The Good Fight

There is nothing like a good fight. Ok... arguement.. discussion.. whatever you want to call it when two people disagree, voice it, and come to a resolution.. hopefully without killing each other or causing undue bodily or emotional/mental harm.

I like a good arguement. Not all the time. Not every day. But when the time it is right, the subject is right, then yes.. a good arguement.

I've always known the importance of disagreement. Partly from my parents who when I was a child disagreed often and probably more so than was healthy. But they worked it out, and this is eventually what I took away from it.

Then came the ex.. He disagreed on nothing. A few times he'd disagree, and I'd start to get into my arguing mode producing my evidence for my stance, and he'd back down. I assumed (wrongly) that because he did so.. that the subject was not important or that I'd turned him to agree with me.

What I didn't know.. and didn't understand.. is that while I understood good arguements and resolution.. He didn't.

While I love his father.. it wasn't until way late in the marriage when I realized that it was his father who taught him this. His father taught him to back down to any confrontation from a woman. If she said it.. she got her way. Period. (Partly this is because his mother is a lunatic..)

So I was left most of the marriage trying to get out of my ex what it was that he wanted. I tried coaxing it out of him. I tried giving him options of compromises that I'd agree to.. to which he merely let me do whatever it was I wanted.. all the while myself knowing that he had an opinion he just didn't want to share it.

He refused to tell me things that might possibly in some way of any kind.. upset me. Sometimes these were minor things.. he'd broken a glass.. and sometimes these were major things.. the company was downsizing or there was something wrong with his health.

To most people.. he'd be considered a nice guy.. to me, he was a doormat. Passive-aggressive. His way of dealing (by not dealing) caused me more stress than anything. I worried. I fretted. I nearly drove myself crazy trying to get answers out of him.

Then I gave up. Really. He said it was ok to get whatever curtains I wanted. I would. I stopped consulting him on things. I did whatever I wanted. He did whatever he wanted. We had our routine and stuck to that. I pretended not to care.. until I really didn't anymore.

Probably needless to say that we drifted apart. The thing is.. the relationship probably could have been salvaged.. if only we'd had that fight. We had the anger anyway. We had the resentment. We just never had the resolution.

Since then, I've noticed how that has changed me. Downside: I don't press people for anything anymore (which often means I don't ask anyone any questions and it can look like I don't care). Upside: If someone doesn't answer me, or doesn't want to talk to me.. I move on without care to someone who does.

But I also find myself really liking a good argument (not a forced argument.. don't be silly and try to make a fight) where both viewpoints are expressed.. I find myself respecting the other person a whole ton.. and sometimes finding them sexy where before I did not.

Its not about arguing for arguement's sake.. its about the freedom to express yourself and your partner feeling free to express themselves.. its not about the conflict.. its about your ability to have it and still come to a resolution.

Its not the fight.. its the making up. Its about honesty. Its about trust. Its about making sure you’re both on the same path… Together.

Follow Friday Drama: Count Me Out

I'm a bad girl. I've been scolded. I've been unfollowed. I've been blocked and unblocked and reblocked again. In this activity, I have been told with whom I can and cannot be friends or suffer the same treatment.

For those of you not "in the know", there is a major rift dividing the Dating Blogger world.  There are two people who do not get along (ok more than two, but there are essentially two sides) and for the purpose of this post.. I'll call them Blogger A, and Blogger B.

They both have their reasons of why they are fighting, and each feels fully justified in their stances and behaviors.

Blogger A vehemently disagreed with Blogger B's initial posts and attitude, and honestly Blogger A's initial position was not unfounded.  Blogger A then decided that Blogger B needed correcting.

Blogger B has posted some great posts and some "OMG you have to be posting this just for the controversy" posts.  Blogger B's initial posts and attitude even had myself thinking that Blogger B needed some education.  But over time Blogger B has grown to be an excellent dating blogger.

However, Blogger A's initial "attack" on Blogger B, caused Blogger B to be hurt and wounded. And the fight escalated.

Both Bloggers have their benefits and their detriments. Both at one time or another, I've considered to be friends of mine.

Blogger A is not an easily likable person. Blogger A is often negative and judgmental in their approach to people and situations.  This makes for good reading, and good discussion. Blogger A has a great following of dedicated readers who love that no-bullshit approach. It's actually one of the things that first drew me to Blogger A's blog.  Plus the fact that Blogger A allows me to disagree without fear of retribution.

Blogger B is a very nice person and has grown to blog very nicely. Blogger B has a great perspective on dating and life, and their posts are always insightful. Blogger B has grown a good following based in their fresh perspective and flirty ways. Blogger B truely has a very sweet-heart personality once you get to know them.

I sort of understand Blogger A's perspective on Blogger B, but yes I do think that an apology from Blogger A is needed.  But both sides have spread rumors and bad talked each other. No one is an angel here.

I also do not like being forced to choose a side. I'm no longer in HS. I no longer feel the need to deal with this.

I've known Blogger A almost since my "birth" here. Blogger A's been nothing but nice to me. Blogger A has never lashed out at me for being friends with Blogger B. Blogger A did mention it once, but has not (to my knowledge) held it against me. 

Blogger B and I are recent friends. We started rocky as I disagreed with Blogger B's initial attitude and perspective. I got blocked and wasn't told why. Then Blogger B's attitude changed and I started liking what Blogger B was saying and posting. Through strange round about ways, Blogger B deemed me safe to talk to and unblocked me. The blocking it turned out had to do with my friendship with Blogger A.

Then today, I posted some #FF tweets. Including both of them in the same tweet.

I'm told I lost followers. Blogger B has unfollowed me again. (and to tell you the truth, it hurts every time someone blocks me. it shouldn't, but it does.)

I am a peacemaker. I don't like to be in the middle of fights, and will do my best to resolve the situation. I've tried, but it is no use.

So I'm done. I don't do this politics crap.. I never have. 

If you want to be my friend.. be my friend. I won't be toyed with, or given ultimatums. I won't let you dictate who I can and cannot associate with.  If you don't like my friends, thats fine.. not everyone likes everyone.. I won't require you to like them. I also won't require you to drop a friend that happens to be an enemy of mine. (Hell I hung out with friends of Hock's last night without a problem)

I either trust you as a friend or I don't.  You either trust me as a friend or you don't.

But I tell you both this.. Blogger A and Blogger B.. until you two can live as friends, I will not RT or Mention either of you on Twitter. I will not be publicly friends with either of you, as your fighting has now really hurt me.

Its days like today, that I am ashamed to be among the "Dating Bloggers".

OMG Like Seriously? HS Still Happens

Last night was fun in a torturous "OMG Seriously" kind of way.

To start the evening off right, I'd spent most of the afternoon yesterday goofing off and not prepping for my performance last night. Then when I arrived at the theatre, I started to do my own prep. Since this is a small production, I'm in charge of my own props and prep work. I prepped half of my stuff but totally forgot to prep the rest.

So half way through my first set, I reach for a prop and its not there. I think I covered well.. but holy crap was I freaking out. After that set, I stole the next few minutes of downtime and finished my prep work so the next couple sets would go flawless. Hopefully.

Besides all this, I knew in the audience somewhere was one of the girls I mentioned briefly in my Women Who Hate Women post. I knew in advance that she was coming (I'm privy to her FB still), so I kept watching the audience to see where she was.

In the play, the audience travels from set to set and seating is limited. So we have tour-guides that lead the audience in small groups through the production. Meg turned out to be in the last group of audience.

She knew I was in the production, but she'd come to support my director who was a "friend" of hers. So she should have known which piece to avoid getting close to, if she truly wanted to ignore me.

Instead she sat right in the front row. My piece is semi-interactive, where I get close and personal and ask rhetorical questions of the audience... and she's in the front row.

I thought OMG how fun, I can pick on her.. I can ask her these pointed questions and single her out.

But through my entire piece, Meg covered her face up to her eyeballs with her program. Any time I tried to make eye contact in her general area, she'd look away to the wall, the ceiling, or the floor. It was seriously insane.

Inside I was seriously laughing at her. Meg is a grown woman of 30, still holding a grudge about something (I have no idea what exactly I actually did btw) from 7-8 months ago. Holding a grudge so tightly, that while she's made it completely clear we're not friends, she still cannot make eye contact or acknowledge my presence? What are we in HS? (actually in HS, I never knew any girl to go this far for this long)

After the production, all of us actors are "required" to go out and say Hi to the audience and socialize. We get to change back into our normal clothes for this. So after the show I hurried out to see what would happen next or if she'd scurried out.

Meg was still there, and wooo hoo... she was talking to my director and my Crush which is normally where I head after the show anyway. I don't know many other people in the cast. So I made a beeline to them. She did her best not to see me. She didn't say hi or comment on my production. I interjected the conversation to ask my Crush the details on what he'd been talking about as he'd mentioned my favorite bar in town.

It was then her friend (the girl she dragged with her) saw me and embarrassed the crap out of Meg by enthusiastically greeting me. Her friend and I had met briefly once about 9 months ago (through Meg btw) and obviously this girl was not informed to ignore me like all the other mutual friends we'd had. Meg could not escape.

Her friend would not be deterred and when on and on about how much she enjoyed my piece and how well I did, and how watching it she'd gotten so mesmerized that she totally forgot she knew me. She seriously went on very excitedly for about 10 minutes, so much so, that by the end of it.. it would have been very unseemly rude for Meg not to comment as well.

Meg whispered out as if she'd been forced to by torture, "Yeah good job". To which I was extremely gracious. "Thank you."

It was too funny.

As I turned my head to talk to my Crush about a new play he'd written, Meg positioned herself to talk to her friend so that her back was then to me. It was an instantaneous move which cut me and her friend from conversing again.

I laughed. Meg and I run in the same circles a lot. We have a lot of mutual friends. We're going to end up at the same parties, and for her to keep up this type of behavior is so silly that all I can do now is laugh. Its hysterical.