Simply Frustrated

I was at a meeting last night, which I was told... "My goodness woman, you should be rolling in the dough." when I explained exactly what it was that I do.



I honestly do 3 things. I'm pretty good at two of them, and more than adequate at the other. The adequate one is the one I'm working on the most right now. Its easy. The other two are "fun" projects.


It never fails though that when I tell people the 3 things that I do they will tell me which one I should be concentrating on to make lots of money.


"You know #1 will make you tons of money."


"Wow, I really could use someone who does #2, you could make a lot of money at that."


"You do #3?? I have a bunch of friends who need you. Start your own business. You'll make tons of money."

It's really annoying. Mostly since I'm not making any money (ok I'm making some money, but not enough to cover bills) on any of them right now. and that no one seems to agree on which one I should be doing.


Also annoying... I'm not meeting anyone my age when I go out. It might be some kind of mental problem of mine, or maybe the world just really wants me to date someone much much older or much much younger.


Actually the other day I was making fun of this guy who I ran into on OkStupid who keeps trying to connect me with guys I would have babysat in HS. This guy claimed to be 35, but looked and dressed in his pictures as if he was maybe 23. So I complained to Holi that he was lying about his age.


She replied, "Well now isn't that the pot calling the kettle black?"


Which I got offended.. Cuz I don't lie on dating sites. Instead she explained,


"How many times do you bitch about guys writing you off because they think you're too young for them?"

Holi is really a bitch sometimes. :)


I look young. It's not a conscience effort. I don't do botox or get face lifts. I honestly have never really worried about wrinkles. (knocking on wood as I type this) I just haven't aged that much in the last 20 years. In HS, I looked early 20's, and now I look roughly late 20's maybe early 30's. Absolutely no one ever thinks I'm 37, and often look at me like I've grown a third head when they do find out. (I also often get asked about my skin care regimen - Oh how do I stay so young?)

So anyway, back to the men I'm meeting. Pierce btw... 11 yrs younger than me. The rocker guy (I've not mentioned yet) 11 yrs younger than me. The annoyingly chipper but cute salesman type guy at the bar last night who locked me into an entire 45 minutes of conversation, is 11 yrs younger than me.


The other men I'm meeting are all much older. One I kinda have a crush on, is 49 and won't give me the time of day because I'm too young (you should see the wrinkly women he does hit on). Others are 48-65. Some are attractive men and some just remind me of creepy old men.


What I really need to find is the German guy from my pool again. I'm a bad judge of age on sexy men with chests of steel, but I guarantee you he was at least my age or older. (Did I mention that I was walking by the pool to get to my car.. I see him through the break in the trees toweling off. He's dark haired, chiseled, and wet. I can't stop watching. He's watching me. I look away finally, he keeps watching me. Then when I look back at him, he waves me over with a come here hand gesture then asks me to join him. If only I wasn't on my way to a meeting. Damn it.)

Anyone know where to find the 30-40's men? Or are they all dead?.. er married I mean.

The Hottest Guy Comes With Wheels

So the other night, I go to this networking meeting. Pierce was supposed to be there, but thats not entirely why I went. I do have my own life outside of the urge to stalk him.



Plus the fact that he didn't reply to my DM the other day.. he's a little bit in the doghouse. Honestly, I'd completely write him off if he wasn't so damn attentive last I saw him... and well if he wasn't so damn cute.


So anyway, I go. Pierce is not there. But I honestly only notice his abscense for about the first 5 minutes.


I enter and behind me in the entrance line is my old director and her beau. This is a networking thing for the geeky. I was a little shocked that she was there and that she'd heard about it. Weird.


Anyway, we get closer to the front of the line... there's a couple in front of me.. when a loud voice from the table says "Hey Maruska! I got ya, just fill out a nametag."


It's my favorite hot happily-married man. So I grin at him.


"Whaaa? you know who I am?" I say jokingly while I fill out my nametag.


Well a few minutes later after checking out who all is there (aka not Pierce), my old director finds me.


"Hey, how'd you do that?"


I look at her like she's grown a third eye as I try to jog my memory about what I might have just done.


"Huh?"


"At the entrance, how'd you do that?" She's looking at me as if I'm the social guru of the year.


"Oh, yeah.. I know him. No biggie. I actually know quite a few of the people here. I'm kinda geek." I admit as I am uncomfortable with her whole "omg you've got the hookup" attitude... though I was a little flattered by it. She's the Who's Who of Independant Theatre in Austin, so it was kinda funny getting on her "respect" list for networking.


"Oh wow, I didn't know. I just heard about these things." She says while looking around.


I'm looking around too, but mostly for someone to motion to me and save me from what is bound to me more uncomfortable talking.


I mention to her that I need to go say "Hi" to a few people and wish her a fun evening. Then I fled.


Of course, Pierce was a no-show the entire event. But that didn't mean I wasn't flirting around.


Actually, I wasn't so much flirting around as I was being flirted with. Made my head spin a little. See my little business venture is getting around I think.. or else it's given me some kind of pheromones to attract men.


There was one gentleman I've met like once before. Maybe twice, but pretty sure just once. I honestly don't know his name. He's hot. He's sweet. But not normally what I go for.. so not really on my radar.


But evidently I am on his. Within minutes of him seeing me, he came over and said hello. He then entrapped me into a conversation (it wasn't torturous, pleasant really, but he obviously was not letting me just flit on by). When he was interupted by a friend of his, I turned away to see who else was interesting to talk to..


Thats when I met the hottest guy.


Seriously when I tell you this guy is hot.. I mean hot... but probably not in the way most of you are thinking.


He was well kept. Great hair. Very hot face. Hot upper body. Looked like a relaxed GQ kinda guy. But what made him hot was his communication skills. The guy could talk to you and make you feel like the only woman in the room. He also listened like every word you said was gold. Two sentences in and I already wanted to nasty things to him. Sizzling.


Weirder still.. he's in a wheelchair. Something that normally I'd see, and check off my list of viable. But honestly, it wasn't really noticable. In a crowd of 50 people all standing, where his face had to be butt-high at best, I didn't really notice his chair. I simply saw a hot man. That's how smoking hot this guy is.


There are things more important than superficiality.


By the way, I wasn't the only girl swooning over this guy. He and I got interupted, and I left to find out if my other friends had shown up. Sure enough they had, so I did some chatting. In between conversations though, I'd go and see if hot guy was available for chatting.


He never was. Every time I went to see if he was free, he was fully surrounded by hot women. Seriously surrounded.


*le sigh*

I finished the evening having made a couple new friends, and with a few more hours of flirting under my belt.

... And with a little sadness that I didn't get to spend more time with the hot man.

Crazies Come Out At Night

Last night was crazy. As usual all my important events all happen to be scheduled at the same exact time.


My Flirting Group.
A huge networking event
A new writers group "sit down and write" meeting (which obviously I need)
The FED - Swing Dancing

Let's not even mention all the friend's happy hour invites, movie invites, and other more extraneous activities. Though I suppose the FED is kinda extraneous, but I kinda absentmindedly insinuated that I'd show up this week.

I needed to go to the top 3 events. I only actually made it to two, and even that was crazy. I went to the flirting group mostly because I wanted to reconnect with the organizer for it. One day he's going to be a multi-millionaire, and I'll probably still need a job. Plus we both kinda love behavioral sciences. If it was legal/possible to stick humans in jars and watch what they did... we'd be doing it... though neither of us is really a scientist. We're just both kinda crazy.. in mostly good ways (depending on who you talk to.)


Anyway, I arrive at the Flirting group and I get to talk to the organizer a bit. He's been trying to reconnect with me (professionally - networking.. the guy is a newly wed), so we got a good chat in while everyone else did the flirting exercises. I thought about staying and flirting myself, but honestly looking at the men present.. I figured I'd have better luck next door at the networking event. (aka out of the 3 guys that showed up, only one of them was .. er.. acceptable appearance-wise, and he seemed about as into me as day old fish.)

However, my organizer friend did mention some kind of millionaires group in town that throws parties. Evidently its 4 men to every women, and he said I'd "clean up" there and that it'd be like shooting fish in a barrel. So I'll be looking out for those. ;) I mean.. millionaires for the taking? Who wouldn't?



Then I headed over to my networking party. I walk in. Anxiety. Its wall to wall people and there's a line to get in. They're doing nametags, AND the people at the nametag table are writing out the name tags for the people. Meaning EVERY SINGLE PERSON is attempting to spell out their name for the person writing the name down. WTF?

This is not how these events normally go.. so when I got to the table and the girl asked my name.. pen ready to write out my name tag.. I kinda went a little nutz (inside, I tried to hide it). I felt like I was 2 and couldn't write my name myself, so this nice lady had to do it for me. If I could have grabbed the damn nametag from her and written it myself I would have. Instead, I asked nicely if I could write it. She balked a bit, but handed me the nametag while telling me that the person next to her needed to also know my name to write it on the sign-in sheet. I had this strange creepy sensation as if I was suddenly not at a networking event but at some kind of military camp with alcohol.

I shook it off, and ran to find people I knew. It wasn't too hard as about every 5 steps I ran into someone I knew from some place or another. Said hi in my awkward.. "I have nothing interesting to say" way, and yet somehow found something to say anyway. Hopefully it was interesting whatever it was I did say, though I fear it was not.

I had a good time though.. flirting with very happily married male friends.. and attempting to find an attractive looking single male. Which for some reason is getting harder and harder at these events, as every good looking man at these events it seems is gay. Seriously. I'm not joking.

Though I did get to see Pierce again. Now, I've mentioned once before that I'd kinda had a thing for him since the first time I met him, and that we flirt.. but I have no idea if he's interested or not. After last night, I'm going to say .. not interested.

He was looking extra fantastic though. It was like suddenly he went from the uber-geeky guy to uber-hot guy. He had on this clingy fitted t-shirt. Normally I just assume geeky guys are rather non-muscular and well.. geeky figures.. No no.. Pierce is f'n ripped. I don't know what kind of canned spinach he's been eating or what kind of toxic spill he slipped into or what.. but DAAAAAAAAAAMMMN he was looking good. I almost forgot how to talk to him as I was busy staring. I'm pretty sure my mouth fell open and dragged on the floor a couple times as well.

It is not fair. Brainy. Fun. Great personality. And f'n hot? Sorry but I'm quite sure that's illegal.


Anyway, towards the end of the night, I found him again (I'd done some mingling and came back) and we chatted for a while. He excused himself to use the facilities, said he'd be right back.. in a way that made it sound like he was reassuring me (soo not a good sign).. only never to return. I did see him come out of the restroom, and look in my direction.. but he didn't come over.



Ah well..



I found myself exhausted by that point anyway.. too much social time and too little food. I'd kinda forgotten to eat all day until right before I had to leave, in which I didn't really have time to eat then. So I headed home to make myself a big assed plate of food.


On my way to my car though, I pass by Katz Diner. Suddenly I hear thudding on the window of the diner and two guys looking at me and waving exstaticly for me to come in. WTF? I went in.. mostly out of curiousity about what drugs these guys were on.. but partly because I vaguely recognized one of the guy's faces. They were both brown skinned and looked Indian.


What is with me attracting Indians?? Please someone tell me?

So I walk in. The host says, "Table for one?" and starts to grab a menu when I interupt him.

"No no.. I believe I was summoned by some strange guys that I don't know. I'm sure I'll be right back." And I head into the dining room.

The host looks at me with "Oh thats what they were doing" relief and a bit of a "good luck" smile.



I get to their table, and ask "Do I know you?"





The one whose face I vague recall seeing before looks offended. The other guy is quick to invite me to sit down and introduces himself. For an Indian guy btw, the second guy is hot. He even had longish hair which I normally find revolting but on him it was fantastic.



Evidently, I'd met the first guy at one of the networking parties. Which one? I don't recall. This is how long Indian men stay on my radar.. blip.. gone.



The guys are nice and welcoming. They try to convince me to stay and eat with them. They're uber-sweet.. the creepy too sweet thing that it seems only Indian men can do really well to make you feel comfortable.. and yet those experienced with Indian men know that behind all that niceness is a very persistant "come home and fuck me". Both of them were fresh off the boat Indians, and since I had no intention of going home and fucking either one of them.. I left.



It was a funny picture though... two strange men excitedly pounding a window as I walked by in order to catch my attention.. Flattering.



Unfortunately that never happens with men I actually like.

My Meeting With The Playas

The other night I went out with Evie and a friend of hers. In all honesty, I went for the possibility of meeting someone, yet with the full expectation of being completely bored out of my mind. A group of 3 girls almost always leaves one as the third wheel, and since Evie's friend and her were childhood friends, I fully expected to be the third wheel.




But I needed to go out, and nothing else that night sounded even remotely entertaining.



We went to a play and then the after-party. It was a small production with a small audience. It was ok. Some of the actors, you could tell were naturally talented and the rest were really trying to be. It was at least entertaining.



Then about 20 minutes from the end, I see Evie's ex? I guess thats who he is. I can't remember if they'd had sex or exactly what... But I do know that she's at least seen his penis, and helped him get off. They're "friends" now, but with Evie that could be FwB or just platonic friends. Its really hard to say.



Evie can't go a night without a guy. During the show, she'd texted him to meet her there. So when I saw him come in.. I knew what had happened and I rolled my eyes.



It doesn't help that I just cannot stand the guy. I avoid him like he's got cooties. He comes off as needy and desperate. And I've got the feeling that any woman will do for him as long as she's mildly attractive (not hideous), and not illegal. (I guess I should be thankful he has some standards huh?)



Plus.. from Evie, I know WAY more that I ever wanted to about his sexual interests and erm.. proclivities. If I wasn't interested by the fact that he looks like a doofus, or by the fact that he acts like he's only out for getting laid and desperately at that, then his sexual preferences alone would have sealed the deal for me that I wasn't going to touch him with a 10 foot pole.



After the show was over, and while we waited for the after-party to start, I found out that Trey had brought two friends with him.



Techincally he brought one friend, who brought his friend.. but thats just me nitpicking.



So we're standing around, and these two guys join our group. I of course wonder who they are, and Evie introduces them.



I honestly don't remember their names. So I'm gunna make up some names.



The first one was chatty, but from the moment he opened his mouth, my lady parts shuddered and recoiled. Jessie's voice was a little .. umm.. too high and he talked with just a slight lisp. Had he not talked about screwing women, I would have sworn he was gay. He was around my height, but with delicate bone structure. His wrists were even dainty. The thought of him having sex with a woman quite frankly made me giggle... a lot.



He talked as if he was Mr. MacDaddy which wasn't helping the situation any. Maybe he does get all the girls. Who knows.. I just find it immensely unbelievable. To be honest, I found the idea of him and Trey being secret lovers much much more believable.



The third guy, Bill, was shy and completely did not fit with the other two. He was new to town, so I excused his judgement in friends. He had long hair and was Native American. He actually was kind of sweet, but way too young. That didn't keep him from attempting to hit on me though. So cute, in an adorable little boy way (I know.. just the way guys hope to be seen right?), but about an hour or so later he admitted his age and he was barely legal. WAY too young for me, and thus I was right in thinking of him as a little boy.



So none of them were at all.. in any way.. potential interests of mine. This actually made the night more fun, because they ALL thought that I'd be happy to have them.



Dear Men... I am not that desperate.. and will never be that desperate.. Sorry.



So the party got started, and people started going back inside. It was hot inside. Like sauna hot. I went in to be social for a bit, but found my way outside rather quickly. The last thing I needed was to be miserable on top of this potential boredom.



A few minutes later, one guy after the other came outside as well. Soon it was myself and the three guys.



We began to talk. Jessie kept giving the youngin' Bill some MacDaddy advice, which I would then critique and tell him how to do it better. Then Jessie saw that as a sign to out do himself. It became this challenge to show me how much of a MacDaddy he was. I couldn't have secretly laughed at him more. At one point he said:



"I shouldn't tell you because you'll hate me."



To which I replied, "If I don't hate you by now, I'm pretty sure there's nothing you can come up with."



He stammered and still pretended to be all gentlemanly in refusing to divulge his scoundrel secrets in my presence.



"Ok.. by hate you.. what did you mean by that?"



Jessie turned red, and so I continued...



"If you mean by hate you, that I would no longer want to have sex with you.. let me put your mind at ease.. that ship sailed within the first minutes of meeting you. So just say what you were going to say."



He looked at me agast, and then did his best to recover. He tried to ask what it was that turned me off, but I simply brushed him off with a "Eh, you're not my type." (Rather than telling him that he reminded me of some gay friends from college.) He retorted with a "Oh well at least we're on the same page." which made me laugh.

Yes yes... I can be a bitch, but I honestly cared not at all what this guy or his friends thought of me.

So he continues about his rules for "dating" which were quite frankly steps to have a one night stand. He did pretty much every cliche' without actually mentioning roofies, though he did mention that getting a girl completely plowed so she'd not remember how to get back to his place later. I know.. a charmer. I of course added rules for him, and instead told him that he should just go to her place. No one can say I'm not helpful. :)



If I'm not interested in dating you, and I'm pretty sure you're harmless (or at least that even the smallest woman could kick your ass), I'm more than willing to share my knowledge to help you get laid.. by someone else. :) Its just how I roll.

Bill however was really enjoying the conversation and cursing that he had no way to take notes. The poor guy. In reality all Bill would have to do to get laid is to hang out with these two morons he was with, then go appologize to the girls later and state that he was new to town. He was sweet, honest, and not bad looking.. and following the wake of the other two guys, he'd look like the catch of the day.
Trey however was not liking the conversation. He instead was trying desperately to convince me that his playboy past was over (like I really believed he had a playboy past), and he was now looking for a real relationship. He was not grasping the idea that I could have cared less about what he was looking for.. I was not interested.. yet he continually tried to impress me with his "seeking a relationship" self.



When we began to discuss ages.. Trey started it by saying he was 40 (he looks maybe 34) and how 30 was the new 20 for him. The others also stated their ages, and then came my turn, which I declined. They were 19, 31, and 40.. and I just let them believe whatever age they thought I was. Generally I'm assumed to be in my late 20's or early 30's, so I figure they thought I was.



Then Trey began commenting on the music that was wafting outside from the party.



"I used to skate to this back in '78"



Which we all would tease him about making himself sound ancient. Heck I'm not much younger than him, and even I thought he sounded old the things he was saying.



It was one "I'm old" statement after anouther which kept me entertained by teasing him about how old he was making himself sound and "Thats the way to win the Ladies, man." sarcasm. I honestly don't think he understood just exactly how off-putting his "remember when" was, or would be to younger women.. when their parents would be the ones saying those "remember whens".



We were outside talking for a couple hours before the other two girls came out, and we all parted ways.



All in all it was a good night.. Lots of fun (for me anyway.)

Sail Away With Me... Not

So I went and hung out with some friends last weekend. They were all gathering at a place I think of as my "Cheers", despite that I don't make it down there every day and don't know most of the staff. I just feel homey when I'm there.

The Gingerman

I honestly really needed a "Gingerman" trip anyway. It'd been a while since I'd been there, and the need for beer was strong. If the Gingerman was closer to me, I might actually have a chance of becoming that alcoholic that I keep trying and failing to be. Though I even doubt that one as I've a fridge with cold beer and several bottles of hard liquor that I'm always forgetting to drink. I even have my favorite vodka (Armadale) sitting right beside my computer, and like eating.. I forget to drink it. 

It's actually pretty amazing that I remember to post blog posts or even manage to get through writing a blog post. Yes, my attention span is that f'd up. Ooooo pretty...

Oh yes.. back to the Gingerman..

I arrive. Late. As usual. But not so late to miss the entire party, just enough that I'm a drink or two behind everyone else. A true alcoholic would have arrived early to drink more.. damn it.. 

Anyway, my friends see me and act like I'm some sort of mirage. Have I mentioned that I've not seen most of them in months? It takes them a minute but.. 

I got flack.

"Where have you been? Don't tell me you have friends other than us!" Don lectured me jokingly as he came over to give me a big hug.

He was then followed by a couple girls that I pretend to be friends with, but in reality barely know. They're great girls and a lot of fun .. at least while at the bar.. but I just don't see us clicking without a beer in hand and mutual male friends to distract us. Let alone a girls-night. Call me paranoid, but I honestly think if we went to a bar just us girls to hang out.. I'd have blade marks all over my back.

But I made nice, and acted all happy to see them. It was good to see familiar faces and have people that were interested in me.. so it wasn't an entire act I guess. They wanted to catch up on everything I've been doing lately... which honestly is nothing of any interest anyone. 

Would you like to know about my experiment with maple syrup vs brown sugar syrup on pancakes?  Or maybe all the interesting job offers I'm getting for things that either will put me in jail or make me homicidal so I end up in jail?

So I answered their questions to the best of ability, and they drifted off to other people.  

Don however stuck around. He wanted more details and wasn't going to give up until I told him everything.  So I did. About me being sick and not wanting to socialize, about the job hunt which is going miserably, and about anything else that came to mind.

Then I saw Karl. Karl is an older gentleman. He's normally quiet, polite, somewhat shy, a little aloof but social, and always in the best manners (reserved).  So what happened made my head spin a little.

I see Karl talking to a very hot man whom I've never seen before. I catch Karl out of the corner of my eye pointing in my direction and commenting to the guy next to him.

"I saw that!" I exclaim to Karl pretending to be offended/suspicious, then turn to his friend. "What is he selling you on now? Don't trust a word of it!" I say as I smile widely.

Karl completely denies pointing as a child does who got caught eating chocolate and denies it with chocolate all over his face.

I then start to walk away to say hi to a few other people, when Karl grabs my arm.

"You can't leave."

"Whaa?"

"You can't leave. You have to stay here."

This is unlike Karl. Most times Karl just lets me flitter wherever I want. Never has he ever tried to entangle me in a conversation.

So I figured he had something to say to me. 

Nope. He just wanted me to stand there next to him as he talked with the hot guy.

I of course had other plans. The guy was hot and all, but a little shorter than I like, and I'm not really that into dating right now.  So I wanted to say hi to my friends before they left.

I started to leave again..

And again Karl stopped me. It was then I realized that Karl was drunk. I'd never seen Karl drunk.. but he was.  And it was funny.

He was joking with me.. in annoying ways.. that make me laugh. His antics were also making the hot guy laugh.. though he was in fairness laughing at me and my inability to get away politely.

Finally Karl let me escape, and I went to say Hi to more of my friends.  I also learned that I do not post on Facebook very much, and that people would have been concerned that I'd died had I completely stopped posting on Facebook. Evidently, my weekly posts on Facebook have saved me from being the subject of a 911 call.

Obviously, I need to go out more often.

So I go get more beer and flirt with Mr Hot Bartender (seriously wanna try that on for size).

It was hot outside, cool inside, and everyone was standing in the middle between the outside and inside which was part hot, and part lukewarm. I'd already said my hellos, and tired of being hot, I sat myself and my cold beer down on a couch nearby where there was no one sitting.

Ah.. peace, quiet, cool drink and air conditioning...

Then the hot guy came to sit across from me to talk.

It was idle chitchat to start. How long have I know these friends.. how often do we all hang out.. etc and so on.

Then he started to tell me about himself.  About his condo downtown, and his other house in Boston.

Is it just me, or? ... when a guy says that he has two residences and claims to be single... does anyone else just tune out?

It seems to be a theme with me lately. Meeting men who obviously want me to think or know they have money.  

For me, all I need to know is that you're financially stable. If you're trying to tell me you've make $300k a year, you've obviously misjudged my priorities.  However if you've got big bucks, and I know it without you telling me, you're generous without flaunting it.. I might start stalking you. Its all about the character baby.

He was a nice guy, and despite his double houses .. I might have given him a chance.. but he also really really likes boating and sailing.

Me + Water (with fish in it) is a non-starter. Not going to happen. Unless your boat is the size of a small island, don't be trying to picture us "sailing away" any day soon.

Then people saw us sitting down and talking. Don, in his own flirting enthusiastic way, plopped down next to me in a way that can only be described accurately as an ex-boyfriend move.. and the hot guy's eyes reacted as if "Oh you have a boyfriend"... which made me laugh. Had I not already ruled Hot guy out as a potential date, I might have been a little upset with Don.  As it was I joked around with Don, and introduced him to the hot guy.  Then one by one everyone joined the couches and conversations.

Hot guy stayed and talked with everyone for awhile. Don then ran off to another side of the bar.  Then Hot guy saw Don flirting outrageously with one of our mutual friends, and he commented.  I replied thats just Don he's kinda the group flirt or party person.  His eyes then changed in understanding again, realizing that Don and I weren't dating. (Silly men)

Hot guy shortly after got up for another beer. Never to be seen again.

Oh well.

I'm A Hottie

I went out the other night to a networking event.. and there were several friends there of Hock and I.

Hock was not there.

I honestly didn't think I'd bad mouth Hock. It wasn't part of my plan. I honestly thought I'd stop at "We had a falling out." or some other vague-ity... but people would ask if I was going to ____ event or "Hey you going to Hock's party next week?" And the story of Hock & my official falling out.. just came flowing out of my mouth.

I ran into one of Hock's friends that I'd met during the game.. and she was shocked at his behavior with me. 

"That is so unlike him"

I told her I thought it was out of character as well, but its what happened and I just can't overlook it. She agree and was adequately appalled at him on my behalf.

Then I ran into a mutual friend who had seen Hock and I making out that first night. She came over to chide me about it. Jokingly. She admitted that her and her husband had been married so long she was jealous of our hot make-out session. She went on to tell me what a cute couple we were, and the story of me and Hock came out like verbal vomit.

She interjected: "When I asked him about your make-out scene, he replied 'oh the hottie' so it wasn't because he thinks you're ugly."

I guess I can take some comfort in that. Right?

I did get to see a couple of my crushes.. The married hottie.. *sigh* and the single one.

I'd not seen Pierce (the single one) in months. We've never said a whole lot to each other, but he's always been friendly and somewhat flirtatious.. I think?  We're both very shy neurotic semi-social-geeky people that well.. I honestly can't tell if he's flirting or if he's just being friendly. .. However I'm just going to assume that he wants me.. and he wants me bad. :)

We saw each other across a very crowded room. I was making my rounds looking for familiar faces and possibly new people to meet, when I saw him. He saw me and his face changed into recognition and smiles. (I'm pretty sure mine also changed in the same way. I was overjoyed to see him.)

I made my way over.

He enveloped me in a hug and I melted. Neurosis knows neurosis. I'm comfortable with him.

Well comfortable except for the whole not knowing if we're just friends.. or maybe? or who knows?

We said our hellos and talked about the past few months. What we'd each been doing, what's new, what's not, and so on.

I nervously thought he was trying to get away at one point. He moved closer to me, almost like he was trying to get past me... and I backed away to let him through. I realized my error when he then backed away to his original position.  I still don't know what he was trying to do, but I was much too nervous to ask.

The conversation came to its natural end, and I couldn't find anything even remotely interesting to prolong it.  Plus it was muggy and hot where we were, so I used the moment to excuse myself for cooler spaces.

That was the last I saw him that evening. 

Girls Just Want To Have Fun

The other night I went out with some friends. These are newish friends and are a lot of fun. 

So anyway, they invite their friends. I invite my friends. Its a friends of friends of friends party essentially.

And I meet men. Plural.

As statistics go, it was about normal. Most were married. Some were gay. A few were single.

One of the married men is a friend of mine already. We've been flirting innocently for months. I've met his wife and think she's pretty awesome... well when she's not on a soapbox.. but then I suppose I'm not all that awesome when I'm on mine either. They're a great couple though, and the flirting is just a little fun. Though I have to say, should he suddenly be single.. that might change. (insert sly wink here)

I do have to say though that when she joked about trading him in for a younger model, I nearly grabbed him and put a dibs on him myself.  I was a little tipsy at the time. Luckily just a little tipsy. He's taken. I get it and I admire it. Doesn't make him any less eye candy though.

The gay guy was well.. wow. He wasn't over the top gay. Just looking at him he looked like any ordinary completely gorgeous manly athletic straight man. Seriously HOT. And then he spoke.

He didn't have a huge lisp or a feminine voice really, so it wasn't a huge giveaway to the general public.  However, he was all about "fabulous" with the appropriate inflections, and friendly in a platonic fun way that only happily married men and men who completely aren't interested in you and have no concerns at all that you might be. He was fun and engaging, and I soooo want him.. as my new best friend. :) 

However almost immediately after entering the bar, I noticed this guy. He was dressed like I like em. Button down shirt, slacks, nice shoes. Yes I totally get off on business attire. Shut up.

He however looked like he was good friends maybe more with a friend of mine. So I backed off initially. He was buying her drinks and I assumed they were together. 

We talked a bit about his job which is unrelated to anything I do, and Hock immediately was in his wallet and giving me his card. I didn't ask for it nor did I show extra interest in what he did thus provoking a card. He just gave me one.

This got my thoughts going, and I started doubting that they were more than friends. Maybe I was crazy, but I felt slightly hit on. I shrugged it off and moved on to mingle elsewhere.

My girl friends however were way ahead of me drinking. They were off flirting and groping strange men and men they knew. 

"So you're having a butt grabbing game?"

"Yes, you should join us! Go grope someone.." they replied as they scoped the room looking for a victim for me.

"Umm I'm way not drunk enough for that yet. Let me go catch up."

Thus the tone of the night was set, and I got tipsy despite all efforts at self-control. Ok, there wasn't much effort at self-control.

I mingled. I flirted. Single. Married. Gay. I flirted, and I drank.

Then I ran into Hock again. This time we talked more, played bar games together, and flirted. 

We drifted apart each mingling in different areas of the bar, and met up again. Flirted, and I wrapped my arm around his waist. He put his arm around me.

This is where things got fuzzy. Up until this point, I wasn't sure if he was or was not into me. He was laid back, relaxed, and non-aggressive. I normally assume this to be not interested. 

However our exchange while our bodies were close and touching was anything but platonic. He'd mentioned several times in absolute seriousness that he was just out for fun right now. I got the impression that there was more to it, some kind of lingering pain or psychosis that he'd not worked through yet. But fun.. sounded fun.

He asked if I wanted to take this somewhere else. I honestly can't remember if the question was go somewhere else like another bar, or if it was a go have sex question. I know I answered it as the latter.

"How about your place?"

"Ok. Let me close out." 

He was sweet and polite, and it confused me. I think I might be a little jaded. I waited while he went to the bar to close out.

He was polite the entire way out. We left arm in arm and he walked me back to my car as he told me his address. Not once did he ask for my number. So I assumed this was one night stand fun. I'd already figured that out by his mention of just wanting to have fun.

He then began to "sell" me on himself in an awkward insecure kind of way. Essentially telling me that he's more than financially sound, and talking about his political beliefs (which were sexy btw)... I honestly felt like telling him..

"Dude I'm in this for the sex. Your trust funds, stock portfolio, or whatever matter not. You said fun, not dating. Are you changing your mind now?"

But I didn't. I merely told him that his finances mattered not at all to me.

We get to my car and we kiss. He's a good kisser, but kind. Gentle. I know I'm a good kisser, and I know I know how to provoke a man into being an animal. So I tried. We were getting hot and heavy, but the more I tried to provoke him the more docile he seemed to get, and the more turned on.

I admit having power over a man sexually is pretty damn awesome, but on a one night stand kind of fun thing.. I'm not used to being in charge. I'd much rather the guy pin me to the wall and take me. But the more I tried to encourage it, the less it seemed to happen.

At one point I even remarked to him about it, hinting that I thought he was taking the backseat, being a submissive, or whatever. If he'd have verbally owned it, I'd have taken charge.. but he insisted that he could be the animal just not in the public setting we were in. He promised if I came to his place that he'd show me.

So after about an hour or so of making out and causing a public scene. More than once being told to "get a room". No clothes came off.. just kissing. I told him I'd meet him at his place. I reminded him that he didn't have my number, and he replied with, "well you have my card right?"

Weird.

So I go to meet him at his place but stop off at my apt quickly first to freshen up. My makeup is all over the place and my nose was beet red from his 5 o'clock shadow. I needed some major fixing. I also slipped on some sexy lingerie.

I also felt my "illness" acting up.. the one I've mentioned in previous posts. Its actually a "condition" not an illness, so not communicable.. but nevertheless I took my meds and hoped that would put an end to the symptoms and let me have a good couple hours of sex. He promised just a fun thing, so I figured I just needed to be symptom-free for a few hours.

I get to his place. He apologizes for its state (which is cleaner than my place btw). We resume kissing and find our way to the bedroom.

What happened was not what I was prepared for.. and maybe you readers can help me by letting me know if this is normal or if I'm crazy.

I tease and taunt, but still he's being docile and sweet. I began to wonder where this animal in him was hiding and if I was ever going to see it. I initiated him taking his clothes off and he did. I took my outer clothes off and left my lingerie and bra on, he never bothered to take off either one and left it completely up to me. I don't know if I'd have left them on if he'd ever have initiated me removing them. As it was, it was I that initiated and removed my own bra and panties, but the lacy camisole stayed on out of my own curiosity if he'd ask me to remove it. He did not. It was strange being so in charge of everything. Yet he told me constantly how hot I was and how sexy he found me.

He was sweet the whole time, so much so that it tugged at my heart and I thought about dating him. He'd mentioned that he'd not done this in a long time, and the way he said it made me believe him.

The sex was awkward. He would get going. I'd get going, and just as I was really getting going, he'd stop. He did this once, twice, threetimes.. I started to get very fucking annoyed.  So I asked him about it, and he said he was doing it on purpose to tease me.. 

"I wondered when you'd notice"

Seriously wanted to beat him, but he knocked it off and go going. Still it felt more like we were trying to make love rather than fuck. It was weird.  The roughest he got was with sucking/biting my neck, which he ended up giving me a hickey.

When we were finished, he wanted talk. Chat. Chit Chat. Converse. He wanted me to ask him about himself. To get to know him. WTF? After sex, I'm lucky to be able to form words. He told me how beautiful and sexy I was.  (He did amit after sex that his whole starting/stopping thing wasn't intentional. I didn't ask for more details but I should have.)

Then he wanted to cuddle. Really cuddle. Not just that after sex little cuddling thing, but cuddle like you would in a real relationship. Sweetly.

My head was seriously trying to wrap my mind around it. I wanted to lecture him that he can choose "fun" or a "relationship" but he really needs to be more clear about what he wants.

He wanted me to spend the night. He wanted to sleep cuddling. I tried to acquiesce but I am not a sleeping cuddler.  I'll cuddle. I'll sleep. But unless I'm dead tired, I don't do both at the same time.. especially not without being in a real relationship.

Finally I tell him that I need to sleep and I roll away. He falls asleep before I do, and starts snoring. Adorably he sleeps with a pillow over his face to muffle the sound. Seriously how adorable is that?

Then my "condition" started acting up. I could feel it was going to be bad. My stomach started to hurt, and I was going to need to use the restroom. More than that though, I was holding onto a fart that was going to be huge... if it was just a fart, might be more disgusting than that.

There was NO WAY IN HELL I was going to let it go at his place. He was sweet and nice, and if I wanted any hope of this happening again or possibly some kind of relationship thing in the future... I needed to go home. But I also didn't want to be that person that ditches someone.

I had to wake him up, and I felt like a bitch for doing. I tossed all sorts of reasons of why I couldn't stay around my head. Telling him I had a huge fart was not going to happen.

So I woke him telling him that I couldn't sleep and needed to go home. He insisted I could sleep there, pleading. I insisted that I needed to go home.

I felt like an ass.

He got up and showed me out. Giving me a tender hug and a kiss as we said our goodbyes.

He still didn't ask for my number.  I did email him the next day with a thank you and my number. We've text flirted a bit since and hinting at doing it again someday.

But this was not what I'd call a "fun thing", and I get the impression that he's much more of a relationship man. Maybe I'm wrong.

SXSW: First Day

So .. I attended SXSW or as I'll from now on call it.. GeekWatch 2010. It was wall to wall sexy geeks, plus a few douchebags. Ok, quite a few douchebags, but they were easy to detect and avoid. 

I went to SXSW alone as most of my friends here did not go, so it was interesting and self-revealing.

I learned about myself:

1. I'm not good at new places, with new people, if I'm even in the least worried about making a good impression. (if I honestly don't care what people think, I'm fine, but SXSW is full of potential employers and I don't want to really piss anyone off)

2. I can only network for a very short amount of time before I start to go insane.

3. I really have no tolerance for uppity, snooty, or otherwise douchebaggy people.

But I get ahead of myself.

Friday.. 

After a day of attending panels, I decided to attend a few free parties. I mean its free food and booze, why not? I'm dead tired from panels and chatting with strangers all day (networking), but I go anyway.

On my way to one of the parties, I see a man in a suit sitting on the side of the pavement. He's looks geeky and cute, has a SXSW badge, and looks amazingly lost. 

"Hi, are you lost? Need help finding something?" I ask.

"No, I'm ok. I'm just looking for something to eat. You don't happen to know Austin?"

"Yeah, I live here." (I kinda lied. I live in Austin, but I wasn't that familiar with that part of town.)

"Do you know where there's a good place for food?" 

"Well that depends. What are you in the mood for?" (I get out my iPhone to look stuff up.)

"I could go for a good burger."

"Well then you need to go to Casino El Camino. Best burgers in town. Trust me."

He wanted directions, and of course I pulled out my iPhone and showed him the map. We flirted a bit, and he did not seem in a hurry to pull away.

I gave him my card and told him to call me if he needed anything else. I smiled and we headed our separate ways.

I went to the party I'd planned on, and found myself hot and bored. It must have been 90 in that building and stuffy. I left after making a round to look for friends, then headed to Casino. Maybe I could non-chalantly run into Muso (the guy from earlier).

(blah blah blah walking)

I open the door to Casino, and find myself blinded.  It was dark with bright lights and it took me a minute to adjust.  However, in the corner of my eye I see someone waving, and then I hear..

"HI"

Its Muso.  So much for a casual run in. No excuse of "Oh I just stopped by with a few friends.. who just happen to be in the other room" ... nope.. he sees me enter alone.

I suppose I could have pretended to look for some friends in the back, but disoriented by the lights and tired, I wasn't thinking that straight.  

Plus, Muso asked me to sit in the seat next to him and my feet hurt so I did.

We talked for hours. Laughed. Talked about where we were from, the conference, and plans we had next.

He was going to another party, and I was headed home. (The poor dog had been cooped up for way too many hours)

We left and walked together until our ways parted, at which point he said we should keep in touch.  I reminded him that he had my card.  He pulled out his wallet, and my card from his pocket.. and put my card in his wallet.

He said he'd definitely contact me.

I only half believed him, and went home.

The Last Stand

It's my personal thing that everything always happens on the same day. I can go weeks without anything eventful, but it always seems that once one thing happens.. other things just chime right in.

Yesterday, I decided to text Mac back. I'd left him "hanging" and because I figured it couldn't hurt... and that I'd follow the advice of my male friends (all of them are seriously his advocates) and give him a chance.

I'm almost 100% sure that Mac isn't into me for dating.  I may be a sex buddy option, or someone he's got as a backup plan... but I'm pretty certain that he's not into actually dating me.

Me: "Hope you're having a good week. :)"

Him: "Fanks. I am. Getting ready for a mardi gras party. Tried to rent a zoot suit but didn't work out."

Him: "How's your week?"

Me: "No zoot suit? Darn I'd have had to come by & take pics of that."

Me: "My week is going. Possibly getting sick, but hoping its just allergies. Cross your fingers."

Him: "I'm going to wear a black suit, suspenders, black shirt, tie, and phantom mask."

Me: "Now that sounds hot."

Him: "If only a hot guy was in that outfit, it would be."  (Seriously begging for compliments? I decide to give him one.)

Me: "Oh? Who's wearing it? I swear you said you were."

Him: "Exactly"

Me: "Then a hot guy is wearing it. Do you need glasses?" (Just so everyone is clear, this was my gauntlet and its been thrown. Your move buddy)

(The above went on without any interuption or pausing... then there's a 20 minute lull. I don't know if he was stumped by the "hot" reference or he went to the toilet.. )

Him: "Naw that would make me dorkier."

Me: "You're a dork? Hmm totally missed that somewhere. Are you sure?" (Seriously? still begging for compliments? I'm wanting to just walk away at this point. I don't.)

Him: "Yep. A computer nerd too."

Me: "Then where are your glasses and pocket protectors?"

Him: "New age nerd."  (I'm not sure what New Age has to do with nerds, but ok)

Me: "I may need new glasses as well. I can't believe I was under the impression that you were hot."

Him: "Lenscrafters have an office near you?"

Me: "Yep. Thats where I got my last pair. Total nerd glasses. Black frames n all."

Him: "LOL"

Anyway, ball is solidly in his court. Any naysayers that thought "Are you sure he knows you like him?" should be fully satisfied now.  I'm just not waiting around on him. Relatively sure I'll not hear from him unless he wants a booty call or his ego fluffed. Not into either option.

*****

Then I head to Austin's Social Media Club event.  I'd RSVP'd weeks ago and it was a little late to back out.. plus I really should get out and network.. So I went.

I get there.. make my name tag.. and my phone rings.

Its Mich. My friend that kinda gave me signals that it may or may not be just friends? He invites me to attend a dinner party his friend is hosting.

Now Mich has invited me to many things before, even when he was dating someone else. So this is NOT a sign that he wants to be more than friends.. or not clearly one anyway.  It could be excruciatingly boring or a fantastic evening.  I told him I'd go, so we'll see how things unfold.  He's leaving in a week and will be gone for year, so I'm not putting any hope in the long term. 

Then the meeting starts. Btw, the Austin Social Media club is full of hot men. Of course, half or more of them are married, but eye candy baby!

It was a great time really, and I'm going to try to pull myself off the couch more often to attend these functions.  Maybe one of these days, I'll meet a tech-savvy sexy single man at one.

I Am Not PC, I Like Mac

Yesterday, I woke up in a relatively good mood. Motivated. I even applied for a job, which of course was more annoying than the job itself.

**rant** Why in the hell does every damn employer have their own website "quiz" you have to answer to apply? Why even have a resume? You end up having to type in every freaking thang from your resume into that quiz anyway. Including supervisors names and numbers.. Which I honestly couldn't tell you for most of my past jobs because the companies have either gone under or the damn supervisor got laid off too. I'm pretty sure I'm not going to get hired by filling out "Random Idiot" as my supervisors name. **/rant**

After taking a nearly an hour to apply for this job, I felt like I'd climbed a mountain.

I rewarded myself by making myself a great lunch and watching some TV.. which turned out to be "Grumpy Old Men".

Love that movie.

By the time the movie was over, I was super chipper and starting to feel like my old self again.  I got ready to run a few errands that I'd been putting off the last couple days, and as I was getting dressed I wondered what was going on that night.

I checked my calendar and sure enough my favorite group (Beer Enthusiasts) had a meeting that night.

Saturday night at my friend's birthday party, I ran into a couple people from my social circles here in Austin. They both scolded me for not being more social, and asked where in the world I've been hiding.  Neither of these two are people I ran into often, but more like people that I saw maybe once every 2 months, so for them to notice I'm missing is a pretty big deal. I hadn't realized just how anti-social I'd gotten.

So when I saw that I could make the Beer meeting, I jumped at it. I figured it was probably time to come out of hiding, and since I was in a decent mood.. all the more reason.

I arrive. I run into Evie and her man outside smoking. I say Hi then run inside to see who all else is in attendance. I see a bunch of people I don't know, and a few that I do.

Then suddenly from across the group seated at the table furthest from where I was, I see a good-looking man exclaim "Hi".  I waved "Hello" back since there weren't any seats near him, and started for the nearest available seat, when I noticed next to him was Getty who then shouted and waved.

Rather than shout over everyone, (and because the guy was hot) I made my way over to that side of the table to say hello and catch up.

I knew that I'd seen the good-looking man before, but couldn't place him right away. Once I got closer though I realized that it was Mac (previously mentioned in "Just Some Time For Fun" and "Where Does The Time Go?"). It really had been a long time no see.

So when I got over to them, I positioned myself between the two of them and asked Getty how she'd been. I was dying to talk to Mac, but I knew I had to put in some time with Getty. Getty was on a non-stop roll of chatter, and kept trying to get me to pull up a chair to sit between them.

I really did not want to spend the entire night stuck next to Getty. She likes to monopolize conversation. I'd never get to chat with anyone else if I stayed here. At one point though, she said she was insisting I sit there because Mac was hot and she wanted to give me a better chance at him.  So why did she monopolize my conversation for the first 30 minutes? Dunno.

Mac however heard us talking about chairs and that I was going to go sit across the way where there were available chairs. I was arguing with Getty saying that I could just go sit over there. No biggie. Getty however kept asking everyone around if we could snag their chairs, to which they said no. Getty would not let it go.

So Mac got up, walked across the room, picked up one of the free chairs from the other side of the way, and carried it back over for me to sit on.  I of course told him it was completely unnecessary, but thanked him profusely for doing it. (It was totally sweet and hot.)

I'm not entirely sure he did it for me to sit next to him, as much as he may have done it so that I'd be a buffer between him and Getty. Either way, I got to sit next to him.

Luckily for me, there was a girl on the other side of Getty for her to talk to.. which gave me a second of break from Getty.. allowing me to turn away from her and talk to Mac.

Mac and I talked most of the night. Catching up on what we'd been doing since we'd last met. Bitching about the bowling group that we'd met at, and anything else that came across our minds.

I'd actually forgotten how easy it was to be around him. The time passed easily with very few lulls, and relaxed. Conversation just flowed, and we laughed and talked like we'd been friends for quite a while. I was so relaxed that I just let honesty flow from my mouth not caring about his view, and he seemed the same with me.

At one point, Getty caught both of our attention by saying that she'd heard a very cute joke that day.. she insisted that we'd love it.  So she started this joke about a dwarf which was off-color and inappropriate. Neither Mac nor I laughed.

I simply told Getty when she was asking, "Do you get it?" type looks and questions..

"It was pretty offensive. Sorry." (Marc nodded his agreement out of site of Getty)

Getty tried to explain why she thought it was funny and how she'd not picked up on its offensiveness, though she supposed it would be offensive to actual people of dwarfism. I'm not sure exactly how the conversation went, but somehow this comment from me made sense..

"I don't really know any real life dwarves. W's the closest I've ever met, but I still found it offensive."  (W is not a dwarf, she's just freaking short. like 4'10? she might even be shorter than that.)

Getty gasped and said I was insulting W.

"I'm not insulting her. She's the shortest person I know. She's fully aware that she's short. Its not news." (The girl is the shortest person in our circle. Obviously shortest.)

Mac then pointed out a rather attractive blonde girl about 5 ft away at the end of the table.

"Doesn't she look like Katherine Heigel?"

"Umm sure, maybe if you add 50 lbs to Katherine Heigel."  Like I said I was relaxed around him. As the words came out of my mouth, I realized how catty it sounded. But there was no taking them back. I didn't really mean them catty, but honestly this girl looked exactly like Katherine Heigel after eating an entire Thanksgiving dinner by herself.

A few minutes later after a pause in the conversation, Mac turned to me.

"You're puzzling."

"Uh.. what?" (me confused)

"A few minutes ago, you're deeply offended at a joke about dwarves. But when I point out the blonde, you comment about her weight."

"I know, but I was just being honest. She's a beautiful girl. But in comparison to Katherine Heigel.. it was an honest comment. I didn't mean it catty."

Really, there wasn't any defense of myself that I could do without backpedalling into spineless.  I said what I said. I meant it.

He smiled. "I know. You said it very matter of fact. Not catty at all. Still funny."

"I just speak truth. Deal with it.  Btw, did you notice that her teeth, mouth, and motions are like Heigel's too? It's weird."

We actually pondered taking pictures of the girl and selling them to tabloids as "Katherine Heigel gets fat" pictures. She looked that close.

He kept getting text messages the entire night. One after another after another. I honestly was wondering if he had some jealous girlfriend.  After about the 4th txt, my flirtatiously curious looks started to take on a little less flirt and a little more curious, he told me who was texting.  Supposedly he has a couple friends who are going through a marital rough patch, and they both keep texting him for advice/perspective. It was a very ornate story he told which no one in the world would make up because it was so boring and who cares, but it was sweet him being there for them and not taking sides.

As the evening was drawing to a close, he started to show me apps on his iPhone. I have one too, so we were comparing cool things.  A few that he had were really cool, and so I had to download them.

We were then interrupted by some chick. I don't know who she was. She did not introduce herself to me, and instead only talked to Mac. They did not seem to know each other. She seemed to just be wanting to meet the "Hot Guy".  Slightly jealous from my seat on the other side of him, I calmed when I noticed they did not know each other and Mac was not acting happy about the interruption. He was nice, friendly, but the conversation was short and then he was back talking to me.

Shortly after that, everyone had left, save a few of us. Mac, some guy, and myself. The guy was standing by himself looking a little uncomfortable, and so I called him over to us.  As much as I like Mac, I hate to ignore people and make them feel like an outsider.  The guy came over. His name was Mike and thats all I found out before Mac drew me back into finishing our conversation.

Mac and Mike's tabs came through first. My tab came through as they were signing theirs, so they both took off.

Mac never asked for my number. I assume we're just friends. Its just nice for the ego though to have the hottest dude in the group commandeer you for conversation.