The Real Non-Date Date Kinda

So last night I got to hang out with Pierce. It wasn't a date or a planned event. I didn't message him "see you tonight" even though I knew he was planning on going... I am part stalker btw... because we weren't going together or even going to meet each other. We just both happened to be going to the same place.



Now I hoped that last night would pan out so that Pierce and I could get some one on one time, but my expectations were not high.


I get there and its wall to wall people. I see one person that I "know" and he sort of knows me. Matt knows who I am by my face. I doubt he knows my name, and while this guy is salesman nice (to everyone) he more often than not tries to get away from me asap. Its like I've got cooties.


So I say "Hi" to Matt, he says "Hi" in return. There's an awkward moment, and Matt flees.

I go to the bar, grab a drink, a stiff drink, and look around for other people I might know or want to get to know. The group of people is ecclectic at best. There's locals dressed "as you are", business types dressed accordingly with fancy suits and well coiffed hair (obviously gay or completely new to town), and a mix of ordinary well adjusted people who dressed normal for being where we were and outside in the heat.

I'm busy watching the show when Pierce walks in. He sees me, gives me a hug, and stays to chat a bit. Mostly just talking about who is here and who we know. I mention that I only know Matt and point out where he is. Shortly thereafter, Pierce excuses himself and says something about going to say Hi to Matt. To be honest, I wasn't listening. I was trying to watch the show and heard that he was going, and tuned out.


About 20 minutes later, when the show was over, Pierce returns to me and we talk. We talk about his work and my potential work, and this thing and that thing... and politics and BP.. He may or may not have made joking references to being too busy in college trying to get laid, and I may or may not have described my bed to him with a little too much detail (hey it fit in with the conversation I swear)... and.. then Pierce excuses himself to go to the bathroom saying quite clearly that he'll be right back.


This time.. unlike the last time we'd hung out... It wasn't said awkwardly or like he felt I needed some kind of pathetic reassurance in order to extracate himself... this time he said it solidly as a promise of "We're not done here." There was no question about it.


But I also didn't want to just sit there twiddling my thumbs waiting for him to return. I wanted to talk to a few of the performers, and took that chance to do so.. while keeping an eye on the spot where I was, watching for his return.


I barely got a few words in with a couple performers before I saw him return looking for me. (insert big grin and an inner happy dance) So I tried to catch his eye to show him where I was. He saw me talking to the performers and came and sat down a few feet away from my new position and waited. (insert swoon)


He didn't seem irritated. He just sat and waited. Patiently. Until I finished doing what I was doing. He didn't come over and try to horn in on the conversation or try to pull me away. He just waited. He didn't seem impatient or signal me to hurry up. He just waited his turn, patiently.


I seriously wanted to take him home and fuck him something rotten for that. After years of my ex being grumpy and impatient and belittling whatever it was I wanted to do... and being upset with me if I didn't do what he wanted to do and just socially been a complete pain in my ass... This was a breath of fresh air, and had we been in a relationship, Pierce would have gotten some mad crazy girl sex. Just sayin.


Left to my own devices, I probably would have prolonged my interaction with the performers quite a bit longer.. but seeing Pierce look so deliciously patient and waiting for me.. I cut out of the conversation before I would have otherwise.


Sexy intelligent man vs really cool important people who won't remember your name tomorrow? Uh sexy man please!


So I sat down next to Pierce, and we talked some more. And talked. And talked. Though it didn't seem like time was really passing, other than that crazy ache to kiss him and the visual of the sun setting, I'm not sure time really passed at all while we talked.


And he was sweet. Seriously sweet. At one point the sun was in my face when I would turn to talk to him, he, of his own accord, moved his head between mine and the sun blocking it completely from hitting my face. He did this without calling attention to what he was doing. He didn't even say "is that better" like he was expecting a thank you or calling attention to his chivalry. He just did it, and seemed pleased enough that in doing so the conversation continued to flow. He held that position, moving slightly in response to any change in my position, until the sun itself had moved to a less problematic spot. (How can I not swoon?)


We got up to refresh our drinks, and he stayed with me... not like a leech, he wasn't glued to my side.. but near me. We continue talking once we've gotten new drinks, and as we're finishing our drinks, Pierce mentions that he needs to go. I agree that its probably time to go, though in all honesty I wasn't ready to part. I had no idea what time it was, but I was pretty sure by the fact that we were the last people there that it was in fact time to go home.


"You want to walk out together?" Pierce asks.


I barely catch it and I think that's what he said.

"Yeah, that'd be great." I reply.

We coordinate our exit, and walk out together. As we approach every juncture where we could have parted ways, he says "I need to go (insert direction).." with a silent hestitation implying "which direction are you?" while almost guiding me seamlessly along as we walked together.


We went part of the way to our cars together, alas there was a fork in the road where we parted ways. We hugged quickly. Said we'd had a good time.

"Until next time" he said... or maybe it was "I'll see you around, at the next thing" ? I don't recall.

All I know is that there is something there. It might be as simple as friendship, or it might be something more. We'll see.

Nearly Perfect

I just got back from a lovely day. I wasn't sure it was going to be a lovely day when it started, but luckily God laughs at my plans.




I woke this morning after a long struggle to get some kind of sleep so I could go out with some friends today. I managed to get a whole 4 hours, and upon waking drank about a liter of Passover Coke for the caffiene to actually move.



Sometime after that, things started to look up. I had some energy, and put it to good use cleaning my kitchen while making a quick lunch, then showering, and combing my closet for outfits that were "sexy" without actually looking like I tried to be sexy. I was going to a bar to watch sports with friends. Actually dressing sexy would be overdoing it, but I figured if any of them invited someone single and hot, I should at least look good.



In the end, I looked meh. Oh well. At least I was having a decent hair day.



So I get there. And.. there's a possibly single adonis there. I didn't ask him if he was single.. I'm merely making assumptions on the lack of ring.



The guy was hot. Not the type I normally go for.. but I'll make exceptions. His hair was a sandy-red-blonde, and he had the air of a real manly man. You could clearly tell that he had no trouble growing a full beard if he wanted, though he was clean shaven. His body was athletically built, like a soccer player. He wore a simple t-shirt and cargo shorts, and his outfit plus persona made me think of Matthew McConaughey. He seemed like a good guy, and even made decent conversation.



But what really caught my eye, and had me ... erm.. staring at him like he was a dish of ice cream.. were two things.



First, he had a fantastic way of smiling. It was like he'd reinvented it. His entire face smiled. Lips. Eyes. Cheeks. I think even his forehead smiled. It was impossible to see him smile without wishing you could be that happy. I partly watched just to see him do it again.



But mostly I watched his eyes. His eyes shone. Glimmered really. They weren't a remarkable color. Simple hazel-green, but they looked fantastic on him. They were mesmerizing.



Honestly, thinking back on it now.. there wasn't much that was obviously remarkable about him. His hair was ordinary colored. His skin was ordinary "irish" white boy (the white with some freckles). His eyes were ordinary colored. He was ordinarily fit. He was ordinarily dressed.



But I promise you... the whole effect of him was nothing short of smoking hot. (I say this as a girl who normally hates white boys with freckles.)



Mmmm eye candy in person while watching eye candy run about a field on TV. The day got super better instantly.



Then I ordered a beer. They had a beer I've never tried before.. Widmer? On tap. In an icy cold mug the size of my head. For.. $7. And it was good beer (not Bud Light or Coors Light or normal american mainstream piss water - sorry if anyone is offended, have I mentioned I'm a beer snob?) So anyway my day got awesome quickly.



Then since I was right near my favorite shopping strip, I went shopping. I came out with a shirt and skirt that I thought was going to put me back $60, however when it was rang up it came out as $25. ROCK ON!



So super awesome day.. I drive home, because I'm supposed to actually be working on a business plan today for a client meeting in two days. I've done nothing with the business plan, and on my way home realize that tomorrow is nearly booked solid. So I start to panic that I'm not going to get it done.



I get home. Check my email. My client emails me "Can we postpone our meeting until later in the week? I got called out of town this weekend."



Seriously.. it couldn't have gone any better.



(ok.. it could have.. Mr HotBod could have asked for my number or asked me out this evening for a sexy romp.. Cuz I need one. I do... but other than that.. Perfect.)

The Dreams That Disappoint

The Setup.. It's our first date, some months in the future after we've managed to run into each other several times at several different events, he finally asks me out. We decide to play some mini-golf.

It's around the second to last hole, that conversation becomes strained. Neither of us is talking which is highly unusual.


I am stressing myself out about it. I actually like that I feel relaxed enough around Pierce that I can be quiet, but I'm afraid he'll see me as boring or worse that I'm bored with him. Finally he speaks.


"You're being awfully quiet." He jokes with a big smile on his face.

Its impossible not to catch his smile, and so I grin back at him.

"I'm sorry, I'm a bit preoccupied." I try to hide the slight embarassed blush that I know is creeping along my face.

"Mini-golf isn't that challenging, so what's got your tongue? Is it work?" He's genuinely concerned and wanting to help with whatever is the problem, but also seeing the blush, he's curious.


"No no... work is fine." I say as I hold my putter judging just where to stand and how hard to hit the ball. "I'm just preoccupied with this problem I'm trying to figure out how to solve."

"Oh? Maybe I can help."


I laugh, "I'm sure you can" and shoot him a look with a clear glint in my eye and mischevous smile.

"Well, tell me then." He's now much less concerned, and much much more curious.

"Well, see my mind is completely preoccupied with wanting to kiss you. And not quite sure how to solve it."


He snickers slightly, "Hmm that is a problem. But I am quite sure it is solveable. Though I don't really see much problem in it."


"Well, see for starters, its quite impossible to do with you being over there." I say as I adjust my stance again, pretending to be concentrating on my shot.. but if I'd have been pretending to read a book, the book would have been upside down for all the true attention I was paying to what I was doing.

Pierce then walks over to me, and stands very close in front of me. His left leg on the right side of my putter, his right leg on the left side of my putter, and my hands just barely a half inch away from his crotch as I held my putter.

I looked up at him and met his gaze. Having him so close made my pulse go all haywire. I was excited, scared, and wanting to run.. but immobile.

"There. Does that solve the problem for you then?" He said with a sly grin teasing me as his face was now just inches from mine.

"Well yes that does make it much much more possible. But I didn't really tell you the real problem."

"Oh?" He raised one eyebrow in curiousity.

I look into his eyes to deliver my confession, "See, what I really want is for you to kiss me.." which I barely get out before his hand moves up and lightly brushes my cheek on its way to the back of my neck. His fingers planted themselves at the back of my neck gently pulling me forward, while his thumb pressed just lightly under my jawbone to direct my face up leaving my lips easily accessible.


Then his lips possessed mine in a light caress that deepened to restrained desire.

The kiss stopped as abruptly as it began, and it affected us both equally. There was a brief moment of mutual silence as we regained our proverbial footing.

"So, did that solve the problem?" He teased playfully as he removed his hand from my neck.


"No.. not really" I replied as I let go of my putter and wrapped my arms around his neck pulling him in for another kiss. He wrapped his arms around me, and we kissed the kind of kiss that parents shield their kids from viewing. The kind of kiss that if it was feasible would allow clothes to fly off with a single thought.
This time it was I who ended the kiss abruptly. Moved my hands back to my putter, and said...

"Ok, I'm good now... Hmm you're in a compromising position, you might want to move before I putt"

I pretended to be all about golf, and giggled when he grumbled slightly as he realized our makeout session was over.


But as our eyes met after my shot, one look confirmed.. the only thing between us and being naked.. was golf.


We quickly finished the last hole, and went to his place. We drive separately, and he's waiting outside for me when I drive up. We embrace, kiss, and don't really stop until we're finally inside.

Things start to get fuzzy around this part.. but I remember running my hands down his chest and then sliding his shirt up over his head.. (and there.. hot and bothered.. it ends).

The Dream Genie Sucks

Sorry I've been AWOL lately. I'm still attempting to do this on my psychotic laptop, as well as start a business, do business plans, and the mirade of other crapola that goes along with it. I'm just hoping like hell that this venture takes off. Crossing fingers.. and maybe toes... if it does like it seems its going to.. I'll be busy buying my dream computer. Right now weighting if that would be an investment or a luxury.

But back to men.. and dating... and me being a little crazy.

I've been having dreams lately. Those sexy dreams.. the ones where you start picturing them naked, and thinking of all the things you want to do with them. Yeah those dreams.

And.. Pierce has been making a regular appearance. Which means I do (damn it) like him... but it also is problematic.

See.. my body/brain knows I like him. There's still that odd hope of "this might be something".. which means until its really something, until I've actually seen him naked or until I've completely ruled him out as a possibility.. My mind refuses to actually undress him or imagine much of anything that isn't readily seen... aka I've pictured his bare chest, because the last time I saw him his tshirt was so "fitted" that there was little left to the imagination.

So while my dreams start off sexy, and you know darn good and well that they're headed to Nakedtown, they never actually make it there.


Last night, I had this fantastic dream (which I might write up later) setting Pierce and I up for a very hot romp.. and then when it came to the hot romp itself.. The dream would die, or start over at the begining.. it did end up going to a sex romp later, but it wasn't with Pierce, just some nameless faceless guy. *sigh*

Even my dreams won't give me satisfaction. This sucks.

Wishfully Wrong

I may have been wrong.

Maybe.

It's really hard to say because I am so very often right (really I'm not full of myself or anything), so this is completely new to me... its really hard to say.


But ..


He thought of me today.

It wasn't one of those "Hey sweety, I was thinking of you" sort of messages. But he saw something that reminded him of a conversation we had, and sent me a link to update me on it. Aka "Saw this, thought you'd find it interesting [link to article about what we'd talked about]"

Guys.. if you really want to win a girl.. and have a relationship.. shit like that will get you everywhere.

Remembering random things that she's said from previous conversations.. for example this particular thing was from a conversation that happened about a week ago... and giving her more information on that topic or asking her input on a link about that subject..


If she likes you at all.. she's going to swoon. It shows that you do listen to her, but not only that.. you listened to the point that when you saw that topic again, you not only had a passing thought of her, but had a strong enough thought of her to go out of your way to tell her about the topic or inform her on something you thought she might care about based on that conversation.




So.. right now I'm swooning a bit. Ok, I'm swooning a lot.


So.. maybe I was wrong.. maybe he does like me?
Or maybe he just really happened across something, and figured as a friend I needed to know?

I'm just going to go with... he likes me. Because a little delusional hopeful thinking never hurt anyone.. right?


Plus.. I rock. How could he not?

Indulging My Inner Sadist

There is one day a month where I am quite clearly not normal. On this lovely day, I have a huge undercurrent of angry. I might be able to smile and put on a good show, but more than likely if you hit any of my buttons, I will attempt to take your head off and put it in my pocket as a souvenir.

Every girl has this day.. some have more than one.. some have a week.. some have just a couple hours.. but every girl has this day.

Where the pain only subsides with doses of medication. The hormones run free like the niagra falls. And men suddenly lose their humanity and become beings to enslave and torture.

 

Or that could just be me.

I have one day a month where I get mentally violent. If I had no will-power, no conscience, no ethics, no religious belief, no rationality, and no fear of being locked away... this one day a month, people would die, people would be tortured and maimed.. it would be carnage.. carnage everywhere!

Ok maybe not everywhere.. I'm generally in enough pain that moving outside of my bedroom for the first few hours takes an act of God. So probably would just be carnage in the bedroom.

Fortunately for us all, I do have powerful doses of empathy, rationality, and conscience. As such I keep murderous and sadistic tendancies to my imagination.

Thus I am mentally violent. This sometimes comes out in my writing as violent wording and sometimes plain threats of violence as well. I also tend to love to say "Bastard" and "Asshole" about everything and anything that may go wrong.

If you're a man in a relationship with me, trust me.. that one day a month is spent picturing myself sadistically torturing your privates so you get to feel like I do once a month. I probably won't tell you that, because it'll scare the crap out of you and make you want to alert the FBI to watch my place for furture murders.

While I say a day.. its generally just 6 hours.

During these 6 hours, I will be bitchy. I will push people away. I will hermit. If you're sweet, you'll want to help me by bringing me things or getting me some pills.. and while I'll secretly love it, I will also grumble and quite likely to tell you to F off.


This is for your own safety. Remember, I am likely picturing myself kicking you in the balls despite the fact that I may love you or care for you deeply. It is because of that that I will want you far far away from me.. so I don't actually kick you in the balls.

(Because when all this is over, I'll still want you to come around... and I'll be happy that I didn't maim you.)

I will also give you a heads up warning.. "Hey honey, its started." You will learn these words are a signal to make yourself scarce. At first, you'll try..but eventually you'll just start running. I won't blame you for that. However, you will share half the blame for anything that occurs if you stay around.

You were warned after all.

 

So if you want to avoid being maimed and tortured, run away and then send flowers from wherever you are. I'll text you when its safe to return.. I mean if I want you to come back. ;)

Where Did I Put My Time Machine?

I really don't think I fit in. I must have been born at the wrong time, or have some kind of brain tumor.

All the girls that I meet that are my age. Scare the crap out of me.

If I go about 5 yrs older, I seem to fare better.. but going about 7 yrs younger is about right.. or the closest I've seen.

The girls I meet that are my age are often married and pretty cool. Though their tastes in music, activities, and what they find attractive in men is often completely different from me.

The single gals my age that I'm meeting though.. are complete nightmares. Ok, one or two exceptions, but most of them scare the crap out of me.

I obviously missed the sex-attraction of the Bon Jovi and Guns-n-Roses craze. Tall skinny assed white boys with long scraggly hair is so much the opposite of anything I find attractive, yet most of the girls I'm meeting my age still find this look hot. (To me, Bon Jovi didn't get hot until he cut his hair.. and then I reacted with "OMG he really is a man.")

I suppose I should be happy that their tastes lie outside of my interest range, but it makes it hard to find things in common. As I've mentioned previously, I can't do hair band music on a regular basis, nor can I do long periods of "classic 70's rock"... both after a while (much shorter time span on the 70's rock btw) make me wish I was on something to endure it. And since I don't do drugs.. its not that fun.

But I keep trying. I keep thinking that there has to be at least one other woman my age who likes the stuff I like and isn't way damn crazy.

This really shouldn't be a shock to me. Since I grew up in a small town with anti-social parents, and went to a church regularly which no one in town went to... I was pretty isolated. Other than the close neighbors (one boy my age), every kid I knew or hung out with outside of school was about 4 years older than me or 4 years younger than me (my church had no one within 4 years of my age either direction). I never really did connect much with the kids in my class.

So maybe its just habit of always being thrown in with an older crowd or a much younger crowd? Maybe its just been too many years of being independent and doing my own thing?

I suppose while others were watching men grow their hair out and jamming to their hair band music.. I was watching Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers black and whites on PBS. Or specials with Sammy Davis Jr, Sinatra, and their like.

You put a well groomed, clean shaven, smart short cut haired man into a suit or tux, and you've caught my eye. If he can also dance like Astaire or Gene Kelly, I'm swooning. If he can also croon a good tune, I'm completely smitten and will stalk him for the rest of his life.

Which is probably why I have a pretty good crush on Matthew Morrison (Glee). (He's probably gay though.. if he's not, there's probably a line acround the corner of women trying to catch him and I'm a little too lazy for that. I'll see if I can't find someone like him who is "undiscovered' instead.)

Speaking of "Undiscovered".. one of my favorite albums.. Undiscovered by James Morrison. Luv luv luv. (see... no ADD here at all!)




But back to the point.. Finding women my age who like this kind of music.. is hard. Sadly its just as difficult to find men my age that have similar tastes.. Or maybe its just my luck I'm not finding them?

Or I might just be a transplant from another era... lost in this time..