Men Are Confusing

I've been in a funk. I really don't want to go anywhere or do anything. I have reasons for this, which I won't bore you with those details. Suffice it to say merely, that I've come to enjoy the simplicity of staying home by myself.

But a friend of mine was having a birthday party, and as much as I wanted to cancel, Alex (of Urbandater) scared me into going. Mostly I knew I should go anyway.

I get there an it's as I've feared. All girls. Ok there's J the host, and some guy across the room who seemed fun but totally not interested. He was way occupied by size 2 hotties and seemed completely satisfied with that. Can't really blame him.

Cassie's friends are a variety of girls. Usually on the side of girly girls. Fabulous women, but not usually my kind of company. I can be fabulous, but I can't pull it off 24/7 without a lobotomy or other major brain transformation. The draw to just sit down and chug a beer while wearing a T-shirt and jeans.. is just too powerful.

I'm a mix of girly and tomboy.

So for the first 20 minutes or so, I was bored but trying to make the best of it by talking to some random girl who was the least fabulous one. She still had fantastic heels on, but jeans, T-shirt, and cardigan. She'd just gotten off work she said. She seemed ok and possibly fun, but we were interrupted.

In came the rest of the party, a group of 3 men and one girl. The men were above average looks and trendy. One caught my eye.

His name was sexy... for safety sake lets call him Mr. Dirt. I've always liked his name. Its short with no need for a nickname. So when he looked at me and introduced himself, I was interested.

It also helped that he has that real look. He's not glamorous handsome. He's not some kind of model. He doesn't look like he works out 24/7. But his face is handsome and he's got great hair (the kind you want to run your hands through and wonder what it might look like in the morning). He's got just a little "extra" but otherwise he looks fit and healthy. He has that "I use my brain" look that I absolutely love.

We talked briefly before he turned his back to me to talk to another girl. It confused me because he seemed interested at first, and I was certain I'd not said anything off-putting. *shrug*

So I mingle. He mingles. But its a small apartment so we often end up next to each other. Each time, he seems to pull away or move away from me.

Ok, Ok... I fucking get it already. You're not interested. Point Taken.

Its getting late and I'm getting bored as all hell. So I decide to leave. I grab my jacket and purse, and say my goodbyes.

Then Mr Dirt notices. He looks up shocked from his conversation with Hottie #4 or so, and makes eye contact. His conversation is stopped and all his concentration is on me.

He says to me.. mouths really.. "Oh you're leaving?" in a way that makes me think he's kicking himself for not getting my number.

I'm nod yes as I'm saying goodbye to some friends near him.

He moves to say Goodbye to me, and awkwardly approaches me as if he can't decide to initiate a hug or handshake.

We shake hands. I leave puzzled.

Dumbass Men.

Cassie's having another party tomorrow night. I don't know if Mr Dirt will be there or not. I wasn't planning to go, but I may. *shrugs* I've not much else to do, so we'll see how I feel tomorrow.

Holiday Parties

Friday night, Ms Hottottie had invited me over to her place for a Christmas party. Since I'd just met her the day before, and I spent most of Friday holding my head thinking "OMG make the pain stop".. I didn't have much time to prepare any real Christmas goodies.

So I loaded up a couple bottles of wine, a bag of chips, and went.

It was a small party of mostly couples, but they were fun and interesting people so I didn't mind. Plus it was kind of nice to just chill.

I met the absolute coolest couple EVER!

They've been married for 5 yrs, no kids, and act like they're newlyweds. Ok well adjusted newlyweds, not the PDA newlyweds.

She's a housewife like I used to be, and we bonded over that. Its not an easy thing to do, especially in today's society. And while you may take pride in it, and love it, and you and your spouse may exstatic about it.. Other people aren't (reactions range from envious "oh so you eat bonbons all day" to judging "But you should still work."), and its an extremely lonely job. Especially if you don't know any other housewives.

She's at least fortunate that her husband is a social guy (my ex was not) so they go out relatively often for her to meet other people. He's in computer something, and very much a geek. He and I spent a good portion of the evening talking. I have food allergies and he has diabetes. We both have restricted diets which were handed to us by doctors with little to no instruction. Sink or swim. So we spent a good portion commiserating about learning to swim and the pitfalls of it.

It was easy conversation. We all laughed and joked around and had fun.

So much fun, that after two bottles of wine (I drank at least one entirely by myself) and much good conversation.. it was suddenly 4am.

Btw I really want to find a boyfriend, just to double date with these two. Yeah they're that awesome.

The Surprise Outing

Last week, I was supposed to go out wednesday, but when a friend begged me to go to Speeddating on Thursday, I decided to just go out on Thursday instead. Then Thursday fell through, so when Friday came around I was looking for something to do.

Evie called and wanted a ride to a birthday party. This girl's birthday party was a "surprise" affair as she'd just posted its occurrence that day on FB on her status. Didn't email anyone, didn't actually send out invites, but just posted it on her FB (this evidently is how social things are "done" among this particular section of my circle). Most people missed the status invite, and instead found out about it because one of their mutual friends called them to see if they were going. This is how I learned about it.

I wasn't even actually a FB friend of this girl. I've mentioned her before as someone I wasn't sure I even liked. I'm still not sure I do. Sure sure she's nice enough and friendly enough, but she gives me this sense that she's not so easy to get along with once you know her. Actually, mega-bitch is how I see her under her mask of uber-friendly party girl. She's friends with most everyone I know, so I went to her birthday party. I also added her on FB later. Superficially she's great company, but I have absolutely no real desire to get any closer to her.

Anyway, so Evie and I go. We see all our friends. Say Hi.

Don was there. He's got a new girlfriend. They're all happy and chummy. She seemed nice enough and she's pretty. I did my best impression of "I'm just a friend, I totally never had any kind of crush on your boyfriend." I either performed my part really well, or I can be insulted. She reacted to me like I wasn't even any kind of competition.

After dinner, the party moved next door to a bar where most of us girl's got our flirt on with Hottie McSteamy (not my invention) the bartender whose real name is Steve. We instead would yell "Hottie" when we needed him and if another bartender came over to serve us, we'd insist on them going to get "Hottie". Because yes, the we girls were in an obnoxious mood. Someone had to be the laughing stock of the bar, it might as well be us. :)

The girls I was with (I barely know) Melanie and Jasmine? were totally feeding off each other. Next thing I knew they'd dragged some Irish bloke over and made him talk to them. He then dragged his friend, Mr. Perv-Irish-Douchebag over to us. EWW.

There really weren't many good looking guys in our section of the bar, but we made do with those around us. I kept connecting eyes with this really hot guy who kept walking by. (we were stationed by the bathroom, so maybe he had reason) But nothing ever became of it.

Then Mr. Sexy-Geek walked in with a bunch of friends. I have this thing for a certain kind of look. I never ever manage to date anyone with this look, but I find it really hot. Let me post some celebrity's with this type of look.

David Krumholtz
Nicolas Wright (his pics from Accidentally on Purpose)
Zachary Levi (actually if you look at Levi's main photo.. omg melt)
Joshua Gomez

Ok.. so I was from afar drooling over this guy who looked like a combo between Zachary Levi and David Krumholtz. I didn't approach the guy because he was with a mixed group of girls and guys, and I'm not really an approacher anyway. I can be, but I usually just don't.

Then this other girl from our group came up and started complaining that there weren't any good looking men around. I told her there were a few, and pointed out that I thought this guy was hot. Of course with the caveat that I happen to like geeky looking guys. She sees him and her eyes pop. She agrees that he's hot, and then drags me over there by my arm and whispers something in his ear. I have NO idea what she said.

She then hands his hand to me, and I shake his hand yelling my name into his year as he yells his into mine. We chit chat for a little bit. Basically he's works in computer software (duh) and is from Brazil. He does not look latino, but hey sure ok. He has a very heavy accent which was hard to understand.

After my ex, I am no longer interested in dating anyone from a foreign country. If all their family is here, maybe, but there's going to be some major cultural differences which I am not ready to sign up for again.. any day soon.

So other than taking him home that night and banging him silly, I wasn't interested and I could see he wasn't either. But the girl that dragged me over there, insisted I stay despite that she was hitting on a married man. Yes he even said he was married and his wife was somewhere in the bar. This girl was never going to be high on my list of people to hang out with again.

So I went over to Evie and talked to her and her boyfriend. Jasmine mentioned that they were sickeningly cute, and they were. I told them they were making me sick (in a joking manner mind you), and her boyfriend said he had a friend to fix me up with, and promised to fix Jasmine up with someone as well. Ok, you couples.. Thats exactly how you treat your single friends when they're ready to puke from your cuteness. You appease them with possible sex with someone potentially fantastic, even if it never comes to pass.

Anyway, he left for a few minutes and Evie started talking to Jasmine about how she had this ex that Jasmine just had to meet. He was into (list of kinks here) and would be....

I interrupted her right there. "Oh my god, Evie you've been holding out on me?"

Evie turned completely white. She didn't realize I was overhearing it all for one, and secondly by her reaction she obviously did not think I was into anything like that at all. She even flat out said to my face that I wasn't into it.

I laughed my ass off. Evidently I've perfected the prudish look to the general public. Yeah baby.

She went on to defend herself by saying that this guy was way into it, and liked to do all this, and that, and whatnot. I of course am asking detailed questions that only those into those things know the answers to. Evie is back-peddling so hard that I'm surprised she didn't have a panic attack. I honestly don't know if she was panicked that her boyfriend would find out about this ex (we were sworn to never tell him about that conversation), or if she was shocked that I was kinky at all, or if I'd called her bluff and there really was no ex into that stuff.

Jasmine of course was all about being my best friend after that. Dirty minds think alike of course. (I of course had to tell this story to my friends who know that side of me, and they laughed heartily. They all know full well how dirty my mind works.)

All in all it was a good night. No new guys, but I got several girls numbers which is extremely odd to me.

Experience With Suburban Clubbing

I went out last night fearing the worst. I really wanted to celebrate with Chrissy that her divorce was final, but I did not want to have to deal with Jessie. It honestly takes a lot for me to loathe someone, and I loathe Jessie. So I was not really looking forward to what should be an awesome girlfest.

I was wearing my grey leopard print blouse which is see through in certain lighting, med-dark jeans, and my black dancing shoes. I normally avoid wearing this blouse because I'm not that comfortable with invisible shirts, but decided to be a bit of a slut as a celebration of being divorced and free. Plus, I was pretty certain I wouldn't run into anyone important at the club since it was in suburbia. (By the way, the lighting in the club was not the right kind of lighting to make the shirt invisible. So I looked a little more "proper" than I intended.)

I drove out to Pflugerville to a burb-club. It was my first time there, and it wasn't too bad. The place is like 6 bars in one, with one room of girls dancing on the bar top, a karaoke room, a country dance room, a hip-hop room, and some other room which I never did figure out the theme.

Almost everyone there was roughly my age or older. Actually there were quite a few older country/cowboy type men. Unfortunately, I don't have those kind of daddy issues.

The group with Chrissy was pretty large (about 15 people) and diverse. A few people I'd never met before, a new male import from Chicago, and a couple from San Antonio looking to move to Austin. The wife was always out dancing or something, and the husband decided that I was a good woman to get to know. While flattering, I'm not sure I'm really that open minded.

The Chicagoan though looked a little tasty. Physically he was ok. Not really my type, but I thought I'd get to know him just in case. He was a little shy, so I drew him out by talking about Chicago. We shared stories about the differences between here and Chicago.

Then we got to talking about fashion. The guy is not gay, but really should be. We talked about the absence of fashion sense among most of Austin. I of course defended Austin a bit as its a different culture than Chicago and a different climate so changes in fashion need to be made. But when I first arrived in Austin, I was a lot like him and saw no reason for people to dress the way they do.

He then went on to try to explain to me as if I'm stupid about Cavalli and other fashion designers.

"You know Cavalli?"

I of course look at him like he's a moron and to just get to his point. Mostly because I'm insulted, and secondly because I couldn't care less about most designer names.

He looks at me like I obviously don't know what Cavalli is.

"Yes, I know Cavalli.. whats your point?"

"This shirt is Cavalli. Its the most expensive shirt I own. Most people here wouldn't know that."

I look at his shirt. Its a nice button up shirt. Sure. But does it look nice? Oh hell no. Sure on someone else it might. Under a suit, it might. In a business setting it might. But the striped shirt honestly looked like some kind of retarded country wear and did absolutely nothing for his complexion. I told him so as nicely as I could.

He attempted not to be offended, and then went on.

"You know Diana Von Furstenberg?"

It was condescending and yet not a rhetorical question. He waited for me to answer.

"Yes I know who she is."

"You know she perfected the wrap dress. It looks good on everyone."

I had to laugh at this. If you've ever seen me in a wrap dress, you'd know that they don't look good on everyone. Sure it might look better than some options, but it does not look good on me.

"Not everyone. THIS" I motioned to my body. "Does not look good in a wrap dress, trust me."

He tried to argue. He lost.

I then explained to him my take on "Fashion". Yes keeping up with the current trends is good, but its not all about having the latest and greatest name brands. The designer label on most things means absolutely squat to me. Yes I know designer names and styles, but I choose my clothes by how they fit and look on me. Sometimes that means a $5 t-shirt over a $50 one, or sometimes a $100 blouse over a $20 one.

I often get compliments on my outfits and choice of clothing and accessories. I even did when I lived in Chicago.

One of the biggest fashion mistakes that anyone can make is to assume that because the label is "haute couture" it will look good on them. This is the mistake that Mr Chicago was making. For him, it was less about looking good and more about status.

It was this that put him in my Douche-bag Hall of Fame. It didn't help that later in the evening he "judged" a woman who was just recently separated who has 3 kids and was a housewife prior to the separation.. now unemployed. He said..

"You know someone will have to pay for that divorce, and you know it won't be her. She's just looking for someone to pay for it. Totally not interested in her, because she'll find a way to make me pay for it."

And then, about 20 minutes later he left with her anyway. Obviously the woman has bad taste in men. I feel sorry for her.

Fortunately, Jessie was pure nice the entire night. Not fake nice. Not bitchy nice. But considerate nice. I don't know if Chrissy wore off on her, or if she was trying to get back on my good side. I really didn't care. For Chrissy's sake I was nice back.

Chrissy's best friend, Jen came over to me and asked where'd I'd been lately. I turn down every invite from Chrissy once I know that Jessie is coming. I just can't handle Jessie's drama. So I told Jen that.

"You know even if I don't like someone, I can tolerate them usually. It really takes a lot for me to hate someone like this. So I'm sorry, but if Jessie is coming I most likely won't."

Jen asked exactly what Jessie did. I explained to her that Jessie was usually so boy crazy that any guy I talked to she'd show up and try to dominate the conversation in any way that she could find. She even went so far as to belittle me or slip in something derogatory about me to make me look less attractive.

Jen smiled knowingly. She said that at first she thought Jessie was nice, but lately has started to see that side of Jessie. She was getting tired of Jessie. She said that it wouldn't be too long before Chrissy started noticing as well, and that they didn't always do everything with Jessie. She said she'd make sure to invite me on those occasions.

I really hate being the bitch. I used to just go with everything. Let people do what they wanted, and grin and bear it. But one thing I learned during my marriage is that I don't have to be a doormat. I've actually had enough of that. It was something I was taught as a child as a way to be attractive and part of being a woman, but in the last few years have decided that it's not... and it's definitely not me. I honestly used to get insulted when people thought I was a dominant person, now its like a badge of honor.

So while I can smile and nod with the best of them.. I don't have to and I won't be unless its because of something I want.

The rest of the night went well. I got hit on by several more men. Each unsuitable for various reasons, but it was nice and flattering.. and fun.

And I have almost perfected my club dancing. Ask me to Salsa, Two-step, Waltz, Swing and I can put on a decent show of following if not impress you. Free style club dancing? Not so much. So I've decided my club dancing niche is comedic dancing, and I had Chrissy rolling. She couldn't even do her dancing because she was laughing so hard. Yeah baby.. I'm hot like that!

Woke up Sunday morning with a massive headache, coughing, and the stench of cigarette smoke. One thing I love about Austin bars is that they're smoke-free. Pflugerville wasn't. Sure it was smoke-lite, and I don't recall having trouble breathing due to smoke but I remember smelling some. (I have a heightened sensitivity to smoke.) It just reminded me of why I go downtown and another reason to dislike suburban bars in Austin.

Just Friends Confusion

I've been keeping something from you, and I should tell you so the rest of this post makes sense.

About a week ago, I went to Wurstfest. It was my last real social engagement and an extreme social engagement. I went to Wurstfest with a group I co-organize, and most everyone who said they'd be there.. weren't. It actually started out as me plus two guys from the Tues. night of "Where Does The Time Go?", my co-organizer and Mr. NoShower. It ended with adding another girl, who was fun, cute, and well.. awesome.

Mr. NoShower actually showed up with a very nice new haircut, and he looked like he might have showered. He actually looked quite handsome... unless you looked too close to see his shirt was obviously picked up off the floor and his jeans were out of the dirty clothes hamper - the bottoms of the jeans were caked with dried mud and it had been a little dry out recently. Totally a nice guy and could be fucking hot as hell.. if only he'd invest more into hygiene. I actually rode with him in his car to Wurstfest.. it was cleaned out somewhat, but covered in dog hair and smelled like rotten milk. I was a little scared to touch anything as I could see drool stains or spilled something everywhere. I imagine his apartment is roughly the same cleanliness.

But I digress.. So the four of us ran around Wurstfest together, and I imagine that we looked like we were on a double date. I actually didn't think about how it looked because I hadn't yet seen anyone I knew. Then I ran into Don.

I ran into Don.. and Stephie. Don and a very good looking blonde chick totally unlike his other ex that I knew. They were chummy, and she was nice and secure meeting me. Aka I wasn't a threat. So I assumed they were on a date, and I was extremely gracious back pretending that I wasn't upset by it at all. (I really have no reason to be as I have no idea what Don and I are.. or aren't.) I was hurt. Hurt all of my own making, and took it as a sign that Don and I were friends. Thats it.. just friends, and I prepared myself to be ok with it.

Don saw the group that I was with, and I swore that I'd told him before that I was going that day with my group, so while he saw who I was with, it didn't dawn on me that he'd think I was on a date. I didn't even bother introducing him to anyone. I actually just wanted to get away from him and his Stephie.

(Btw the two guys I was with, started out the day with telling me "Btw, if anyone asks you're our sister. ok sis?".. and periodically I was called "Hey sis" throughout the day as joke and was expected to answer.. my answer usually involved my middle finger and a very porno-slut sounding call of "Hey bro". I am a very good wingman there is no need to lie, asshole. :) )

******

Ok, so now we get to Saturday nights party at the Partymeister's home. It was Tequila night. You could either bring Tequila (uh me + tequila = bad bad bad in a bad way) or food. I don't get much chance to cook for people anymore, so I thought.. food!!

Friday night I picked up some stuff to make food.. and tried to think of something I could make, that would be presentable. With my food allergies, I knew I'd only be able to eat what I'd made/brought at the party.. so more reasons to bring food.

I spent Saturday morning debating between making a beef pot pie or chili, and since I didn't want to run to the store for more potatoes, I settled on chili. I also have a Thanksgiving potluck coming up, so I decided to try my hand at something to take to it. Apple Pie, which I have never attempted to make. So in my inexperience, I ended up with way too much stuff for one pie, and ended up making two. One pie, I might could get down eventually. Two, never.

So I went to the party with two pies, chili and some vodka for me.

Don was there. He also had made chili. He made spicy chili and honestly it looked good. I took notes on how to improve my chili for next time. I had too much tomato, and not enough spice. He however had beans in his, and thats a no-go for me.

Anyway, I fixed my drink and went out to the patio where everyone was seated. I ended up sitting next to Don, which previously I would have plotted to sit next to him, but this time it was the only seat and I reluctantly sat.

He then turned to me and asked about Wurstfest. Did I have a good time? Yes.

We talked a bit about the Wurstfest food, and then I asked if he'd had a good time with... I pretended to forget her name. He said he had and quickly added that she was his friend that he'd mentioned the last time we'd talked. His ex that was an old childhood friend and a friend of the family. They had a lot of history together, and just could not make a relationship work, but they were too close not to try to be friends. I could not help it but I'm pretty sure my face lighted up like a Christmas tree. So much for being subtle. lol

He then asked about the people I was with if I'd had fun with them. His question was very much a polite question of "who were they", without directly asking it. I told him we'd had fun, but since we all didn't know each other very well, it was much less fun than it could be. It was then his face showed the light bulb, and realized it was a group thing.. not a date thing.

Don did his talking to everyone and mingling thing.. I did mine. Often we found ourselves talking to the same people at the same time. Only a few times, did we end up talking one on one, and those times were short and interrupted by one or more of our friends.

It was getting late, and I was getting tired. Don had just hit on a girl that ... well she's smart, witty.. more fun than me (I promise, I know her) and pretty in that real beauty way.. not in that supermodel way. I overheard him say that he would call her tomorrow so she'd have his number. (She hadn't brought her phone with her, I knew because I'd gotten her number earlier because we've plans to go out dancing some night soon.) The party was winding down, and everyone else I found interesting had left. And watching Don flirt with someone that I honestly would set him up with as a wingman... yeah it was time to go home.

So I began to pack up my things. Don saw and came over.

"Are you leaving?"

"Yeah, I'm getting tired and I have to drive home."

"You want help carrying this out to your car?"

This stumped me. I did not need help carrying it out to my car. It was a safe neighborhood. I didn't need an escort. I also am not the kind of girl that usually plays "weak" or asks for help ever. This is something that my ex-therapist, and ex-bf's always thought I needed to work on. I do need to work on it. Accepting help of any kind is extremely hard for me.

I thought about it quickly as well.. Is he asking to walk me to my car for another reason? Is he just being nice? I figured I wouldn't know the answer if didn't say yes.

"I'm sure I could handle it, but if you'd like to carry it, that would be nice."

There.. he has an out if he wants one, but he didn't take it. He said he'd carry it out. He even asked if I wanted to take a moment to say bye to everyone. Nice, considerate, helpful.. and I'm not supposed to swoon?

I said my goodbyes, and we started to head out. Then one of the drunk girls grabbed Don's arm and told him he couldn't leave. She was all sorts of grabby drunk. I don't know if Don was enjoying it or not, but oh hell no he wasn't going to get to ditch me for some drunk chick. He could come back to the party and do that where I won't have to see it.

He tried to extract himself from her, but she wasn't having it. I grabbed his other arm and pulled him from her.

"He's just helping me to my car. You can have him back after that, I promise."

I really just wanted her to let him go. She eventually did, making him promise to come back. I wasn't sure if I should cheer him on (yay free sex for you tonight) or feel sorry for him having to deal with a drunken octopus.

He walked me out to my car. Placed the box in my trunk. Hugged me goodnight.. a one and a half armed hug. Then walked away.

He didn't linger close to me. He didn't make it a more involved hug. He didn't even attempt to kiss me or.. anything really.

So until I hear otherwise, I'm guessing we're "Just Friends" and going to stay that way.