Persistently Annoying

Mr Penny Pincher from last week (see my last post "Where Does The Time Go?") called me on Monday.

After my not replying to his emails, he calls me.

I of course do not answer.

1. Because I really feel like being a mega-bitch this week.

2. I really don't want to talk to anyone - Extremely Antisocial

3. I really don't want to talk to HIM or explain to him that I'm not interested. Because if he's this persistent he's going to try to talk me out it. And then I'll get roped into another date, which I don't want.

So I didn't answer.

I feel like crap because I didn't answer. I absolutely hate avoiding people, and much prefer the upfront approach. But that would require me to get out of my hermit hole and actually communicate.

I don't wanna deal with the world. But this guilt is going to make me. Dammit.

By the way, why is it only the guys that I don't want to date.. why is it only those guys that are persistent? Really? Why?

Where Does The Time Go?

Last week was so busy that I have done nothing but neglect everything, including this blog. It may not look like it since I did manage to post some stories, but they were old stories written while I was making new stories. Seriously.

I honestly don't know if this week is going to be much better, but we'll see. I've made promises to write some articles for other sites which will take up some of my free time, and I still need to fix my resume so I can find a real paying job someday soon. Where does all the time go?

Oh.. I know..

Tuesday night I hosted a happy hour for a group I co-organize. It ended up being me and 5 guys. 2 of which are old acquaintances, aka friends, and I know they're not into me and I know them too well to be into them. 1 is my co-organizer and a little aged for me (or at least he looks like he is). 1 looked like he'd not showered or combed his hair in weeks. 1 talked about how he might not make it to our saturday event if the girl he likes will agree to go out with him. So.. boiled down to me hanging out with my adopted brothers. Fun, but not that fun.

I did get hit on though by a random guy at the place. He was a good 3 inches shorter than me, and weighted maybe a buck twenty. When I feel like I can twirl them over my head like a baton, I just can't pretend to be interested.

Wed night, I had a lame date. He was nice enough and we got along well enough. He was tall and not horrid looking. He was a red head though.. something I can overlook if he's awesome.. but if he's not then well..

The date started well enough despite both of us being late due to being stuck in traffic. We talked and chatted and blah blah blah. Then the check came. I did my normal hunting in my purse for my credit card. He said nothing. We'd not discussed who pays prior to the date so I figured.. ok we just met.. ok.. dutch I'll give him a shot, but I'm not impressed.

He was paying by card as well, when the waiter came.. the waiter asked if we were splitting it, and my date pointed out to the waiter exactly what I'd had and what he'd had and wanted it split like that. Whoah doggies. Seriously splitting it on a DATE to the penny? Wow. I knew right then we wouldn't last long.

Then he talked me into going for a drink. I thought a beer at that moment sounded pretty good so we went across the street to a bar. We each ordered a beer. When we went to pay, he didn't even buy my beer nor offer to. Even my guy friends (that I know for a fact do not find me attractive or want to sleep with me ever) aren't this stingy.

Done baby.. totally done. When I got home I had an email from him asking me out again. Two days later, another email asking me to go with him to a hockey game. Um no.. but thanks.

Thursday was bowling night. It was boring. Again the organizer put all the guys except him on another team, only this time I was on his team. Marc was there thankfully so I had someone to talk to. Oh sure there were girls there, and I talked to a few of them, but... well mostly I was disappointed because it wasn't like it was last time. There were way too many people on each team (6) crammed into two lanes and very little room to move about (claustrophobic). So not only was the bowling slow going but once you got up your seat was taken and there was very little room to move around. Only Mac, I, and a girl on Mac's team were even attempting to be competitive with the bowling the rest used the bowling as an excuse to sit and chat. I go cuz I like to bowl (well to meet people too but mostly bowl). I can just sit around and chat anywhere. So I'm not sure if I'll go back in two weeks.

Friday night was the Blanton Art Museum event I hosted for my group. After such a long week, I was tired and cranky. Tired and Cranky usually leads to quickly bored. I did my best impression of "I am happy to be here" and pulled it off rather convincingly I do say.

Saturday was Wurstfest, which I promised to co-host for the group months ago. Basically a celebration of Beer and Sausage. It was fun but I am now way way too tired. I may tell more once I regain some energy.

Ok.. now I'm all caught up. This next week hopefully will be easy and relaxed with nothing to do and no where to go. I totally feel like hermitting.

Bad Kissing On A Bad Date

I really really want to like Mr. A.

He's sweet, considerate (for the most part), intelligent, educated, relatively good looking. He makes decent money, and drives a BMW convertible. He's fun, social, and talkative. He has no problems displaying affection and seems more than willing to work on compromises so we're both happy. We have good conversations, and get along well.

But I am just NOT attracted to him. He's about 2-3 inches shorter than me for starters, which I really don't find attractive in any man, and though he kisses fine with his lips, his tongue is un-animated and slimy.. like a dead fish. I really wanted to like him, but when I had to push him off me to stop the kissing so I didn't throw up.. I knew it wasn't going to work.

Sadly, even with all that.. I might have tried harder to like him if it wasn't for the nagging thoughts of "we're too different" in my head.

He's Indian. Like really Indian. Not Americanized Indian, but still thinks home is India, Indian. He's vegetarian (I have to eat meat for protein - allergy to all beans, soy, peanuts, and most other nuts and several veggies). And ... the clincher.. He doesn't drink, at all.

*sigh* I do hope that he finds a nice girl who appreciates him.. but that nice girl is not me. Really Not Me.

*****

I initially wrote that on Saturday night. In my desire to post my events in chronological order, I waited until today to post it. As I was re-reading it for posting, I realized I wasn't telling everything and giving him a little too much credit.

From last Monday when we met until Wednesday when he asked me out, he had been a perfect gentleman. He was considerate and kind. Even Wednesday when we were planning the date, he wanted to do dinner and a movie and told me I could pick the movie.

Now if you bring up going to the movies to me, there is only one theatre chain that I will want to go to in Austin. It is generally child-free by its own rules, and they don't charge you $600 for a soda. When you walk in you're not accosted by the smell of popcorn laden with chemical butter sauce, instead you see a fully stocked bar and waitstaff. You can go directly to your seat, and the waitstaff will bring you anything you want from the menu. Yes, you can drink beer and watch a movie and have someone else bring you more beer! The place is called Alamo Drafthouse.

So I asked him if he'd ever been to one, and he said no. All the more reason to go! Since we could easily do both dinner and the movie at the Alamo, I suggested the idea. He didn't seem keen on it, but I insisted that he needed to go. (Seriously if you don't like the Alamo, we're not going to get along.)

So I'm given the task of picking a movie. I totally get swamped with my own crap on Thursday and forget. So Friday I txt him with movie options. He txts back that those options aren't any good, even though one of those was a movie we'd discussed seeing on Wednesday night. He said he'd call me Saturday and we'd figure it out.

He called Saturday and fumbled around telling me that our date initially set at 6pm was being pushed til 9pm. Why? He didn't offer the info, so I asked. His friend was moving and he'd offered the help. So instead of courteously asking me if it was ok, he just told me we'd be meeting at 9pm with only 3 hours warning.

When the movie didn't start til 10:30, he said we could hang at my place.

Now in case you've never dated a fresh off the boat Indian guy, let me tell you a few things that I've learned over the years. Most of this I learned in college by hanging out with the international students. My college had an overwhelmingly large population of Indian students.. fresh.. I mean fresh of the boat.

Rule #1 If a guy and a girl are alone in a secluded place (bedroom, home, corner, bathroom, etc) the guy may interpret it as a "GO" for sex despite what the woman says. Or despite what the guy promised prior to entering such a situation.

Rule #2 Women do not get into such situations unless they want sex.

So when Mr "Indian" A said we'll hang at your place, my mind immediately jumped to.. He wants to have sex.

Since I barely know Mr. A, and I'm not all that into him physically... it was a hell no on being alone in my apt.

So then he suggested his apt. I told him that I'd find something for us to do.

When he came to pick me up (he insisted), I told him to take us to Main Event. He'd never been there, so I told him we'd go check it out so he'd know what it was.

We get inside, order a drink, and just about to play pool when he suddenly remembers he lost his visa card. He insists/begs that we go see if the ATM ate it. So I down my beer in record time, and we leave.

Of course the card is not at the ATM. He then says he wants to go check his apt to make sure he didn't leave it there. I am visibly reluctant, but we go anyway.

So we go to his apt. I'm apprehensive and the only furniture is his bed, so I stand. I do not want any further mixture of signals. He looks around the apt for his card and calls some number asking for a new card.

Then he turns to me, and thanks me for being nice about this and apologizes for messing up the evening. We hug. Then he kisses me. We kiss a little, then I push him off me before he can get "serious". He tries to keep the kissing going.

"We should get going" I say matter of factly and start toward the front door. He moves quickly to get between me and the door. I open the door, and he starts to push it closed.

As with most women, I have an ability to look so angry that I can scare nearly anyone that comes across me. Generally this look is in such opposition to my normal countenance that when I do pull it out it is immensely shocking and extremely fear inducing. (Seriously, I have never been in a real physical fight. People see this look and back the hell off.)

Fueled by a touch of fear and a lot of rage, I gave Mr A this look, and said.

"If you don't want me to get angry. We should go."

He took one look at my face and said, "Wow you really are getting angry. Why?"

I could not answer him then. I cannot form words when I'm truly angry. So I shrugged off the question, and walked outside. He hurriedly followed me.

We drove to the movie talking about nonsense, with me giving him directions... which it turns out he didn't need. I think his "new boy in town" act is just that.

We sit down, and in a few minutes he asks me again.

"Why did you get so angry back there?"

So I answered, "Well I don't know you that well, I was uncomfortable being at your apt alone with you, and when I tried to leave you blocked the door to trap me there."

I saw through his eyes that a little light went off in his head. He understood and apologized.

The movie was good. But he didn't like the food. On our way home, he asked if I'd come back to his place and help him with finding new iPhone apps. He'd mentioned this a couple times already during the week, so I figured oh what the hell. Plus then I'd see if he'd learned anything from our earlier confrontation.

Initially, despite his invitation for me to sit on the bed which I refused, we began talking about iPhone apps. After a few minutes, I realized he didn't care about apps much. Then he wanted to play a two player iPhone game. I don't have hardly any two player games on my iPhone because I don't know anyone with a iPhone that is ever with me and wanting to play a silly game. We usually have better things to do. But I find a game of Dominoes on my phone, which allows two players so I teach him how to play. We play a couple games, but he gets bored and tries to kiss me again.

This time his tongue gets more involved (see previous story) and I do my best to not kiss him. Which obviously he's not picking up on because he gets up and turns off the lights. I get up and tell him to take me home. He argues a little but since I stand my ground he takes me home.

*******

I barely get home and I get an email from Mr Christian. We chat through email for a few minutes. Then he disappears again.

***

Online Intuition: Don't Ignore It

In some ways Online Dating has a leg up on meeting someone organically, and most of that has to do with reading someone's profile and the brief (sometimes not so brief) communication that happens prior to meeting them offline. You get to know their interests, politics, and an idea of the kind of relationship they're wanting. You also get a taste of how they communicate and what verbiage they're prone to using. Do they speak in sports metaphors or continuously quote movies?

Once you've been around online communication long enough though you start to also pick up on other things such as tone, and subtle hints at their true personality. This online intuition should not be ignored, but added into everything else you know about them to make a better educated decision on compatibility (and sometimes safety).

Last week I was messaged by a guy. He seemed nice according to his profile. He was working a not so great job, but he had one and in today's world just having one is a huge thing. He didn't seem afraid of work, and from what I could tell his only downfall was his love of cats (he has one). (My view on cats I'll have to put in a different post, but for now lets leave it at that I'm allergic).

Then I noticed his emails. The first one was mild, but the next couple messages he sent had a massive undertone of anger. None of it aimed at me, but at the city, the country, the world. He was angry with OkStupid, and the dates he'd found through there. He even admitted that he'd had 3 first dates and no second dates. He was uber-honest in his emails and that plus he sounded pleasant on the phone is what made me ignore the intuition.

Our first date went well and I got a small taste of how vast his anger was and its direction as he lectured me about some conspiracy theory he had about politics and banks being in control. He listed instances and facts to back it up, most of which I'd not heard of nor did I care to hear it then. With a few of his views, I'd written him off as not being something long term, but I thought I'd give him a chance at something short-term and fun.

We left the restaurant after going "dutch" on the meal. I figured since I wasn't that into him and he had a shitty job; I might take pity on his budget. And he followed me to a nearby dive bar for a beer and more talk.

It was his saving grace that we didn't talk much at the bar. Instead he complimented by looks, and stared into my eyes. Yes my eyes, not my breasts, not some other chick's chest.. but my eyes.

Next thing I know, I want to kiss him. The bar closes. We go outside and kiss. He kissed like a man in love. It wasn't just passionate 'get-your-clothes-off' kissing, but a seduction rare on first dates. I saw us lasting years, having kids, picket fences, kids, and sitting around in our old age. I scolded myself for such thoughts remembering well the anger speech from earlier, but I couldn't help thinking them when he kissed me.

Nearly 3 hours later we go home. It was a fantastic make out session that I've not had since.. well probably my early college years. We were making quite the scene in the parking lot. I assured him that we weren't having sex, so once our lips got too chapped to continue we went home to our own beds with the promise of seeing each other the next night.

I was somewhat excited to see him again. I debated in my head the whole chemistry vs angry man thing. It's hard to find good mutual chemistry, but I really cannot be around that much negativity either. So I decided that when we met again we'd talk more.

I should have just not talked to him. I would barely get two words in before he'd interrupt me. (I'm told by my east coast friend that does it too that its an east coast thing) So I just listened to him with little commentary. He went on and on for an hour complaining about everything. People mostly. Lack on intelligence. How he's open-minded and no one else is. He talked about abortion and how you should be able to get one at any grocery store, quick in and out. He then talked about me.

He asked about my timeline and how long I'd been married and when it'd ended. Then went on to say that I was still on the rebound (to which my head said: Maybe I am if I'm still sitting here with you). His 2 yr relationship just ended 7 months ago, but he's obviously over that despite his mentioning her and what she did to him 3 times within 24 hours. He then said he was afraid that I was like her. She'd been raped and still had issues with it. He was actually upset with her for not getting over it.

So I interrupted him and told him that .. well yeah.. I had some sexual issues. I was orally raped when I was 18 or was it 19? No matter.. and that I had issues with giving a blow job. He looked at me like "how could you not have gotten over that?" and said "Well I'm sorry that happened to you, but thats going to be a big problem" then continued on about how much he loves them and how its all just part of foreplay. Then he saw my face "That you don't even think its a big part just shows me that this is going to be a problem."

I shut down after that. It was all I could do not to cry. He didn't ask or even want to know how much I'd healed or why I hadn't. Took me several years to be alone with a guy with our clothes off. For many years it just never came up or if it did I'd say I didn't want to and the guy would just go with it. It wasn't really until I was 26 and met a guy that I really wanted to marry that I trusted a guy enough to try. He knew about my past and I cautioned him against touching me while I did it. He forgot and touched my head caressing my hair. Next thing I knew I was crying and curled up in a ball. I couldn't stop even though I saw on my boyfriend's face just how much my reaction was hurting him and how sorry he was. It was a long distance relationship so I never got to try again with him as things ended for other reasons.

After him, the guys I dated could have cared less about a blow job. Sure if I'd have wanted to, they might have let me, but if they didn't care and preferred actual sex who was I to complain? I'd rather just have sex anyway. My ex-husband actually hated blow jobs. He'd had some traumatic thing happen with a blow job once. I think teeth was the issue. But he'd never wanted me to do it, and the one time I suggested trying he actually shriveled up and said no.

Since then I've not been with anyone I trusted enough to try, and I really don't see Mr. Negative as earning my trust any day soon. He's already set it out as something I'll have to do to keep him. I really don't need that pressure, thanks.

We parted about an hour after this incident. I have no idea what was said. We hugged goodbye, and he held on for a long time. I don't know why. Maybe he knew he'd hurt me and was trying to apologize?

The funny part looking back. He's a huge proponent of abortion (says its saved him from child support and rug rats), despite the fact that he was a baby adoption. Is he subconsciously trying to commit suicide?

He still emails me. Asking how I am and telling me about his day. I reply courteously but without encouragement. I'll be screening my dates much better from now on.

Can't Get A Date?

OMG.. This is way too funny and so I had to post for you all to enjoy.

A girl's voicemail recording from a potential suitor

Guys.. if you're this arrogant and demanding, the only thing you're going to attract is pathetic doormats who don't know better.

Girls .. just a reminder on why we're still single and maybe why we should stay that way.. lol

Why I love my Girls Blogs

I woke up today depressed. I went on a date yesterday. Initially from his online persona I pretty much figured he wouldn't be my type. He's not really, but in many ways he so is.

He has that low masculine voice, that makes you just want to call him up and have phone sex with him right there. Not that I did, I do have self-restraint.

On meeting him, I was dreading the worst. The picture he sent me was of him in sunglasses and a cap, and a headshot.. so I pretty much was walking in blind.

I initially see him from the back. And he's physically not bad. He has a nice butt. He turns around and his face isn't "OMG take me now" but nice kind and attractively average. But there's something wrong and I can't place it for a few minutes, then it dawns on me that his head is a bit large for his body. Like he should be a good 50 lbs heavier. The thought made me smile, but didn't really detract anything from him as far as I was concerned.

We sat and talked, and had a few beers. He bragged about his travels, and his poker playing. (I really hate poker, but I'm trying not to be so picky anymore.) He talked and talked and talked.

Occasionally he'd ask me about me. I'd get out about half an answer, and he'd continue on some thought that it'd brought up.

I didn't really mind. I'd decided that he was attractive enough to sleep with, and his other annoying habits could just be due to him being nervous. He talked so much I assumed that was the cause. So I figured I'd give him another shot.

We talked for 2.5 hours, then we left. He gave me a one arm hug, and swore he was going to email me (kept telling me he was going to email me throughout the 2.5 hour conversation) the info on this pirated TV place he uses. - Oh yeah, we talked geek, so yes by the end of 2.5 hours he was irresistible.

I was pretty sure by the one armed hug that he wasn't interested, but when I got to my car and saw that it'd been 2.5 hours of talking... I wasn't so sure.

Nevertheless, the increased certainty that the date was a failure bummed me out and I spent the rest of the night watching Netflix DVD's and checking my email. Still nothing from him. I'm not really holding my breath.

Is it any wonder that I really hate dating?

But today, I woke up still down.. checked my emails, then went to go see if any of my favorite girls had posted something. They had.

AmazingMelisa posted something of which I have very similar feelings. A lot of men really suck. Dating sucks. Bedbuddies are a dime a dozen, man you're not the only game in town. (so treat us right, asshole) Sometimes you just feel alone.

TrueHeart posted a very funny video of a badly designed dress. Which was just the laughter I needed. Its hard to be sexy and feel sexy when the designers try to sabotage you at every turn.

Sometimes its just good to see you're not really alone in all this.

What I Look For In A Man?

I had a bad date. It wasn't horrendous. I wasn't tortured or afraid for my life. He just was not my type.

On my way home, I called a few friends to vent and tell them all about it. This spurred a conversation about what I do find attractive. What I discovered is that truly defining what it is I like is nearly impossible without describing its contrast.

In many ways, I'm just your average girl wanting the Marlboro man. Sure I like a nice looking rugged man, but I also like the smart professors. I like my men manly. I like deeper voices, chest hair (not carpet, but hair), 5 o'clock shadows, some muscle (can be fat or thin, not morbidly obese though). I prefer dark hair and blue eyes, but its not a big deal. I like them to have decent hygiene and decent/average to above average fashion sense (if he thinks wearing sweat pants on a date is ok, he's out). Actually the fashion sense may be negotiable if they'd allow me to pick out their clothes and dress them.

I like intelligence most of all. Geeky is an aphrodisiac (nerdy and dorky is not). I'm a little bit of a foodie, and care about what goes into my body. He must accept this, and either embrace it himself, or be able to celebrate our differences.

My date was very little of these things.

On first walking into the restaurant, I see a man wearing a blue shirt (what he said he'd be wearing) standing near the entrance among a crowd and I pray to God that he's not my date. I could tell he attempted to look nice, clean dress shirt and slacks, but the man oozed dorky. He moved his head as someone who'd just had a cranium transplant and was just starting to get the hang of it. He saw me, smiled, and walked over. Oh God this is my date.

He introduced himself, and my eyes went to his teeth which were horridly stained dirty. I didn't look long enough to tell for sure if it was a permanent stain or just food left over from lunch. My stomach recoiled in disgust, and I had to advert my eyes. It was then that I noticed the lisp. He had a lisp coupled with a higher octave voice that can only be accurately described as "Flaming".

I tried to remind myself to keep and open mind, and maybe he'd make a good friend. "Stop being so judgmental" I reminded myself.

So we started chatting, or I should say, he started chatting. I tried to listen to his mundane and inane stories about how his friend was moving again after only living somewhere for 3 months and how he had to help him move, but I kept spacing out. After that story was finished, we discussed the menu.

We were at an Italian place in Austin, TX. Since I spent a lot of time in Chicago, where Italian, or at least American Italian is done well, I had yet to find a decent Italian restaurant in Austin. Most Italian restaurants in Austin are "Texified" meaning that they add Tex-Mex spices to the items to adjust for the local palate. I'm more of a purist, and the closest that Italian should come to Tex-Mex is a hot arrabiata sauce. On the phone in previous conversations, he'd agreed on the difficulty but swore that this place was phenomenal. So as we were discussing the menu, he would point out dishes that he'd had that were great.

As he was pointing on the menu, I noticed his hands. They were fine boned, long, with longer nails than mine. He really could do some damage with those, and I had already decided his mouth was not coming anywhere near mine, and now decided that his hands were never coming anywhere near my privates. With this, I officially closed the book on any kind of sexual thing between us... closed, locked, padlocked.

He then asked about my job. On the site where we'd met, I clearly listed that I was unemployed. So then he asked about my job search. I told him the truth that I only half-assed am looking for work at this time. I really don't want a job, and since I can currently afford not to work, I'd rather focus on finding a job that I really want to do and not just apply for whatever comes up.

In return, I asked about his job search as he'd told me the previous evening that he'd been laid off. Layoffs had come around Austin, so holding that against him seemed overly critical. He told me flat out that he hadn't been looking at all. He was just taking some time off, and enjoying his severance package. Normally I could totally understand this, but he'd been laid off for 5 months with a 6 month severance and still wasn't looking at all?

It was then the word "Loser" came to my mind. I really should have set up a "safe call" to get me out of this.

This last bit was immediately before we ordered/paid for the food. He was quick to pull out payment, where I normally would have offered to split the bill (to be nice) I did not, and just let him pay without a word.

Our food arrived, and he talked even more. He started to tell me about how his queso recipe was far superior to anything in a restaurant. We'd had several conversations previously that he was very picky about food, and almost considered himself a foodie. So I was curious about this queso. I wondered what cheeses he must use, or did he cut up his own fresh tomatoes and chillies?

So I asked him to tell me what was in it. He replied with a lispy high pitched and drawn out, "Weeeelll" as he raised his hand, flicked his wrist, and touched his finger tips to my arm. (The combination of these mannerisms was so gay-tipical, that if he wasn't confused about his orientation, I sure as hell was.) I listened anyway, trying to block out picturing him in drag and trying not to wonder how convincing of a woman he might be.

Since I rarely use a recipe, if he vaguely told me what was in it, I could probably do a decent duplication at home myself. He started in on preparing the meat, some kind of ground meat. Ok, that might be ok, I'm more of a vegetarian queso fan, but meat in it might be ok. Next he mentioned using a can of cream of mushroom soup, a can of Rotel... I had to stop him there.

"Wait, cream of mushroom soup?"

"Yeah, like the condensed one from Campbell's"

"Eww. Ok, what kind of cheese do you use?"

"Oh, velveeta of course."

"Yum, sludge." I said jokingly serious.

At this point, I was extremely disgusted, and really did not care if I offended him. He was NOT a foodie, and to anyone who is a foodie, what he just described was chemical sludge with a bit of meat in it. Its ok to not be a foodie, but its not ok to lie.

He laughed at my comment, and continued to say how wonderful it was, and went so far as to say it was better than real queso (melted mexican cheeses with fresh diced chilies). I was done.

We decided to call it a night.

To give him his due, he was gentlemanly and kind to me. Even refilled my drink for me, and was courteous the entire evening. So much annoyingly so, that he insisted on walking me back to my car. He also insisted on a hug, which I tried to do one armed, but he insisted on two armed full body contact. I'd tried all night with conversation to make myself as unattractive as possible, and I could very well see that none of it had worked as effectively as I hoped.

He wanted to get together this weekend, and said, "Call me"

I hope he doesn't hold his breath.