she might be a bit crazy which is why she's not really made it far past the acquaintance stage, but she's fun to be out with so I may have to upgrade her friend status. Jessie (she's not stupid, she knows she's not high on my friend list - actually she's not high on anyone's friend list) sees that Chrissy is fun and spirited (fresh friend meat), and talks Chrissy and her friend into joining us. I'd rather hang with Chrissy than Jessie anyway so I'm all for it.

So we check out the club, then we decide to join Chrissy on her club-hop. She's finishing up her divorce and hasn't been to many bars downtown. She was wanting to correct that, and even though I've been to most of the clubby places downtown and hate them, I was more than willing to show her around. So the four of us go club hopping to lame club after lame club, until we decide to try a place I've never gone. Its packed, and while its not entirely lame, it is filled with model-type hot men and model-type hot women. The four of us looked very out of place, and 3 of us were well aware of that. Jessie however was delusional enough, and is psychotically boy-crazy enough to think that she can "score" in there. Thankfully we outvoted her and left.

Jessie then went on and on about how we needed to go to Qua. Now I haven't mentioned an actual club name until now, mostly because the lame clubs know who they are. Qua however does not. I hate Qua. Qua attempts to be a beautiful club for beautiful people. They are known for their dress code, which is essentially if you're not dressed up and smoking hot you're not getting in unless they're so desperate for money that they'll take yours. My first attempt to get into Qua I got in no problem (jeans, and Chaco sandals). I was completely unimpressed. Next time I went to try to get in.. private party, then they don't let people in with jeans. I'd only attempted to get in again because some friends were in there, and after the jeans fiasco I said I wasn't going back. So I tried to talk Jessie out of it.

But Chrissy wanted to try it out. Now let me tell you a bit about the four of us. None of us are skinny. Jessie has a pretty face but thats it. She's short and round. I'm big and round. Chrissy isn't a small girl, but pretty in her own right and wearing jeans. Her friend had a pretty face, but thats it as well even though she was smaller than the rest of us, she dressed so badly for her body type that she might as well have been 300lbs. There was NO WAY that Qua was going to let us in, even if we were dressed up fancy.

Jessie was all braggy that they'd let us in and when we got to the door, she was first in line and sure enough we weren't getting entrance. They said we needed to be wearing heels. Jessie went off on a tirade about how lame it was that we had to wear heels. She totally didn't understand that four heavier women weren't going to get in let alone how sloppily we were dressed, but I let her rant.

Since we were about 10 steps from the best tacos in town, I talked them into going for a taco. When we got there, it was only me getting tacos. Chrissy's friend had just eaten pizza. Chrissy and Jessie refused to eat from a roach mobile (which in downtown Austin at night severely limits your choices). So they all stood about 20 feet away talking and chatting, while I ordered and waited for my food. You'd think one of them would have at least kept me company but no.

Once I got my food the only place to sit and eat it was at a table where a semi-attractive man was sitting. So I asked him if I could join him. I'd noticed him earlier and was actually kinda happy that this opportunity to meet him had opened up. We talked a bit about tacos, and his work. He's trying to get a start up off the ground and had just gotten off work. He asked about my night and I'd told him that my friends had been dragging me around to lame clubs, but at least I was getting good tacos. He laughed.

Next thing I know, the girls are right beside me. Not to be rude, I made introductions. It was then Jessie took over. She tried to be all smooth about it, but the guy wasn't that stupid and kept meeting my eyes with a look of "I'm sorry she's taking all my time" or "I've not forgotten about you". Then she made him move over so she could sit. She could have easily walked around and sat on his other side, but no.. lets make him move to put distance between him and me.

He finished his tacos, and Jessie was all about inviting him to join us at our next club. He is not a club guy. I knew this from 3 seconds of meeting him. He did however want a beer, and so I chimed in with my knowledge of beer places in the area. The Gingerman was a half block away and I wanted to go. He'd heard of the place and was amazed it was so close. He was going.

Unfortunately, the girls had already made it sound like we were definitely going to this club and Chrissy's friend had already headed there. So at least one of us had to go get her. We watched him walk to the Gingerman, and Jessie and Chrissy ooo'd and ahh'd over him being such a great guy. He's ambitious and cute and has a job.. OH MY!

I told them I was just going to go to the Gingerman. They said "Oh no you can't, you'll look too desperate. He already knows you'd planned to go to the club. You need to wait a bit". I could have cared less really. I just wanted to relax with a fucking beer and talk to someone cool. I really didn't think he'd be interested in anything else anyway, but I listened to them and went with them to the club. Entered. Sat. Stood up.

"Ok, I came here. Now I'm going to the Gingerman."

Chrissy and her friend were having fun so they stayed, but Jessie couldn't get her things together fast enough to join me. As we were walking to the Gingerman, she said to me:

"I'm not ready to concede him to you yet. He's such a great guy, who knows which one of us he's interested in."

Concede? Oh hell no bitch, you horned in on something I already had started. I made the effort to meet him. NOT YOU. And you came in and took over. So very not cool. If we ever were friends, we really aren't now.

So we get to the bar, and he's standing at the bar with his beer. I take the stool right next to him (on his other side is some other guy so she can't get in there) and begin to talk to him about his beer selection. We talk beer for about 15 minutes, while Jessie is standing behind us pacing and trying to find a way to get near him. There was an open seat on the other side of me, but she wouldn't' take it. She asks him if maybe we could all just get a table, but him and I look at each other and say we're fine here.

Then she pushes her shoulder between us and makes him take a step away from me. I think she was reaching for something at the bar but I can't remember. It was then she mentioned how she wanted to sit down, and so to be nice he stepped to the other side of his stool which he wasn't using and let her sit between us.

Him and I didn't get to speak the rest of the night. Chrissy came in upset. Some guy canceled a date with her that night, and she saw him at the bar with another girl. So I went to talk to her. Then I mentioned we should all get a table, and he agreed.

When I went to sit down, he moved over for me to sit beside him on the bench. Jessie moved to sit on the other side of him, and then endlessly non-stop talked to him about this that and the other thing. They work in similar fields so mostly it was about that. But his head was facing her the entire time, and I couldn't get a word in edgewise. She noticed that she'd totally edged me out of the conversation and seemed to gloat. So instead of leaving them alone, I stayed.

The bar closed. We all walked to me to my car. Since they were both parked further away, they then walked together to their cars.

I won't be giving her any more chances as friends. Really Really Done.

Women Who Hate Women Who Hate Women

I grew up in a family of all girls. So I've grown up with quite an education on how females think and behave, not that I needed it as its pretty much cemented my feelings about having close female friends. I have one close female friend. She lives in another state. It works much better that way.

Growing up, I tried to make friends with girls my age. It would last a whole 3-4 days, two weeks tops. We'd be fast friends. Share everything. Hang out together non-stop. Then suddenly without warning, I'd show up to school to find them friends with the "cool girls" and myself ostracized. This in itself would not be devastating, but soon I'd find all my secrets bandied about like some new game of emotional darts with me being the dartboard. You'd think I'd learn my lesson, but it never failed. Every-time I new girl showed up, I'd befriend her and it'd start all over.

As it got to HS, I managed to have two female friends. I was much more their friend than they were ever mine, but after grades school, I figured a friend was better than no friend. I learned not to share with them any big secrets, but because of my own ethics kept all of theirs. You would think that this would win me devotion, but alas any time we fought, they would find ways to turn the entire class against me. I should have figured out how to do that myself, but since I don't really think that way naturally I never did.

It wasn't until I got married, and through years of the marital social conditioning that being friends with men while you're married is severely hard to do unless you knew them prior to getting married, or you're willing to have an affair, that I began to see value in friendships with females. I started socializing with married women and found them to be fantastic. They were supportive, friendly, and easy to talk to. They weren't catty or back-stabby at all. I honestly had started to love being friends with women, and wondered why I was ever really friends with men.

Then the divorce..

Divorce puts a whole different spin on things...and as much as I loved my married women friends, I found myself separating from them. I didn't really mean to, but I was embarrassed at not being able to hold my marriage together. I didn't want their pity or judgement. But what was worse, was sitting there with them and listening to them talk about their happy marriages. I am sooo happy for them that they're in good relationships and happy, but I just couldn't be around it.

So I began seeking out new women friends. Single women friends. People to go out with, hang with, talk about single life, dating, etc. I thought maybe since we're older that I'd be able to find mature women who were like my married women friends.

I currently have one woman friend who has potential to be trusted. The problem is that I don't necessarily like being around her very much as she has a tendency to interrupt me or talk over me without thinking. I'm told its a New Yorker thing, but its kinda annoying.

Every other girl that I've tried to be friends with has failed miserably. We're still nice and civil, and if I need a movie buddy I'd give a one of them a call, but I don't trust them, especially not with men.

Before the separation, I had a couple friends who were in a writers group with me. One was single, the other in a long-term relationship. We'd hang out after our meetings and talk, and they'd occasionally invite me to do things. We ended up in several groups together and hung out at least once a week. After the separation, I got a little needy, depressed. They now will only recognize my presence if I say "Hi" first.

Next lesson, I was friends with this geeky guy, Theo, who I adore, but there will never be anything more than friends. I knew this. He knew this. We embraced the friendship. We were so much friends that people actually started to think we were dating. Neither of us cared, we were just friends. In our circle of friends though, was this one older woman. She always seemed to be the life of the party, and something about her made me think we'd not be good friends, but since she was quite an institution in the circle.. I tried.

She was nice to me. She let me into her circle of friends. Invited me over to parties at her place. Then about a month later, she and I are walking out to our cars after a happy hour, and she questions me about Theo.

"Do you know that he's into you?" I laughed at her. I said, no we're just friends. She insisted that we weren't, and that she knew Theo had feelings for me. I clarified that she must have misunderstood him, and told her about an attempted kiss, and the "turn down" he gave me (this was of course before I got to know him and realized I really wasn't interested).

She was appalled. How dare Theo treat me that way. I shouldn't even be friends with him. On and on about how much of a dick Theo was, and how horrid it was for me to even try to be friends with him. I told her it was fine, no biggie, and that I enjoyed the friendship... but she kept on. I smiled and nodded. Then we parted and went home.

From that conversation onward, she monopolized Theo. She was everywhere he was. She told him what to think, what to wear, and where to go... and any time he tried to talk to any girl, she'd show up and distract him. He and I have barely been able to speak two words since. Two weeks after this conversation, she and Theo were making out like teenagers romping up for public sex.

She's nice to me in public, and makes a presentation that she's trying to be friends with me (I assume for Theo's sake). But I'm no longer invited to her parties, and she no longer talks to me like a good friend. I guess she got what she wanted.

Third lesson: I decided to branch out and go to a Brewery party. My new friend Evie was there, and she introduced me to a few people. Then this guy came over. He had a beautiful friendly dog, and I'm a sucker for well-behaved dogs, and he was kinda cute. So I went up to him and talked to him and played with his dog. Not long after, Evie came up to say hi to him.

A group of us were deciding where to go next, and I insisted that the new guy come join us. I invited him, got his number, gave him mine. I then coordinated that we'd all meet, and when.

When we met later, Evie did her best to monopolize his conversation. She started talking sexual things, things that I might talk about in private but not in public and not in a first meeting. So my choices if I stayed in the conversation were to look like a slut or be a prude. It was a no-win. Toward the end of the night, I had managed to talk to him while she was in the bathroom, and I thought we were getting somewhere. She came out, and sexily convinced him to rub her feet. (She did this kinda thing not once, but every time we hang out if males are present.. even if she's already on a date with someone else.)

Fourth lesson: I met this girl through a friend of mine, to fully understand why she's no longer on my 'trust' list, let me give you a bit of background. We hit it off at first as we have a lot in common and we both tend to be a little opinionated. While I can be a pain in the ass, I'm generally more go-with-the-flow as long as its not injurious to my health. She however made a huge scene at a restaurant about her food not being "as advertised" and made them remake it. Then when they remade it like she wanted it, she had talked herself into a tizzy about them spitting in it so she wasn't going to give them the "satisfaction" of seeing her eat it. Besides this incident, she is abrasive, demanding, and so boy-crazy that she's alienated all my other friends.

The last straw though was last weeks happy hour. She insisted that I go with her, and since it was merely a couple blocks from my place I complied. Shortly after arriving, we were sitting with two rather handsome men talking. She said jokingly serious quite out of the blue, "I'm easier to get along with than her." To which my initial reaction was an open mouthed "WTF" expression, and then laughter at my own thoughts of "OMG how delusional is she?"

So I think I'm done with single female friends. Sure if I need to hang with a girl, I might call one up, but we won't be going out. Maybe I'm just not meeting the right women. I don't know. But in the last 6 months, I've had enough.

A Friend Indeed

Unknown to a friend of mine, I've secretly had a crush on a one of her FB (Facebook) friends. I'd seen J's picture show up on her FB page, and he looked just that right mix of rugged and geeky which always gets my heart pumping. I knew little of anything of him other than that, and I was much to scared to ask. He was probably an ex-boyfriend or a guy she had a crush on, or otherwise off-limits.

Occasionally, her and I will have the same taste in men, but often we do not. When we do like the same guy, its usually not a pretty sight. She's much more openly sexual than I, and a little thinner and prettier, so unless the guy is not interested in either of us, or he's looking for a long-term serious relationship (not interested in overtly sexual women), or he's gay.. I really don't do well.

I had planned last night just to go downtown and meet another friend for some cheap burgers, but as I was leaving the apartment my girlfriend called to complain about the horrid traffic. There was a huge mess blocking one of the major north-south roads, the direction I needed to go, and was causing overflow and horrific traffic on every side road or alternative way of travel.

So I ditched my plans of cheapo burgers sadly. She then invited me to join her for a movie which I had already seen a couple days ago. I really didn't need to see it again, but then she mentioned her friend J was going to be going with her. She could have been seeing the worst horror show known to man (I loathe horror), and I still would have gone. I wanted to meet J.

Out of courtesy of not knowing their relationship status, I politely hinted that I didn't want to disturb their date. She laughed and said they weren't dating and hadn't dated. He was just a platonic friend, and she had no interest in him. Since she sometimes doesn't say everything or leaves out her small interest, I pretended to believe her and hoped like hell she really wasn't interested in him.

She was running late (traffic) to the movie, so I went off on my own to find J and hoped he was there early to give us a little time to talk. I walked in the front doors of the cinema, and there he was. He saw me, but reacted like I was just another strange person looking at him.

"J?"

He looked at me and smiled, "You must be Maruska. Evie told me you'd be coming."

I so wanted to melt into his eyes. We talked easily. Conversation started about Evie, and how we knew her.

"We never dated though." He added quickly almost defensively, which I took as a good sign.

He asked me questions, and I asked him some as well. Our conversation was going so well, I began to hope that Evie wouldn't make it. But she arrived a few minutes later. We were separated the rest of the evening. One of us on side of her, the other on the other side.

After the movie, we all three talked. I was funny and charming and laughed at his jokes, and he was adorable and playfully sided with me against Evie whenever possible.

The night had ended and it was time to go home. J left on his own, and since Evie and I are nearly neighbors we decided to grab a bite on our way home.

When I did finally get home, I found this.

"J added you as a friend on Facebook. We need to confirm that you know J in order for you to be friends on Facebook."

Click. YES BABY YES.