Valentine's Day Can Bite Me!

To tell you the truth, I really thought I was going go get through Valentines Day just fine.

I also think this every year.. and like my birthday.. it always manages get to get me down.  I always seem to find new ways to make the day less impressive and more horrid than the last.  Mostly this is mental or perspective, I'm sure.

But the evening of the 12th, I thought I'd watch "Couples Retreat". A funny romantic comedy which I'd not seen yet.  

The entire movie is about married couples getting back together and in love. Awwww

PUKE (also insert anger, resentment, and hurt)

Then there's Mac.  It's not been any secret that I've been a little too into Mac.  I thought I did fairly well at not showing him how crazy I was about him, while maintaining that I was interested .. you know without crossing the line. (Even though I'd crossed that line like a week or so ago, I thought I did well at not showing it).

I think I failed.  This week, he's been much less chatty. Though he did initiate text conversations, he exited mid-conversation when we'd just started actually talking about something. Just Poof.  It angered me, but hey.. its his choice right?

So after leaving me hanging from Tues.. On Thursday I texted him a simple retraction of my unanswered text about liking a challenge

 "I'm sorry I lied. I like things easy. Easy and Exciting" "Hope you're having a good week"

He replied, "Give me an example.. Like naked people running through your office??? LOL" and "My week just started last night. So far so good."

Our previous conversation had nothing to do with naked people or sex directly so I was a little miffed that he jumped there.  Plus, I've been waiting for him to ask me out, even just to meet up for coffee, and his "week just started" note meant that he'd just had a couple days off.. Days off with no word from him. That always makes a girl feel special.

I let his text just sit. I didn't reply right away like I normally did.  On Friday night (Saturday AM at 4:45am) I replied.

"Yep. Naked people. Exactly what I had in mind. LOL"  (this is what I came up with after editing and deleting several messages that all ended up saying "Whatever jerkoff")

He replies the next morning: "Naked people are always cool." and "445 am? You were definitely thinking about naked people."

ME: "Funny. Its called insomnia. :P"

Him: "In-sex-ia? Lmao. Sex cures all. Well, clean great sex cures all."

Maybe I opened the door by my text at 4:45am? Maybe I gave him the idea that this line of conversation was appropriate, despite our not having gone out on a date yet.. Maybe I asked for this?

But I was not amused. I honestly didn't even know how to reply. The only thing I could think was... "I'm done".. which I didn't text.

Instead, I said: "Ok. Have fun with that."

He replied. "Have fun with what? I just made a comic statement."

I haven't replied. Maybe I'm shooting myself in foot by taking this so serious? Maybe he is joking? Maybe he's not really just after sex?

But everything in my experience says that he doesn't want anything but sex... And since I do like him.. I'm going to end up feeling used.

So... Dear Readers... Should I reply?

I really don't think I should. I grieved all day yesterday for the loss of him as a hopeful. I've almost sentenced him to a fate as a "Bad Pal" - but since things were so good at the beginning.. I'm hesitating.

With that, and the "Couples" movie... Valentines day has gotten me down. 

Fuck You Valentines Day!

The Almost Perfect Guy

Last night I went out to a singles event. It was supposed to be a bunch of singles from my general vicinity and the tall-people singles, so I figured there would be some chance of a tall single man.

I get there and I cannot find the group. I walk around feeling like a complete moron because I cannot even find my friend that is supposed to meet me there. I am freaking out.

But I find them, and its all girls. Ok, I lie. Its all girls and 3 guys. None of the 3 guys are guys that I find attractive. One of them is really cute, but he's so short that my breasts are at his eye level. If we dated, I'd either have to really get used to him talking to my boobs, or help shell out money for his chiropractic sessions. The next guy is really not my type, and even though I'm sitting two feet from him he makes absolutely no attempt to even notice I'm there. And then there's the obviously foreign guy. He's looks really middle eastern, and is extremely socially awkward. I'd met him vaguely once before and he's really from a different country.

So I sit back with Chrissy and she starts asking me if I find anyone attractive. Chrissy has a bald black man fetish, so she's already scanned the room and seeing none is now more interested in being my wingwoman.

She's still trying to figure out my type. I don't really have "one" as far as physical. Sure sure there's looks that will make my head spin, my tongue hang out, and I might have to resist the urge to lock them up in my basement... but when it comes to a real "dating relationship" I'm more about what's inside. (well within a few physical limits anyway)

So she points out this guy across the room in an argyle sweater. He's cute, but not my thing. His friend though is a very sexy bald guy. Some guys can pull it off.. some can't. He can. Chrissy sees him and is interested. She then finds out by accident that the girl next to her is their co-worker.

So as the guys finish playing their billiards across the room, they make their way over to their co-worker.. and ta-da.. to us!

They're both imports from South Africa. I am SOOOO not interested, but I make small talk and have fun. Giam (the bald guy) is hilarious and fun, his friend Jack is an ass. So we all (there's like 5 of us girls) circle around Giam.

I keep trying to pull Chrissy and Giam together with conversation. You know keep him talking to her. He keeps talking to me, then goes over and talks a while with another girl next to me.

By this time I've already gotten loosened up with two vodkas, and my conversation with @MasterDater earlier in the day about small penises comes back into my head.. and..

I say a joke about the conversation to Chrissy loud enough that the girl next to me overhears.. and.. every man within three feet turns to join our conversation. Giam is all back talking to me. Literally everyone stopped all their other conversations and came running. I however laughed my ass off. (Do not mention penis out loud in a group of singles)

So we spent the next 10 minutes or so talking about penises and if you should talk about your penis. (It was a resounding NO, Never talk about your penis. Which I'm one of the advocates for silence in this case as well).

The rest of the night was basically the same conversation theme. One conversation about penis during the day set my mind into guttermode and at every innocent opportunity to turn the conversation to sex... I managed to do it. (Not in the "I need laid so I'm talking about sex" but more of a funny yet matter of fact kind of way.. It just steered there of its own accord where 3 minutes later someone would ask "How in the world did we get started talking about sex?" and it would be traced back to some comment that I made. I should not talk sexual stuff before going out.

Anyway, Giam went off to play some more pool, and was chatting with Chrissy. Chrissy and I were about to leave to go to the part of the bar where the lamest band alive was playing because Chrissy wanted to dance, then Giam and Chrissy start talking religion.

Chrissy is very alternative faith. Very into meditation, new age, law of attraction.

Giam states that he's Christian and going to seminary school soon, and truly believes that no one has a right to push their religion on anyone else. *drool* To Chrissy, he might as well have said he was an axe-murderer, however my ears perk up and suddenly Giam looks 30 times hotter. We talk a bit about it, and then Chrissy & I head to a different room for the band.

Chrissy wants to dance, so I appease her and stay with the band even though my every thought by now is about Giam. I'm completely preoccupied. Giam does not look like a seminary guy. He doesn't act like he's uber-religious. He honestly looks like a cleaned up biker dude. So my head is trying to wrap my mind around a good looking rebel-looking guy at a bar, with fantastic social skills, drinking, having fun, playing pool.. going to seminary.

Chrissy makes a bathroom trip while I hold down the fort (aka coats and drinks, and open dance floor) and comes back.

"You remember Jack? He's gaming all over these girls in the other room."

She's laughing and I'm laughing. It took a "Hi" from Jack and thats all I needed to know that he's a douchebag/prick. I'm sure he's a nice guy as a friend, but hell would freeze over before I attempted to date him. Plus he was kind of a jerk to us earlier.. so..

"He is? OMG lets go ruin his game. Come on.. it'll be fun."

Chrissy is all for it. I'm partly going to ruin Jack's game, but mostly because I'm hoping that Giam will be around and I want to get away from the band.

We barely get over to Jack's area, and Giam is there. He sees us and looks happy. He completely stops talking to whomever he's talking to, and comes over to us.

"Hey, I thought you guys left."

We explained that we'd been to see the band, and that they blow big monkey chunks. (I may have added the monkey chunks. If you still like 80's hair bands, not remixes or redos of it, but the real stuff and you like to go see 80's hair band cover bands.. Please do not let me know or invite me. Thanks.)

We sat down at a nearby table, and I started asking Giam about seminary. Chrissy asked as well.

If there ever were perfect answers to "Why seminary" and "What do you believe" and "Ethics"... Giam said them.

Chrissy was not interested at all, but I've got a huge crush. HUGE crush.

I'm relatively sure seminary will beat the rationality and reason and compassion out of him.. but from what Giam said last night about his religious beliefs.. He could not have echoed my own any more perfectly. This is extremely ... extremely rare.

He's smart. He's currently working in software development.. A Geek. *drool* Ethics and beliefs are perfectly fitting with mine (from what I could tell so far, we didn't discuss everything), and he has a rocking body. I got tipsy enough that I was .. well a little more handsy than usual.

By the end of the night, if Giam had asked me to run away and marry him.. I would have said yes. I would have also been a little inebriated. Had we been in Vegas, I probably would have asked him... well maybe after a few more vodkas.

He left with his friends though. I'd given him my number earlier in the evening, and we'll see if he calls. I very much doubt he does, but I wish he would.

Though waking up this morning.. I'm pretty embarrassed. The guy is going to seminary.. and relatively soon after meeting him, I introduced a conversation about penises.. which honestly turned into a conversation about car/penis compensation.. which I then joking accused him of having a sports car (which he took in great stride btw, but still). Then after another drink, I walked by him and demonstrated on him for Chrissy the "walk by - feel up" that I do on occasion without his consent or knowledge that I was demonstrating it. Aka.. I just walked by and felt up a dude going to seminary.

Pretty sure he's not going to be calling.

On the other hand, after he left .. Mr Short from the group and Mr Middle Eastern came up like gang busters talking to us. Both of them at one point pulling me aside to talk one on one. Both asking for my number.

Exactly. The guys that I am NOT interested in.. all want me. Mr Middle Eastern has already attempted to add me on Facebook. *click* Ignore.

The Surprise Outing

Last week, I was supposed to go out wednesday, but when a friend begged me to go to Speeddating on Thursday, I decided to just go out on Thursday instead. Then Thursday fell through, so when Friday came around I was looking for something to do.

Evie called and wanted a ride to a birthday party. This girl's birthday party was a "surprise" affair as she'd just posted its occurrence that day on FB on her status. Didn't email anyone, didn't actually send out invites, but just posted it on her FB (this evidently is how social things are "done" among this particular section of my circle). Most people missed the status invite, and instead found out about it because one of their mutual friends called them to see if they were going. This is how I learned about it.

I wasn't even actually a FB friend of this girl. I've mentioned her before as someone I wasn't sure I even liked. I'm still not sure I do. Sure sure she's nice enough and friendly enough, but she gives me this sense that she's not so easy to get along with once you know her. Actually, mega-bitch is how I see her under her mask of uber-friendly party girl. She's friends with most everyone I know, so I went to her birthday party. I also added her on FB later. Superficially she's great company, but I have absolutely no real desire to get any closer to her.

Anyway, so Evie and I go. We see all our friends. Say Hi.

Don was there. He's got a new girlfriend. They're all happy and chummy. She seemed nice enough and she's pretty. I did my best impression of "I'm just a friend, I totally never had any kind of crush on your boyfriend." I either performed my part really well, or I can be insulted. She reacted to me like I wasn't even any kind of competition.

After dinner, the party moved next door to a bar where most of us girl's got our flirt on with Hottie McSteamy (not my invention) the bartender whose real name is Steve. We instead would yell "Hottie" when we needed him and if another bartender came over to serve us, we'd insist on them going to get "Hottie". Because yes, the we girls were in an obnoxious mood. Someone had to be the laughing stock of the bar, it might as well be us. :)

The girls I was with (I barely know) Melanie and Jasmine? were totally feeding off each other. Next thing I knew they'd dragged some Irish bloke over and made him talk to them. He then dragged his friend, Mr. Perv-Irish-Douchebag over to us. EWW.

There really weren't many good looking guys in our section of the bar, but we made do with those around us. I kept connecting eyes with this really hot guy who kept walking by. (we were stationed by the bathroom, so maybe he had reason) But nothing ever became of it.

Then Mr. Sexy-Geek walked in with a bunch of friends. I have this thing for a certain kind of look. I never ever manage to date anyone with this look, but I find it really hot. Let me post some celebrity's with this type of look.

David Krumholtz
Nicolas Wright (his pics from Accidentally on Purpose)
Zachary Levi (actually if you look at Levi's main photo.. omg melt)
Joshua Gomez

Ok.. so I was from afar drooling over this guy who looked like a combo between Zachary Levi and David Krumholtz. I didn't approach the guy because he was with a mixed group of girls and guys, and I'm not really an approacher anyway. I can be, but I usually just don't.

Then this other girl from our group came up and started complaining that there weren't any good looking men around. I told her there were a few, and pointed out that I thought this guy was hot. Of course with the caveat that I happen to like geeky looking guys. She sees him and her eyes pop. She agrees that he's hot, and then drags me over there by my arm and whispers something in his ear. I have NO idea what she said.

She then hands his hand to me, and I shake his hand yelling my name into his year as he yells his into mine. We chit chat for a little bit. Basically he's works in computer software (duh) and is from Brazil. He does not look latino, but hey sure ok. He has a very heavy accent which was hard to understand.

After my ex, I am no longer interested in dating anyone from a foreign country. If all their family is here, maybe, but there's going to be some major cultural differences which I am not ready to sign up for again.. any day soon.

So other than taking him home that night and banging him silly, I wasn't interested and I could see he wasn't either. But the girl that dragged me over there, insisted I stay despite that she was hitting on a married man. Yes he even said he was married and his wife was somewhere in the bar. This girl was never going to be high on my list of people to hang out with again.

So I went over to Evie and talked to her and her boyfriend. Jasmine mentioned that they were sickeningly cute, and they were. I told them they were making me sick (in a joking manner mind you), and her boyfriend said he had a friend to fix me up with, and promised to fix Jasmine up with someone as well. Ok, you couples.. Thats exactly how you treat your single friends when they're ready to puke from your cuteness. You appease them with possible sex with someone potentially fantastic, even if it never comes to pass.

Anyway, he left for a few minutes and Evie started talking to Jasmine about how she had this ex that Jasmine just had to meet. He was into (list of kinks here) and would be....

I interrupted her right there. "Oh my god, Evie you've been holding out on me?"

Evie turned completely white. She didn't realize I was overhearing it all for one, and secondly by her reaction she obviously did not think I was into anything like that at all. She even flat out said to my face that I wasn't into it.

I laughed my ass off. Evidently I've perfected the prudish look to the general public. Yeah baby.

She went on to defend herself by saying that this guy was way into it, and liked to do all this, and that, and whatnot. I of course am asking detailed questions that only those into those things know the answers to. Evie is back-peddling so hard that I'm surprised she didn't have a panic attack. I honestly don't know if she was panicked that her boyfriend would find out about this ex (we were sworn to never tell him about that conversation), or if she was shocked that I was kinky at all, or if I'd called her bluff and there really was no ex into that stuff.

Jasmine of course was all about being my best friend after that. Dirty minds think alike of course. (I of course had to tell this story to my friends who know that side of me, and they laughed heartily. They all know full well how dirty my mind works.)

All in all it was a good night. No new guys, but I got several girls numbers which is extremely odd to me.